during lunch yesterday, little meagan (dressed in her white and red polka dotted dress) was jumping around in typical 6yearold fashion, telling me with excitement that her "mommy and korkor are going to shanghai to see the eye doctor for ten days". to which she added "im staying in singapore. so borwing."

today during prayer meeting, Pastor encouraged us to pray. pray for little joshua who might be facing the possibility of blindness because his glaucoma is so bad.

i was slightly surprised that when pastor asked us to pray, he didnt ask us to pray for healing or success of the acupuncture procedure. instead he said- sometimes specific prayers are not enough. sometimes you just have to weep with those that hurt, lay the options before God, and trust no matter which way He answers.

b-l-i-n-d-n-e-s-s. what does that mean? if i were blind, i wouldnt be able to see the beautiful flowers in victoria, or appreciate the landscape. i wouldnt be able to look up at the clear blue sky or appreciate the hues of red and orange splashed across the sky when the sun sets. i wouldnt be able to chase my favorite kids on sundays and coerce hugs from them, or see their sweet smiles.

i dont know what i would do if i were blind. but if the day ever comes when i lose my sight, i would like to tell the blind me: "Jesus is the same. when you could see, He lived in your heart, and He also walked beside you. now you cannot, He lives in your heart, He walks beside you, and holds your hand and guides you."

though it breaks my heart to think that joshua might go through life not seeing the beautiful colors of the rainbow, or the morning dew, more than physical sight, i pray for spiritual sight. the kind of sight, the amazing vision fanny crosby had, as she wrote and composed thousands of hymns despite her disability. and that is what i pray for tonight (while of course praying for God's mercy), for he would be an infinity times richer if he could see the things of God.

in light of all this, i sometimes think my blessings are also my downfalls. when i fail to thank Him in humility, when i desire accreditation, when i tear down His throne and build my own in its place.

today p mitch challenged me to take the next 10 years of my life to learn what it means to be a vessel of honor 2Tim2:21. i think its going to take me an entire lifetime. prepared for every good work - it means call me at 3am and i'll be there. (i changed my mind its gonna take me an eternity.)

so the conclusion is that i will never be as perfect as He was (and IS). but i will do the best i can, as He calls me towards higher ground.