shanghai was good, but thats a different story thats less important at this pt of time. haha. i just need to put all my thoughts down into words and lessons i need to apply to my life before i forget them all over again.

i spent monday night reading the beginning of the book of luke. and the person of mary struck a chord in my heart in a fresh new way. she was a young girl, engaged to be married and one day an angel appeared in front of her and told her all these wonderful yet fearful truths of what would be to come. she would have a child out of wedlock (imagine the huge hoo-haa it would cause today, what more 2000 years ago), she would have to put up with potential ridicule, questions that would have no answers. and yet after the initial doubt in her heart she simply answered in Luke 1:38

“Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.”

how amazing is that. what faith! i think if it was me, i would have had a million and one questions for the angel, he'd probably want to zap me dead there and then. 'are my parents gonna kill me if they find out im pregnant?!' 'is my husband-to-be gonna dump me?!' 'how am i to take care of the child i have no money!' hurhur.

but that's all she said - let it be to be according to Your Word. i look at her faith and i stand amazed. i wonder why its so hard for me to just let Him take my hand and lead me through this life of mine. why its so hard when i know for a fact that this God who made me, promises to get me through this life unscathed. why is it so hard.

i spent sometime reading the book of joshua in preparation for youth conference at the end of the year (which, i probably wont be back for :( ) and i got to joshua 10, the amazing chapter when you see a recording of how God made time stand still.

and the conclusion of that episode is this: And there has been no day like that, before it or after it, that the LORD heeded the voice of a man; for the LORD fought for Israel. - Joshua10:14

why do i not believe that He will listen to my voice? why do i not believe that He will fight for me like He did for His people. like He has done for me these past 21 (almost) years of my life. why do i not believe that He will fight for me.

on the flight back i managed to catch two movies. the first was 'what happens in vegas' which was a good laugh but just predictable, feel-good, fairytale like. the second movie i watched was a chinese movie called 'L is for love, L is for lies' (hurhur how shocking). and with a title like that, i didnt expect very much from the show, i thought i'd get the typical sappy, trashy, iloveyoudontleaveme kind of chinese shows. but this show was markedly different, one which i enjoyed quite a bit. the plot is really good, the twists come at amazing times, and you see how everything falls into place. i thought the plot was even more complex than wicker park (and i really loved wicker park) how you see the past present and future and snippets of it and how everything links up is just super cool man. haha. and it encapsulates all of life's wisdom in one movie.

1. 不可相信好朋友
2. 不可相信男朋友
3. 不可相信女朋友
4. 不可相信任何承nuo (meaning 'promise' but the stupid dictionary doesnt have this word)
5. 不可相信自己

so at the end of it all, DONT BELIEVE ANYBODY, not even yourself. for sin overtakes you anytime, anyplace. people dont change. and Who do you have left at the end of life's day? Only One, that has been there from the beginning, and will be there till the end.

and i make the same prayer: Lord i believe, help my unbelief.