the feeling i hate the most is when your heart drops to the pit of your stomach. aw man that has got to be the worst feeling in the world. i just had one of those, and the moments after its easy to dwell. cry over spilt milk. so i said a prayer in my head as fast as i could- Lord please help me remember.

and so i close my eyes and remember. psalm 62 has become my meditation, day and night. it has also become my reminder, my obsession (but in a good way. (: )

stage 2: Psalm 62:1-2
Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation...
i shall not be greatly moved.

stage 3: Psalm 62:5-6
My soul, wait silently for God alone
for my expectation is from Him...
i shall not be moved.

if this is a progression of the psalmist's faith, why does he make the first line of v5 a reminder to himself 'my soul, silently wait for God' rather than a declaration as in v1 'truly my soul silently waits for God'? he phrased it this way because he needed a reminder. as we all do, that God is sovereign. that God is Almighty. cos we're humans, and humans forget. but yet the psalmist's faith has taken on new meaning in v5, for he no longer just waits for God, He waits for God alone.

now how about that? in my moments of weakness i knock my head, i scream into my pillow and wonder why im being so stupid. and yet He teaches me. with each day, each passing moment, that as i wait, as my understanding of Him deepens, as my love for Him grows, i wait for Him alone. nothing else.

Psalm 62:8
Trust in Him at all times you people
pour out your heart before Him
God is a refuge for us

dictionary.com defines trust as:
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.

the psalmist exhorts me to trust in Him at ALL TIMES. it doesnt mean i will always feel like it. but my trust in Him is not dependent on how i feel, it is dependent on who i place my trust in. i am confident of this hope i have in Christ, and i lean on something that is steady and unchanging.

ive had my fair share of trusting in things, in people who have failed me. so what do i do? i refuse to cry over spilt milk. get up, dust yourself off, and you stand wiser and stronger as you learn to give your hand to the only One that can lead you through this life.

Psalm 62:11
God has spoken once;
Twice i have heard this
that power belongs to God.

and now to the most intriguing verse of psalm 62. what does it mean? aha! this is where Pastor Mitch's God-given wisdom steps in (haha actually everything else i wrote was mostly taught by him. hee).

you know that feeling when you feel so strongly that God is trying to tell you something? whether it's a particular life direction to take or a particular lesson He wishes to teach you. ive had a few of these wonderful moments in my life, and when they occur, though God has spoken only once, it seems like He has spoken two times, three times, four times, an infinity. because what He said is already written on the tablet of your heart.

and that is the impact that stems from God speaking to your heart. its incredible and uplifting. i remember most vividly being convicted during the yag retreat in may. i went for the retreat with a troubled heart and mind, with many things i was unable to let go of, questions with no answers. and yet as i listened to Pastor speak, i heard this one verse that blew me away-

2 Corinthians 3:3
clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart.

that was just it. i was struggling in my heart and mind over so many issues that stood before me. issues i already knew the answer to, but didnt want to admit to myself for fear of the consequences. i was thankful that i could still distinguish the leading of the Spirit, that He still took the time to write on the tablet of my heart. and now that lesson is etched in my memory, and seared onto my heart, just like He had spoken these words so many times to me.

and im thankful. thankful that He takes the time to lead me when im lost. thankful that He takes the time to stay by my side when ive reached my wits end and know not what to do. its wonderful to have Him speak so personally to your heart, it reaches to the depths of your soul, you should try it someday (: but when He does, be ready to shoulder the burden, be ready to face the music. cos my problems sure as hell didnt disappear after this experience. in fact, they increased about 3-fold. haha.

i like the chorus of this song very much-

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

take it from my hands. sometimes we want to stay in control of our life, our plans, we want to have it our way. sometimes you just gotta make a bolder prayer- "take it from my hands". and you'll be amazed to see how wonderfully He can answer. (:

it sounds like a whole lot of sacrifice, but believe me when i say it gets better. its tried and tested. i let go, and i let God be God. and not just God, but God of my life. and its a whole lot better.