eurghhhh my dad has already begun planning out jc life for me and is supremely annoyed that i want to go for cat class on sundays.. i havent even told him jia rie and i are going to give the secthrees tuition i think he'll just kill me la gah must have it on saturday then else i'll be dead and gone :'(

its really hard to keep myself in check cos i reallyREALLY just feel like blowing up goodness i finished my oneyearofchiongingo's only slightly more than a month ago now he starts about how i should have a 'balanced lifestyle' for jc1 and make sure i have enough time to study BUT in jc2 i CANT have a 'balanced lifestyle' cos i have to spend every waking moment studying for 'the most important exam of my life' -faint

its really EURGHHHHHHHH and when i really lose it he lectures me about how as a Christian i should fulfil responsibilities and all that and.. GAH i just wanna die.

i know v clearly the sacrifices i have to make if i want to keep my commitments to ypg, choir, sunday school, sunday service and cat class and i know theres some part of me that refuses to make these sacrifices but theres a bigger part that wants to. being a good testimony at home in church in school is one tough job, dealing with studycrazy parents, and half of the people around me going crazy is realllyyy not v easy but I AM GONNA DEAL WITH IT.

so i guess it all comes down to where your heart is. it shouldnt lie on this earth, it should belong up there in heaven and thats exactly where im gonna TRY TO MAKE IT STAY. its so easy to walk away from this truth and just waste your life on this earth away, forget about quiet time, forget about communing with Him, forget about how much He loves you. but ultimately, is that what i really want? i dont think so.

quoting ade who quoted from matt 5:13-16 we are the SALT OF THE EARTH and the LIGHT OF THE WORLD, we were never meant to have anthropocentric faiths, we were meant to have CHRISTOCENTRIC faiths, centred on God and all His glories, not on us, never on us.

even as all of us really seek to be a light for Him, theres always the extreme end of being self-righteous. that youre so heavenly youre not of any earthly good. He meant for us to relate to people, care for people and LOVE people. not judging from the outside but learning to love the souls of others, just like Christ did (: He didnt come in the fullness of His glory, He came as a man, a little lower than the angels. He didnt come and refuse to mingle with horrible, wretched creatures like us, He came down and LOVED us. even judas iscariot who betrayed Him. really in alot of ways i dont think we're any better than judas, half the time we walk away and get so drawn by things of the world, money, entertainment, fun, STUDIES that we forget, and we walk away. and yet He loveS us. thats the way we should learn to love others, not walk around with the 'i am holier than thou' attitude, we were meant to SHINE, in a good way not set ourselves clearly apart like some royalty so yes salt of the the earth, light of the world (:

friday is entrance into a new chapter of my life and really im kinda scared but im also excited! t chen kee says shes v scared of ac but oh well ben says rie is there with me so we should walk together and make it a conscious effort to remain faithful (: yes we will!

oh may all who come behind us FIND US FAITHFUL (: