“we can never know what could have been; but what is to come, that we can know.”

i watched prince caspian again for the second time last night. it was a magical experience, but for the fact that i was sitting in between ian and weijun and they were taking turns commenting on how un-pretty susan is and how her lips are too thick and whatnot but OKAY. moving on. so many things stood out to me and struck me again, in light of the various issues i have brought before the Lord and the things i am struggling with.


lucy: “do you not remember, Peter, who really defeated the white witch?”
peter: "i think we've waited for Aslan long enough."


am i like peter? i asked myself. most of the time, yes. im not the most patient person in the world. wait upon Me, He has been impressing upon my heart. believe that I love You and that the plans I have for you are perfect. many times i get tired of waiting and i take things into my own hands, and i forget Who really defeated the white witch. in my moments of weakness, i seek solace from the things that are seemingly harmless, but i forget that the evil one is in the midst of each person, each activity, anything that draws my attention away from the Lord Jesus. and in those moments a panel of ice lies between me and the Lord, and i fail to look beyond.

“why did their unbelief stop you from coming to Me?”
sometimes i am scared to go alone, like lucy. im afraid of the pain that will come when i choose to make the choice to follow Him. He never promised it would be easy, He only promised that we would never walk alone.

but just because they cant feel it too
doesnt mean that you have to forget
let your memories grow stronger and stronger
till they're before your eyes

i wikipedied narnia, and read most of the stuff on it. the narnian timeline, the characters in the stories, all of them. i havent read beyond the lion, the witch and the wardrobe and prince caspian. but as i read the synopsis of the other books in the series (including the last battle) i was struck by the realisation that at the end, susan falls away. whether or not she returns in the end is a question mark to this series.

in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Throughout the book, Susan is the voice of caution and common sense. Even at the end, after a number of years in Narnia, she counsels against pursuing the White Stag, fearing the upset to the established order she and her siblings all sense the pursuit might bring.

in Prince Caspian
She denounces Lucy's belief in Aslan's presence although she later admits to having known deep down that it was true. Aslan tells Susan that she has "listened to fears", but his breath soon restores her faith and she immerses herself in their adventures as deeply as in the first book.

Lewis stated that "The books don't tell us what happened to Susan. She is left alive in this world at the end, having by then turned into a rather silly, conceited young woman. But there's plenty of time for her to mend and perhaps she will get to Aslan's country in the end... in her own way."

and in so many ways i am so much like her. i listen to my fears, though i know deep down that He is true. that it is all true. and thats why i pray. that's why i pray that i will always want to see Him. that no matter how much pain or sadness i experience in my life, that i will never leave Him. for He has the ability to move mountains, just as He has the ability to restore my faith and be the strength of my heart and my life.

cs lewis always amazes me. his writings truly cut to the heart. you see these children as a reflection of your own faith, your own struggles, your own difficulties and problems of unbelief. and then you see how he writes of the restoration of the Lord and the love He gives, and it all becomes so simple, and so true.