finally got to watch the passion of Christ yesterday and heh im just glad they let me in and they didnt even check whether i was eighteen but anyway (: i was horrified at the brutalities involved in the scourging and all but those werent the parts that really hit me. the flashbacks on His teachings and everything were really looming so huge in my face "no greater love has a man than this, that to lay down His life for His friends" to love one another, as He loved and still loves us. "if the world hates you, remember it hated me before it hated you."


when mary ran up to Jesus [ok i dont think that was exactly Biblical but anyway] and touched His bleeding face and told Him "I am here" whoa it was waterfall like crazy. if His earthly mother could love Him this much, what more His Father? o teach me what it cost You Lord, to make a sinner whole. and help me understand anew the value of one soul.


the inhumanity of the entire process of crucifixtion was..indescribable. the first time the hammer delivered a blow on the huge nail Jesus cried "Father forgive." and i dont think thats a scene that im ever gonna forget. in that moment of intense agony and pain He forgave us and prayed for us, what more now?


if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders, i know my brother that He will carry you (:


but my favorite part of the whole movie was the last scene, where He arose (: death no longer has dominion over me and every believer, cos my Lord arose (: because He lives, i can face tomorrow. because He lives, all fear is gone. because i know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives (:


without His resurrection, His death would not hold that equal and incomparable meaning it does today. and it really got me thinking about what my life has been like the past four months in jc and all. and i know sometimes i dont want to admit it but i've changed, we all have. and the kind of problems i've experienced in my walk and the distractions and temptations i face are so different from the sheltered and, well looking back somewhat minute problems i faced in sc.


and this is just the beginning. im pretty sure within the two years in jc i will watch people whom i love now and call my friends evolve into..not very nice individuals. and its a really horrible and sinking feeling when you see people do things that you thought they would never do and the extent of hurt really cuts. and im learning, from such situations not to place my joy in external factors [for the, what millionth time?] and its a lesson i know im gonna have to keep learning until the day that it really gets etched onto my heart and i never forget.

when i look back i always wonder "what if." what if i did this, what if i said that, what if i tried a little harder. what if. but He never meant for us to live in regret so im trying to say "therefore" and "i will still" more often :D because He loves me, therefore i TRY to love others and love Him in return. because He died for me, therefore i have salvation and i want to bring this wonderful truth to those around me. even though the what ifs might have led to a different situation, i will still walk with Him and trust He knows whats best (: all i can see is this road in front of me, but He sees what will happen thousands of miles down, and He knows better than i (:

give me Your hand, and i will follow. wherever You would have me go. give me Your sign, and i will go quickly. for Your sweet fellowship to know. as night follows day, as rainbow follows rain. Your love to me, is sweet as nectar, and i to You will love, the same.