OH YEAH I CAN SING FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!! reallyreally thankful for that cos i never expected to be able to perform for the Christmas concert and im just so thankful i've been given the opportunity, and i reallyreally want to do my best to learn the actions though i cant be there for rehearsals (:

i knows theres so much i have to be thankful for and im just struggling with the fact that though He has blessed me so much i still have to deal with stupid, incidious, satan attacks that draws me away from what really matters any chance he gets! and alot of times i just feel like im being sucked into the whole worldly mindset and im letting what i 'want' be shaped by what the world deems as 'good and acceptable' and not what He thinks is good and acceptable. and ultimately thats just not what i wanna do but try as i may i often succumb to the crap satan throws at me.

been reading 1john recently in preparation for youth conf and im really, really really looking forward to it so much. 5whole days of intensively studying His Word and actually having it explained to you in each and every little part, its just like WOW. the impact youth conf has on my life each year is something that can never, ever be replaced and its not something that im ever gonna give up. and at the end of it, i always wish i could stay there forever and not have to come out of the shelter of bethany and once again face the cruelty of this world. shoots :'(

been reading the two books i got for my birthday, the one i got from t aileen [holiness in the hidden places] and from the two bens [being a lifeline to those that need it] and really both books impact me at different times in different ways and i just thank God He hasnt given up on me and no matter how horrible and stupid i am He's still prodding me in the right direction and telling me 'hey i can use you to save those that need me.' and that was further reinforced while i was reading the lifeline one. there was this section that likened our spiritual walk and the world we live in to the titanic in its final sinking moments. there were those in the lifeboats that were already saved, and there were those in the water, freezing, sinking. and the author compared this scenario to our everyday lives in that we, as Christians, having already been saved and in His lifeboats, we should not and never should row away from the screams and cries of those that have yet to be saved. and personally viewing it from that angle i find that i havent placed enough emphasis on the task of reaching out cos everyone around me seems pretty 'happy' and the task doesnt seem urgent enough. but after reading it im challenged yet again and reminded that He's made us His representatives on this earth and we're His 'ambassadors' and yup learning to see those around me through His eyes is something im really gonna work towards (:

i have to get all negative thoughts and feelings out of my system and focus on what really matters and i have to stop getting distracted by random things.

dear Lord, may You always always be first place in my heart let nothing/no one take Your place. may i learn how to reach out to those that need You and never lose sight of Your vision. in Your Son's most precious Name, Amen! (: