im in a very reflective/ pensive mood again. haha i keep getting into these kinda moods ever since school started. i like observing people. and i guess what you gather from your little observations are worlds apart from what the person actually is. and i think thsts a really scary thought. i had lunch with jean today! and she was asking me about how im coping with school work and stuff haha. and anyone who reads this blog will know im on the verge of drowning in my work! but anw thats besides the point. but yea we got to talking about friends and it kinda made me feel sad. im sorry im such a lousy pok its only the fifth week of school i cant expect to have icantellyouallmysecretsandsquealaboutanythingandeverythingtogether kind of friends. and i really miss sc. where i had ris and mandy and cel and geri and :'(

i managed to grab mandy and geri at nus before resonance practice yesterday and though we met for all of 70 minutes, it just reminded me of how good it feels to be around good friends (: i summarised my life in the past month in five minutes including all the interesting whoswho in law school ahahha its funny. and you realise everybody knows everybody. hahah and SO if you do something, the whole world is gonna know! hahah i have noticed the speed at which people talk and pass things on. i will do my absolute BEST not to contribute to the disintegration of people's reputations.

but well back to the topic of friends, i guess the time that i spend with my friends [whatever little thats left from all the reading i have to do!] always reminds me of the Lord's goodness, and how He's answered each and every one of my prayers - just not the way i wanted Him to, but the best way (: i can think of countless times when ive prayed for something and with all my heart hoped and wished that THIS would be what God wanted for me. but He always told me no. to wait, expectancy, lifting your eyes to the Heavens and to trust. and im learning, still. but in retrospect, im glad for all the wise choices He prompted me to make throughout the course of my 18 [going on 19] years of my life.

hahah some days i wonder what life really is about. but after staring into space for awhile, i remember that i've had the answer in my heart all along.

a song by casting crown says:

i am a flower quickly fading,
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapor in the wind.
still You hear me when im calling,
Lord You catch me when im falling
You showed me who i am-
i am Yours.

"'vanity of vanities', says the Preacher,
'vanity of vanities, all is vanity'" -ecclesiastes1:2

and thats what our lives really are. vain, vapor, passing. but i remember:

"He has made everything beautiful in His time. also, He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." -ecclesiastes3:11

my reflective moods always come with a tinge of sadness. hahah but i remember what kenneth shared with me from psalms the other day. notice how most of the psalms begin with contemplation on life, prayer for deliverance from enemies, cries for help. but they always end on a note of thanksgiving and praise.

"the Lord has heard my supplication;
the Lord will receive my prayer."
-psalm6:9

"salvation belongs to the Lord,
Your blessing is upon your people."
-psalm3:8

"the Lord is King forever and ever;"
-psalm10:16

and i thought that was a reallyyyyyyyyyyyy amazing discovery (: wheee!

on a very random note, this song is stuck in my head. hahah i hope i find someone who will sing it to me someday! hahahhhhhhhhhh ;p

Longer

Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you

Stronger than any mountain cathedral
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primeval
I am in love with you

I'll bring fire in the winters
You'll send showers in the springs
We'll fly through the falls and summers
With love on our wings

Through the years as the fire starts to mellow
Burning lines in the book of our lives
Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow
I'll be in love with you
I'll be in love with you

Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you
I am in love with you

AND. i just watched anger management. and i hope someone runs across the field during a yankees football game and tells me he loves me. AHAHAHAH i am dreaming. hahah im going back to consideration. hahah anw, just a last thought:

"You are near, o Lord." -psalm119:151 (: