today i met the worst mother in the world-

little girl: mommmmmm i wanna go homeeeeeeeeee
mother: guess what, youre a little kid. and little kids dont get a say.

WHAT kind of mother says that to her kid?! honestly. please slap me if you ever hear me say such a thing to my child. no child, no matter how bratty, deserves to be treated like that. my goodness, i had this urge to go up to that mom and give her a piece of my mind.

okay, that was the huge big BLOT on my day, but on to happier things.

im enjoying the singaporean-malaysian Bible study we started on friday! (: (4 singaporeans and 1 malaysian haha). well its not a Bible study per se cos no one is actually teaching us, its more like a discussion of our thoughts on certain passages. and it makes me hairpeeeee to be able to talk about the.. extremely deep concepts we find in Ephesians. haha.

the concept we never really got past is the concept of the "will of God". Ephesians 1:1. we aimed to finish Ephesians 1 and Ephesians 2:1-10 by the first session, but.. we only discussed Ephesians 1:1-2, and we arent even done yet. (rie and jus.. does this sound familiar?? HAHA. sunday school with t chen kee)

the million dollar question: what is the will of God for my life?

haha. ive been pondering this for the longest time. and right now, i dont think i know what it is. i know the guidelines with which He wants me to live my life- a life of righteousness, holiness, of peace and grace and love. all of which i can only attempt to do everyday with all of His grace and strength. but everyday when i wake up, i wonder what bearing my choices of that day will have on my future, how my life ultimately pans out. and in all of that im asking everyday, Lord do i choose path A or path B? which will be the best for me? which will glorify You?

and it's often not a simple choice. nor an easy one. nor a clear-cut one. its usually the choices between what is good and what is excellent, rather than between what is good and what is bad. for all things are lawful for us, but not all things helpful.

i had a momentary spiritual idontknowwhattodo crisis the other day. i thought through it, talked through it, and felt compelled to get on my knees to ask for help. to ask for peace. i havent been on my knees in awhile. its something that i want to learn to do often - for being on your knees brings you places. it helps you understand your position before God. it reminds you.. no demands please, requests only. and as i prayed i found this peace. a peace that i cant explain, a peace that passes understanding - just like He promised (philippians 4:6-7) (: and through the remainder of that night, i got to speak to two friends that gave me two varying perspectives of the same thing. i still havent found the conclusion to my unease, but i know that i have found a peace. and i know that as i keep praying, the Spirit will direct my way and i need not fear. for i have all i need to protect me in this Battle - the Lord is on my side. and added to this is an increased awareness from previously suffered pain that going against what you know to be true creates an instability of heart and spirit and a turmoil that, if not recognized and eliminated, will eat at you like acid corrodes metal, like termites gnaw away at wood and at the end leave you empty, wanting, needy, until He comes and fills you up to the brim again.

the beauty of it is that He always will, fill you up to the brim again. the question is, do you want to stay full or will you constantly allow yourself to be drained by the life-sucking vacuum of difficulties and heartaches, sin and strife?

i think i'd like to stay full, thank you very much.
if to stay full i need to fight every tip of the table the glass of my life is placed on, so be it. i will need all the strength i can muster and all the grace He can give. the strength to walk in the way i think He means for me, and trust that He will gravitate me back to where i belong in time, if He means that for me. (: