the past two weeks i have struggled, part on my own, part in prayer. it hasnt been till now that i have realised how thoroughly deceitful the human heart is. how stubborn we can be when we want something, and how strong our desires and our human will can be.

as this is something too personal to place on a public space, lets just call this issue "THE ISSUE". haha.

today i spent quite sometime reading some Christian articles on the issue and mulling over how i should deal with it. i also made used of the very awesome Bible gateway to find out what the Bible had to say about the issue. of course, nothing in the Bible is quite as clear as the ten commandments - when God begins with something that says "THOU SHALT NOT..." i think the intended meaning is pretty clear, unless you make yourself suffer from a sudden case of Nelsonian blindness. so as i read the conflicting arguments on both sides of the issue and what the Bible had to say on these points, i prayed real hard for a spirit that would want to follow the truth. i reminded myself that God has granted me a spirit of discernment, and that blatant disregard for God's Word would lead me down a path i did not want to go down.

all 21 years of my life God has sheltered me and protected me from what He knew i was unable to handle. that i am struggling with this issue only at this point in my life, i know God's faithfulness has kept me, and in many ways, that He also trusts me to handle this temptation with holiness and godliness.

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

everything. even the things that make me suffer when i choose God's way and not satan's way, is for a reason. right now, my head is clear as clear can be. but no doubt there will be times when i am led by the evil one to believe that it is ok to give in to a particular temptation - whether it is worry or whatever that sin may be. but in those moments i trust that the Lord will guard my heart and my mind. that the Word will be my strength and pillar in those times, that i will remember that all good things come from God and He desires only good for me.

so God is good. thank God. (: