tonight i learnt a very important lesson on trust.

Psalm 119

65 You have dealt well with Your servant,
O LORD, according to Your word.
66 Teach me good judgment and knowledge,
For I believe Your commandments.
67 Before I was afflicted I went astray,
But now I keep Your word.
68 You are good, and do good;
Teach me Your statutes.

71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted,
That I may learn Your statutes.
72 The law of Your mouth is better to me
Than thousands of coins of gold and silver.

im a worrier (everyone already knows that haha). but for the most part, when i worry about something, my heart, mind and soul is willing to accept whatever God's will is for my life. not 100%, not all the time, but for the most part there is no blatant unwillingness to obey God's will. perhaps it is because i have tasted of the goodness of the Lord and know that choosing a way contrary to God's way will cause me much heartache and unnecessary suffering (as i learnt quite well over the first half of 2008!). but these few weeks as i have been praying about something that i want, ive found the sin of blatant disobedience surfacing in my heart (how conceited ive been thinking its been gone - its just gone into hiding!).

everyone knows the intents of their own heart. when you give a sweet smile to someone, only you and God know what you really are thinking. so as i prayed about this -thing that i want-, i found myself unwilling (and i do mean really unwilling) to let go, and trust God for all He plans. a sure sign is when i do not conclude my prayers with "Lord let your will be done, i trust You for whatever You bring into my life." i am always aware when my heart is not right before God - sometimes, i just choose to ignore it.

many months ago, in one of my deepest, downest moments, i prayed the single most important prayer of my life (ok, maybe second to the prayer i made for Christ to enter my life haha).

"Lord dont give up on me." no matter what a hopeless case i become, no matter how far ive strayed, no matter what doubts fill my mind, please, please, please, dont let go.
in my most broken moment, i knew that if i didnt pray this prayer there was a possibility that i would slip away (dont EVER think youre immune from attack from the evil one, cos when you think that, its just beginning.) ive been told many times that thats a pretty bold prayer to make. haha. cos that means im telling God that if a catastrophe is what it takes to bring me back to Him, do it. but deep in my heart when i made that prayer, i knew that my life would never be more full with Christ in my heart. nothing could be worse than not knowing Him

so today i realised that He definitely did hear my prayer. that this is part of His answer to me. that He Who begun a good work in you, truly will be faithful to complete it.

today i say thank You Lord, for taking me seriously. thank You for promising to never give up on me, and always remaining faithful in what You've promised. You truly are good. (: