gahhhh im sup jittery now all a bunch of nerves but learning so much more what it means to trust Him (:

be still, my soul.

Be still, my soul,
The Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain,
Leave too your God, to order and provide.
In every change He faithful will remain,

Be still, my soul,
Your best your heavenly Friend,
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul,
Your God will under take.
To guide the future as He has the past
Your hope your confidence let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last

Be still, my soul,
The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them , while He lived below

Be still, my soul,
Be still, my soul,
Be still.

heh i've got this like WHOLE list of verses to calm my nerves and keep me less jittery matt6:27 john14:27 1john2:24-25 phil4:6-7 james1:2-8 1cor10:13 2tim1:7 i mustttttttttt keep trusting (: now i know my faith is still v much at the anthropocentric level and its vvvvvvvvvv hard to remind myself to turn my focus back and Him, learning to cultivate a Christocentric faith so much more.

heh i dont think my heart will EVER stop pounding so hard but i know that the o's is like this reaaaaaaaaaalllly tiny portion of my entire life, when i look at all the eighteen, nineteen year olds in church they're like, heh all talking about their a's and the o's is like. THING OF THE PAST and it was what, two years ago?

sometimes i seriously feel like dropping everything and running away to like some ulu planet or something but i know what He has in store for me, even on this horrible earth destroyed by sin is far greater than i can imagine.

remembering the story of jim elliot and the five other men that went with him to reach the aucas with the gospel because of a simple misunderstanding, they were killed by the aucas. they had guns, but they didnt use them, they LET THEMSELVES BE KILLED why? because they wanted to show His love. and honestly if you ask me if i would just stand there with a gun in my hand and not use it when a bunch of tribal people start charging towards me, i really dont know if i would be able to exercise the same kind of willpower they did, knowing that they wouldnt survive.

and its amazing when i think about and imagine a bunch of fishermen following Jesus, having the privilege to learn from Him. and i realise academic qualifications are not what He wants to see, He wants to see dedication and love on our part, to Him. its easier said than done i know i will go into anxious nutty jittery mode but when that happens, i wanna learn to trust (:

remember im human, and humans forget, so remind me, remind me dear Lord (: