its 1142pm and i really shd be going to sleep so i can get up early for the closing session tmr. but my head is full and so is my heart, i cant go to sleep without writing down my thoughts for junior camp 2008.

there was a new dimension to camp this year, being in the music, prayer, medical portfolios. plus taking photos all day with kenneth's huge digi cam. [he makes noise every night cos i take so many photos there isnt any memory left. haha. thats about 400 photos per day O_o. really shd have started doing this many camps ago. taking photos of the children make me sososososo happy. i will have a million and one photos to upload in a few days time.]

this camp, i started out wanting to learn to have a love for a children that is as close as is humanly possible to His kind of love for them. and i must admit i have not succeeded very well when it comes to spoilt kids that cry over every tiny little thing, selfish kids that dont know how to share and rowdy ones that play a fool till youre forced to say their names into the mike before they keep quiet. everyone has their pet peeves, and these are three of mine. so i prayed for a love for them that would help me see that He loves them, each one, and covers all of their imperfections.

haha. all these years, every single time ive prayed for Him to teach me a hard lesson about faith, about trust, about service, about prayer, it ALWAYS GETS ANSWERED. then i need to seek the courage to take on the task before me, and learn the lesson thats being taught. haha. so this camp He taught me to rise above. He is teaching me to love (i say 'is teaching' because i have not fully learnt this lesson yet) and to see each child as a promise, a possibility, a great big bundle of potentiality!

i was blessed to have been brought up with God's Word. though i only found faith when i was 13, those years of junior camp and JSS[junior sunday school] (see sam's photo of all of us onstage in bethany 2) planted a seed of faith in my heart which grew into what it is today. its still a faith that needs working on. a faith that is easily shaken and not as grounded as i thought it was. but He's still workin' on me- there really ought to be, a sign upon my heart, dont judge me yet theres an unfinished part. but i'll be perfect just according to His plan, fashioned by the Master's loving hand!

today we sang my two most favorite songs of my JSS years- that's the love of God and lighthouse.

every single time we sing 'that's the love of God', i ALWAYS CRY. always. well not bawl or anything but tears always fill my eyes. especially when we get to the part that goes and what made God send Jesus, to die on Calvary? of course it was this joyous thing, i feel inside of me.

this joyous thing. following the Lord Jesus was the best thing i did my entire life, and i make no apologies for it, and i will not look back.

if i am salt of the earth
i'll make sure my saltshaker works
and if i am a light on a hill
i will not run when i need to be still.

a lighthouse is a steady source of light that is constant, always there, and prevents ships from hitting the rocks. i will not run when i need to be still. many Christians have given up shining for the Lord. its too hard, the road is too narrow, it involves too much sacrifice. but what is the little we give when we view it in light of all that He gave?

right here, right now, i have no idea what He wants me to do with my life. i dont know how He is using me to be a bearer of His Word. i dont know how He will use me to bless the lives of others. but i hear how He speaks to my heart. in that still, small voice. i received a little card from a friend a few days back. and in that card i was encouraged - 'in choosing God, you've honored Him, and He will honor you too.' strange that this exact phrase came up when kenneth was relating the story of eric liddle to the p2s. (: [see what i mean about God always reinforcing the lessons He teaches you!']

there comes a season in your life where you have to stop running and just stand. stand up. stand strong. stand rooted in faith, grounded in His love. i will not run when i need to be still. because i am protected and surrounded in every way.

Jesus lives in my heart. the Holy Spirit dwells in me. the Lord is with me, beside me. His angels surround me, to keep me in all my ways.

my heart is full.
ps: i also found the love of my life. doesnt matter that hes only 7. haha.