i stand in awe how He reaches down and heals me in my moments of weakness.

in the days past, because of various events/situations i have found myself in, i have been pushed deeper and deeper into the realm of Christian apolegetics (defense of the faith). and i have found that more and more people are hitting the wall of intellectual doubts when it comes to their quest for faith in Jesus Christ. why? i ask myself that ALL the time. there is a pile of evidence, there is the testimony of changed lives, there is the moral law and the beauty of nature, and yet this comes up again, and again, and again.

so today i talked to a friend, well-versed in Christian apolegetics (i think i only have one such friend hahahaha) and he said to me extremely seriously: 'i need to tell you something very important. getting into the realm of apolegetics has great emotional consequences. it is emotionally draining and requires a lot of prayer'. as he related to me the reasons why he thought so (with his experience debating with non-believers, staunch atheists, evolutionists and what not), i started going zomgggggg i know how that feels. and it does suck you know. because im standing here reading up on all these things, not to win an argument, or a debate, so i can feel good about myself and prove im 'smarter than everyone else.' i read so that i can present the truth on reasonable terms, with the end goal being to win people to Christ, something that the Lord told us to do in the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,"

in church today, the msg was on 1 Corinthians and i was reminded again, Christ.

"For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of no effect." - 1 Corinthians 1:18

not with words of wisdom, lest the cross of Christ should be made of no effect. that is the essence of it all. Christ, the virgin birth, the crucifixion, the resurrection, my all in all. in my moments of inadequacy, when my words seem to have no lasting effect, i fall on my knees and i cry Lord, im doing all i can, be the strength of my heart.

this is a quote from one of Ravi Zacharias' speeches that i listened to today-

you will find that in answers to questions it is dangerous to get so cerebral that you forget the Source of the answer. sometimes a relationship with Christ is far greater than any cerebral answer you can give to a particular question. the transformation the Holy Spirit brings in a heart is much more powerful than any argument a Christian apolegist can give. i always remind myself that apolegetics is merely the seasoning, the gospel is the main course. you do not want too much seasoning or it will make the main course insipid. support the argument justifiably, but it is Christ that you need to lift up and it is the Holy Spirit that brings about a change in the human heart.

when i started my quest into the realm of Christian apolegetics, i knew not what i was getting myself into. but now i know that while i work, the Holy Spirit works alongside me. He equips me with the intellectual knowledge necessary to defend my faith, He strengthens me spiritually when i feel like the evil one is winning all these battles. and i remember that it is the Spirit that moves hearts, that draws one to Christ. i know the fundamental tenets on which to build my my life - the two pillars of Bethany, the Word and Prayer, with Christ as the centre. so i might get discouraged when i feel like im not being taken seriously, or im taken to be a raving 'religious fanatic' that is just purely deluded in heart and mind. but i dont have to worry about losing the little battles along the way.. for if a non-believer or an atheist 'beats' me in an argument, have i really lost? what is the measure of 'loss' to me? is it my pride that ive lost? if that person is one step closer to Christ, i havent lost at all.

we sang one of my favorite songs during service today-

oh, the wonderful cross
oh, the wonderful cross
bids me come and die, and find that i may truly live
oh, the wonderful cross
oh, the wonderful cross
all who gather here, by grace draw near
and bless Your Name

Philip Schaff, the well-known historian and author of The History of the Christian church, said:

Jesus of Nazereth, without money and arms, conquered more millions than Alexander, Caesar, Mohammed and Napolean; without science and learning, He shed more light on things human and divine than all the philosophers and scholars combined; without the eloquence of the school, He spoke words of life such as were never spoken before, nor since, and produced effects which lie beyond the reach of orator or poet. Without writing a single line, He has set more pens in motion and furnished themes for more sermons, orations, discussions, works of art, learned volumes, and sweet songs of praise than the whole army of great men of ancient and modern times. Born in a manger and crucified as a malefactor, He now controls the destinies of the civilized world and rules a spiritual empire which embraces one-third of the inhabitants of the globe.

Justin Martyr, an early church historian and philosopher who died for his faith in AD 166 said:

but if you are willing to listen to an account of him, how we have not been deceived, and shall not cease to confess him - although men's reproaches be heaped upon us, although the most terrible tyrant compel us to deny Him - i shall prove to you as you stand here that we have not believed empty fables, or words without foundation.

and to end my rambling, ravi zacharias is an amazing man

watch this (starting from min 3) and and this

i am impressed at his immense knowledge of the Bible. and i guess in many ways, this is yet another answer to my questions. an inspiration to know this truth deeply, thoroughly and the fruits that come will be so much sweeter than any other. (: