i have so many thoughts i need to get them all down before they disappear
read this for the most apt reminder of what it means to trust that God is right here beside us.
i was talking to a friend yesterday, and he/she reminded me of the very basis of my faith in all God is, and all the Lord Jesus is to me. i was sharing about some of my worries, anxieties and fears. and he/she simply said - look to Him.
that is exactly what someone else said to me just earlier in the day. and i just cannot explain why that struck me deeper than it did in the morning. so i determined in my heart to try exactly that. i prayed a special prayer last night that brought me an amazing sense of peace as i slept.
but when i got up this morning, i was shocked to find that this 'focusing on Him' was a whole new ball game that i have never ever learnt to play..
sounds simple enough, right? think of God. focus your thoughts on Him. on my way to school, in the middle of classes, i kept thinking of verses that describe Who God is. verses/passages kept popping up, psalm40, isaiah26:3, psalm 107, psalm 62.. but i couldnt put my finger on a verse that would just remind me of the beauty of the Lord. the very core of my faith. the essence of everything i believe it.
i guess some of this has stemmed from the extensive discussions we have been having in my 'law and religion' class. about how some people (sigmund freud) view religion as a psychological problem. an illusion, a delusion, that stems from man's need of something. a fulfillment of our own wishful thinking. others, like abraham heschel think that religion is something that stems from the essence of what a particular religion contains, and not something external to it, ie our desire for it to be true. Christianity is a religion, undeniably. but it is not a delusion, and its worth stems from the very centre of it all- Christ Himself.
as i thought of a theme verse for my day, i was horrified to find that in the process of learning, in the process of trying to cope with the heartaches and pains that life brings along with it, i have forgotten to focus on the most important figure in this entire equation of my life. i have leaned on Him for support in my trials, but i have forgotten that He is the Giver of life, and it is not the gift that i seek, but the Giver Himself.
so today i determined that my encouragement will not be God's promises to me.
like "I am with you." -isaiah41:10
or "He will establish your steps" -psalm40
but i will look to everything that He is. "I AM WHO I AM" - that is Who He is.
after thinking long and hard, this came to mind
"but we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honor, that He, by the grace of God, might taste death for everyone." -Hebrews 2:9
and after more afterthought
"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh.." -Jeremiah 32:27
every passage i seem to know is tainted with some element of self. how the Lord can help me (psalm 121), how He can make me strong (phil4:13).. when did i become so selfish without even realising it? maybe that's just how all of us have been. its part of sin, its part of our own human nature that we need to consciously fight against. otherwise, satan wins.
i loved what Heschel wrote in his book 'Man is not alone' a philosophy of religion-
he says that God is the ineffable, the inexplicable. "The attempt to convey what we see and cannot say is the everlasting theme of mankind's unfinished symphony." and within the next paragraph he writes what i think is the most poetic line i've read in a long, long time. "The stirring in our hearts when watching the star-studded sky is something no language can declare."
Christianity is not an instrument to motivate me in my life. it is an entity. the center of which is Christ Himself. but in my human weaknesses and folly, i, (and perhaps many other Christians), have lived in a way that makes people think my faith is merely to serve a function in my life. to give me hope in a hopeless world (or to be deluded, as opponents of Christianity would say).
but all those notions of what my faith is stops today. because today i have realised all over again that it is Christ Himself that i desire. it is Christ Himself i want to know. it is Christ Himself that has motivated me to give up certain things/people in my life. i am not part of the 'Christian community' because of a sociological need to feel like i belong somewhere (see Durkheim who believes religion is essential for social cohesion). i am part of it because it is a by-product of the real deal - being a follower of CHRIST HIMSELF.
remove all this talk about Christianity, and let's get to the core. it's not religion that changed my life, it's Christ. and today, i will live by that in a whole new way.
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