im just finishing up the last few pages of 'i dont have enough faith to be an atheist'. its mostly a good read, one that i think every self-professing atheist should take a look at to balance off books like 'the god delusion'. as i had my cereal, milk and banana this morning (i sound like im on a baby diet haha) i read a passage that vividly described the flogging, crucifixion, and death of Christ.

lacerations
quivering ribbons of bleeding flesh
copious bleeding from the crown of thorns
the robe had become adherent to the clots of blood and serum in the wounds, and its removal - just as the careless removal of a surgical bandage- causes excruciating pain
fiery pain shoots along the fingers and up the arms to explode in the brain
searing agony of the nail tearing through the nerves between the metatarsal bones of the feet

it really is a wonder that He persevered through all of that.. :) but not such a wonder cos of the immense love He had for each of us.

i dont quite know why? but some things have been on my mind these past few days. the same struggles as i reach to help someone else deal with the pain. how true that experiences are keys to the hearts of people you would otherwise never reach. how true that the Lord comforts us in our pain, strengthens us in our weakness, and tells us to do the same for those around us.

but along with these thoughts has come an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. for all He has brought me through. as i walk to school everyday, everything is beautiful. and for that 20mins, i think about my life, my family, my friends, and all the individual, special people that He has blessed me with. i have so much, but sometimes i look at the things i dont have, and i forget about the things i do have.

anyhow, ive been watching season5 of one tree hill (yaye!) hahaha. it is a lot better now. more sensible, less trashy, less sleeping around. and the friendships in the show are amazing (even though in the previous few seasons there was all the cheating going on and all but forget about that for a second haha). and ive got that, in the few special people i have. and i thank God for you every morning (: for your prayers and your love, and for being there for me. i am counting my blessings.. person my person. (:

and oh my goodness i am listening to a spanish love song that my housemate sent me and its amazingggg hahahah. even though i dont understand a word of it. music is amazing. and on another note of thankfulness, i have found lambrick park church! (: not quite like Bethany, but it comes reasonably close (: i went for the first choir session last night, and the songs were really nice. i enjoyed it (: its great to be able to experience ministry in a completely different context, and still feel the same about service to the Lord (:

i am progressing in my study of the book of proverbs, and one especially struck me today.

"A talebearer reveals secrets,
but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter."
- Proverbs 11:13

proverbs is full of warnings that less words are better, less words are wiser. haha. sometimes you dont say things intentionally, but people take them to mean things, form impressions, thats why wisdom effectively says: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. haha. well not all the time, but well you get the idea.

i have so many things to think about today, so many prayers to make. so much to be thankful for!