today, has been one heck of an amazing day. haha. there is so much i feel that cannot be put into words. so im gonna sum it up with (some) of what i wrote in my journal to the Lord:

i know that You answered my prayer, when i asked You to reveal to me certain things that i could not see. i know that You answered my prayer for guidance, and all the other prayers that im sure my friends (thanks guys) lifted up for me during this period. You are a God of answered prayer with infinite wisdom and i submit to that now, with all my heart. i do. im sorry if i ever thought my will was better, my way was better, im sorry that i went forward in defiance against everything i knew to be true. sometimes my heart aches like it will never stop, but i know that You are the maker of Man and the healer of Hearts, and the assurance You give me is like no other. a hope that remains, that is steady and unchanging, rooted and grounded in the truth.

and i think that as usual, Your methods in providence surpass even my own understanding. (why did i even put even, there is no even with You! haha).

i remember what p mitch shared with me a few months ago-

"I waited patiently for the Lord;
and He inclined to me
and heard my cry.

He also brought me up out of a horrible pit
out of the miry clay
and set my feet upon a rock,
and established my steps

He has put a new song in my mouth-
praise to our God,
many will see it and fear,
and will trust in the Lord."

- Psalm 40:1-3

he told me to wait patiently, he told me You would hear my cry.
that You would bring me out of the horrible pit where i am surrounded by pain and nothingness and see only a hint of light amidst the darkness all around.
out of the miry clay that i cant get out of on my own,
he told me that You would set my feet on a rock where i would be able to see and understand things from a perspective i never had before,
that You would establish my steps and i would be firm and grounded in You.
and he said the day would finally come when i would be able to sing a new song of praise to You, out of a true heart of thankfulness for everything that You have brought me through.

today is that day. when i see everything clearer than ever before. today is the day that i stop taking peeks at the path behind me and wonder what could have been. today is the day my heart is breaking and yet stays full. full of Your goodness that permeates every part of my life. today is the day i sing a new song of praise to my Lord and my God, that no one will ever take away from me.

i trust You, and i love with You with all my heart and soul.