On the way home today, I was reminded of Cabell, for some strange reason. I have never met her in my life but Ive read about her on my favorite blog countless times.


After navigating to her's and Mike's website (you can read their story here - Mike has since passed on) and reading the very first post dated 1 March 2011, I knew that this was the Lord's way of encouraging me, of reminding me to once again look past myself. Read the post - it speaks volumes about the lessons of faith that the Lord can bless with through the most trying circumstances of life.


I woke up pretty sad today. Somehow today being the first of March, marking the month that will be a year since Sweeney died brought a weight and a heaviness that was unexpected, not surprising just unexpected. It does hurt less, the pain isn’t as constant, as fresh, as searing. But it still ebbs and flows with great depth. I guess it does hurt less, but I don’t miss Sweeney less. Sometimes I think the more time that passes, the more I miss him.


I’ve thought about all the days I wished this year would be over- all the nights I wished I could fast forward to the end of “the year” mark. I kept hearing it would hurt less after all the firsts were over. I was so tempted to wish this year away. I’m glad we can’t do that- fast forward time. Because we would miss… well, everything.


Years ago a bunch of us went on a 10 day hiking trip in British Columbia called Beyond Malibu. We hiked straight up to close to a 3,500 ft. peak. Which doesn't seem extreme except you start at sea level. I want to say it was no big deal, but I’ll be honest, it was brutal. It was more physically and emotionally demanding than any of us were ready for. The day we reached the summit it was hazy and cloudy. We only stayed at the peak for about 3 hours. Then it was time to start the descent. I have been thinking about life in relation to that trip. All of the memories and the rich time with friends, all the things God taught us about His strength and our limitations- All that happened on the way up and the way down. It all happened in the part of the journey I would have wished away because it was too hard, too painful, or just not exciting enough. Yet, in retrospect, the summit wasn’t really the goal, ‘cause we shared a whole lot more on the journey there and back.


My friend Abby (who is radiant, you just can’t believe that God could fit so much grace and wisdom into such a tiny body) says that we tend to miss all the sacred moments of life because we think they come only in “big things” like births, deaths, marriages, graduations… But God is sovereign in every minute of every day. Every moment is sacred because God is in it. The “summits” of life are amazing, and should cause us to pause and reflect with gratitude. But God is in all the moments that I, with my limited vision, would wish away to get to the “big moments”; the finish lines I (not God) have drawn for my life.


If I had wished this year away I wouldn’t know the extravagant love I do today. I wouldn’t know the tenderness of a friend’s voice on the other end of the phone at 2 in the morning. The sweetness of having God come and be with me when the night is so dark and lonely. I wouldn’t know that scripture is the only thing that is solid enough to anchor to. I wouldn’t know that heaven is closer than I thought. I wouldn’t know this depth of love in friendships. I wouldn’t know how beautiful it is when you stop trying to be strong enough and admit you are really needy. I wouldn’t love music and words like I do today. I wouldn’t be as grateful for the man I got to love and I wouldn’t know this kindness of our Savior. I would have wished all that away, because the knowledge of those things came in days that were really painful or seemingly ordinary.


So don’t wish today away, even if it hurts or if it feels mundane. Big things are happening in you today because God is writing your story and He included today.


He is slowly, graciously and lovingly healing in this woman a pain so unimaginable, a pain so deep. How can I doubt that He will leave me in my little hiccups of life?


May this encourage your heart as greatly as it did mine :)