first off, ms ng jinyee has enlisted my help to plead with all of you to please comment on this blog with an answer to that one short survey question. please!

real school is starting in FIVE DAYS. after a year and three months of chilling. i have finished 10 seasons of friends, 5 seasons of how i met your mother, 1 season of private practice and all the other intermittent episodes of random shows along the way. i have lived away from my friends, my family and my home. i have experienced a different climate (-30degrees), frozen half to death. i have learnt french. i have attended and served in a different church in a different country. i have sung in two different choirs and an a capella group. i have visited more places this past year than i have the last 20 years of my life. chicago, indiana, champagne, seattle, new york, L.A., vancouver, victoria, calgary, tofino, london, belgium, edinburgh, paris, bintan (haha).

all of that doesnt sound like much..and sometimes i do feel like i wasted my exchange experience. i didnt have as much fun as my other friends. i didnt get out that much, or see as many interesting things. i dont have as many photos or as many friends to account for that experience. but as i browse through my facebook notes and blogs that recount my time spent in that little city on an island far, far away.. i know that it wasnt a waste. i didnt grow as exponentially in faith as i wanted to- but i did grow a considerable amount. i grew in my friendships with 4 very special people..and i hope these friendships last a lifetime. i learnt to take things slow.. i had ups and downs in my faith, but i experienced service and a Christian community halfway around the world. my mindset is no longer as narrow, my faith less pharisaical, my heart a little more willing to love.

but more than all of that, i have found the Lord to be faithful above all of this. He was with me the day that i freaked out in victoria cos i didnt have a place to stay for the night, when i MISSED MY FLIGHT and through all the other crappy things.. He stood with me the rest of the way through.

just like He's gonna stand with me the rest of the way through my final year at NUS! i cannot believe im in my 4th year.. seems like just yesterday that we were in year 1. ben bitching about everything in sight (some things never change.. HAHAHAH), shopping online during lectures, lunches at adam road, da paoing dinner when we're all chionging for exams in school.. ITS GONNA BE OVER SOON AND IM GONNA SIGN MY LIFE OFF TO SOME LAW FIRM AND THAT WILL BE IT FOREVER. :(

the prospect of school starting freaks me out. but im going to go with the lessons i have learnt from the book of Proverbs..from Psalm 27.. from the Ephesians devotions enoch and i are reading together..from Luke 5 in Pastor's class.. from Numbers being taught at prayer meeting. and im going to pray for strength, focus and revival.

CS Lewis: When you come to knowing God, the initiative lies on His side. if He does not show Himself, nothing you can do will enable you to find Him. And, in fact, He shows much more of Himself to some people than to others- not because He has favorites, but because it is impossible for Him to show Himself to a man whose whole mind and character are in the wrong condition. Just as sunlight, though it has no favorites, cannot be reflected in a dusty mirror as clearly as in a clean one.

You can put this another way by saying that while in other sciences the instruments you use are external to yourself (things like microscopes and telescopes), the instrument through which you see God is your whole self. And if a man's self is not kept clean and bright, his glimpse of God will be blurred- just like the Moon seen through a dirty telescope.

how true. the times i see Him the most clearly is when i have asked for forgiveness and cleansing. when i recognize my wretchedness but accept His grace. when i do my best to work through my sins. when i love with my actions and my words, when my heart's motives are pure. and that is not through my own doing, i think. for i think God is also the hand that cleans the mirror of my self as He is the sunlight that shines on it.

its a new beginning.. and i hope it will be a great one (: