i spent my quiet time tonight pondering the thoughts that followed from psalm 40:1-3.

v 4 "Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust,
and does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies."

this is the straight and narrow path that i have been on since the day i said "i do", to God. it is not always easy, to say i am putting my trust in the Lord. for oftentimes i simply pay lip service to this concept, and i dont really exercise trust from the depths of my heart and with the entirety of my being.

dictionary.com defines trust as:
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

when i say that i trust Him, it means that i lean on Him. i believe that He is immoveable, i believe in His attributes that have been since before time begain. i believe Him when He says "I AM WHO I AM". i believe, simply, that God is. and that God is good.

v 8 "I delight to do Your will, o my God
and Your law is within my heart."

this verse made me think of 2 Corinthians 3:2-3, which reads "You are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men; clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart."

God writes on our hearts, not with pens of men, but with the stylus called the Holy Spirit. i remember the inner struggle of my heart when i first read this verse. i asked myself "what is God saying to me?" i knew the answer, it was loud and clear. i heeded part of it, but ignored another part. and ignoring of the other part taught me a very painful lesson..but what man means for evil, God can mean for good. so Amen! God is good.

v 9-10 "I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness,
in the great assembly,
indeed, i do not restrain my lips
o Lord, You Yourself know.
I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart,
I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation,
I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth
From the great assembly."

this struck me cos ive been talking to a friend about the issue of reflecting the glory of Christ in our everyday lives. this gave me many flashbacks from the past! haha. i know that most of my friends know what i believe in, cos i learnt (through many tough situations) not to be ashamed of my faith or what i believe in. but i havent always been like that. i have struggled through the period in my life where it was the biggest mess in the world (not that my life now is not a mess, it still is, just a cleaner mess cos the Lord has cleaned up some of it haha), and i have been called all sorts of things, cos when God came into my life and began to change it, people could see, and not everyone was comfortable with what they experienced or what they saw. i lost some friends along the way, but God is good, He provided others.

i can honestly say that right now, at this point in my life, i am not afraid to speak of Christ because in Him i live and move and have my being. (but of course that can become a problem when i talk too much.. hahaha). but yea, so this passage is a great reminder for me and a great encouragement to everyone else who may be afraid to speak of your faith - dont be ashamed of Him, think of what He did for you.

v 16-17 "Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You
Let such as love Your salvation say continually;
The Lord be magnified
but i am poor and needy,
Yet the Lord thinks upon me
You are my help and my deliverer
do not delay, o my God."

that's what i am. poor and needy. there are almost 7billion people on earth. why would He take notice of me, or my prayers. how am i better than anyone else? i-am-nothing. we need to remember that. i need to remember that. yet He knows us all by Name. all 7billion of us.

"He counts the number of the stars,
He calls them all by name." -Psalm 147:4

how special. (:
well the highlight of my day was a conversation i had today after choir at lambrick park church with two of the tenors. (all the choir members are like married so all 30 and up, stephanie and i are the only 'young ones' haha) so we were talking and one of them said to me "hey its amazing. you're from the other end of the world, and here we are, having fellowship in Christ." and it truly is wonderful. (: haha. anw we were on the topic of atheism and philosophy and all, so i mentioned that i was reading 'the problem of pain' by cs lewis and he began relating to me the story of how he became a Christian. he said he remembered reading the screwtape letters when he was 17years old, and one day when he was 26 he felt like he needed God in his life, so he started attending church.. and 3 months later he became a Christian. as i listen to each person, they each have a different story to tell. and what ive realised through all of this, is that i guess we all need to come to a point in our lives when we honestly evaluate the evidences around us, and realize that we really, really, really need God.

there truly is a God-shaped hole in all of us. no matter how much you try and fill it, it will never go away, till you relinquish your hold over that void and allow Him to take His rightful place in your heart.

enough of my rambling.. good night everyone (: