A third of 2011 has come and gone... and I cant help but notice how things have changed so drastically in 3 months. If you had asked me on 1 Jan 2011 how I envisioned my life would be today, I would have told you something very different. And as I reflect on how my life has been over the past 3 months, my thoughts are turned right back to Isaiah 55:8-9 - His ways are higher than mine.


I've never thought of myself as one plagued with insecurities, but recent events have made me realize that I sometimes place a little too much emphasis on the words of others, my perceptions of how much I am worth to them, and how I never seem to be good enough. Thankfully, being quite the "happy bubble" (hurhur quote, unquote, angie) that I am, its not in my nature to allow such thoughts to plague me - but it still struck me that these notions of drawing my self-worth from how others view me had insidiously crept in and nestled itself somewhere at the back of my head and heart.


As I thought about how I should combat these thoughts and feelings, I was reminded of something a friend had shared with me just a week ago, about finding our identity in the Lord and in Him alone. Psalm 139 was a timely reminder to me - how He is acquainted with my ways, how He created me tenderly in His own image (Genesis 1:26-27), how He knows every single little ugly part of me and yet loves me just the same.


Psalm 139:14 reads

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well."


"That my soul knows very well"... Honestly? I don't think my soul has soaked in this truth enough to know it "very well". Maybe I've just begun to scratch the surface in my appreciation of how the Lord views me, and how He loves me with an extravagant, all encompassing and powerful love. But I am looking forward to the day when I can say that my soul knows this truth "very well".


So for now my prayer is found in Psalm 139:23-24 which reads

"Search me, o God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting."


Looking forward into the fogginess, not with clarity but with trust. :)