i went back to my old diary and old guestbook [i bet no one remembers the site!]
and i found an old entry in my guestbook from someone i didnt know:

Strangely enough, surfed in your site while trying to find the lyrics for 'change my heart O lord' while preparing for worship. Was very encouraged by your site. "If God's not Lord of all, he's Lord of nothing at all", we say this about our personal lives. A site and reflections like yours makes me glad. My ilk and I are around 10 or so years down from where you are and freshly initiated to the Singaporean workforce, and keeping God in the middle just gets more and more difficult every day. So thank you, and we hope, as Steve Green sings. Let those who come behind us find us faithful! God bless.

sometimes people tell me im a really gooodddd girl but then i sit back down and reflect on my life and my faith i realise how far i have fallen short of who He wants me to be.

been trying to discover how i can really deepen my prayer life. and i have to say i havent been very successful. not successful at all to be perfectly exact. when i talked to ip-kenneth the other day, he told me there were three parts to prayer- pre, during and post. and he said the very first question we should ask ourselves before we even enter into prayer is 'have you been a good son/ daughter of faith'?

and everyday when i ask myself that question the immediate answer is NO. nonononono. never once yes. and its not that i have fallen short slightly, i've fallen short by alotalotALOT. but then im reminded, "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

and im reminded of hope. hope that stays with us no matter what ever happens. hope that gives us hope for LIFE (: and i hold on to that promise ;)

i found a few versions of proverbs16:20 but i still like the NKJV one best (: i think it sums up the essence of what it means to be a Christian in a very wonderful way. and i like it!

NKJV
20 He who heeds the word wisely will find good,
And whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he.

KJV
20 He that giveth heed to the word shall find good;
and whoso confideth in Jehovah, happy is he.

NIV
20 Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers,
and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.

Young's literal translation
20 The wise in any matter findeth good,
And whoso is trusting in Jehovah, O his happiness

Darby translation
20 He who listens to the Word will find good,
and happy is he who trusts in the Lord.

happy is he [or she (: ] who trusts in the Lord (:

Angel in disguise

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed
and dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places,
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new.

i loveee this song! haha makes me happy when i hear it ;) but AH my throat hurts like maddddd its probably fully filled with ulcers or smth ouch. haha a result of screaming into the mike at kbox yesterday! i will kill eugene for that crappy mp3 he made of xinjie and i singing 'yu jian'. man! its the most unglam recording of myself i've ever heard! faint.

haha anw the reality of school starting is beginning to sink in sigh. i mean im excited and all but im still a little apprehensive.

"i have sworn and confirmed
that i will keep Your righteous judgments." -psalm119:106

some part of me worries that i'll be taken by what the world offers and turn away from all that i believe is truth. haha i've been asking for many many prayers for all of us entering uni cos i really believe we need it. and im reminded of what pastor mitch told me, that even when we make a mistake and walk away, always remember that He welcomes us with open arms (:

He ran to me,He took me in His arms,
held my head to His chest,
said "My son's come home again!"
lifted my face,wiped the tears from my eyes,
with forgiveness in His voice,He said"Son, do you know I still love You?

thats taken from zhihui's blog ;) the parable of the prodigal son. it always reminds me not to give up even during times where i feel my faith is dry and im tired and i cant go on.

He's been in my shoes, been down this road before. [ps thats the next greatest comfort, i dont walk this road alone. Christ walked it once before, and He walks with me now (: ]

"Your Word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path." -psalm119:105

what Pastor said at prayer meeting yesterday really struck me. he said we often treat God's Word like:

1) a search light to help us find what we need or guard against all the prowling evil things around

2)a crystal ball to try and see the future with, whether its gonna be good or not.

when in actual fact, all it was meant to be is a lamp to our feet, and a light to our path. just enough to protect us and guide us through the pitch-blackness of life. its enough to take us forward one step at a time, safely. (: and i really like that thought (:

lamp to my feet, and a light to my path! (:

five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love.
Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out,
tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love!
Remember the love! Remember the love!
Measure in love.
Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

the opening song of the broadway musical 'rent'! thanks to yuwen haha im half-addicted to it already. the singing is beautiful beautiful beautiful and it just makes me feel so inferior :( haha but really its sooooooooooooooo niceeeeeeeeeee! and i only barely watched half of it. heh its the kind of thing that i could watch over and over and never get tired of it. haha i always think that aside from the gift of His Son, the greatest physical gift God has given to us is the gift of music. though i cant read music or play any instrument if my life depended on it, i just love listening, it makes me happieee! ;)

measure your life in love. i think thats a really beautiful thought. i came across a question which i asked myself in my journal a few months ago. 'is your faith, your life, beautiful? do people stop to take a second look?' ephesians1:12 [again!] to the praise of His glory. before your faith stands out, do YOU take a second look at people that are hurting? i always ask myself why i cant just learn to be more forgiving, to learn to look at others through His eyes and love like He loves. its hard but a great challenge. always looking towards that, always looking upwards ;)

when i was on the plane back from hongkong, i was just thinking. what do we REALLY live for? and as i thought, the elements of life, love, joy and hope were brought to mind too. haha i went to search for four images that i feel, would best represent these four aspects that have baffled me for a longgg time and will still continue to do so.

life



Christ's coming, His death and His resurrection is, to me, the reason that we live. the reason that we have everlasting life here and BEYOND (: i remember so clearly 1john2:24-25. haha i still remember that a friend once asked me to explain that to him and the thought i found from those two verses made a really huge impression. everlasting LIFE, here and beyond.

"therefore let that abide in you which you have heard from the beginning. if what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and the Father. and this is the promise that He has promised us - eternal life." -1john2:24-25

love



i think the most perfect expression of love we can find in our physical world [which is, by the way, conforming very well to the description of a 'crooked and perverse generation'] is the love between parents and their child. the greatest form of love is, of course God's love to each and every one of us. love between Him as Father, and us as children of God. [im a child of a King, if i have Him, i have EVERYTHING (:]

joy



childlike innocence is always the purest form of joy. when you dont know anything, dont NEED to know anything, and life is just yours for the taking. but after you've got through all the crap in life [and im just started to get a foretaste of what "life" in the our world is like] then real joy only comes when the God-shaped hole is filled.

hope



i think this speaks for itself. (:

i have officially met crazy woman NUMBER TWOOO! man i never thought i'd meet another one worse than number one. haha but WELL.

today was a very eventful or, ironically speaking UN-eventful day. heh okay nobody is going to understand me but well i shall refrain from giving details just in case im incriminated and this becomes a court case but anw.

it was pretty traumatising being forgotten for a prolonged period of time and then having crazy woman number two make me mad by insulting my hair, my face, my shoes, my ability to make myself up and everything else. and the worst thing was that she did it in a oh-im-just-joking-im-so-cute-its-just-you tone. ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh almost fainted! plus the fact that she was about triple my size kind of just made the insults a little harder to bear! heh eeps.

BUT but but but, even so, it has taken me almost two hours to refocus back on the Lord and put things into perspective. i have to admit that i did my fair share of bitching about crazy woman in the immediate aftermath of our very horrendous episode with her, but i guess we're partly to blame too.

psalm19 keeps popping up in my head everytime something trying comes along:

"the law of the Lord is perfect,
converting the soul
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple.

the statutes of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes.

the fear of the Lord is clean,
enduring forever.
the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.

more to be desired are they than gold,
yea than much fine gold.
sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.

moreover by them Your servant is warned,
and in keeping them there is great reward."

haha i memorised this passage a longggg time ago, and i thought i'd half-forgotten it but in recent days its been real fresh in my mind and great encouragement to my heart (: im still a hot-tempered and whiney princess but well with the words of wisdom from psalm19, maybe one day i'll be a sweet-tempered and not-so-whiney princess ;p

WELL i shall forget about the insults that were dished out to me in excessive quantity and remember that i am very precious and very beautiful in His sight (: haha yesssss You see my imperfections, still You say im a masterpiece. a marvelous reflection, the image of Yourself in me (:

and with the Lord as my strength i can take any insult from crazy woman! for it says in this month's memory passage, the beatitudes!

"blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

blessed are those who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.

blessed are those who thirst and hunger for righteousness,
for they shall be filled.

blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

blessed are the pure in heart,
for they shall see God.

blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called sons of God.

blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

-matthew5:3-10 (:

YESSSS persecuted for righteousness' sake!!! ahaha okay i shall stop reading the Bible out of context but anw, great encouragement to my heart- blessed are those. (:

i will be the one!

who will make a commitment to take a stand?
i will be the one.
who will follow after Christ with no turning back?
i will be the one.
who will hear God's voice and obey His call?
i will be the one.
who will take up the cross and surrender all?
i will be the one.

i will be the one that God is looking for,
i will never be ashamed.
in the name of the Lord i'll stand and proclaim-
yes, i will be the one!
yes, i will be the one (:

like a city on a hill, who will shine the light?
i will be the one.
in a world of darkness, who will hold it high?
i will be the one.
who will pray for revival all over the land?
i will be the one.
who will ask God to touch with His mighty hand?
i will be the one.

i will be the one that God is looking for,
i will never be ashamed.
in the name of the Lord i'll stand and proclaim-
yes, i will be the one.
yes, i will be the one!

who will call our nation to holiness?
i will be the one.
who will raise up a standard of righteousness?
i will be the one.
who will trust in the Lord for the rest of their days?
i will be the one.
who will give God the glory and all of the praise?
i will be the one.

i will be the one that God is looking for,
i will never be ashamed.
in the name of the Lord i'll stand and proclaim-
yes, i will be the one!
yes, i will be the one (:

Lord, i will be the one (:

we learnt this song at choir today- i like! haha i loveeeee songs like these, so inspiring ;) but aside from the inspiring part, i always feel rebuked when i sing these songs. what does my life say about my faith? im always trying to remember how sinful and crappy we all actually are, but alot of times i forget. and some days i think i have it altogether i dont feel the need for God as much. 'i will be the one' i like what the song says. dont wait for someone to do it, YOU DO IT. dont think 'tomorrow' do it NOW. i like! one day i shall make sure i sing these songs with no feelings of rebuke at all- i will be the one! ;)

my two longggggggggggggg camp weeks are finally over! heh im glad but both camps were fun, so ;)

junior camp- 'i love my Bible'

serving at junior camp was a fresh new experience and i have to say i did learn alot from interacting with the kids and learning what it means to love, what it means to sacrifice. haha hardly slept! and i truly see His hand of grace in keeping me through camp ;)

a thought that i brought out of camp was that in offering our friendship to others, we should never expect anything in return. to give like He gave and love like He loved. haha AND i memorised the sequence of all the books in the Bible! sorry im really swa-ku and stupid i know but well, challenge to love His Word so much more! (:

"i will delight myself in Your statutes, i will not forget Your Word." -psalm119:16

what really struck me most, though was the message during sunday service. the thoughts were taken from psalm119:33-38

1. teach me
2.give me understanding
3. make me walk in the path of Your commandments
4. incline my heart to Your testimonies
5. turn my eyes from looking at worthless things
6. establish Your word to me (:

law camp 2006

the lessons i learnt at this camp were, well different from what i learnt at junior camp.

first things first- i had a great OG! i made wonderful friends and i had sweet councilors and fantastic ogls haha so for that i dont regret going for camp ;)

i think the most prominent lesson i learnt is to be steadfast in faith and trust that when as we make the choice to honor Him, He will honor us and protect us in ways that we could never understand. alot of people have asked me why i make certain choices, and i just reiterate what pastor mitch told me- when you choose between what is good and what is excellent, choose the excellent choice. why do i need to shortchange myself? always make the excellent choice (:

law school is alot different from what i expected it to be but our world isnt picture-perfect. i cant say i like everything about it, but i like quite a large proportion of what i see and im really excited for the 4 years ahead (:

through all the different circumstances i've been through, im reminded that i am precious in His sight. and nothing, or no one can define my worth but God alone. and thats a thought to hold fast to! (: