im in a state of feeling very, veryveryveryveryveryveryvery stupid. from the silly answer i gave during sls:

"tell us about the attorney general"
me: "can i tell you about the attorney general's chambers instead?" [cos stupid me only found info on the AGC online]
"you wanna tell us about the chambers? okay."

NICE MICHAEL HOR. im so thankful he's a nice lecturer and didnt say something like 'thats complete rubbish.' [like someone i know]. but i still feel stupid.

but from sls right down to the lawr closed memo that i am trying so desperately hard to write now, i feel stupid.

and i think as i progress through school with people who are so smart and so informed they know every single thing about the singapore legal system, politics, the whos-who in the legal field and the government, who can finish their closed memo within 2hrs [ive taken like. six. and im only on my first draft], i really am learning what it means to depend on the Lord for His strength. right now, i honestly feel like im being pushed to the limit and ive a million and one things to do and im just so tired and bah. everytime i feel this crappy i just sit myself down and take a break. look through sunday school lessons, review what ive been taught- and pray. ive never felt so driven to pray, so motivated to rely on His strength and see Him as the centre of my life and the point around which all my world revolves. when i fail to look to Him, i feel the stress coming. i see the distractions flooding in, and i really,really feel like giving up. didnt help that i had such a horrific driving lesson today.

im holding fast to that thought- in Your presence is fullness of joy. and even though i feel like burying my head into my pillow and SCREAMING my lungs out, and crying my heart out, in His presence is fullness of joy. pray for strength, the whole armour of God. rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [psalm91:1] (:

I am.

How do you spend your minutes on the matters
All tomorrows come from yesterday's
When you're feeling broke and bruised and sometimes shattered
Blew out the candles on the cake, like everything's a big mistake
It seems you always wait for life to happen
And your last buck can't buy a lucky break
If all we've got is us then lifes worth living
And if your in, you know I'm in
I'm ready and I'm winning

I Am
When you think that no-one needs you
See if anyone believes you
No ones there to understand
I Am
I'll be there to be that someone
When you think that no one, is there to hold your hand
I Am

We're just who we are, there's no pretending
It takes a while to learn to live in your own skin
Say a prayer that we might find our happy ending
And if your in, you know I'm in
I'm ready and I'm winning

I Am
When you think that no-one needs you
See if anyone believes you
No ones there to understand
I Am
I'll be there to be that someone
When you think that no one, is there to hold your hand
I Am

And I aint got no halo hanging over my head
I aint gonna judge you, I'm just here to love you
I Am
I Am

"i am small and despised, yet i do not forget Your precepts." -psalm119:141

its 7.38am and im the only idiot in the study room in school. maybe im the only idiot in school at such an unearthly time! but well. stacks of neumann to finish reading and my closed memo to do. i need to focussssss. mind on You, heart on You. (: JOY!

even though its raining cats and dogs outside. the beauty of rain ;)

wheeee!

second round of resonance auditions was today, and i really had fun! just trust the Lord whatever the outcome is ;)

welcome to wherever you are,
this is your life, you've made it this far.
welcome to wherever you are,
you gotta believe-
you're EXACTLY where you're supposed to be.

God makes no mistakes (:

the day started really CRAZY. i arrived in school at 9am and ran all the way up to the third floor for contract tutorial cos i thought i was late! and i feel indignant. cos i think the teacher thinks im lazy and im notttt cos i studied the whole way from after school till eleven plus at jia's place just now! just that i was trying to do my neumann readings and start on my closed memo. which took me five hours. and i spent three hours doing the contract tutorial! and i didnt have time to read the cases sigh. i really hate it when i know ive done every single thing possible within the scope of my strength and its never enough.

but i guess in the process of that, i was reminded that the Lord sees your hardwork and your labour of love and its enough for Him. (: haha so i feel a little less indignant now. i must remember i study and work not to please anybody or be 'good enough' or 'conscientious enough' or whatever else, just for Him alone.

i need to remember that (: perfect peace!

You

There's always something
in the way
There's always something
getting through
but it's not me
it's You, it's You

sometimes ignorance
rings true
but hope is not in
what i know
it's not in me..me
it's in You, it's in You

it's all i know
it's all i know
it's all i know

i find peace when
i'm confused
i find hope when
i'm let down
not in me ... me
in You
it's in you

i hope to lose myself
for good
i hope to find it in the end
not in me ... me
in You
in You
in You

it's all i know
it's all i know
it's all i know

in You
in You
its in You
its in You

there's always something in the way
there's always something getting through
but it's not me
it's You
it's You
it's You.

i really like this song (: its not me, its You. i was reading psalm16 today as i went through Pastor's devotions in 'you shall be witnesses' and i was so happy! in the last verse it says "..in Your presence is fullness of joy.." and i was so encouraged by that thought. in Your presence is fullness of joy (: im drowning in my preparation for contract tutorial tmr and the lawr closed memo and im about to fainttttt, but in His presence is fullness of joy! NOTHING. NO ONE. is gonna get me down ;) whee!

Welcome to wherever you are

Maybe we're all different
But we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden running to our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
Youre caught between just who you are and who you want to be

If you feel alone and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
That right here right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are

When everybody's in and you're left out
And you feel drowning in a shadow of the dawn
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself not what other people say

When it seems you're lost alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different, just take a look around

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
That right here right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Be who you want to be, be who you are
Everyone's a hero, everyone's a star

When you want to give up and your heart's about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
That right here right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
(I say welcome) Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far (welcome)

haha. i really like this song!! i found it in my brothers phone the other day and he discovered it was in my ipod and i didnt even know -_- im such a twit. but anw. i like it! we're all special. im reminded of psalm147:3-4 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars, He calls them all by name."

haha i like that thought. especially when im drowing in my torts tutorial and closed memorandum thats due this saturday at 2359. I WILL FINISH IT BY FRIDAY NIGHT! i am determined. haha back to work ;)

the weekend is over! sobsob :'( but ive never been clearer on my life, and ive been so inspired over saturday and sunday that i cant wait to go back to school! [listen to me, ive just gone looney] haha! but seriously. i cant wait to go back to school despite the fact that my lawr classmates declared to me this afternoon that there were another fifty pages of readings that i have to finish my tmr [of which i have finished about forty so im happy!]

got to talk to Pastor mitch about the things that've been bugging me, filling my mind and stealing my sleep at night. and i couldnt help but give thanks for the amazing amount of spiritual guidance the Lord has given to our Pastors at Bethany and its just. amazing to me when i look at their lives. and i just KNOW theres something so very different about Bethany, something that i intend to spend my entire life discovering. its uniqueness, why it stands out. [and may it always be this special ;)] but anw point was that, i was just dead clear after that. and i reallyreally thank Him for clear guidance (: haha my mind went back to the verse jonglong/jinglin sent to me the other day

"You will keep him in perfect peace, who's mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in you." -isaiah26:3

and last night before i feel asleep, i pictured giving Jesus each and every one of my burdens. six of them in total. and im reminded! give them all, give them all to Jesus- shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys. give them all to Jesus, and He will turn your sorrow into joy!

today, Gideon's International came to our church to talk about their ministry of distributing the Bible all over the world. and i was greatly inspired by the story the representative of Gideon's International began with. he told us of a peasant who came looking for 'the man with the little blue book that talks about Jesus'. im not a very good story-teller so forgive my incoherence if you come out of this wondering what on EARTH i was trying to say but anw..the story went

a missionary visited the little village where this peasant came from and taught from the Word of God. when he decided to move on from their village to the next village, a few of the villagers requested that he leave behind the book that 'talks about Jesus' so that they could learn more about salvation and God's love. but the missionary told them he could not because that was the only copy of the Bible he had. so he told the villagers of that village to go to the city and look for 'the man with the little blue book that talks about Jesus.' and the peasant came, travelled miles from his village, just to find 'the man with the little blue book that talks about Jesus.'

the point that was being illustrated was the ministry of Gideon's International, of distributing copies of the Bible to people all around the world. but i was greatly rebuked by this particular account because of the desire these villagers had to know God's Word, and the great worth they placed on it. me? i have many 'little blue books that talk about Jesus.' i could buy more if i wanted to. and me? i have not given the 'little blue book that talks about Jesus' the due attention, respect and love that i should be giving.

the lack of love for God's Word is something that i worry about. and i pray so much that as i grow, my love for the Lord and His Word will grow so much more as well. i was very struck by the video kenneth showed us about the missionary corrie ten boom a week ago. there was a scene where corrie ten boom and her sister were trying to smuggle their Bible into the prison camp where they were being held captive by the nazis, and they prayed for God to help them bring His Word through 'the gates of hell.' that prayer brought tears to my eyes because here are people who have such extensive knowledge of God's Word, they understand its worth, and they are more than willing to lay down their lives for their faith. me? would i dare bring God's Word 'through the gates of hell'?

for such a time as this,
we've been summoned here by God
for such a time as this!
we will not be shaken,
we will not hold back-
we've been summoned here by God
for such a time as this!

i want to keep searching, keep asking, keep growing, until my love for the Lord and His Word becomes irreplaceable. until i stop trying to fit things into the God-shaped hole inside of me.

i am inspired, to hold the little blue book that talks about Jesus, right in the centre of my heart. :)

"But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up."

-2 Peter 3:8-10

im in a state of not knowing what the Lord's will is for me at this point of time. what to take up, what not to. and im having bigbig trouble waiting on Him. everytime something happens, i ask WHY. everytime smth doesnt go my way, i ask WHY. and my days are full of whys and its not doing much to make me a happy girl. the past two/three days have been exceptionally trying for no apparent reason and as i sit her typing im staring on what i wrote on my cupboard:

from here i cannot see, why You'd choose this path for me.
but i dont have to understand to believe-
that You know why this road,
why this way, and this load.
You know how far i must go,
till i see, till i know
why this road.

i remember wha pastor said to us during prayer meeting, about the principle drawn from psalm119:105 "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

lamp. not hugeeee street/searchlight. lamp. to light the way, one step ahead.

and i know no one can help me through this time except the Lord. because people are as such- frail, biased, fickle and completely not-dependable. im not trying to label cos thats how i am too. the Lord is the only one that looks at us and loves with unconditional love, and i need to hold on so much to that love now. so much.

"i want to fall in love with You."

i suddenly feel veryveryveryveryvery bogged down. and i KNOW i need to ask the Lord for wisdom to choose carefully the activities i should take on and those i shouldnt. and never let people pressure me into doing smth that i dont want to do. cos i wanna do everything heartily as to the Lord and not to men. (: and since my weekends are dedicated to serving the Lord in church, i better find a way to make all my weekdays free! so i can finish my lawr assignments which are due by saturday 2359 by friday night (: yaye i am ambitious and i will keep it that way. and i will take practical steps to make sure i can keep these commitments (:

yaye pray for me!

[ps: am less bogged down now (:]

whee! i am rebuked. o you of little faith. He feeds the poor sparrows and He knows when they fall. He clothes the lilies in the field, what more you? o you of little faith.

faith like a mustard seed. faith like a child. (:

haha i just watched singapore idol! haha i havent watched tv since school started but well haha i love joakim!! but i have to say he reallyreallyreally cant sing for nuts. haha but he's so cute. heh i like the chinese xiaoxi song he sang! haha i can just imagine him singing it to me. i will MELT.

haha but hady was definitely the best by far. sooo good!

haha but aside from hady and his powerhouse vocals and nurul who still sounds sweet, i think the rest are pretty sad. sigh

haha but then again who am i to comment! pathetic me at resonance auditions today i was like errr. freaking out! i almost fainted when they told me to sing. and i bet if i had to sing in front of that many people it'll be zao xiaa all the way! singing during the easter musical almost made me faint alr haha. i remembered very many verses today! haha my 2tim1:7 verse for when im scared and phil4:6-7! haha and it was a brave attempt to calm myself down but erm it didnt really work heh when we were doing scales i was so sharp and aiyo. i just want to shut myself up. ahhhhh haha but well its all in His hands now im not going to worry and trust that everything will work out well and good according to His own perfect timing (:

haha i went running again today! im so proudddd of myself ;) heehee i was reciting the memory passages to myself while running and i realised that i half-forgot most of them! like i'd remember bits and pieces of the passage and then..nothing. ahhh very bad! i need to revise psalm91, psalm121, psalm1 againnnn.

and theres sls again tmr. SOMEBODY SAVE ME.

the Valley Song

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to You
Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger

For a faith that assures
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

Though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy. (:

You understand me, embrace my fragility-
You keep me safe in a crazy world

i dont want to play anymore not when the stakes are so high.
let it go, let it be.
dont waste all your emotion on this tit-for-tat machine.
let it go, let it be-
let it go.

i turn on the tv and it screams out at me.
nothing seems to have changed since the start of adam and eve
so we're waiting for the sky to fall and we're buying brand new toys
but before we circle ground once more can we lay down this pride?

no one wins if we keep score.

if we only love the lovely, and those we call our own
if we give expecting something in return.
if our mercy has a limit, if our reach has an end,
what makes us different in the world's eyes?
where is the proof that we belong to Christ?

out on the edge with You as my centre,
the point around which all my world revolves
every question can find an answer, every problem can be solved.
things seem clearer and i can see You work-
but only when i first, make You my centre.

fall in His arms, the tears will fall down and she'll pray-
i want to fall in love with You.

Why Do We Love?

i could love a person for her looks
but once that fades away
my love would
too

i could love a person for his faith
but should he once falter
(as we all do)
my love wouldn't know what to do

i could love a person for her wit
but a time will come where no words or numbers
could add up to it
where then, shall love reside

i could love a person for his heart
but that which is engraved upon
is as easily washed anew
as declarations on sand - love sent into remand

but if i loved a person for no reason at all.

...

for a short while, can't we live in a little romaticized world, casting away all woes of logic and the burden of reason.

perhaps it is this illogical love that God has for us.why do you love me? just because.

-see glori (:

Love song for a Savior

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"

i listened to this song today for the first time in a long time. and i guess its just one of those songs that can evoke so many emotions in you, you just cant even begin to describe it. i want to fall in love with You. it sounds like such a simple request but so many factors of life stand in the way of complete love and surrender to the Lord. i should know, i feel it everyday. whywhywhy cant i just simply love Him.

i just want to love You, simply love You.
the way it used to be, when Your love was new to me.

i need to tear my thoughts away from all the things that seem to be demanding my attention and stop worrying! i always worry and worry and worry when i know so clearly in my head that our God is faithful and He never gives us more than we can take. 1c0r10:13

"no temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man. but God is faithful, Who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. but with the temptation, will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

i need to be more teachable. and i need to learn to set my sights on things above and never, ever try to take things into my own hands. for God is faithful (:

when Jesus is all you've got, you'll realise that He's all you need. (:

im super super super super super tired today! haha i walked an unbelievably great distance ;p and i am absolutely certain that without the Lord's help i would've just fainted and got into this reallll annoyed state of mind. haha the first thing today that went wrong was that in my hurry to get out of the house i left my phone at home -_- stupid me! and i had to go home and get it and take a bus to school and walk allll the way in! haha what made it worse was the reason why i got up at six was so my mom could drop me in school on the way she dropped mark -_- haha but im thankful! cos i didnt kick myself and everything else around [though i was tempted to ;p] and im proud of myself! yaye self-control ;)

haha monday was a longggg day as usual but i had fun during lawr stuff and contract was good and systematic so i liked that haha but SLS oh save me i want to hide my face and cry :'( i just feel reallyyyyyy stupid everytime theres an sls lesson eep. i really need saving grace!

then after school i walked very many miles and went through countless perils on my way to church! haha i took a bus to serene centre [maximise the bus pass!] haha then stupid me realised i cant cross the expressway. HUR. so i walked about 400m to the nearest overhead bridge and climbed an arduous length of stairs to get to the other side. and to top it all off i had to walk from bartley road to church in the scorching sun! haha

but im reallyreallyreally thankful that i survived! unfit me survived ;) and i see the Lord's hand in helping me relax and not get irritated! haha and then i went to church to meet kenneth and do my torts tutorial ;/ kenneth shared from psalm50:4 about awakening early to let the Lord teach you. and i reallyreally want to set my heart to trying to do this the best way i know how and trust He will provide. im not exactly a morning person but well neither am i like my favorite cherry tree who can happily sleep till 2pm in the afternoon and never see the light of day! haha but seeking to cultivate a faith that will drive you to wake up bright and early each day just to thank Him for what He's done for us (:

and no matter how many readings i have or how tired i feel, the Lord is my strength!

haha and on a completely irrelevant note, pretty wen and princess! haha

and JIA I MISS YOU. JING I MISS YOU. RIE I MISS YOU!

oh dear this is very bad. haha this morning i went through one of the evening service msges from psalm73, and i thought it was last week's msg, but apparently its not cos i cant seem to find it now! haha but ANW, it was a real blessing to my heart when i read it this morning. it brought me great comfort that i know i dont face struggles alone!

basically the msg was about the psalmist telling God about the prosperity of the wicked like in psalm73:5 "they are not in trouble as other men, nor are they plagued like other men." and it almost seems like the psalmist is regretting his choice of choosing to live a righteous life that pleases God when you come to verses13 and 14 "surely i have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocence. for all day long i have been plagued, and chastened every morning."

there are times when i wonder why people seem to be having such an easy time, breezing through school, having fun and doing well when im just struggling to keep up. and i sometimes wonder, since He promised to bless us, shouldnt we have the victory? but then im reminded of a phrase from a POG [point of grace] song:

it may not be the way, i would've chosen.
when You lead me through a world that's not my home.
but You never said it would be easy-
You only said i'd never go alone. (:

and im again reminded of acts5:41-42. this is my classic remember-what-a-great-privilege-it-is-to-serve-Him verse!

after paul and the apostles were persecuted by the pharisees for proclaiming the Name of Jesus, thrown into prison and whatnot..

"so they departed from the presence of the council, REJOICING that they were counted worthy to suffer for His sake. and daily in the temple and in every house, they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as Christ."

this verse really gives me inspiration! everytime i feel so tired trying to be a light when everyone just tries to throw a damp cloth at you to extinguish the light, im reminded, His special people. privilege! never a chore.

who will make a commitment to take a stand?
I WILL BE THE ONE.
who will follow after Christ with no turning back?
I WILL BE THE ONE.
who will hear God's voice and obey His call?
I WILL BE THE ONE.

i will be the one that God is looking for, I WILL NEVER BE ASHAMED! in the Name of the Lord i'll stand and proclaim: "yes, i will be the one. I WILL BE THE ONE!" (:

so much for my determination to finish my case summary by eight tonight! im only about halfway through and im staring and staring at the manymanymany pages of facts and oh man my summary is horrifying so i need to work extra hard!

today was a very strange day. haha i mean school was fine and all but i was rebuked bu two thoughts that came to mind. and i drew two lessons out of them,

1. always put the Lord first! never let other things get in the way. and never let His position shift from first place in your life.
2. dont let what others do influence you. thats a nononono

and im grateful for times of rebuke when God tells me 'hey you havent been approaching something the right way.' or 'you're becoming complacent about your growth' or 'you forgot to talk to me today!' [which is by far the worst cos i need i need i need to develop an ever-present consciousness of the Lord in my life. every minute, every second of the day. and no one, should ever take His place.

the world's a stage, but ignore what the watching world thinks, when youre singularly devoted to pleasing the audience of just, One. (:

more to life

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived.
I go up, I come down, and I'm emptier inside.
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
and why can't I let it go?

There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me.
Cos the more that I'm
trippin' out thinking there must be more to life.
Well it's life, but I'm sure.
There's gotta be more...
than wanting more.

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment, I'm halfway out the door.
On to the next thing, I'm searching
for something that's missing.


There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me.
Cos the more that I'm
trippin' out thinking there must be more to life.
Well it's life, but I'm sure.

There's gotta be more...
I'm wanting more.
I'm always waiting on something other than this.
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed?

There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me.
Cos the more that I'm
trippin' out thinking there must be more to life.
Well it's life, but I'm sure.
There's gotta be more...
than wanting more.

i like this song alotalot haha its always a timely reminder- set your mind on things above. (:

eep. im about to faint from doing the list of readings listed in the lawr thing! ive chionged fifty over pages and i just realised that we dont need it for todays tutorial -_- im such a twit. haha reading psalm119, thinking about poor jol and krystal and mark and ben and hengyi and esther etc all having prelims now. prayer! i guess when Jesus is all you've got, you realise that Jesus is all you need. (: i will keep reading nowwww

theres only us,
theres only this,
forget regret, or life is yours to miss
no other road, no other way-
no day, but today

haha another rent-song (:

Out tonight

What's The Time?
Well It's Gotta Be Close To Midnight
My Body's Talking To Me
It Says, 'Time For Danger'
It Says 'I Wanna Commit A Crime
Wanna Be The Cause Of A Fight
Wanna Put On A Tight Skirt And Flirt
With A Stranger'

I've Had A Knack From Way Back
At Breaking The Rules Once I Learn The
Games
Get Up - Life's Too Quick

I Know Someplace Sick
Where This Chick'll Dance In The Flames

We Don't Need Any Money
I Always Get In For Free
You Can Get In Too
If You Get In With Me

Let's Go Out Tonight
I Have To Go Out Tonight
You Wanna Play?
Let's Run Away
We Won't Be Back
Before It's Christmas Day
Take Me Out Tonight (Meow)

When I Get A Wink From The Doorman
Do You Know How Lucky You'll Be?
That You're On Line With The Feline Of
Avenue B

Let's Go Out Tonight
I Have To Go Out Tonight
You Wanna Prowl
Be My Night Owl?
Well Take My Hand We're Gonna Howl
Out Tonight

In The Evening I've Got To Roam
Can't Sleep At In The City Of Neon And Chrome
Feels Too Damn Much Like Home
When The Spanish Babies Cry

So Let's Find A Bar
So Dark We Forget Who We Are
And All The Scars From The
Nevers And Maybes Die

Let's Go Out Tonight
Have To Go Out Tonight
You're Sweet
Wanna Hit The Street?
Wanna Wail At The Moon Like A Cat In
Heat?
Just Take Me Out Tonight

Please Take Me Out Tonight
Don't Forsake Me - Out Tonight
I'll Let You Make Me - Out Tonight
Tonight - Tonight - Tonight

haha i really like this song from rent! haha the lyrics arent exactly reflective of good beliefs! hah but well wenn was talking about how watching rent kinda makes you wonder how it would feel like living for the moment, for yourself and not considering consequences for once in your life. but i guess everytime i listen to this song i relate back to the musical and im reminded of how living for the moment can completely destroy your life. haha 'out tonight' is a real 'fun' song in a sense i guess but in the end everyone in the musical either has aids and is on the verge of dying or something along those lines. haha now i sound excessively 'safe' as alot of people have told me, im a very 'safe' person and i dont like to take risks. that may be a bad thing but im inclined to think that by placing that particular character trait in me, the Lord has protected me from alot of things out in the world that i dont need to see and experience for myself.

and im happy being safe! safe has made me want to discover what lies beyond. safe has made me think about spiritual things. safe has made me turn to the Lord and seek Him in important decisions [im still working on seeking Him even in small ones (:]. safe has made me want to reach those i love for the Lord. safe has made me not want to do things that have become the societal norm around most people my age.

and i like safe! but that doesnt make me boring (: haha alot of people equate being safe with being boring but well i dont and im happy! AND I AM NOT BORING. haha just to make my point ;)

i was going through monday night's prayer meeting msg and i was struck by this verse:

"the entrance of Your Words gives light;
it give understanding to the simple." -psalm119:130

the imagery that comes to my mind is this completely dark room and suddenly a door opens and a flood of light enters and fills the entire room! and thats what God's Word should be. light in a dark place, light that overcomes anything and everything. it also reminded me of what t chen kee shared with liling and i at youth conference 2004. she said that as long as there was a little hint of light in a dark room, it would be obvious to all. what more the overwhelming light that God's Word offers? (:

haha on a completely irrelevant note, i was thinking about the story of isaac and rebekah. and i remembered my mom's 'sermon' that rie and jus and jol just CANT SEEM TO STOP IRRITATING ME ABOUT. haha cos everytime they come over she tells them 'open your eyes, look for a nice boy' haha and they seem to find that particularly hilarious. but well, it is i guess since shes preached it repeatedly to them! haha but i love my mom and i know she has good intentions so thats fine ;) haha but ANW i dont completely agree with her statement, cos i think a successful relationship will only be something that the Lord blesses and the Lord agrees with so im not going to open my eyes, i will just wait for His perfect timing (:

haha okay i shall stop rambling now. im meeting mandy man to go buy my laptop cover! wheeeee im happy happy i shall study for my advanced theory now. mwas for taking time to read my nonsense ;)

would anybody like to accompany to funan tmr to buy my laptop cover? please please pleaseeeeeeee im desperate i dont know how to go and i need to get it fast before i kill all the trees and my pocket printing out all the stuff i can access on my laptop. MSG ME!

ps: and wenn says im procrastinating. so one more reason for me to get it FAST!

my head is just swimming with thoughts now i dont know where to begin. well the basis of all these thoughts is just from reflection i did on the way home from church today after the uni gathering which, i must say was a great blessing to my heart (:

haha my thoughts first from the songs i was listening to on the way home

upon a prayer,
i'll even dare to face my fears
step by step my selfishness He's breaking.
i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,
yes, i will be stirred but not shaken.
yes, i will be stirred but not shaken. [stirred not shaken - deb fung]

the words of this song struck me partly because of the circumstances i seem to be finding myself in recent times and also cos of the msg kenneth gave us during the dinner from daniel1:8 about how he purposed in his heart not to defile himself with a portion of the king's delicacies. he encouraged us to hold fast to our faith as we enter the university and i think thats one challenge im really going to have to pray for strength to face up to. im scared of the influences i know will be very real when school starts, peer pressure is going to be real and very much in my face cos im already feeling it now, and only by His strength am i going to have the faith and strength to make decisions that will honor Him (: so please pray for me!

one way, Jesus, You're the only One that i could live for
one way, Jesus, You're the only One that i could live for!
You are the way, the truth and the life
we live by faith and not by sight for You-
we're living all for you. [one way - hillsongs]

haha actually it was the first line of the chorus that struck me the most 'one way, Jesus, You're the ONLY ONE that i could live for.' haha i was on the way home walking through one of the dark ulu places so i was happily singing to myself with reckless abandon and i felt so happy! haha cos this is the kind of song you need to shout out and sing cos He's the way, the truth and the life (:

haha a second notsorelevant thought struck me because i remembered a couple i saw at gelare when i was out the other day heh. it was so strange cos they were staring at each other with the ohmygoodnessyourethemostbeautifulthingiveeverseen eyes and taking photos with each other and OF each other like nobody's business. heh and i found that particularly hilarious because they were doing that right in the middle of a public area and felt no embarassment whatsoever. haha im not planning to do such strange things when i have a boyfriend [if i ever] heh but i thought if i could just learn to focus on the Lord as the only One i could ever live for and just remember that He is the centre around which all my world revolves and look at Him and stand in awe of Who He is and the value of His Word, my life would be so much easier to live. i want to knock myself! cos i never ever consciously practise this principle in my life even though i know it all too well.

but this time i will remember- before i start school i will purpose in my heart. i will remember to set non-negotiables to ensure that the choices i make are always to the praise of His glory, and let this four years be the beginning of exponential growth in faith and love for the Lord (:

haha i will continue the rest of my thoughts someday or sometime when im free, its 12 and my parents are sleeping and im typing in the dark with a tiny study light. -but that reminds me, light that shines in a dark place! to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world (:

i've just killed something! man. the story goes like this:

i was going to bathe and i wasnt wearing my specs so i went into the shower and i saw this strange looking beige thingy on the wall, and SO cos im half-blind without my specs i took a closer look- then i screamed SO LOUDLY. it was a freaking lizard! then i tried using the shower to try and drown it and obviously it didnt work but i wasnt really thinking straight so i took the new superheavy shokubutsu shower bottle that my grandma bought and dropped it on the lizard- twice. i feel so evil! and i didnt dare pick up its dead body even with tissue so i erm wore my grandma's plastic gloves that she uses for dyeing her hair. eep. i am such a scaredy cat i cant stand myself. argh i cant even kill a lizard without feeling guilty. whos son/daughter/brother/sister did i kill? sob

haha i have very many things to pray for.

1. faith in God and strong belief in the power of prayer
2. for strength in daily life
3. for courage!
4. for much wisdom

inauguration for law and nus was today. and it suddenly hit me that im very, very very scared to start school.

and im in a hugeeee dilemma now. im not even going to try and describe it cos i have no idea how to pen down what i feel and think right now.

"i will love You, o Lord my strength" has never been more real to me, and i know i need Him now more than i ever have before.

pray for me please.

im almost nineteen! haha it seemed like just yesterday that i was still queueing up to buy 50cents meepok in the sc school canteen and picking saga seeds from behind the old school in emerald hill.

haha i like looking at photos. cos it reminds me of the various events/ people i've met in my life and im reminded of how each one has made a very special impact on me. alot of people tell me im really sheltered and all and i completely agree. haha but im thankful for that! i dont think im ready yet to face the real world in all its strangeness but im gonna have to sooner or later so i guess its just learning to rest in His strength (:

i read proverbs19:11 yesterday "the discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression."

and i think. that thought is extremely profound, WAYYYYY beyond human wisdom. truth and wisdom that could come only from God. haha then im reminded of isaiah55:8-9

"for My thoughts are not your thoughts, not are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

haha and im reminded to learn to be patient. haha as usual, everytime i reflect on myself i realise how farfarfar i am from being a proverbs31 and a 1peter3:4 woman.

"but rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." -1peter3:4

everytime i read this verse i always think of teacher chiew yen! she is like. the epitome of what it means to seek God and have all the qualities of a godly woman. haha and im like. noisy and unglam and stuff aiyo. haha! auntie told us during dinner on wed that t chiew once told her that if anyone picked up a 'love letter' she wrote to t chung they could read it like it was a devotional. haha i thought that was REALLY funny and it just shows the extent to which they've both chosen to put God at the centre of their lives and their relationship.

anw. im going to go off now, my eyes are messing up daryl said they tried out 'fright night' i thought it was 'friday night'. i should go rest my eyes. haha!

terry and me



cherie's present



wjn trying to act chio



fats /ianseahtheflirt (cel's nickname for him not me!} number two and me



clara and me!



cherry tree / me being a little less stupid ;)



weibo and me



Bible



ruth and jia's present me on the swing!



clara taw me jin



the usual scene of our pw meetings



mun and taw being stupid



my choir babes!



crys



fats and me!



cherrytree / me being stupid.



jiaruthjing



randomness



ruth and jia



cass and i on london bridge!



jol



nananana!



ris and i during my confirmation ;)

haha all the random events in my life. im bored so i just felt like wasting some time and uploading some photos! most of them are lost in the depths of goodness knows where so these are all i found (:

met up with joy and glori today and mwas i loveeee those two poks. <3 <3 <3 mwassss we laughed about anything and everything for three whole hours. less me more we! joy say that twenty times. haha and HAPPY BIRTHDAY JELENE! i love you mwa mwas! that was just so random. ;)

haha on a more focused note, i've been learning alot of new lessons these few days! one thing i've really realised today is the extent of God's graciousness and mercy. while talking to ip-kenneth today he pointed out to me luke2:52 which tells about the life of Jesus:

"And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."

God blessed Jesus in four aspects:

1) wisdom - intellectual
2) stature - physical
3) favor with God - spiritual
4) men - social

the other example was that of king hezekiah, in isaiah38:4-5 on how the king pleaded with God to extend his life and because he had chosen to follow God, the Lord prolonged his life for fifteen years.

i think the most wonderful thing that can emerge out of your relationship with God is perfect and full trust. belief that He will give you physical blessings without you having to ask, IF it is in His plan to do so as you place your whole heart into following Him. God gave Jesus favor in the sight of men, God gave daniel favor in the sight of men [daniel1:4]. and i like to believe that each and every friend i have is by God's grace alone (: when i look inside myself, i know how hard i am to love, yet He's loved me and given me people that can tolerate my whiningprincessnonsense and try their best to love me with His love ;)

so anw to cut a long story short, im learning to give thanks (:

im scared to start school! really. im recognise how much i need to hold on to Him to strengthen me as i step into a new phase of my life. and the thought really FREAKS ME OUT so yea please remember to pray for me? (:

When answers aren't enough, there is Jesus
He is more than just an answer to your prayer
And your heart will find a safe and peaceful refuge
When answers aren't enough, He is there

Instead of asking why did it happen
Think of where it can lead you from here
And as your pain is slowly easing, you can find a greater reason
To live your life triumphant through the tears [c man's blog]

haha sometimes i wonder if my excellent time management is a curse. since im a lookattheresultsandworktowardsit type of person, i like efficiency and i hate wasting time. SO i guess that makes me more impatient. which is bad bad!

was just thinking about the lakehouse. its the sweetest show i ever watched! haha. and i managed to watch it before everyone else cos i caught it in malaysia last week ;) the entire show is about waiting. sweet serenity. waiting waiting waiting. if i see any boy remotely like alex wyler i will propose to him. haha! just kidding ;)

and i think im reminded once again how God waits for us. all the time, everyday. kenneth told me to meditate on psalm25:4-5

"show me Your ways o Lord,
teach me Your paths.
lead me in Your truths and teach me.
for You are the God of my salvation,on You i wait all the day."

on You i wait all the day. its something im going to take a longgg time to comprehend. on You i wait all the day. watching, waiting. to trust that as i learn to pray He will reveal, in His own beautiful time. (: