its been a veryvery trying few days..didnt get into ogl and i guess while i was kinda expecting it it didnt really hit me until, well the results came out. and when i first found out it kind of a shock but first response was prayer and "yes Lord, You know what's best, not me". been praying alot about it ever since i took the form, filled it up, right up till when i cheered wrongly the day of the interview heh and though i know it definitely hasnt been a perfect process of trusting Him (considering the fact that everytime someone talked about ogl results my heart always almost flew out of my chest), but i know i've learnt alot of lessons from this process than i would have without it.
i know i've been very blessed, for sure and what i've realised over the past 17 years of my life is that the Lord has kept me, sheltered me, and in all the major crossroads of my life, pulled me through- the way i wanted Him to. first major hurdle was the psle, where He very graciously gave me 254 when i deserved 200 or something. then came guides (i have no idea why i wanted so badly to join it but anw i dont regret it, at least i know how to tie knots hee), selection of peer leaders (where by EXTREME default i became vice-pres of the peer-leading committee with mandy), and finally the o level results which is the most miraculous thing the Lord has ever given me. heh my life's pretty simple, these were all the 'major' things in my life and its what i call the Lord's fringe benefits. the only difference is that im not worthy of it, i definitely will never have earned it, its just something that by His mercy and grace He gave.
at the start of this year the same kind of thing happened, i put hwachong as my first choice and i didnt get in but i got over that cos i didnt really wanna go there in the first place, so it wasnt really something i was sup concerned about. then came auditions for choir. i mean i was seriously majorly freaked that i was gonna go in and sing to a bunch of strangers- but again the Lord gave me courage and helped me through it, and again by His grace i made it. and now honestly speaking, not having made it through the ogl interview is the biggest setback/hurdle i've ever faced. pretty sheltered life huh (: i know how much becoming an ogl means to me, but i also know that the Lord knows how much it means to me better than i do myself. and if He chooses to take that away from me 1. He knows im strong enough to take it [His cross will never ask for more than i can take (:] 2. its for the best and 3. He's been teaching me lessons throughout the entire process and will continue to teach me (:
im not saying im not sad about it, i am. but knowing He has a greater plan takes away the resentment and everything else that i would feel if i was still that whining, complaining, childish girl i was before He came into my life. [im still whiney by the way but im MUCH better now heh] time to face the storms of life.. haha i just read the tiny little kids book the two bens gave me as part of my birthday present. the title of the book is 'Jesus stops a storm', a simplified version of luke8:22-25. Jesus said "peace, be still"- and the storm stopped. the waves and winds still know, the voice Who ruled them while He lived below. and i know that when the storm gets too big for me to handle, my Savior will be right there beside me to say "peace, be still." (:
next last big hurdle (at least for the next two months yay!) is ao chinese and i havent been studying which is not good not good not good blegh heh rie and i baked brownies and cookies yesterday hurm from the mix cos both of us copied down recipes but happily forgot to bring them so we had to settle for mix cos we didnt know what the ingredients were -_- typical us but anyway i will start studying chinese after dinner and tmr after chinese tuition i will resolve to chiong the last stretch no matter how horrible chinese looks to me cos i always get the meanins wrong :(
reallyreally looking forward to youth conference! this year's theme is on 1john and yup resolving to really be able to say "yes Lord i wanna go cos i wanna learn more about You and i will pay my own way instead of taking money from my parents." so yup! first youth conference im paying for on my own and im really glad im going to (: thought about what pastor said on sunday about how the orphanage really needs financial aid and im really trying very hard to stop going shopping and save more money to give cos deut4:5 says "you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." and in loving Him, i want to learn to give instead of being on the receiving end all the time. its not easy learning to place others who arent close to me before myself cos we were born sinful and natural human/satan instinct is to go 'me first' but im learning.. to be my neighbour's Bible (: and i will remember what He's given, then it will be easier to give (:
God's Provident LoveWhen we meet God every morning,
As the dark flees from the light,
And the stars that were adorning
Heaven's skies bid us goodnight,
High above, the sun-lit ceiling,
Far beyond the unseen air,
Creates in our hearts the feeling
That His love is everywhere.
God's love, as the day is dying,
Lights the candles of the skies,
From His unseen source, supplying,
Till the morning sun shall rise,
Light to those in darkness groping,
That they may, with true delight,
See His Presence, and keep hoping,
As He guides them thro' the night.
As the Sun shines on, forever,
In His splendour, from the skies,
God's love for His children never
Changes, and it never dies,
Thrilling us with joy and pleasure,
And inspiring us anew,
With hopes, which we love to treasure,
For His promises are true.
i just realised the bear jia gave me is in a kneeling position and it suddenly struck me that i havent been on my knees for a very, very long time. remembered the poem in the bulletin a few months ago about travelling on our knees and to be able to pray in itself is a privilege but i want to learn to pray on my knees (:
thank You God for answering my prayer and giving me the right response to the ogl results, and i pray it may always be so (:
i am my neighbour's Bible (:
