and with my whole heart, im gonna love You. and with my whole life, im gonna live it for you. take my heart, every secret part, im wholehearted in love with You. (:

i have to say that i am so in love with jerry macguire. haha at first i thought i was in love with tom cruise, BUT then i realised he's quite evil so yea jerry macguire haha. i love that show! jus says its superficial and yea it kinda is but its so sweet.

that was completely off-point but anw. im really scared waiting for the law results that are coming really, really soon. i was in a complete state of panic this morning then i started reading the book of ecclesiastes, and it is just beyond wise. God-inspired! i suppose im even more freaked out waiting for law results because i passed up the lkc scholarship to wait for it. and i keep thinking man im going to shoot myself in the foot if i dont get in. but as i read ecclesiastes, the panic gradually subsided. all is vanity, and grasping for the wind. i've been praying for trust, complete, total trust that the God Who created the universe, is the God Who watches over me ;)

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." -ecclesiastes 3:11

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I'll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
No, I seek no greater honor than just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

trust. thats what i need now. pray! (:

Have you seen yourself today?
Could you recognize your face?
Tell me tell me what to say
Mine's lost without a trace

Momma can you help me please?
My hero just stabbed me
With a knife that I did lend
'Oh momma whos my friend

Tell me, tell me why do you go when all the diamonds have run dry
Tell me, tell me how do you feel after bittersweet goodbyes

I had almost found my face
I was almost me
But my pride couldn't swallow what it ate
Boy I hope you're happy

Tell me, tell me why do you go when all the diamonds have run dry
Tell me, tell me how do you feel after bittersweet goodbyes

How do you feel when all the diamonds have run dry?
How do you feel after bittersweet goodbyes?

Today I found my face
Floating in a puddle of grace
A porcelin doll with cracks to mend
Oh momma I found a friend

Oh momma I found a friend
Oh momma I found a friend

i found this song on cel's ipod and everything about the song is just. sad. except the end 'i found a friend'. the sweetness with which that phrase is sung beats almost every feeling in the world. there are some days that i feel friend-less, and knowing that i have a Friend that stands by me no matter what crap i go through each day is a wonderfully, sweet assurance. (: when i choose to idolise things other than what God commands, when i unwittingly place things above Him, ALL FAILS. haha. stabbed with a knife that i did lend.

blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! (:

He is my everything, He is my all
He is my everything, both great and small
He gave His life for me, made everything new-
He is my everything, now how about you?

haha this song just popped into my head as i took some time to reflect and pray.

in a perfect world, everybody would love everybody and everybody would love Him like He loves us- in a perfect world.

but, we're not. so lets keep trying, trying to be like Him. lets keep praying, praying for you and me ;)

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WORK IS ENDING!!!! haha my sudden revelation. joy!
;)

today was a very, very very bad day. one of the worst days ever. i was so annoyed and upset and irritated half the day and i felt so terrible during and after. these are one of the days where i know i have to lean on His strength because i'd be jumping off some remote building if i didnt. these are the days that i realise i really, really really need God.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. days like these make me wonder why im such a bad person. why i cant be patient and loving and caring like some of my friends are. i remember what pastor mitch told me once, that you cant compare cos 1. everyone is different 2. we all have different parents. but it still frustrates me sometimes. dont get me wrong i love my family but on days like these, they drive me up the wall.

Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really somewhere between them

Some days I'm running wild
Some days I'm reconciled
But I wonder all the while
Why you put up with me when

I wrestle most days
To find ways to do as I please

I always have, I always will
You saved me once, You save me still
A longing heart, Your love alone can fill
You always have, always will

I was born with a wayward heart
Still I live with a restless spirit
My soul is so well worn
You'd think I'd have arrived by now

I'm caught in the trappings of
My search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough to last me a lifetime
I still slip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to You

I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You have gone
I'm letting You lead me on
All my days.. always and forever

Here's my heart
I'll always love You

the days that i fall grossly short of the person i know He wants me to be, i sometimes feel like im on the verge of going insane. but i remember what a friend told me once- about the demons of doubt he feels and how he just felt like not seeking God altogether. and i count my blessings, because on days like these, i may cry and feel like crap and scream into my pillow, but i readily come back to Him because He says in 1john3:20 that He is bigger than our hearts. that when our heart tells us we are unworthy and we've fallen short and we suck and we should just die, He simply tells us to come back and rest in His perfect love (:

haha i still remember my missionary dream when i was 16. haha i just kept going on about how i wanted to go and be a missionary in nepal. but well i guess my dreams are kinda shattered because bethany doesnt send missionaries but well. when i came to accept Jesus as my Savior, i told God i didnt want to be mediocre. i wanted to be a vessel of gold, or silver to do great things and bear His truth to those who needed to hear. and i still do. though some days may make me disillusioned and the evil one may tell me im going to fail, i rest in the promise that He's still working on me, and that He'll fashion me, everyday, increasingly into His likeness. (:

and i WILL NOT BE MEDIOCRE. so there! the bad part of the day is over, now to dwell on His faithfulness (: