i am very tired because of several reasons:

1. lawr research binder is driving me insane
2. im staring at my contract tutorial questions and i know nuts about the cases involved in misrep
3. i ran out of energy SCREAMING at dinner when DEAR JOSH called this person SO REALISTICALLY dressed up like a DEVIL to the table to scare me. i grabbed josh's arm, covered my ears, closed my eyes and screamed. the photo ben HAPPILY TOOK was horrific. faint. not to mention the fact that everyone said dinner was worth watching me scream. thanks ah.

now i will just look to the Lord for strength and i pray i live through tomorrow.

im still trying to recover from this conversation-

ben: can i ask you a tys question?
me: sure
ben: i think its the last question from the chem paper of your year. 'WHO'S BIRTHDAY IS IT TODAY?'

faint. hahahahaaha EVERY YEAR something more spastic comes up. i cant remember what it was last year but anw. it was just as cheesey. haha but anw thank you for remembering. (:

haha i just realised the first and last people to wish me today were both bens. haha ben t and ben q. haha i have funny friends.

cherie chong,, very good. haha as usual, i need to emphasize the fact that I AM A GOOD PLANNER and shes a toot hahahahahhaaha NO LA. haha hugs i love you dear. haha the game plan was this: go find four random people to give me the four parts of the present so that i will just be lost and blur and not know whats going on. hahahahaha gavin and i were discussing it after in church and we were like so not foolproof! haha but anw it failed cos 1. ruth refused to find people 2. i found her. haha. she wanted to HIDE IN THE TOILET LA sheesh. hahahaha but anw. thank you darling i love the lily [which i broke im so sorry :'(] and the two mini bouquets of roses. haha [and to think my mom was so happy when she saw the flowers cos she thought my boyfriend gave them to me -_- i need to think of a way to combat the pleasegetaboyfriend syndrome in my parents.]





haha and i got a package from weibo! THANK YOU hugs. haha and to my dear law friends, thank you for making the day so funny and enjoyable (: every year on my birthday, im just reminded of how much the Lord has blessed me with.

and today was the last prayer meeting :'( Pastor mitch was speaking from psalm122. and about learning to love Bethany. and while there are times that i know i take many things for granted, when i take time to thank the Lord, i know His hand is in everything i go through in life. haha i discovered today [okay fine i alr know.] that im a worrier. but it seems to be getting worse. when something small happens i worryworryworryworryworry until i wanna die, and when im just short of knocking my head against the wall, my head reminds me of what my heart forgot to follow- that is to trust Him.

haha last thurs during sunday school outing, i had a small little heart-shaped 'cake'. haha rahrah has the pictures! and when i made my birthday wish, i wished that i would never lose sight of the Lord and walk with Him all the days of my life. haha. and when i opened my eyes, i remembered what manman told me about praying for a good husband! hahahahahaha i never have. i better start. haha but anw. that birthday wish is more important. haha thank you for such a sweet birthday. im off to do torts before i get verbally slaughtered in class tmr. (:

just got back from two days in malaysia. haha i had time to think about alot of things. i realised things have been moving really fast since school started. ive been in school, what 8 weeks now? and it feels like eternity. haha in both good and bad ways (:

i watched world trade centre, finally. it wasnt exactly as 'exciting' as i thought it would be, but it reminded me of alot of the basic things of life. love, for example that is sorely lacking in our society today. perseverance as well that most of us 'young people' do not possess, much to the dismay of our older generation.

i had some time and i read through the book of james again. and once again i am AMAZED at the buckets of wisdom that you can gain from this one, single book alone. its one of the more direct, more understandable books. i cant imagine the wisdom that would just flow out from books like leviticus that half of us fall asleep trying to understand. the spiritual blessings are there for us to reach out and take. most of the time we sit there and wait for it to 'fall on us'.

i found a few things that well, give me more inspiration for life and the upcoming exams.

1. JOY
"...count it all joy when you fall into various trials..." james1:2

2. PERSEVERANCE
"...knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience..." james1:3

3. BEING DOERS
"but be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." james1:22

4. FAITH
"but someone will say, 'you have faith, and i have works.' show me your faith without your works, and i will show you my faith by my works." james1:18

5. WATCH YOUR TONGUE
"but no man can tame the tongue, for it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." james1:8

6. HEAVENLY WISDOM
"but the wisdom that is from above is firse pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy." james3:17

7. TRUST
"you also be patient. establish your heartsm for the coming of the Lord is at hand" james4:8

8. SEEK HIM
"is anyone among you suffering? let him pray. is anyone cheerful? let him sing psalms." james4:13

i have so much trouble practising just two of these eight things. i need to persevere! haha. yupp just some reflections. lawr presentation tmr! i will do my best and attempt not to faint. (:

just got back from two days in malaysia. haha i had time to think about alot of things. i realised things have been moving really fast since school started. ive been in school, what 8 weeks now? and it feels like eternity. haha in both good and bad ways (:

i watched world trade centre, finally. it wasnt exactly as 'exciting' as i thought it would be, but it reminded me of alot of the basic things of life. love, for example that is sorely lacking in our society today. perseverance as well that most of us 'young people' do not possess, much to the dismay of our older generation.

i had some time and i read through the book of james again. and once again i am AMAZED at the buckets of wisdom that you can gain from this one, single book alone. its one of the more direct, more understandable books. i cant imagine the wisdom that would just flow out from books like leviticus that half of us fall asleep trying to understand. the spiritual blessings are there for us to reach out and take. most of the time we sit there and wait for it to 'fall on us'.

i found a few things that well, give me more inspiration for life and the upcoming exams.

1. JOY
"...count it all joy when you fall into various trials..." james1:2

2. PERSEVERANCE
"...knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience..." james1:3

3. BEING DOERS
"but be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." james1:22

4. FAITH
"but someone will say, 'you have faith, and i have works.' show me your faith without your works, and i will show you my faith by my works." james1:18

5. WATCH YOUR TONGUE
"but no man can tame the tongue, for it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." james1:8

6. HEAVENLY WISDOM
"but the wisdom that is from above is firse pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy." james3:17

7. TRUST
"you also be patient. establish your heartsm for the coming of the Lord is at hand" james4:8

8. SEEK HIM
"is anyone among you suffering? let him pray. is anyone cheerful? let him sing psalms." james4:13

i have so much trouble practising just two of these eight things. i need to persevere! haha. yupp just some reflections. lawr presentation tmr! i will do my best and attempt not to faint. (:

the beauty of Jesus in me

my life touched yours for a very brief space,
and what,oh,what did you see?
a hurried,a worried and anxious face,
or the beauty of Jesus in me?

was i steeped so deep in the ways of the world
that you couldn't detect one thing
that would set me apart and show that my heart
belonged to the heavenly King?

did i carry no banner for Jesus my Lord,
not one thing at all to show
whose side i am on in this glorious fight-
i am His!but you wouldn't know.

forgive me!and if we should e'er meet again
upon earth,oh,i pray you will see
no mark of this world,but His banner unfurled,
and the beauty of Jesus in me.

-alice hansche mortenson

this is from zheehwee's blog. many things to think about. (: haha when things dont go the way you want it to. the beauty of Him in me. (: SLS!

Start of something new.

Living in my own world
Didn't understand
That anything can happen
When you take a chance
I never believed in
What I couldn't see
I never opened my heart
To all the possibilities
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
And right here tonight

This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new

Now who'd of ever thought that
We'd both be here tonight
And the world looks so much brighter
With you by my side
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
I know it for real

This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new

I never knew that it could happen
Till it happened to me
I didn't know it before
But now it's easy to see

It's a start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart

That it's the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new
Start of something new

haha I JUST WATCHED HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!!! it was kinda disappointing really. cos i expected it to be reallyreally good. haha i mean it was just the typical, cheesey 'love' story that doesnt last beyond a year. haha but well i like the songs alot!! so it made it alot better (: YAYE. i like. haha.

okay i'd better start trying to read my cases again before i faint during lawr again tmr. haha. im learning to lean on His strength and understand that most things arent within my control. for God is the only one who has the power to change :)

yesterday was originally a very good day, i learnt so much from Pastor's evening msg and it was like a fresh new determination on my part to persevere and work towards having a fruitful life! but it didnt feel so good at night. im just thankful for all who talked to me and tried to counsel me haha. sometimes i really dont understand what the Lord is trying to teach me. and im just wondering why on earth im going through pain that is inflicted by no fault of mine. [NO PLEASE it is not a guy problem dont try and guess.] and i wonder what im doing wrong, what is never good enough and try as hard as i may, it just never seems right.

i havent really been thinking much today. and i had a good laugh at val's place just now, with all the spastic nonsense flying around. now when im sitting alone in my room, i just know i need to settle this. figure out whats wrong and just stop feeling so terrible. filled with all the fullness of God. (:

sometimes people ask me why i bother. why i even try. sometimes i stop and ask myself why too. but well, i do know, deep down inside my heart. that i dont want to be mediocre. i want to attempt great things and do all things to the praise of His glory. and NOTHING is gonna stop me. yea! haha. (:

i found out something today that made me very happy. :D YAYE.

YAG RETREAT TMR!!! yaye. im so happy. ive been thinking i cant go cos of the stupid lawr project and how im so LOST during tutorial i wanna faint, BUT on wednesday kumar announced that there wouldnt be lecture today!! YAYE. so ive just thrown everything out the window and im going. YAYE. haha.

the fruitful life. i think thats something i really am looking forward to learning about. much ;)

ive been looking through 'songs of fellowship1' and looking for good music scores online. haha please tell me if you know any good new songs! haha see. smart me trying to join the music ministry when i cant even read notes. haha but YES I WILL DO MY BEST AND NOT BE A LIABILITY. haha yaye. im high from the YUMMYCHOCOLATE





thea and i went a little mad talking about our retarded winnie-the-pooh pyjamas that we have in common! haha sorry. okay im going to sleepppp so i can wake up bright and early [and hazy sadly.] to LEARN HOW TO MAKE MY LIFE FRUITFUL. haha good night ;)

i have a huge bunch of random thoughts. haha i will apply the new skills i have learnt from lawr and number my thoughts. its called SIGNPOSTING. i am mad ;)

1. we like, because. we love, although.

2. i just remembered the verse aldine was trying to make the kids memorise during sunday school. haha i know because little noisy boy quoted it wrongly haha.
"and the child Samuel grew in stature, and in favor with God and men" -1Samuel2:26

i remember memorising this verse a long, long time ago. two of my most favorite stories in the Bible are the stories of how Hannah trusted the Lord which effectively led to the story of Samuel (:

on Hannah, his mother who was barren for a long while "and she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish." -1Samuel1:10

and the Lord heard. because it says in verse19 that "...the Lord REMEMBERED her."

and i think that thought is a thought that really assures my heart. that we are remembered by God and He hears every single one of our prayers and cries for help. but what really struck me was how Hannah was faithful and remembered her promise to God that she would "...give him to the Lord all the days of his life..." -1Samuel1:11.

even though it was obvious that she treasured Samuel very much, she kept her promise and gave him back to the Lord in service. and thats something i need to constantly remind myself of. when im given a blessing, be it a physical or spiritual blessing, do i remember to use it to the praise of His glory? do i remember to give thanks and give back to the Lord what He has given to me?

3. 3rd thought. why do people act the way they do? i was talking to someone yesterday and a passing comment was that finding real, true friends at this stage in life is gonna be hard. why? i would think that as we grow older, our perspective of life changes and we become more accepting of the idiosyncracies of others because we realise that people are just. people. but ive come to realise that while its no longer "I DONT FRIEND YOU!!" in typical primary school style, these prejudices continue to manifest themselves in the form of subtle comments [or obvious ones for that matter] pointing, laughing and whatever else you can think of. its an incidious obsession, talking about people.

beauty is what society accepts. if you arent beautiful, society says youre twenty levels down on the 'acceptance scale'. but im just thankful that we have a God that sees beyond the exterior and sees deep down into our hearts. and even when He sees all the dreary black muck in our hearts and the depth into which we are entrenched in sin, our God sees the beauty in His creation and He loves every bit of it. (:

4. why do i fail to see the importance of eternity? everytime i try, i try. and i look at my life and sometimes the immediacy of things just block out the view of the bigger picture. and i agonize more over the everyday things of life than i do about the things that really matter. why? i need to ask myself why everyday. maybe then i'll remember.

5. what is 70 years? when you think about eternity. better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house, than a thousand elsewhere. (:

6. you dont notice but i see you in the church when you are praying you just move me. and my friend, sue she tells me you've been teaching kids for free mr philanthropy. i'd like to see your eyes through those goggles that youre wearing, dont try to hide away. just be yourself mr beasley, i dont need a show of attitude, cos its your soul that makes me fall in love with you - mr beasley by corrine may

i remember the first time rie and i heard this song, haha 20 Aug 2005, anniversary celebration and we COULDNT GO FOR YUMMY DINNER COS WE HAD STUPID A'S TO STUDY FOR. and we laughed and laughed at the lyrics cos they were so simple and sweet but yet they encapsulated everything we could look for in a guy.

the first verse goes 'you dont have to drive a fancy car, dont have to quote me shakespeare just to woo me. i see your nervous laughter when youre trying to crack some joke, well you dont fool me' haha and i thought of the SPASTIC SONG i heard whilst shopping with wen on sunday. 'maybe we'll meet at a bar, you'll drive a fancy car! maybe we'll meet at a club and fall so deeply in love!' SHEESH. please spare me. haha i like the first view MUCH BETTER.

i dont know why things have to happen this way. i always have great plans! and they never work. but well i guess its the Lord's way of teaching me to rest in Him. and stop trying to make things happen. stop trying to make things happen.

i think i shot myself in the foot today. i got up at 440pm, hoping to catch the 445pm BTC bus to kentridge so i could go for resonance. so when i got up, i slowlyyy walked to the ladies washed my hands [i dont know WHAT on earth for], walked to the study room to poke my head in and try to find charmaine or anyone else who could entertain me on the long, dreary bus ride to kentridge but to no avail. and as i am walking to the busstop.. I SEE THE BUS LEAVING. i almost FAINT.

but anw, alls good! haha God has great plans even for such great misfortunes such as these. i found charm at the busstop!!! YAYE. we were singing like to two idiots all the way to kentridge. haha i love 'mr beasley' by corrine may. haha my ideal boyfriend. hahaha too bad. i think everyone just about thought we were mad. haha.

joy just msged me. I MISS SC. and i miss DG. haha where geri always has this list of songs for me to sing everyday, and asha and xinhui just tell me to stop singing cos its driving them nuts. haha i wonder why ive stopped annoying people with my singing. haha I SHOULD START AGAIN everyone will just die. i can just imagine people using the new-found knowledge we gained during today torts lecture about the tort of nuisance against me. haha i dont want to get sued before i practise.

i am rambling again. haha i think ive sung myself silly today. but i was just thinking about it. i hate public speaking, i hate singing on stage. why on earth am i in law school and why on earth did i join resonance! i think i just love torturing myself.

singsingsingsingsing. i think if you asked me, i would rather lose my sense of sight than lose my sense of hearing. cos music is just. beautiful. haha when youre not off-pitch and screechy of course which tends to happen alot of the time.

haha okay i should go and attempt to do my lawr project. i am appreciating this- You are the sunshine and i am a candle. (: quiet and longing to be where You are. (:

you are the only thing that i love, scares me more everyday.
on my knees i think clearer. (:

i love this song i just heard. love it love it love it, its beautiful (:

You are the sunshine and i am a candle
You are the mountain and i am a hill
You are the ocean and i am a river
winding and swirling and never quite still.
winding and swirling and never quite still.

You are the canyon and i am the cravass
You are the heavens and i am the star
You are the thunder and i am a whisper
quiet and longing to be where You are.
quiet and longing to be where You are

You are a mighty God, Your deeds are so awesome
You are a mighty God, i stand amazed.
You are so mighty and worthy of praise.
You are so mighty and worthy of praise.

You are the eagle and i am the sparrow,
You are the lion and i am the lamb
You are the fire and i am the amber

You are a mighty God. (:

i have come to the conclusion that people are scary. you dont really know what they're thinking or what they expect of you. but i guess im just always reminded of this when i enter new environments. haha school is stressful, but its quite fun i guess. its already been almost three months of school but i have a feeling im just going to continue feeling lost for the next four years.

but then im reminded to let Him be my guiding light. everyone thinks im never serious cos im unglam and laugh very loudly. but well im only serious when it comes to things that really matter, so (: you dont know me yet..

haha i think i should become a counselor. haha ive been getting alot of emergency calls for help from my poor darlings who are struggling so hard with the A's. i remember how it felt like, and i know i should put in many more hours of prayer for them. A levels is just. the most horrific time of your life. and after a week of slacking and having fun and not doing my tutorials, i am feeling stressed again.

currently, i have my torts tutorial to worry about which starts at 930am tomorrow morning and i still have no idea whats going on. i have the library research project and i need to read the cases and prepare the mindmaps for group meeting on wednesday. i have the library quiz which our teacher has not given to us yet and everyone else has already finished. i have contracts tutorial which is to be read by wednesday morning 9am, AND I AM ABOUT TO FAINT.

and i am trying hard to remember what i told all those i sought to encourage. haha i should counsel myself and tell myself. level5 classrooms are excellent for studying. if you dont have noisemakers in the room. haha i should study myself silly tomorrow. i have a study date with lawr and contracts in school tomorrow. away from the haze and distractions. speaking of which, i ran half my jogging route today and i ran home. haze is too bad, couldnt breathe properly. if i wasnt so tired i would construct a stupid argument about how we should sue the government of the country that is causing us this haze because of all the yadayadayadas they are causing us. but i am too tired and i dont think i will be entertaining. haha pray for me!

the joy of the Lord WILL BE MY STRENGTH. (:

JOKE OF THE DAY:

X is presenting to us the goals for Youth Conference 2006.
one of the goals is to reach out, from matthew 9:3.
Pastor -hand shoots up immediately-: matthew 9:3 says "THIS MAN BLASPHEMES!"
X faints.
Pastor: the correct reference is matthew 9:37
i laugh until i almost fall off my chair.

hahahahahaha. i mean seriously. OF ALL THE REFERENCES TO QUOTE WRONGLY. haha my phil1:6 and phil1:3 pales in comparison. hahahah but well all sin is the same so i shall just shut up now. haha im talking nonsense. i shall not reveal names lest i get murdered or get sued for defamation. hahahahaha. but besides the fact that i laughed until i almost fell off the chair, i am really amazed at the depth to which Pastor has studied God's Word and how he knows the Bible like the back of his hand. and I AM REBUKED. i want to be like that someday. haha good luck to me. BUT I WILL TRY!

haha anw. X, its okay we forgive you. haha Y who did the typo ahahahaha X will kill you.

haha i slacked like mad today. but it was a very interesting day cos i discovered many things. haha i wonder if thats good or bad but anw/ haha

i was just completely LOST during torts lecture, through no fault of kumar cos he is the most excellent lecturer ive come across and hes absolutely hilarious. i am blaming my distracted-ness on MSN. haha or rather my inability to get off msn. haha i was talking to josh and he told me he could see two people in front of him talking to me. i was like ?! how on earth do you see peoples' screens from like two or three rows back. i would just go blind if i tried. so moral of the story is: dont talk about -secret things- on msn during lectures. someone behind MIGHT BE WATCHING YOU. especially if that someone behind is josh. ahahahahah

after lecture i was like YAYE SCREAM HOLIDAY. haha i was all ready to go chiong down to town and shop myself silly but we had a very longggg lunch with alot of law people and got dragged to watch a movie which thea and i didnt understand. shucks i think we can form the bimbo club. haha i was trying to keep quiet during the movie and not ask whats going on so i wouldnt look stupid and halfway through thea is like: I HATE THIS MOVIE. i dont know whats going on! hahahah. badbadbad. i shall not watch movies like 'the departed' ever again. firstly, everyones brains just gets blown out by the end of the show. and secondly, 99% of the movie consists of the f word. seriously. i dont know what the scriptwriter is for, his vocab is so limited he uses that word as an adjective, a verb, a noun and tries to twist it to fit into the script in every other innovative way you could ever think of. goodness my ears bled from the show, and im really not kidding.

then thea and i tried to go shopping, but it didnt really work with guys around. so we just gave up after awhile and went to eat. haha 'silver bells' is stuck in my head! Christmas time is almost here and I AM EXCITED. ;) haha really excited. i love Christmas, they are good reminders of the point around which all our worlds should revolve. i should stop listening to snow patrol and start listening to songs which make me happy rather than make me all melancholic and garhhhhsss badbad. haha

anw so we ditched shopping and went to have dinner. haha and VAL LOST HIS CAR KEYS. i almost fainted when he told us he might have left his key in the keyhole of the car. of his BMW goodness. as thea and i started running madly towards the car [val you have to fetch us to school for the next two months.],

me: oh goodness if he left his key in the keyhole, what if someone koped the whole car!!! he will just die.
thea: AND YOU WILL DIE TOO.
me: oh shucks my laptop is in the car!!

then i ran even faster. hahahaha
but well by God's grace we found the key in the keyhole. haha. and no one stole the car! even though there was this guy that went around leaving a pamphlet with his number, desperately trying to get people to sell him certain models of cars. and he didnt steal the car! haha i am amazed.

haha we had very interesting dinner and dessert conversations. and i realise i dont know alot of things but well. haha. if i need to, i'll find out soon enough. i will attempt to finish my contracts assignment soon. ahah but in the meantime, its almost saturday!! haha i have to wake up early. needa go plannnnn for the ypg1 outing haha yayeee YOU ALL BETTER COME. haha. yes, JOY! i am enjoying myself. ;)

All i can bring

all i can bring,
all that i have You gave to me
even my life
all these gifts i call my own.

amazing grace
You rescued a sinner such as me
what else can i do but take my place before Your throne

all that i have i give to You,
my Jesus.
i willingly give my life to You,
my Lord.
and let me walk in Your ways, serving You,
my Savior.
all that i have is Yours,
all that i have is Yours.

teach me Your ways,
try my heart o Lord my God.
let nothing within,
let no secrets within draw us apart
in these last days
when the love of so many will grow cold,
may i be found listening to You
close to Your heart.

all that i have i give to You,
my Jesus.
i willingly give my life to You,
my Lord.
and let me walk in Your ways, serving You,
my Savior.
all that i have is Yours.
all that i have is Yours.

everyday i pray for the strength to carry on. everyday i pray for wisdom and the courage to face what is in front of me. everyday i ask to be able to make decisions that are right. are they? sometimes i wonder. i look at the circumstances in my life and i wonder what the Lord has for me to learn through this. is it to learn sufficiency in Him? is it to learn to wait for His beautiful timing. is it a sign that i should be guided in a particular direction? or do i just need to go through a little hurt/trial in order to become stronger in faith and more effective as a witness for Him. i dont know you know. somedays, i dont know what He has for me to learn.

the stuff of earth competes for the allegiance i owe only to the Giver of all good things.

i know things shouldnt bother me the way they do, but they do. i know its stupid to be struggling, but i am. and thats when i know i need Him so much more. (:

i am spastic. i watched greys. AND I BAWLED. as in seriously, literally in front of my mac i SOBBED. school is too stressful. haha unconditional love always cuts it.

i will try and consolidate my thoughts so i can do my quiet time and sleep before eleven. lest i feel like falling asleep during torts tutorial tmr haha

my thoughts were turned back to this month's memory passage on the way home:

"14 for this reason i bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,

16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,

17 that Christ would dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love

18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-

19 to know the love of Christ that passes knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

-ephesians3:14-19

to know the love of Christ that passes knowledge, and to be filled with ALL THE FULLNESS OF GOD. i wonder what that really means. fullness of God. shangjun just told me north korea did a nuclear test. okay, i am out of touch with the news but thats not the point. its a horrific thought. nuclear TEST?! seriously. who does a nuclear test when the entire world is against you and it does nothing but harm. on the way home on bus 93 when i passed the bishan area, there was quite a bad accident and the motorcyclist was just lying on the floor. scary. and im reminded again of the importance of living the way He wants me to. the end is coming, soon. maybe not in our generation, but soon.

when i met kenneth at six today, he was sharing with me about the importance of knowing God's direction in your life. and ALWAYS ensure that your heart is ready to make any decision, no matter how hard it may be, to follow the Lord and do His will. he shared with me from ezekial24:15-27, where God allowed ezekial's wife to pass on and told him not to mourn the loss of his wife whom he described as 'the desire' of ezekial's eyes in verse16. 'sigh in silence, make no mourning for the dead...' verse17. what if God took away the person you loved the most? or a possession that was dear to your heart? would you obey His voice? or would you turn away.

thats not a question i can answer with a definite 'yes' yet. but its something i always want to work towards. that in the face of adversity, my faith would triumph. that when things go haywire, God will be the peace that calms the storm.

things change, plans fail.
you look for love on a grandeur scale
storms rise, hopes fade
and you place your bets on another day
when the going gets tough
when the ride's too rough
when you're just not sure enough-
Jesus will still be there.

i was singing very loudly on the way home from church. haha. the long walks from church to the busstops are extremely enjoyable at night. haha maybe its cos you can stop and smell and flowers and you dont have to rush from place to place trying to escape the haze and the unbearable heat. stop and smell the flowers. haha lets watch the flowers grow. (:

8 october 2006.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FAVORITE CHERRY TREEEE!!!



i have had such a nightmare trying to plan a surprise party for this woman. remind me never to try again. hahahaha wednesday:

me: are you free for dinner on sunday?
rie: sunday? for what? oh its my birthday!
me: YA if not why do you think im so free [hee law sch is hard]
rie: huh i DUNOOOO.
me: decide where to go for dinner
rie: huh dowan la
me: 2359 deadline by tonight!

-end of conversation- disclaimer: all cherie's HUHS and WHINESSS have been omitted for the sake of lighter reading.

thurs-

rie: OEI WHY YOU CALL MY MUDDER
me: erm. i was helping you decide?

basically cherie's mom wasnt supposed to tell her i called but ANW. hhahaah so funny. i almost died. im such a bad liar. and since she didnt even suspect anything, it just means shes BLUR.

friday-

me: aie decide.
rie: dowan laaaa. you think la!

and when i try to decide she goes: HUHHH DOWAN LAAAA.

saturday-

me: lets go nydc
rie: my parents are too old for that!
me: THERES NO AGE LIMIT

and then we go back to church.

saturday night-

cherie's mom and i decide on nydc and we completely leave her out of the decision-making process, which is probably the WISEST THING WE EVER DID.

sunday night comes and cheries school friends PUNGSEH ME. and make me sad after evening service GRRRR. so yuwen and jus were the surprise. AHAHAHAHA. i want to faint. its either that im a bad planner or shes a procrastinator. AIYA! i like surprises but i cant plan them. hahahah but nvm. cedric is worse:

adrian is trying to plan alvin a surprise farewell party and he sends an email to everyone.
cedric in church: aie alvin! why adrian send me email?
they read the mail together. -_-

okay im not so bad after all. hahah!







haha hugs dear. love you much and many ;) i thank my God upon every remembrance of you! -phil1:3 [whoops!]

oh yes and kennedy gave me this toot-looking toy cos its some tikumtikum thing and he had it alr. haha it looks tootttt haha but its cute. thank you! ;)



haha back to school again. ben says im a very determined person. haha i shall remember- to the praise of His glory ;)

i have learnt three very important lessons over yesterday and today. (: forgive me if i go on and on!

first was the torts test that [very thankfully] ended yesterday at 4.05pm. i began freaking out when i found out we had a test like. two and a half weeks ago. i need to be LESS BLUR seriously i never know whats going on. but it was hard work preparing for the test. especially during the mid-sem break that wasnt much of a break cos i got scared when i found out everyone was mugging like crazy and i'd happily wasted monday and tuesday away. it was a process that took alot of discipline on my part not to give up and to keep praying for strength to do all things to the praise of His glory, and STILL, on thursday when i was discussing some issues with my tg mates i still felt like i knew NUTS about everything. its been my first actual test in. almost 10 months!! worse for the boys, they've not held a pen for two years. haha at least i still write when i journal or take notes during service and ypg on weekends ;)

when i went into the lt it was just kinda silent. usually law students make loads of noise, but yesterday was different. some people even brought CLOCKS. i was like ?!??! relax man its just a test. haha but well i brought jones and kidner of which i used none and a bunch of notes that i didnt even look at, so, who am i to talk haha. anw, ive got this little 'ritual' i do before every test and exam. haha THAT IS, when the teacher says 'you may begin', i listen to the frantic flipping of the papers, and i bow my head to pray. people usually whisper hurried prayers before the paper begins, but i guess this is just my way of telling the Lord im learning to trust You and so this prayer is worth giving up some time for. but when you really think about it, whats a minute or so if it helps still your heart? i prayed for peace and much focus, and that i wouldnt faint when i flipped the paper over. haha. but it was good, cos i didnt panic even though i spent more than half an hour on 1 issue. haha im not sure how im gonna do for this test, but like i committed the time in the lt to the Lord, so will i leave the results in His hands (: and so, i learnt the lesson of committing what i have into His hands (:

the next thing that struck me was hearing of michael's passing on friday morning. since kenneth told me about michael and angie on monday, there was a special burden in my heart and i was just conscious of remembering to keep them in prayer each day. [i must confess, i dont always remember to pray specifically for everyone. BAD. working on it. (:] one of the things i prayed for was that angie would see the family spirit we have in Bethany and just be able to find a place in this family. and i think she did. during the wake on friday night, there were almost 100 people in attendance, and only about 3 or 4 were unfamiliar faces. even though we knew neither michael nor angie, having not seen or spoken to them before friday, we went. and i smiled to myself when i saw the hall filled with people. people that were determined to show their support to someone that had just lost almost everything she had. Bethany was that family to her, and my heart was touched. and i remember why i bother travelling halfway around the world to go to Bethany a few times each week. because we're different. God's kind of church, where God is touching lives, and people care for people.

today, during the funeral service, pastor mark gave a msg from john about the mansions of glory promised to us when we finally reach Heaven, and he talked about the 3 homes each of us have. 1. our family home 2. our spiritual home, the church. 3. our heavenly home. (: and i think shes found a new spiritual home. i hope she has (: and ive learnt to appreciate in a fresh new way what it means to stand by each other in hard times and offer our support with the love He has given to us.

after the wake on friday, some of us went to celebrate the mooncake festival and eat mooncakes very yummily made by michelle and mike! we all went a little mad on the swings and playing with sparklers [i am sad there were no laterns :'(]

mad huimin on the swings ;p

kathy and me going even MADDER ;0

man being extremely retarded. [psst. she thinks everyone is in love with her! alba-delicious AHAHAHAH]

pastor mitch being young with us hahahah

man acting chio AGAIN.

usssss

zheehwee and her sparkler. haha princess like me! :D

princess! hahahahah

rie trying to kill someone. hahahah

in one night, i experienced for myself how we can stand by each other in times of pain and how we can uplift each other by doing crazy things together. haha and i love Bethany for all it is to me (:

haha okay im done with rambling. haha more soon ;) law school is exciting, really. i have funny friends haha (:

run.

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we said our long goodbyes
I nearly did

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Makin' up for all that's less

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

i like this song alot ;) ITS MELANCHOLIC. yesterday was a very eventful day, shall save it all for later. comm meeting!

my head is bursting from torts. omg. i am becoming lame. torts=thoughts? ahahaha. shucks. thats even worse than LAWgic. jon will kill me. hahaha isaac made me listen to some super emo chinese song! and goodness i dont understand anything. all i hear is 'gu dan de ye li wo bu gu dan' [in the lonely night.. im not lonely. -_- hur. something something.] ahahaha. im gonna focus hard on the Lord now and ask for muchmuchmuch grace to get through tmr. haha ian says to bring in the Bible and look to it for hope. haha I AGREE. save me, haha the rest is just His grace. good night (:

GLORIJOY TAN!! i cant sign your tagboard so you better be reading this. i am not their ambassador!!! if i dont get married its gonna be YOUR FAULT >_<

i am in a mopey mood today. haha. but i read this verse from isaiah last night:

"and there will be a tabernacle for shade in the daytime from the heat, for a place of refuge, and for a shelter from storm and rain." -isaiah4:6

and i think this is something i just want to hold close to my heart. a shelter from the storm and rain. refuge. shade from the heat of the day. God's promise to israel. haha and im reminded of 'you shall be witnesses', from acts11 about how God specifically told Peter to minister to the gentiles. us, basically. haha. and im reminded, how blessed we are to be part of His special people. to be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven through the here and now, to eternity. (:

haha i am not mopey anymore! i am barely breathing, i wont be a fool for another day. (:

pastor always tells us 'be careful what you pray for.' if you pray for God to help you grow in faith, make sure youre prepared for what comes. if you ask God to help you trust Him more, brace yourself for the things that will be thrown in your way. everything you pray for with regards to spiritual blessings is answered- just maybe not in the way you might imagine.

i remember the joke about how some guy was stranded on top of a building during a big flood, and he prayed for God to save him. a boat came along and offered him rescue, but he said 'no, my God will save me!'. a helicopter flew by and offered rescue, but again he said 'no, my God will save me!' finally the man died and went to heaven, and he asked God 'why didnt you save me?! i trusted You!' and God replied 'didnt you see the boat, or the helicopter?'

our God is a mysterious God. but an awesome God nonetheless. when i ask Him to keep me and grant me protection, i learn to take whatever comes, and believe that is God's way of telling me He loves me and will grant me the strength to get through every day of my life. when i ask Him to give me wisdom, i must not shy away from the things i will see. i must take them with courage and know that God is teaching me about life, how its not as beautiful as i imagine it to be. when i ask Him to teach me to love Him more, i must believe that His chastisement when i love the things of the world more than Him is a stepping stone towards loving Him more and above all other things. when i ask Him to teach me to trust Him, i must, just believe. just believe. (:

im not crazy im just a little unwell.
i know right now you cant tell,
but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me.
im not crazy im just a little impaired
but soon enough youre gonna think of me and how i used to be.

"...seek Your servant, for i do not forget Your commandments." -psalm119:176

my thoughts to my beloved sunday school class. check your mails!

hello my darlings. sending manymany hugs to yvette and liling that have just left and rah who is much missed!!

well todays prayer meeting really impacted my heart and i just thought i'd share it with you all (:

pastor highlighted five things for us to pray for:

1. a prayer for understanding [psalm119:169]
"give me understanding according to Your Word..."

2. a prayer for deliverance [psalm119:170]
"deliver me according to Your Word..."

3. a prayer for help [psalm119:173]
"let Your hand be my help..."

4. a prayer to be kept ALIVE [psalm119:175]
"let my soul live..."

5. a prayer to be Shepherded [psalm119:176]
"seek Your servant..."

point1: pastor talked about how he keeps finding new ways, fresh messages and concepts to bring across the Lord's Word to us. he said it really is a challenge to bring a new msg everytime, after 33 years of ministry. it always amazes me that pastor has not preached the same message twice even after THIRTYTHREE YEARS. and thats really like wow. and i was rebuked. how i find it hard to keep focused while reading the Lord's Word for just half an hour and pastor spends hours and hours reading and he can never exhaust the richness of God's Word. and that really reminded me AIE HELLO WAKE UP! haha. we often lose sight of what we were meant to be.

point2: 'deliverance'. the idea of being delivered. it isnt a one-off prayer, it something that has to be CONTINUOUS. like a prayer for understanding. it has to be constantly offered up to God.

point3: pastor brought up the idea that God's help comes at the break of dawn, after a long period of night and darkness. will you trust that His hand of help will be there?

point4: question- are you ALIVE? pastor brought up the challenge of being alive. it is easier to die than to live. a question i asked myself was: will i make my life one of great purpose and meaning? or am i just gonna live each day. another rebuke to my heart. being alive, full of zeal and enthusiasm and passion for the Lord seems to fizzle out when work starts to pile up and i start to get tired. alive! thats something i want to remind myself of. we were meant to be alive! (:

point5: let Him be your Shepherd and let Him lead. (:

pastor ended off by showing us some pictures of a couple that the pastoral team ministered to today. michael and angie. michael is 52 years old and he's got a tumour. angie, his wife has been on unpaid leave for a month looking after him. the pastors visited him, ministered to him and baptized him today. when i met with kenneth before prayer meeting, he was telling me about how michael has been trying to get a pastor to baptize him for quite awhile but no pastor was willing to come. and it just reminded me of how different Bethany is, how we are so blessed to have pastors and older ones who really care and seek to minister to each of us in their own way. and i was really touched by the example displayed. pastor has cancer, but that doesnt stop him from being such a powerful witness for the Lord and i was just encouraged. "being confident of this very thing, that He who begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." -philippians1:6

we concluded our study of psalm119 today, after 9 months of intensive study! haha. and pastor said we probably dont remember half of what we've read. and its TRUE. oh dear. but it really is a challenge to keep seeking, and rest in the knowledge that our God is good! ive attached a song thats been stuck in my head. hahah i dont know if you all have heard it before, but its a beautiful song. a line that i like is "precious Lord, reveal Your heart to me." let that be our prayer everyday, wherever we are. (: i love you all, and am praying for all of you. (:

in His love and mine, princess ;)