and so i puked about ten times last night. (nono, its not the end of the world, i didnt go to zouk, mich :)
food poisoning has got to be the suckiest feeling in the world.
this is the third time ive had to go to the doctors in the middle of the night, and pay seventyfive dollars for painkillers. -_-
i decided not to try to be tough this time, so i went at one am. and even then, i really shdve just taken the jab when it was offered instead of taking pills and having to wait an hour for it to take effect. :(

i havent fallen sick for a long time. and well sometimes i think such physical torture helps you appreciate the value of health (that i dont do very often.) and how so many things seem to be insignificant when you suffer through a night of muscle spasms in your stomach that makes you feel like someone is reaching in, grabbing all your insides and pulling them out again and again. but well. ahaha. my cousin sat there, watched me puke, and attempted to sing me songs with the guitar. hahahah. a rather eventful night. but anyway. yesterday was a day of decisions. where to eat, what to do, how to respond. when my heart is set on something and i start to have doubts, matthew6:22. its all a matter of perspective.

was just thinking about school starting in two weeks. my life is going to change again when school starts, and there are lots of things i need to be prepared for. every semester is new, exciting and different. but the thought of it scares me too. i dont like to face failures. but i know sometimes He thinks i need them to make me who He wants me to be. and so i need to get ready to deal with that. but for now, i think i need more medicine. :(

where do you go when youre lonely?
where do you go when youre blue.
where do you go when youre lonely,
i'll follow you.
when the stars go blue
when the stars go blue. (:

Leave the pieces - The wreckers.

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Leave the pieces when you go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

today has been a week of music/plays. hahahah. went to watch the syf concert yest (only cos joey quek paid for my ticket. ahhahah) and yes the AC choir rawks my socks. hahahah. the finale was beauuuuuuuutiful. and for me to say that, its quite a feat. hahaha. i sat beside sam and he kept cringing when pokpokalimpako was being sung. hahahah. hurm. like we did a great job when we did that song. haha. but well we are quite good. -curtsies.- :D [sorry.] tatt was late, as usual. cos he forgot the tickets -_-. and he kept trying to take photos of us and the supreme court. -_____-

and today, we went for powerjam!! hahahha. even though ben wanted to stand in the mosh pit, and the music was very loud, the bands were really good. i like the electric violin, its so innovative and so amusing. hahahha. we went a little nuts though, but it was fun :D and we had a very interesting conversation over dinner. i was reminded of the principle of 'watching and praying', and jus' newfavorite principle from matthew6:22- PERSPECTIVE IS KEY. today has been an informative day, and im feeling all fine and dandy. :)

im going to watch a stand up comedy tmr at robertson quay. IT HAD BETTER BE FUNNY. tickets were so expensive.

and IM GOING TO WATCH CORRINNE MAY NEXT FRIDAY!!! im so excited. hahahah. ive always wanted to watch her live. cos i love all her songs. and i love that shes so talented. i love that she incorporates her faith into her songs, and shes not afraid to speak of it. (: yea. corrinne may :D

i saw an ad in a magazine the other day, for some perfume.
'mark, you were right.
i am too good for you.'
hahahahha. theres a fine, fine line between youre wonderful, and goodbye.

goodbyes can mean alot of things.
it can mean "i'll see you tomorrow"
or "i'll see you real soon"
or "i'll call you later"
or "i'll miss you"
or "i cant take you anymore, get off my back"
or "this is weird, lets say bye and get this over with"
or "its hard but im letting go"
goodbyes can be temporary. but they can be permanent too. and when they are, you only have yourself to blame.

and so, i think school should start soon. so i can learn more stuff on defamation and commence a suit against three KNOWN individuals who have, to date, defamed my good name by taking my words out of context and using them against me. for your information, i happen to save my msn conversations!!!! so i can save my own butt. -______- one even had the cheek to say, he 'vicariously blogged' to defame my good name. with friends like that, who needs enemies?

really lublubdeepdeep. -_____-

one tree hill: i love you, and if thats not enough for you, then im not enough for you.
aiyoooooo emo! i thought how haley and nathan got married in a night was a little -_____-.
but okay.

hahah i watched harry potter yesterday. FINALLY. but its a pretty bad show, so.

desiree's birthday dinner yesterday too, so happy birthday des! (:

managed to drag thea rahmen out of the house, and while we were sitting at starbucks, i shared my newfound thoughts (or rather my newfound lessons from pastor mitch hehe) on psalm1 with her.

"Blessed is the man who
walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
nor stands in the path of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of the scornful." -psalm1:1

look at the progression throughout the verse.

firstly,
1. walks
2. stands
3. sits

when you start getting to know someone, first you walk with the person. when youre more comfortable, you stand with the person. when youre really close, you sit with the person.

secondly,
1. counsel
2. path
3. seat

you start by taking the persons advice, then you begin walking in the footsteps of that person. finally, you become that person.

thirdly,
1. ungodly
2. sinner
3. scornful

ungodly - those you ignore the ways of God
sinner - those who sin against God
scornful - those who scorn God.

if you look at the verse in its entirety, its telling you that influence is a progressive thing. blessed is the man who does not do these things. i never saw the depth of this verse ever before, and thats just verse one of psalm one. (:

"His delight is in the law of the Lord
and in His law he meditates day and night." -psalm1:2

our meditation on the Lord's Word should be natural. as natural as day leads to night and night today. but thea and i concluded (and i think most of us would agree.), because of sin, its not. we are not meditative people. we're all in for the quick fix. nobody has time to sit and think. nobody has time to breathe cos we're always rushing from place to place. nobody has time to meditate. but meditation is a cultivated response, i think. and maybe one day i'll find real, true DELIGHT in meditation. something we all need to work on. ah well.

if, my dear friends, you have skipped the entire section above cos its too boring for you, PLEASE FORCE YOURSELF TO READ IT. especially bl. ahhahahah.

anw, some thoughts ive been having of late. ive decided i need to start listening out for His will for me. and stop listening to what people tell me. cos most of the time, people dont know what they're talking about. haha. i am going to be more selective about listening to advice. and yes, trust the Lord He knows whats best. (:

i have completed season1 of one tree hill! haha. the ending is reallyreally emo. and everything in the show is so dramatic and insanely complicated. alot like real life, actually. a few wrong choices can shatter your dreams and everything you've ever hoped for.

i went through psalm1 with pastor mitch today. and i was just. amazed, at the depth of the Lord's Word. a depth ive never seen before, and have just begun appreciating. and its nice to know that no matter what bad choices i make, He's got a great big plan that makes up for all of this. that when i look at my inadequacies, my failures and all the fears that i have, i know the Lord has answers for these somewhere along life's road. and i know im gonna be okay. (:

every new beginning, is some beginning's end.

i have been thinking on psalm1..
ive done alot of things this week, ive met up with alot of people,
but the other day i was thinking.. i cant remember what ive been doing for the past two months. i mean yea ive had alot of fun, preparing for law camp, going for dry runs, meeting up with people ive not seen for the longest time. ive gone for late night suppers, random talks in the park, drives at insane speeds. ive done alot of things, but i cant remember all of them. and not that i remember SOME, i really cant remember ALL of them. unless i sit down for an hour and wrack my brains. i cant even remember what i did last week.

long mrt trips to the east and west of singapore have given me alot of time to think. and ive figured im not quite sure what i want to do with my life. i read proverbs2 again. i want to understand the fear of the Lord, and i want to find the knowledge of God. but if you read verses1-4, there are so many pre-conditions that i have yet to fulfil. and am a long, long way from fulfilling. and i need to keep my head and my heart focused, but i dont seem to be doing that all too well. cos i want my life to mean something. something more than it does now.

jin, jun and i were talking about rachael yamagata in the car the other day. and, i decided that 'worn me down' is the best song on her album. and i think i need to return patrick his cd soon. hahahah.

Worn me down - Rachael yamagata

Gone, she's gone
How do you feel about it
That's what I thought
You're real torn up about it
And I wish you the best
But I could do without it
And I will, because you've worn me down
Oh, I will, because you've worn me down

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her

And you're wrong, you're wrong
I'm not overreacting
Something is off
Why don't we ever believe ourselves
And I, oh, I feel that word for you
And I will, because you've worn me down
Oh, I will because you have worn me down

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her

She's so pretty; she's so damn right
But I'm so tired of thinking
About her tonight

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told to me to do
But you, you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her

all her songs are really quite sad you know! even though they sound so rockish and cool. worn me down is the BEST SONG on her album.

"to stand in the morning and praise the Lord, likewise in the evening." -1 chronicles 23:30.

so nice. lots of things have been on my mind lately. but i know, the Lord is good. and He will bring me through every circumstance of my life (:

morning and evening. yesterday was a very good day, cos i was reminded anew of how special it is the have friends whom i can share with about the struggles in my walk, and how unique and different it is to have friendships that are centred around the Lord and His Word. i spent alotttttt of money though. and i realised that i am going to be broke soon if i dont stop spending, so. no more spending! i will stay home and meditate on psalm1. its amazing how many things you can discover from these six verses alone, when you go beyond just reading the words. and i will also watch one tree hill (:

one tree hill goes like this:

bad guy + bad girl = couple
good guy + good girl = best friends

bad guy and bad girl break up. bad guy likes good girl. good girl stupidly likes him back.
good guy stupidly likes bad girl. bad girl doesnt like him at first. then loses him to her best friend (who isnt very good either.)
hahahaha. melodrama. i wish good guy and good girl would just end up together. and i like the good girl! her name is bethany joy :D ahahha. thats what im going to name my daughter.

ive been thinking.. this is how my life is. (its an ANALOGY)
youre shopping online.
and you see this perfect little black dress youve been looking for, for like. FOREVER.
and its cheap, too.
its perfect, down to the little sequins on the neckline and the flare of the skirt.
so you order it.
and at first theres no size cos someones already ordered it.
but later that someone gives it up, and so you get to order it (after like. maybe a few months.)
so, you order it.
and you pay a deposit for it.
(the rule of the company is: if you dont like the dress, you can return it. but you lose the deposit. if you like it, you pay the full amount.)
and you wait.
and you wait.
and you wait.
the package with your perfect little dress arrives.
you step into it to try it on.
but theres something wrong.
the back looks funny.
the flare of the skirt makes you look fat.
the sequins pop out in a weird way.
and you deliberate.
should you return the dress and lose the deposit?
or do you pay the amount in full and live with the dress that doesnt sit so well with you.

i bet youre all lost now. hahahhaha. nobody is ever gonna figure that out. dont ask me, i wont tell. hahahaha.

my ipod shuffled to 'i am nothing' by ginny owens and i was struck by the lyrics of the song again, so i went back to 1corinthians13. haha. got alot of strange stares cos i was reading my Bible in the train but oh well. and it just reminded me, LIFE IS LIKE A VAPOUR. it comes and it goes. what is the legacy you wanna leave behind?

i know some days i get tired. and i ask myself why im doing this. why i dont just leave it all behind and live a life thats free of commitment, free from everything. but i know why. serving the Lord, loving Him, trying your best to walk close to Him, is a life that counts. its a life that God honors because you seek to honor Him. and the 'legacy' (sorry at the risk of sounding extremely cheesey) i want to leave behind must COUNT. living for yourself, living for the moment, i do admit has its joys. youre happy, you have loads of fun, you dont stress. but when all that passes, when someone fails you, or when youre sitting alone in your room (that is inevitable. you cant be with people allll the time), youre bound to feel this emptiness inside. and when that happens? God-shaped void. fill it. nothing else, no one could ever, only Him.

i found this on youtube. it's 1056am in the morning and i my eyes are already red from watching this. a very, very sobering remind of the greatness of the Lord. and why i love Him, cos He first loved me. (:

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humble proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing God
Incomparible, unchangable
You see the depth of my heart and you love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

i lovelovelove this song. it encapsulates so many attributes of the Lord so beautifully. and its amazing to know that He loves me, in spite of my inadequacies, insecurities and my sin. (:

benliew is really the numberonestoryteller. he says one line (+ 100lines of his feelings/comments) its like this full-fledged drama serial man. HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA. i am so amused. i am trying to stifle my laughter so my mom wont wake up. i am GRINNING LIKE A CHESHIRE CAT. its horrible. shut it ben!!!

this boonchuan. really not just sending me all the retarded msges.

hahahahhahahahhaha. i have had a good holiday. i attended ECB (Evangelical Church of Bangkok) today. it gave me a nice perspective of things. a missionary guest-speaker came to talk about her work of missions in starting an orphanage. i thought that was a great work. im glad Bethany is working on the myanmar orphanage (:

suddenly i see! this is where i wanna be.

haha. im in the midst of creating theme songs for my friends. i will put up the completed list when i have had enough time to waste and compile it. hahahhahahah. time to sleep.
IM COMING HOME TOMORROW!! (:

pffthhh. i am annoyed.

while shopping today, i heard 'sweet escape' THREE TIMES.
s-hudders. such striking reminders of exam times and the mad friends i have screaming it into my ears. ouch.
but i realised that i have -kinda- grown to like the song. strangely acquired taste. hahahahha.
the other day, i actually scrolled to the song in my ipod to play it. which is what i usually do for NORMAL songs like 'suddenly i see' or 'hey there delilah', not retarded songs like 'sweet escape'.
'sophia' reminds me of exams too. haha.

"preserve me, o Lord, for in You i put my trust." -psalm16:!
my thought for today.
im threequarters thru the 'time traveller's wife'. its a strangely beautiful book. but so tragic. garh.
okie its time to sleep. more shopping tomorrow!! (:

songs remind me of people.. everytime i listen to a different song, an experience, or a person comes to mind. haha. whether its an image of someone shouting the song in my ear, or the emoness of the person that the song reminds me of, or the things we've been thru together. songs can make up the memories of my entire life. i like (:

i have just shopped for five hours, and spent alot of money. the moment i touched down in bangkok, i received a supremely retarded msg from joshua koh boon chuan that just made me go -_______-. faint.

im stuck on this song
and you'll never know till you reach the top whether it was worth the uphill climb
theres a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.

and this one too
her face is a map of the world,
you can see shes a beautiful girl.
suddenly i see,
this is where i wanna be

and this too
hey there delilah
oh, its what you do to me.
1000 miles seems pretty far,
but they've got planes and trains and cars,
i'd walk to you if i had no other way.

and today i recapped the most emo song of all time - chasing cars by snow patrol. haha. i remember how it allllll started. wheeeeeee. psalmfortypsalmfortypsalmforty. He brings you out of the miry clay, and establishes your steps.

now, how wonderful is that? (:

WATCH THIS!

i love it.

right now we are here. and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment. - nice qupte from the time travellers wife. (:

Suddenly i see - KT Tunstall

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on a wire

Suddenly I see

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see

this song is stuck in my head. and i have too many things to do!!! argh.

hey there delilah. (:

I WANT TO GO TO BANGKOK. and i want to go next weekend. why nobody wanna go with meee!

myyy goodness. some people never stop talking, do they?
again the principle of james3 comes to mind.
stop gossiping!! it has disastrous consequences. and do not ask questions that are none of your business.

anw, today was a good day. (:
had lunch at sun with moon.
had dinner at TAMAN SERASI.
please kill me.
as if i havent had enough of that during exam times.
stupid iu wei bo. haha.

today was the special ypg farewell programme. pastor emphasized the fact that God can use us and speak to us, no matter which part of the world we may be in. he used the example of how God spoke to His people in the wilderness, rather than in the land of Israel. and its ALWAYS amazing to me, how he can draw such deep concepts from a simple Bible story which records the PLACE that God spoke to His people. i am amazed again.

anyhow, i need to get up early for sunday school tomorrow. so i shall leave my amazement to another time.