today at approximately 445pm i was walking home from the bus stop (after a day of real property and a rather horrendous french exam), when i realized that it was a beautiful day! the sun was shining and it wasnt cloudy and the temperature was AWESOME- it could not have been more than 7degrees. so on a whim i decided to drop my stuff at home, grab my ipod, my Bible and my camera and head off to the nearby park/playground. (yea, the same one i went to a couple months ago when i first got here and swore that i would go there everyday - this is my third ACTUAL time there.)

when i first stepped into the park/playground, the sun was shining straight into my eyes. and as i made my way to the other end of it, i was half expecting the glare of the sun to somewhat..disappear. but there it was, shining straight into my eyes, as bright as ever. you know that feeling you get that the sun is following you everywhere? haha well thats how i felt today. and suddenly something clicked within me. you know how we say God is omnipotent? He is exactly like the sun. He is bigger than us. so much bigger than we could ever imagine - just like the sun. because He is so unfathomable and so mighty, we fail to understand why it seems like He follows us everywhere, how He can appear in every single nook and cranny of our little, self-absorbed lives. and just like the sun, He has the ability to shine right into our eyes, into the dark places of our hearts and remove the murkiness within.

i said a quick prayer in my head. i prayed that i would not leave without hearing a Word that would fill my heart. so i got there, and went straight for the swings (honestly the best things in the world). and whaddya know, 'lifesong' by casting crowns starts playing..and then 'in me'.

how refreshing to know You dont need me,
how amazing to find that You want me.
so i'll stand on Your truth and i'll fight with Your strength,
till You bring the victory -
by the power of Christ in me.

i look around and realise that everything looks exactly the same as when i first got here. yet for me, so many things have changed.

i arrived in victoria 5 months ago with a broken heart. mid-2008 was the time that i left all the things that were familiar to me. and it wasnt just me that left, a couple things left me too. but yet amidst inexplicable sadness in my heart, there was much anticipation - for a new life, a new year, a new experience. i remember praying for healing..i remember praying for providence..and i remember praying for grace.

as the months progressed, He sent me reminders, time and time again. reminders that He's watching over me, that He's got a wonderful plan for me, that He cares for me and He sends His love. i sit here, five months later, and my heart is full to tell of His love for me.

i read 1 Peter 1:1-12 during my time-out at the park/playground before it got too cold. and it was such a wonderful, wonderful reminder of the preciousness of our salvation.

an inheritance undefiled. though you do not see Him, rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory! of this salvation the prophets have inquired and searched carefully. these are things which angels desire to look into



when i took this picture i tried all ways and means to capture the cute little yellow house. but try as i might, the backlight from the sun was too blinding to capture the details of that little house. the flash wouldnt work, changing modes wouldnt work, nothing would. and when i finally gave up..i was reminded that this is the way i want my life to be. i want Christ to shine through me so they see His light.. and not get distracted by the 'little yellow house' of me. i want my life to be such that no matter how many man-made flashes of light are created, i never let myself get distracted and i never skip a beat. that there will always be a steady stream of Christ's light shining through me.

its so hard though. when worry kicks in and the uncertainty of the future gnaws away at the rope of faith that holds me to Him.

but when i look back on these past few months- they have been the most BORING, and yet strangely exciting months of my life. borrowing a line from someone i know, in a slight paraphrase of mine - 'the future is so uncertain, only God knows. there will be grief and pain, but we will laugh, love and live..' i have 20/20 vision when i view things in retrospect, and i see so clearly the Lord's hand in every single aspect of my life.

right from January of 2008 after my first most exciting trip of my life to vietnam (haha of all places) to the first round of applications for exchange. to us being given the option to change our exchange choices (during which time i removed the names of all universities in the europe region and switched them all to canadian universities). to me getting into UVic. the time following up to me leaving. the time after..

i am really looking forward to going home. but at the same time, my heart is learning to be still..as i wait for all that will be revealed in the next 5 months. things that i know will be just wonderful. (:

my flight back to victoria yesterday could have been a million times worse than it turned out.. but my heart is full as i thank God for His goodness!

1. got to the airport at 830pm, just in time for my flight at 9pm
2. after i checked in the lady at the counter told me my flight had been delayed till 1050pm cos of some problems with the plane
3. drove somewhere and did some nonsense for 2 hrs
4. got back to the airport at 1035pm and ran to the gate (i really shd stop cutting it close for all my flights its kinda traumatizing)
5. realised i had dropped one of my mittens, ran out to look for it
6. found it, came back and got scolded (well not really they were pretty nice they just shook their heads haha) by the guards cos i left my stuff at the security screening area while looking for my mitten
7. got questioned abt liquids in my bag (thankfully i passed)
8. ran to the gate (thank God it was still open!)
9. got on the plane and almost fell asleep
10. got told to get off the plane because there was a hydraulic leak in some.. i dont know, something
11. waited abt half an hour
12. got on a new plane and finally got back to vic
13. GOT A FREE FIFTY DOLLAR CAB RIDE BACK HOME! woohoo!

so awesome. i love how God turns these seemingly bad situations into good. i love how He knows my heart and when i am ready to go home. i love that He plans everything so perfectly and brings good out of every situation (this is one of the rare circumstances where the good is so evident after the immediate crisis has blown over. so many times it takes a little more waiting..but it all is proven to be wonderful at the end). i love that He has showered me with love and protection..and i cant wait to see what He has in store for me over the next few years of my life. (:

so this weekend at the Uchurch retreat, as i thought through how i would like my life to proceed over this next year, i was overwhelmed by the amount of opportunities and possibilities this next year holds. i am now 21. i have moved into a new stage of my life..in many aspects. i will be concluding my exchange in UVic and will proceed to travel the globe (HAHA. not. just the US with what little money i have). i will then get on the plane back to sunny singapore and kiss the ground of changi airport when i land. i will go back to Bethany, my family and my friends. it will all be the same again, yet vastly different. i will (hopefully) get a job in a law firm that i am happy with, and hopefully get into the groove of my graduate year at the NUS law school. and then..hopefully i will graduate with at least a second upper, work for a few years, get married and have 3 kids. HAHAHA.

so thats my life plan so far. haha. but while i have these little dreams of how my life is gonna turn out (i think i want kids more than anything else. hurhur those cute little bundles of joy that will make me laugh and cry), i am kept aware of the fact that He holds my whole life in His hands. its not where i am, its what i do with my life, and how i live it. is my life a reflection of His glory, or am i tarnishing His Name with everything that i do? it might not even be in big ways, but even the subtle sway of my heart towards something that distracts me from my focus is an act that does not glorify the Lord in any way.

this week i think the Lord's special msg to me was 'do you Remember?'
it struck me that i do not. i have long since forgotten how He gave me strength and watched over me in so many seasons of my life.
the first verse that came to me when He prodded me to remember was Jeremiah 32:27

"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?"

that and this wonderful short chorus spoke volumes to my heart.

Jesus draw me close, closer Lord to You
let the world around me fade away
Jesus draw me close, closer Lord to You
for i desire to worship and obey.

i cried/teared alot this weekend for quite an outstanding variety of reasons. haha. but at the end of it my heart is assured. my heart is ready. and i know He has prepared me, and is continuing to prepare me, for what the next few years of my life will present. (:

at the end of the road of all my worries, He once again proves to me that He is the One and Only. Almighty Father, God and King. i am ashamed and reminded again that there was never cause for an ounce of worry, because He holds me in the palm of His hand. because He has a perfect plan. because even if things dont go the way i think it shd, i will find the strength to cope because He promised to bring me through, to never leave me on my own.

thank God, my course registration for this semester has been approved - i have no doubt that this comes only from the grace of the Lord. thank you to all of you that have prayed for me, survived my incessant worrying, encouraged me and prayed with me.

so after this miniature adminstrative nightmare and worrying 'ordeal', God's goodness stands. and it would have stood whether or not i had worried or not. raman says that worrying about all these little things will kill me someday - i honestly suspect this to be one of my likely causes of death. and its in times like these, in retrospect, that i remember again that anything that takes away my faith and trust in the Lord is sin to me. worrying is my downfall. i worry incessantly about anything and everything you could possibly think of. well, not as extreme as chicken little, but well. its bad enough. haha

i think philippians 4:6-7 has to be my theme verse in dealing with this sin problem that i have. during these momentary periods of worry, a lack of faith and trust sets in. but while i was waiting to go for wings last night (canada's most awesome thing ever - WINGS NIGHT. wings for 17cents each, eat yourself silly), i came across this song entitled 'the Altar and the Door' by casting crowns.

the lyrics below are a reflection of how i feel sometimes. how unworthy that i have fallen short, faltered and turned my face from the One who gave His life for me, who promised me life and love and peace.

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I cry

Like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door

Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right

I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me

2008 was a year of firsts - some bad, some good. 2009 is going to be a year of firsts - and im going to make sure that its ALL GOOD.

“That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith:
That you, being rooted and grounded in love…” Ephesians 3:17

if i have Christ in my heart, i know i can look forward to being a little more steadfast, a little less of a worrier, and a whole lot more like Christ.

i really liked today's purpose driven life devotional on Psalm 4. ive been fretting over my course registration - how i havent found classes that i enjoy and NUS is taking eons to approve my list of courses and everything is made worse by the fact that the deadline for the adding and dropping of courses is this thursday!

so i got up at 6am today (just couldnt sleep fretting over the millions of things that i need to get done - EXCHANGE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT!! ggrrrr haha) and decided to take a moment and re-commit all my burdens to the Lord. and the first thing i found in my inbox was this:

Lord, we’re desperate for you. We’re bunched up in confusion, moving by impulse and fear, flitting here and there like a frenzied flock caught in the wilderness of the far country.

We are here! We are here! And we know you hear. You’ve heard us before; you’ve swept in and saved us from our hopeless paralysis.

Do it again, O, Holy One; how long must we wait?

And we hear you say, “Yes, how long? How long must I wait while you wear my grace and peace like a cheap cloak from a secondhand store?”

Oh God, I hear your heart. You set me apart; yet, I joined the crowd – like birds of a feather.

From now on, Abba, when the swirl and twirl shoves at me, instead of taking to panicked wings; I’ll let you quiet my soul.

I am ready now; I am willing now to be swept under the safety of your wings, as a hen gathers her chicks (Matthew 23:37 NKJV).

i am willing to be swept under the safety of Your wings. yesterday i learnt a very interesting definition of spiritual growth - it is letting go of yourself, and letting Him. i guess it kind of has been in my head all these years, but to have it crystallized so succintly into one phrase is just a wonderful reminder of what a simple truth it is. my life is simple - i complicate matters. if i would just let go and let Him, pray, stop worrying.. then my life would be all smiles. (: haha. but any prayers for my course registration to be settled satisfactorily soon will be greatly appreciated.. (: haha!

now is the time for me to learn to trust with all my heart and soul. (:

holidays pass so quickly, and school comes back so fast :( ive already spent 10 days in London and 7 days in Paris, and in a few days im gonna be back to horrible school! mom and dad and siewmai are gone :( but its been a great two weeks with my family and all the friends i managed to meet up with along the way, so. i am thankful (:

so anw, last night i thought for a bit about friends that ive lost over the years..more often than not, drifts are caused by miscommunication, unresolved issues, or because a 3rd party repeated something that wasnt quite right. people talk. people always talk. night and day, every moment, every second, and 60% of the time it isn’t anything nice.

how apt that in line with my thoughts last night, i have reached Matthew 15 in my reading of matthew.

Matthew writes in verse 11
“Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.”

and again in verse 18
”But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.”

your words are a reflection of your thoughts, as well as a mirror of your heart and soul. if you speak wicked words, it is a sure reflection of the wickedness of your heart. of course, that is not to say that one who speaks not evil words is a saint.

that is why the Lord warns against the use of the tongue – it is an evil. James 3 demonstrates that most eloquently. people say words don’t hurt – that is the biggest fallacy i have ever heard my entire life. the malicious speak with the intent to hurt, the scheming speak to further their purpose, the foolish speak with no evil intent, but the hurt that results is all the same, and your foolishness may well be mistaken by others as malice. i must confess that i myself have been guilty of this error, too many times over. life’s like that, your folly comes back to bite you in the ass. even the venting of your perfectly justified frustrations about friend X to friend Y can result in disastrous consequences when X decides to share with W who then passes it on to Y. over the years ive learnt that the best way to nip the problem in the bud is to skip all the ‘venting’ (as you may verily cross the line of reasonableness and delve into gossiping without being aware of it), and address the problem directly with Y. but i, unfortunately, have failed to learn this lesson as well as i had hoped. of course, in a real-life situation there are many other variables that might make such a clear and frank discussion between you and Y almost impossible.

during my teenage years, gossiping was a VERY real problem of mine. and, i believe, many other _____-teen year old girls (no matter how much you try to deny it). put a group of girls together at a table and what do you get? comments about anything and everything. ‘omg her dress is so ugly’ ‘do you know so-and-so told me that A did ____ to B??’ when these comments or stories are met with a burst of laughter or a knowing smile, they spiral deeper and deeper into something which begins to immunize you to the feelings of others outside this group, something that darkens your heart in a way that you yourself do not realize. i am not perfect – i often have the urge to react to someone dressed 'distastefully' in my book, or to repeat a new piece of ‘news’ ive heard. stopping such hurtful words from proceeding from your mouth takes a long time, and so much of the Lord’s strength, but it is possible. i have met so many women of grace, who exemplify Proverbs 31. gentle, kind, with their speech always coming forth with grace.

but in recent months, ive found a particular scenario in which it is infinitely more difficult to exercise grace in speaking about another that has hurt you deeply – and that is in break-ups. haha, i don’t know why, but the break-up bug seems to be flying around so many of those i know in the past few months. break-ups are, more often than not, unpleasant. amicable agreements may be reached, but it is almost impossible to immediately revert to friendship between two that once shared a special love. we all have our sixth sense, men and women alike. when a man or a woman is attempting to break up with their once beloved, the reasons for it are often clear to the once beloved, even if he/she chooses not to admit it or would rather remain ignorant of it. it is rare to find one who is brutally honest in the event of a break-up for fear of causing unnecessary hurt to the other (another reason could, of course, be cowardice in its truest form). that is why we laugh and roll our eyes when we see this line played out repeatedly on shows like Friends and HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (barney! Hahahah) – ‘its not you, its me’. inevitably then, in the process of healing for the one whose heart has been broken a barrage of questions arise, the theme of which revolves around a single word – why? why did he lie? why did she keep that from me? why did he break that promise? whywhywhywhywhy. in the midst of all these questions, unwelcomed acquaintances like anger and betrayal come knocking on the door of your heart, and because you are desperately in need of some help to fill that gaping hole in your heart, you let them in, at least for while. until you begin to allow healing, love and joy back into your heart – then there is not enough space in your heart for anger and betrayal to continue their stay.

when anger and betrayal have just entered in, when you are sobbing uncontrollably on a friend’s shoulder (girls) or sitting silent with a friend (boys), how do you articulate your thoughts on this matter? a person who shares your life with you as a boyfriend/girlfriend does must, inevitably, also be your best friend (unless the conception of a relationship has so evolved to be something else of which i am not aware!). so when your best friend lies and hurts you (even with the best of intentions, ie not telling you the real reason for fear of wounding your heart more than necessary), how may you speak of this person with grace and love and yet also step on the road to healing? the fact remains that lies have been told, and within a span of a few hours, you no longer possess the standing you once had in the heart of your beloved. where does talking out emotions and feelings to friends in a bid to let go become malice and intent to hurt the one who has just walked out on you? (MENS REA GUYS hahahaha)

the best secular remedy for a break-up is to immediately see the one who did the breaking up as 'not worth it', 'idiot', 'liar' everythinggggg negative. it is an instinctive reaction - its called SOUR GRAPES. its not always true that the person you lost was necessarily the right one for you, but you truly did, with all your heart feel so at that point in time. when a friend suffers a heartbreak, i often revert to protection-mode (ie protecting the friend you love) and side with him/her in almost every matter. but along the way ive realised that this is not the kind of instinctive reaction i shd entertain. regardless of how tempting it is. (i realised this when i bumped into a very severe conflict of interest - ie when you are friends with both parties in a break-up).

when emotions get in the way, it is difficult to exercise the same grace, love, kindness and calmness you would be able to display in an ordinary circumstance. we all have different challenges in life. heartache is but one of many tests. of your mettle, of what stuff you are made of. its simple to say..but its the hardest ever to practise. remembering that your faith never changes, no matter the circumstances, no matter the trials, no matter the pain. i myself have fallen short on many counts. but how wonderful to know that we have a God that loves. a God that forgives our shortcomings, bestows on us undeserved mercy and surrounds us with abundant grace.

i just watched 'the other boleyn girl'. i really liked it! i love mary boleyn's character - how she chose to walk away with grace, even when all was taken from her by her very own sister. how she embraced with love, and how she gave back to those who almost destroyed her, pleading for clemency for the sister that had shown her such cruelty. no grudges, no grievances, just let it go. haha. WHAT AN IDEAL TO ASPIRE TO.

ive got a longggg way to go.

holidays pass so quickly, and school comes back so fast :( ive already spent 10 days in London and 7 days in Paris, and in a few days im gonna be back to horrible school! mom and dad and siewmai are gone :( but its been a great two weeks with my family and all the friends i managed to meet up with along the way, so. i am thankful (:

so anw, last night i thought for a bit about friends that ive lost over the years..more often than not, drifts are caused by miscommunication, unresolved issues, or because a 3rd party repeated something that wasnt quite right. people talk. people always talk. night and day, every moment, every second, and 60% of the time it isn’t anything nice.

how apt that in line with my thoughts last night, i have reached Matthew 15 in my reading of matthew.

Matthew writes in verse 11
“Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.”

and again in verse 18
”But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.”

your words are a reflection of your thoughts, as well as a mirror of your heart and soul. if you speak wicked words, it is a sure reflection of the wickedness of your heart. of course, that is not to say that one who speaks not evil words is a saint.

that is why the Lord warns against the use of the tongue – it is an evil. James 3 demonstrates that most eloquently. people say words don’t hurt – that is the biggest fallacy i have ever heard my entire life. the malicious speak with the intent to hurt, the scheming speak to further their purpose, the foolish speak with no evil intent, but the hurt that results is all the same, and your foolishness may well be mistaken by others as malice. i must confess that i myself have been guilty of this error, too many times over. life’s like that, your folly comes back to bite you in the ass. even the venting of your perfectly justified frustrations about friend X to friend Y can result in disastrous consequences when X decides to share with W who then passes it on to Y. over the years ive learnt that the best way to nip the problem in the bud is to skip all the ‘venting’ (as you may verily cross the line of reasonableness and delve into gossiping without being aware of it), and address the problem directly with Y. but i, unfortunately, have failed to learn this lesson as well as i had hoped. of course, in a real-life situation there are many other variables that might make such a clear and frank discussion between you and Y almost impossible.

during my teenage years, gossiping was a VERY real problem of mine. and, i believe, many other _____-teen year old girls (no matter how much you try to deny it). put a group of girls together at a table and what do you get? comments about anything and everything. ‘omg her dress is so ugly’ ‘do you know so-and-so told me that A did ____ to B??’ when these comments or stories are met with a burst of laughter or a knowing smile, they spiral deeper and deeper into something which begins to immunize you to the feelings of others outside this group, something that darkens your heart in a way that you yourself do not realize. i am not perfect – i often have the urge to react to someone dressed 'distastefully' in my book, or to repeat a new piece of ‘news’ ive heard. stopping such hurtful words from proceeding from your mouth takes a long time, and so much of the Lord’s strength, but it is possible. i have met so many women of grace, who exemplify Proverbs 31. gentle, kind, with their speech always coming forth with grace.

but in recent months, ive found a particular scenario in which it is infinitely more difficult to exercise grace in speaking about another that has hurt you deeply – and that is in break-ups. haha, i don’t know why, but the break-up bug seems to be flying around so many of those i know in the past few months. break-ups are, more often than not, unpleasant. amicable agreements may be reached, but it is almost impossible to immediately revert to friendship between two that once shared a special love. we all have our sixth sense, men and women alike. when a man or a woman is attempting to break up with their once beloved, the reasons for it are often clear to the once beloved, even if he/she chooses not to admit it or would rather remain ignorant of it. it is rare to find one who is brutally honest in the event of a break-up for fear of causing unnecessary hurt to the other (another reason could, of course, be cowardice in its truest form). that is why we laugh and roll our eyes when we see this line played out repeatedly on shows like Friends and HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (barney! Hahahah) – ‘its not you, its me’. inevitably then, in the process of healing for the one whose heart has been broken a barrage of questions arise, the theme of which revolves around a single word – why? why did he lie? why did she keep that from me? why did he break that promise? whywhywhywhywhy. in the midst of all these questions, unwelcomed acquaintances like anger and betrayal come knocking on the door of your heart, and because you are desperately in need of some help to fill that gaping hole in your heart, you let them in, at least for while. until you begin to allow healing, love and joy back into your heart – then there is not enough space in your heart for anger and betrayal to continue their stay.

when anger and betrayal have just entered in, when you are sobbing uncontrollably on a friend’s shoulder (girls) or sitting silent with a friend (boys), how do you articulate your thoughts on this matter? a person who shares your life with you as a boyfriend/girlfriend does must, inevitably, also be your best friend (unless the conception of a relationship has so evolved to be something else of which i am not aware!). so when your best friend lies and hurts you (even with the best of intentions, ie not telling you the real reason for fear of wounding your heart more than necessary), how may you speak of this person with grace and love and yet also step on the road to healing? the fact remains that lies have been told, and within a span of a few hours, you no longer possess the standing you once had in the heart of your beloved. where does talking out emotions and feelings to friends in a bid to let go become malice and intent to hurt the one who has just walked out on you? (MENS REA GUYS hahahaha)

the best secular remedy for a break-up is to immediately see the one who did the breaking up as 'not worth it', 'idiot', 'liar' everythinggggg negative. it is an instinctive reaction - its called SOUR GRAPES. its not always true that the person you lost was necessarily the right one for you, but you truly did, with all your heart feel so at that point in time. when a friend suffers a heartbreak, i often revert to protection-mode (ie protecting the friend you love) and side with him/her in almost every matter. but along the way ive realised that this is not the kind of instinctive reaction i shd entertain. regardless of how tempting it is. (i realised this when i bumped into a very severe conflict of interest - ie when you are friends with both parties in a break-up).

when emotions get in the way, it is difficult to exercise the same grace, love, kindness and calmness you would be able to display in an ordinary circumstance. we all have different challenges in life. heartache is but one of many tests. of your mettle, of what stuff you are made of. its simple to say..but its the hardest ever to practise. remembering that your faith never changes, no matter the circumstances, no matter the trials, no matter the pain. i myself have fallen short on many counts. but how wonderful to know that we have a God that loves. a God that forgives our shortcomings, bestows on us undeserved mercy and surrounds us with abundant grace.

i just watched 'the other boleyn girl'. i really liked it! i love mary boleyn's character - how she chose to walk away with grace, even when all was taken from her by her very own sister. how she embraced with love, and how she gave back to those who almost destroyed her, pleading for clemency for the sister that had shown her such cruelty. no grudges, no grievances, just let it go. haha. WHAT AN IDEAL TO ASPIRE TO.

ive got a longggg way to go.

after two failed trips to the louvre (1. we went there on a tuesday, THE LOUVRE IS CLOSED ON TUESDAYS 2. we went there too late, the queue was closed and was 3 hrs long), we finally managed to get tickets and actually step into the museum. it was insanely crowded, and EVERYTHING was in french, i didnt understand a single thing. so it was, needless to say, not a very exciting experience for me.

i dont appreciate art. so i saw the mona lisa today, so what. so i saw venus de milo today, so what. its not something that's gonna go down into my diary as one of the most memorable days in my life. something struck me today as i was weaving through the crowds of people - why are all these pieces displayed in the louvre considered great pieces of art? the museum contains everything from egyptian antiquities to paintings and prints - but who chooses these pieces of art? what differentiates a piece in the louvre from a piece done by a layman artist? i, honestly, cannot for the life of me, tell the difference.

haha. since i have so bravely admitted that i cannot appreciate art (the kinds of 'art' i do appreciate are vastly different from what is enshrined in art galleries and museums), i do believe that many people who are reading this are going 'omg. bimbo alert! uncultured!' (dont even try to deny it) i can hear your thoughts. haha.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. give me a loved one and an afternoon chat over coffee and ice cream and i'd jump at it over a once in a lifetime chance to see the mona lisa. give me my Bible and a powerful message from Pastor and i'd pick it over catching a glimpse of the venus de milo any day.

i can imagine my conversation with a dedicated, skilled artist who understands and appreciates every single one of these works of art.

artist: dont you see it? that.. _______ in the painting? dont you see that it's beautiful? The depiction of a woman whose expression is often described as enigmatic, the ambiguity of the sitter's expression, the monumentality of the half-figure composition, and the subtle modeling of forms and atmospheric illusionism? dont you see it?

me: what? i dont see anything but a woman that, in my opinion, isnt drawn quite right. she looks like a man.

artist: what about that piece over there? the amazing, detailed sculpture? The twisting stance and strong projection of the knee, as well as the rich, three-dimensional quality of the drapery, are typical of Hellenistic art of the third century BCE and later. Moreover, the sensuous juxtaposition of flesh with the texture of drapery, which seems about to slip off the figure, adds an insistent note of erotic tension that is thoroughly Hellenistic in concept and intent.

me: i see it's arms are missing.

i have no doubt that this artist would be speechless at my replies. and yet if he loves art as he claims he does. if he really appreciated the joy and fulfillment he receives from admiring these great pieces of art, and believed that everyone could find that same joy in knowing these art pieces as he does, he would take time to explain these pieces to me. the history of it, the nuances, every single tiny detail, till i admitted that the mona lisa is not just the mona lisa, that venus de milo is not just the venus de milo - not for his own satisfaction, or to have the 'right' to go 'AHA! TOLD YA SOOOO!!' but just so a fellow human could share in this joy that runs so deep in his soul.

that's pretty much the same for 'us Christians'. on behalf of us all, i apologize if we sometimes come across too strong. if we say the wrong things, if we judge, if we display behavior that is most unlike that of a child of God. there might be the occasional ones that hides the heart of a pharisee and tells the gospel story for his/her own gain. but trust that we arent all like that. when someone tells you about the love of Jesus, would you listen for just a moment? put aside all your pre-conceived notions of Christian propaganda and how its 'all about the numbers'. because for most of us, that's not true. for most of us, we just want you to know that same joy that we felt in our hearts at the instant we said yes to Christ. we want you to know that the journey is sweeter and more wonderful with the Lord by your side. we want you to know that you dont have to be alone. we want to let you know that we are praying for you. and if one day you accept Jesus into your heart, it is not our victory. we do not snigger at one corner and go 'aha! that fool finally admits his wrong', neither do we parade you like a prize we have won for ourselves and boast that we have 'won this one to the fold'. the Lord is the Giver of all things. it is He who moves hearts and not we ourselves. it is He, we are merely the messengers.

since its 230am and im really sleepy, im gonna end soon (sorry for the messy rambling guys). i thought my ipod got stolen yesterday..and i was sad for an hour or so. but then my mom found it! and i suddenly understood the parable of the prodigal son. all the angels of heaven rejoice when one soul enters the Kingdom of Heaven. so maybe, could you give 'us Christians' the benefit of the doubt? that its not just a numbers game, and we arent trying to -force something on you-, but perhaps, maybe, just maybe, we really do just want to bring this message of joy that permeates our entire being, to your heart. (:

happy new year everyone..its a new beginning. (: