psalm 121

" i will lift us my eyes to the hills,
from whence comes my help.

my help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth

He will not allow your foot to be moved,
He who keeps you does not slumber.

behold, He who keeps Israel
neither slumbers nor sleeps.

the Lord is your keeper,
the Lord is your shade at your right hand.

the sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

the Lord shall preserve you from all evil,
He shall preserve your soul.

the Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in,
from this time forth and even forevermore."

im seventeeennnnnnnnn :D haha the wonderful thrill or being an entire year older (: and i spent the entire day doing pw and having choir..and pw again. but oh well (: i've alot of things i have to thank Him for since the 30th of october last year and yup i have alot of things to be thankful for so its time to reflect (:

things to be thankful to Him for :

1. for always being beside me, guiding me and strengthening me along the way
2. for keeping me through the period of the o's
3. for giving me courage as i stepped into a whole new world in jc
4. for blessing me with good friends and amazing gifts along the way
5. for keeping me sane in the midst of all the insanity around me
6. for reminding me before i received my o level results that it is not everything, and for proving to me even after i got the results that it really isnt.
7. for blessing me with amazing grades for the o's and keeping me thankful to Him
8. for teaching me how to reach out to others and how to show His love in my life so much more
9. for not letting go no matter how times i strayed from where He was
10. for giving me relatively decent grades in the terms and promos, letting me get promoted with four subs (:
11. for teaching me what it means to prioritise, and giving me strength to make difficult decisions
12. for wonderful Godly men and women that always always seek to help us grow in our walk and always being there for us
13. for comfort in times of failures and for being able to cry out to Him
14. for using His people and His word to reach out to me in my downest moments and remind me that He's always there
15. for using trying periods to help me grow and help me draw nearer to Him

theres alot more that i just cant put to words or cant think of right now but anw i found a poem i wrote last year sometime before anniversary and really, theres so much more i have to be thankful for and this poem just expresses to that tiny extent what i ought to feel so yup (:

dear Lord,

thank You for the blessings,
You give me in my life.
thank You for the birds, the trees,
even the butterflies.

thank You for the flowers,
that are in constant bloom.
thank You for the sunshine,
to chase away the gloom.

thank You for my stereo
where i hear songs of praise.
thank You for Your point of grace,
that makes me so amazed :)

thank You Lord for ginny,
even though she's lost her sight.
thank You for Your faithful servant,
that serves with all her might.

thank You Lord for Moses,
who parted the red sea.
thank You for His faithfulness,
that stayed for all to see.

thank You Lord for david,
who fought with just a stone.
thank You for his victory,
that made Your presence known.

thank You Lord for Bethany,
where each one can grow.
thank You for Your mercy,
that is in constant flow.

thank You from the green green grass,
to my home so sweet.
thank You for the quiet time each day,
where we both can meet.

thank You Lord for my family,
which i hold so dear.
thank You Lord for their love for me,
that's always oh-so-near.

thank You for the food we eat,
that makes us grow so strong.
thank You Lord for mothers,
to nag us when we're wrong :)

thank You for being our Father,
thanks for our earthly daddies too.
thank You for their worries,
thanks for everything they do.

thank You Lord for brothers,
that always make our day.
thank You Lord for sisters,
to laugh the time away.

thank You Lord for good times,
that make my life so bright.
thank You Lord for bad times,
that help me shine Your light :)

thank You Lord for meaning,
You give me in my life.
thank You Lord for sanity,
amidst all this guilt and strife.

thank You Lord for using me,
to work part of Your plan.
thank You for believing in me,
and knowing that i can.

thank You Lord for i know You hear me,
whether night or day.
thank You for Your hand of grace,
that drives dark clouds away.

thank You Lord for things you've lent,
which i know aren't mine at all.
thank You Lord for catching me,
everytime i fall.

thank You for the peace You give,
and the glory each day unfolds.
thank You for being a preeminent substance,
in our secular worlds.

thank You Lord for the wisdom,
You'll grant me if i ask.
thank You for Your promise of help,
through each and every task.

thank You for the knowledge,
that You gave to me.
thank You for sending Your Only Son,
just to set me free.

thank You Lord for cleansing,
for now im white as snow.
thank You for the comfort,
whenever i am feeling low.

thank You for my special friends,
that mean so much to me.
thank You for the truth You give,
that will make me free.

thank You Lord for giving us,
royal seats upon Your throne.
thank You for the crown You'll give,
when we're finally home.

thank You Lord for everything,
to which You hold the key.
thank You Lord for all that's past,
and all that's yet to be.

in Your Son's most precious name i pray and thank,

Amen! (:

• In the city of Chicago, one cold, dark night, a blizzard was setting in. A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner, the people were in and out of the cold. The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell many papers. He walked up to a policeman and said, "Mister, you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could find a warm place to sleep tonight would you? You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight. Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay," The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "you go down the street to that big white house and you knock on the door. When they come out the door you just say John 3:16, and they will let you in." So he did. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door, and a lady answered. He looked up and said, "John 3:16." The lady said, "Come on in, Son." She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom rocker in front of a great big old fireplace, and she went off. The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself: John 3:16....I don't understand it, but it sure makes a cold boy warm. Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry?" He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of days, and I guess I could stand a little bit of food," The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table full of wonderful food. He ate and ate until he couldn't eat any more. Then he thought to himself: John 3:16... Boy, I sure don't understand it but it sure makes a hungry boy full. She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a while. As he soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16... I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy clean. You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out. The lady came in and got him. She took him to a room, tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers up around his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out the lights. As he lay in the darkness and looked out the window at the snow coming down on that cold night, he thought to himself: John 3:16... I don't understand it but it sure makes a tired boy rested. The next morning the lady came back up and took him down again to that same big table full of food. After he ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom rocker in front of the fireplace and picked up a big old Bible. She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face. "Do you understand John 3:16?" she asked gently. He replied, "No, Ma'am, I don't. The first time I ever heard it was last night when the policeman told me to use it," She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain to him about Jesus. Right there, in front of that big old fireplace, he gave his heart and life to Jesus. He sat here and thought: John 3:16. .. .. I don't understand it, but it sure makes a lost boy feel safe. You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do such a thing. I don't understand the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus suffer and die. I don't understand the intense love for ME that kept Jesus on the cross till the end. I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living. John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
  

and then all the crap im facing with pw, chinese and a whole load of other stuff- fade to nothing. cos i know He died for me, and He made me free (: -wink

"may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, o Lord my strength and my Redeemer." -psalm19:14

so many things to deal with pw, ao chinese, ogl stuff, promo results and a million others and sometimes when you take a step back and look at your life you get so scared cos you feel like its falling apart. sup scared for the interview later but im just gonna breathe, go in and do my best (: and its times when i feel like im gonna fall apart that i learn to lean so much more on Him and His Word so it isnt all bad (: the challenge of learning to trust Him no matter the circumstance in failures or down periods isnt something easy to overcome but when im scared favorite verse to mind again ;D "for God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." -2tim1:7

really want to make it my goal to grow much more in the year 2005 and as i seek reaffirmation probably during easter next year, to first be a mary before i be a martha and serve in greater capacity (: the thing i regret the most in the past year is not having grown in my walk as much as i would've liked to, as much as i should have. but its over and i must be forward looking! and i dont want to ever have these regrets ever again. (: im gonna hide God's Word inside my heart, and learn each verse for memory! im gonna hide God's Word inside my heart, until His Word is part of me!

lonely people

This is for all the lonely people
Thinkin' that life has passed them by
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
Ride that highway in the sky

This is for all the single people
Thinkin' life has left them dry
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
You'll never know until you try

'Cause, I'm on my way,Yeah, I'm on my way back home

This is for all the lonely people
Thinkin' that life has passed them by
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup

She'll never take you down or give you up
You'll never know until you try (:

dont give up until you, drink from the silver cup, and ride that highway in the sky.

"the law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul. the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.

the statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart. the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.

the law of the Lord is clean, enduring forever. the judgements of the Lord are true and righteous altogether." -psalm19:7-9

haha really learning what it means to hide God's Word in my heart and though i really suck at dragging myself out of bed in the morning somehow the Lord gives strength for the day and just taking in His Word each morning makes everything so much easier to bear (:

im trading my sorrows, im trading my shame- im trading it all for the JOY of the Lord (:

going through so much crap now even though promos are over and all theres pw and chinese to worry about and so much other stuff to do. and alot of times when i try to handle it with my own strength it just wearies me and makes me feel like giving up. and sometimes i wonder if i should stop fighting and save myself the worries and the burdens and all that but then i realise thats not what i want. read psalm62 and it really is a beautiful psalm on an appeal to people to trust God and the reaffirmation that He really is sovereign, He really is above all (: was reading daniel too haha im up till chapter9 now and it really is a tough book to understand and absorb. i finished esther within a day as in reading and getting the meaning but not exactly in depth but i stare at each chapter of daniel for at least a few days to try and understand what it really means and alot of times i end up using the notes in the study Bible cos half the time the language they use goes round in circles and as usually, lousy at lit as i am i dont get it.

been praying for much wisdom and for Him to open my eyes to the understanding of His Word so yup slowly..and one day i wont use the study Bible notes at all and i can be like pastor! heh okie too ambitious for now but yup baby steps (:

alle, alleluia, lift your praises high!
alle, alleluia- celebrate the Child of light :D

reallyreallyreally looking forward to singing for Christmas and yup though i wont be present for alot of the saturday practices i am determined to sing for Christmas and i will learn it elsewhere and i will learn it fast. got to see ruth and jia yesterday! happyhappy (:

so i guess it all comes down to where your heart is. its there your thoughts and feelings all begin. and if you never give your heart to Jesus, you'll never really have a part with Him. if your mind's set on the Spirit, and youre walking in God's love, then the watching world will see Christ's life in you. but if your mind is set on earth, then on earthly things you'll do, in poverty you'll live your whole life through.

so i guess it all comes down to where my heart is. and i know that as long as i keep walking with Him, if my heart is in the right place, if i never stop fighting for Him, if i never stop learning to see people through His eyes, if i always, always, seek to honour Him, somehow He will make a way, and His blessings will overflow. (: it may not seem like a blessing in the world's eyes but He sees the big picture, and i will learn to trust cos You know better than i. (:

sing noel to all in heaven, sing noel to all the earth! SING NOEL for Christ our Savior- sing noel! (:

repeat the sounding joy (:

i know Who You are.

some people hear my words and think im wise beyond my years,

and others wonder if i am sincere.

some would say im foolish,

to put my faith in You.

and some would say im wise because i do.

as i consider all of this,

all that really matters is-

i know, i know, Who You are.
by the way You make the wind blow,
and the way You stir my heart.
i have only made it through so far,
cos i know, i know, Who You are.

some say You are the only truth,
and some say You're a fraud,
some think we invented You
some call You God.
some say You were a noble man,
very kind and good.
some say You were a prophet just misunderstood.

but im content to always be,
a witness to Your mystery-

i know, i know Who You are,
by the way You make the wind blow,
and the way You stir my heart.
i have only made it through so far,
cos i know, i know, Who You are.

and even though i've never seen Your face,
i have heard You calling out my name.

cos i know, i know, Who You are,
by the way You make the wind blow,
and the way You stir my heart.
i have only made it through so far,
cos i know, i know, Who You are.

promos are horrible..but they teach you lots of things so must still be thankful for what i have (:(: i havent seriously died for any paper so im really thankful and i dont THINK i'll fail but you never know.. but it doesnt matter i'll just try my best and the rest is in His hands (: kinda silly to chiong this hard but yup! we try our best always cos only then can our lives glorify His name (: oh boy everyone in my house is falling sick, im gonna be next.. already have a cold that kills but just five more days.. and it'll be over.. for a week- then comes pw and chinse ao -sob but its what comes AFTER that im really looking forward to.. youth conf! i will never sacrifice that for anything in the world so must chiong hard and run the last lap well (:

manymany things to be thankful for this week..including surviving promos, jamie and darren coming back, definitely walking much better, oh and ben got 9 for prelims! oh yaye smart genes run in the family :D

must have a heart of thanksgiving come what may.. and You call me beautiful, say You've loved me all along. and You've always held the keys to unlock my soul, oh You call me beautiful (:

promos tmr! majorly freaked out but much calmer than i would be without Him.. i will not be afraid! the Lord is my helper and my shield, now and always (:

its really been madness chionging for promos for ages now.. i cant remember studying this hard since.. i dont know when heh for prelims last year? i cant imagine studying this way for J1.. goodness everyone thinks we're mad.. and the irony of it all they think ac people are lazy! heh well they're NOT, not bethany ac people.. haha

but i know He's given me and joy and peace within my heart and granted me ALOT of ways out of the horrible situations i find myself in like horrible states of lostness with organic chem and BENZENE RINGS and nitration and electrophilic addition.. but now i understand SOMETHING so heh thats a start (:

and even though im really scared of what may happen with horrible promos, He's brought me this far, been faithful this far, and never given up on wretched, sinful annoying me. what more could i ask for? (:

You know better than i, You know the way. i've let go the need to know why- i'll take what answers You supply, You know better than i.

i have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back. (: