haha a's are over! its just beginning to seem normal to wake up everyday and realise you dont need to study haha. and it really feels goooodddd (: wei bo said he feels like going back to study -_- HMMMMM something is seriously wrong haha and ben t tried to trick me into watching the exorcism of emily rose with them thank goodness i was smart else i wont be sleeping much tonight heh

church clean up was today, wanted to go but my leg still hurt so decided to stay home..twisted my ankle in bangkok what a twit man my clumsiness amazes me sometimes haha but anw its been three days so the swelling's gone down by quite abit so thankful!

reading deuteronomy as like Bible reading to try and improve my Bible knowledge! and psalms 57 as devotion. i always get this deja vu feeling while reading the book of deuteronomy because the book just goes on and it records time after time when the israelites turned away from the Lord and built up for themselves false gods to seek after, false gods that they did not know. and in chapt10 i think the Lord told the israelites that they were able to conquer lands not because of their righteousness but because of the wickedness of the people that once lived on that land- like the land of canaan, flowing with milk and honey. and i just thought about it. at the end of your life, do you want to hear "well done, good and faithful servant" and listen to Him invite you to partake of His inheritance because of your righteousness? or do you want to remain stubborn and easily turned away from the truth.

the guidelines that He wants us to follow:

1. to fear the Lord Your God
2. to walk in ALL His ways
3. to love Him
4. to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul
5. to obey His commandments and statutes

sometimes i wonder why on earth its so hard, when we were all MEANT to live these victorious Christian lives.

as an after-thought, i saw a magazine today that had news about britney spears and her son splashed across the headlines- i almost flipped. haha ok granted i think i've been studying too long i didnt even know she got married but oh well yea so much for her advocating abstinence when she first started out. see people change because the world changes. will we? or will we stand fast and hold true to what we believe in with a faith that nothing, and no one will ever shake. i really pray i wont, but the reality of this world and the evil one knocks and the only way we can stand against it is through Him. on the battle field, You standing there in me, and me standing there- in You. (:

im in bangkok! haha i shopped myself crazy yesterday haha with S$220 or so i bought 12 shirts, 4 skirts, 2 bags, about five pairs of earrings, 1 pair of slippers and some pin thing. ahaha bangkok seriously stretches your dollar and i almost died shopping with crystal heh

but what i remember about yesterday was so much more than the shopping [which was undeniably good haha], but this was better. went to ECB with the family since it was sunday and the message was really, really good. it was about Lordship and about learning to build your faith on a strong foundation that wont shake even when the storms of life blow. text was matt7:21-23 and luke6. and it really, really reminded me that theres no such thing as partial obedience or situational obedience cos thats not obedience at all- its convenience. and remembering that Jesus is either Lord OF all or not Lord AT all. and i choose the first (:

what really stuck i guess was the parallel the pastor drew with the story of ivan and the great and with our daily walks with the Lord. haha its quite funny really but the gist of it was that ivan the great wanted to marry some greek princess or smth and he had to be baptised with all his soldiers into the greek orthodox church before he could marry her. BUT the rule was that warriors could not be part of that religion. so, the solution was that while they were being immersed into the water and baptised the would all hold their sword out of the water. haha. sounds familiar doesnt it? that we all have these little bits of our lives that we simply refuse to surrender and we hold it above the water and cling onto it. history calls it the unbaptised arm. in our context theres no euphemism, its just disobedience.

and its so clear and it stares us in the face, but more often than not we choose to ignore it. so my prayer for the next year is that i learn to trust so much more and that i learn to surrender every part into those knowing hands and rest in those everlasting arms (: and youth conf! shout for joy (:

here's my heart, mold it.
here's my mind, transform it.
here's my will, conform it-
to Yours, to Yours, o Lord.

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

ahhhhhh yes! so glad exams are almost over. haha just chem mcq left to go!

but yea while im really glad this is all gonna be over soon, im kinda sad too. arh i dont think i can get 4a's anymore which is what i just thought about the other day when i was chionging for one of those crazy three-papers-in-a-row and i just stopped to think. on result day, if i really did screw up and not get 4a's, am i still gonna be thankful? will i still find joy, will i still sing praise? that kinda got me stumped for awhile cos i really have been working reallyreally hard for the a's cos i just simply dont have as much of the smartness factor like certain AHEM annoying classmates of mine. but yea, then my prayer was that come what may, i would really learn to trust that my life is in higher hands and its all being taken care of (: 4a's or not. (: and i have no doubt that its gonna be especially hard if i really dont get my a's but thats when the real test comes, to stand by what i believe in and trust that this God that has given up so much for me, has my life all planned out- in higher hands (: reminded me of isaiah55, that His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts (:

haha and to build my faith on a firm foundation! the most fundamental tenet of faith for me is God's love. and we love Him, because He first loved us (: haha gonna chiong for mcq now! and try to grab as many marks since paper3 was oooh strange haha. thankful (:

really really thankful that media came out for gp oh thank goodness one of the few things i can construct a decent argument about and ah! ruth's bombastic language haha

i keep telling myself one more week and im free from this at least for the next seven months or so, but it just seems so strange. so surreal haha i think i've been mugging for too long. not that im not looking forward to it! boy am i. keep thinking about bangkok shopping and cant study aha. but regardless, learning to trust (:

the peace that passes all understanding. seven more days! (:

exams are really killing my braincells squeezing all brain juice out and rarrrrhhhhh haha stats was really hard i was wracking my brains trying to think of what distribution to use and all but yea at the end of it im just thankful. before the paper started my heart was beatign insanely fast again but my new verse!

"the Lord is my light and my salvation. whom shall i fear? the Lord is the strength of my life. of whom shall i be afraid?" -psalm27:1

what really struck me from this verse is learning to trust wholheartedly that He is the strength of my life and that nothing, and no one can ever get me down, if i give Him full control. and peace and joy in every circumstance! no matter what (:

the joy of the Lord is my strength, not solving a question on normal distribution. so there! gp tmrw. prayyyyyyyyyyyyy

dont know if its just me or if the papers this year are just exceptionally hard. never been so panicky during an exam before! meep. but i guess it really taught me to seek peace in the Lord and simply trust that He knows best and its all in His hands. (: my special sources of comfort include:

psalm27:13 "i would have lost heart unless i had believed, that i would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

psalm28:7 "the Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in Him and i AM helped. therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song i will praise Him."

2corinthians12:9-10 "and He said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.' therefore i will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

before everything started, really prayed that i would learn to glorify Him in my response and slowly, but surely im learning (: really tough thought esp during chem today i almost flipped cos i spent like fifty mins on stupid nmr and i was sup panicky during the paper and my food chem died but im just really thankful that He gave me perfect peace [like when i stopped to pray when my heart was beating at 10 to the power of 10000000000000000 times per second] and i am going to fight on for the next nine days! perfect peace, for those who trust in Him (:

no oligosaccaride or cycloamide can get me down, the Lord is in control! ahah. -goes mad. stats now stats is good im gonna get full marks for stats. [ahah yea right. haha]

i want to fall in love with You. (: joy!

it was a beautiful let down
when i crashed and burned
when i found myself alone unknown and hurt
it was a beautiful let down
the day i knew
that all the riches this world had to offer me
would never do

in a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
i was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,
until i found out
i don't belong here
i don't belong here
i will carry Your cross and Your song
but i don't belong

it was a beautiful let down
when you found me here
yeah for once in a blue moon i see everything clear
i'll be your beautiful let down
thats what i've ever been
and even if it costs my soul
i'll sing for free
we're still chasin our tails in the rising time
in our dark third planet
when no one fights and no one's one

see i don't belong here
i will carry Your cross and Your song
but i don't belong here
i'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
kingdom come
Your kingdom come
won't you let me down yeah
let my foolish proud
forever let me down

easy living not much left for pain
easy dying hey they're just abou the same
won't you please take me off your list
easy living please come on and let me down

we are a beautiful let down,
painfully uncool,
the church of the dropouts
and losers and sinners and failures and the fools
oh what a beautiful let down
all resolved in the womb
and join us He wants you too

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Feels like I don't belong here
Let me down
Let me down
Feels like I'm let down
Let me down.
Cos I don't belong here
Please
Won't you let me down?


saturday's and sunday's msges were really apt and applicable and it just reminded me all over again the importance of standing strong and finding so much more joy in the circumstances of life. a's start TMRW and i dont even feel remotely anxious about it, not that im prepared, far from it. but i suppose still feeling calm is a good thing it helps me not panic and yea just seeking to find joy and much strength in this last lap of the race (: ruth said to think about it in terms of sundays and yes ONE MORE sunday left before im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. haha that sounds so yummy. and this is it, what i've studied so hard for. took some time last night to reflect on the reason why i study, why i go for it so hard and sacrifice so much. and i realised that when my focus is off-centre, when i look at other seemingly more beautiful things of the world, then everything seems so much harder and my spirit gets crushed really, really fast. insight too on how the evil one works in our lives from the really amusing sketch by our new bethany sketch team haha and i have resolved to be especially on guard and wake up every morning with a song in my heart (:

how precious to me are Your thoughts, o God. how vast is the sum of them. were i to count them they'd outnumber the grains of sand, when i awake i am still with You. (:

Bleeding thoughts
Cracking boulder
Don't fall over
Fake your laughter
Burn the tear
Sing it louder,
Twist and shout

Way up here
We stand on shoulders
Growing colder
Laugh or cry
I won't mind
Sing it louder,
Twist and shout

Immovable shadows
Concrete girl
They'll rock your world
To nothing
And they're swimming
Around again, again
And they're swimming
Around again, again
And they're swimming
Around the concrete girl

Catch your breath
Like four leaf clover
Hand it over

Scream to no one
Take your time
Sing it louder,
Twist and shout

Nothing to run from
Is worse than something
And all your fears
Of nothing
And they're swimming around
Again, again
And they're swimming around
The concrete girl

Concrete girl
Don't fall down
In this broken world
Around you
Concrete girl
Don't fall down
Don't fall down
My concrete girl

Don't stop thinking
Don't stop feeling

One step away
From where we were
And one step back
To nothing
And we're standing on top
Of our hopes and fears
And we're fighting for words now
Concrete girl
And we're swimming around
Again, again
And we're swimming around now
Concrete girl

and this is the way that i say, i need You. this is the way, that i say i love You. this is the way that i say im Yours. this is the way, this is the way.

Hello, good morning, how do you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how've you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way

i've been doing gp almost the whole day rarh. haha i just read proverbs30 on zhihui's blog and randomly thought of sharon's enthusiastic spirit about marriage which i got a very brief glimpse of when jol and i studied in church last week. haha it was hilarious. i've seriously never seen anyone so super on about marriage. haha but i can hardly say i've caught on to her fervent enthusiasm. gp essays really make you so..disillusioned about the state of our world today. haha BUT ruth's gp essays are seriously amazing its always 4_ i've never seen a four on my gp mark before, maybe except 24 haha. and SO there was this essay that was "marriage is not a word, its a sentence." haha PUN. i almost died laughing. haha ok i shall stop talking about this subject and go back to gp, next on the list- violence. haha the bbc's having this string of talks/discussions on domestic violence. how scary 1 out of three women are being abused by their husbands. meep. thats when you realise how important it is to find someone that really loves the Lord haha not that i would let my husband abuse me i'd knock him on the head but oh well you never know. haha im rambling heh

anw source of strength: taking pleasure in infirmities, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake. for when i am weak, then i am strong. Amen! (:

I've got my hand in redemption's side
Whose scars are bigger than these doubts of mine.
I'll fit all of these monstrosities inside
and I'll come alive.

rie's flower (:



the very pretty grapes! [jia and ruth]



may all who come behind us, find us faithful.



butterfly and the swing picture ;)



the blue flower (:

really am thankful for all the sweet birthday wishes and the presents [alot of which is food and chocolate haha] that i got but the above presents especially reminded me of the Lord's goodness to me over the past 18 [im eighteen! haha] years. haha i still have the paper which we signed in secfour- find us faithful. (: not that i didnt like everything else i got, i do! but im just especially thankful for these reminders that im not alone. (:

hilarious things that happened include:

1) ian msges me and tells me i should be honored that he remembered my birthday..on the 29th. i almost died laughing haha
2) mark sends me a msg that says "do you want to sing rachael a birthday song?"
3) ahem a voice mail msg dissolves in laughter and tells me to 'wait let me think'

haha. but studying on the other hand isnt going so well. really felt like giving up this afternoon and i guess the verse 'and He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."' has taken on a whole new meaning to me. strength.

thanks for all thats past, and all thats yet to be. (: