you know what? i think we all go through some crazy stage. maybe its some fetish of some sort and im veryyyyyy horrified do we LIKE to do that? i think happybeingsad REALLY is true its just so easy to sit on your butt and refuse to move and wallow in self-pity. heh at least i've been through it before so well i must attempt to try and pull people out! :D

realising that. i cant do it on my own. hurm i'll probably fall right into the pit anyway hurr cos INSIDIOUS SATAN IS EVIL! you see suffering, war, pain and you just feel like running out there to DO SOMETHING but newsflash you cant. the only way you can is if you bring His word along with you, His love can touch hearts, change lives, transform people. i should know, i've seen it. and its really just amazing AMAZING and yes i know i have been in happybeingsad mode manymany times before but you know, having Him there really, makes a difference (:

2peter is an AMAZING book well, all 66 books are but right at this point, i am just so thankful that this book is speaking to my heart (: it is not of my own understanding, nor of my own strength, but the grace and peace of God and the Holy Spirit that indwells in each, and every believer (:

i really love this pog song

day by day

I'm not unhappy but I'd take the train today
If you'd let me
If you'd let me
They may be clapping for me but I wait for you to come get me
Come, come get me

Cause day by day you're coming closer
Making our way clearer and straighter
Turning our faces into the light
And I can't wait to fall at your glory
On my face down in the morning
You're coming closer
Day by day

Somebody told me I could travel the world
To find beauty
To find beauty
But to behold it I would have to keep it within me
Yeah well its in me

Cause day by day you're coming closer
Making our way clearer and straighter
Turning our faces into the light
And I can't wait to fall at your glory
On my face down in the morning
You're coming closer
Day by day

Give me a mission if I've still got the time
Cos I'm open
Yes I'm open
Be my vision and I'll be your delight
Cos I'm going wherever you're going

Turning faces into the light
And I can't wait to fall at your glory
On my face down in the morning
You're coming closer
Day by day

i CANT WAIT to fall at Your glory on my face, day by day (: and let Your will be done- till its all i wanna do (:

hurm i just read someones blog and.. im really qte horrified. i mean scared horrified and yea. i dont understand how people can write about the Lord and YEA. i just like haiyo dont understand. hurmmm ruth always tells me 'LOVE THE SOUL' and then she laughs heh i guess its easy? to love the lovely and those we call our own. but those who are unlovable.. i know i have a long way more before i can learn to view situations through Jesus' eyes but right now i realise if He could love me, why cant i love them? i promise to try and guard myself v well against being self-righteous

i hear the voices, the souls in need of You.

someone is speaking, but she doesnt know He's there. theres no use getting jaded about all this and war and all so i will quit it :l heh i remember this story i read awhile ago on a bookmark about how a little boy was throwing starfishes back into the ocean and a man came by and asked him why he was doing it cos there were too many, he'd never finish. but the boy looked at him and replied very simply as he threw another starfish into the ocean "i made a difference to that one."

we can make a world of difference, with the love of God we can change the world! :D:D:D we can SHINE A LIGHT that overcomes the darkness, spreading hope across the land, heart to heart and hand in hand, we can make a world of difference- with the love of God (:

JIARENS LETS DO IT!
-runs around :D:D:D

eurghhhh my dad has already begun planning out jc life for me and is supremely annoyed that i want to go for cat class on sundays.. i havent even told him jia rie and i are going to give the secthrees tuition i think he'll just kill me la gah must have it on saturday then else i'll be dead and gone :'(

its really hard to keep myself in check cos i reallyREALLY just feel like blowing up goodness i finished my oneyearofchiongingo's only slightly more than a month ago now he starts about how i should have a 'balanced lifestyle' for jc1 and make sure i have enough time to study BUT in jc2 i CANT have a 'balanced lifestyle' cos i have to spend every waking moment studying for 'the most important exam of my life' -faint

its really EURGHHHHHHHH and when i really lose it he lectures me about how as a Christian i should fulfil responsibilities and all that and.. GAH i just wanna die.

i know v clearly the sacrifices i have to make if i want to keep my commitments to ypg, choir, sunday school, sunday service and cat class and i know theres some part of me that refuses to make these sacrifices but theres a bigger part that wants to. being a good testimony at home in church in school is one tough job, dealing with studycrazy parents, and half of the people around me going crazy is realllyyy not v easy but I AM GONNA DEAL WITH IT.

so i guess it all comes down to where your heart is. it shouldnt lie on this earth, it should belong up there in heaven and thats exactly where im gonna TRY TO MAKE IT STAY. its so easy to walk away from this truth and just waste your life on this earth away, forget about quiet time, forget about communing with Him, forget about how much He loves you. but ultimately, is that what i really want? i dont think so.

quoting ade who quoted from matt 5:13-16 we are the SALT OF THE EARTH and the LIGHT OF THE WORLD, we were never meant to have anthropocentric faiths, we were meant to have CHRISTOCENTRIC faiths, centred on God and all His glories, not on us, never on us.

even as all of us really seek to be a light for Him, theres always the extreme end of being self-righteous. that youre so heavenly youre not of any earthly good. He meant for us to relate to people, care for people and LOVE people. not judging from the outside but learning to love the souls of others, just like Christ did (: He didnt come in the fullness of His glory, He came as a man, a little lower than the angels. He didnt come and refuse to mingle with horrible, wretched creatures like us, He came down and LOVED us. even judas iscariot who betrayed Him. really in alot of ways i dont think we're any better than judas, half the time we walk away and get so drawn by things of the world, money, entertainment, fun, STUDIES that we forget, and we walk away. and yet He loveS us. thats the way we should learn to love others, not walk around with the 'i am holier than thou' attitude, we were meant to SHINE, in a good way not set ourselves clearly apart like some royalty so yes salt of the the earth, light of the world (:

friday is entrance into a new chapter of my life and really im kinda scared but im also excited! t chen kee says shes v scared of ac but oh well ben says rie is there with me so we should walk together and make it a conscious effort to remain faithful (: yes we will!

oh may all who come behind us FIND US FAITHFUL (:

for number three: EH DAR this is for you (: wanna tell you that WE LOVE YOU alotalot but He loves you most of all :D we all sink into that mode once in awhile la remember what number one said about peoplehappybeingsad? its addictive and we're wretched and we get v easily ensnared by sin BUTbutbutbutbutbutbut yes though its inevitable that we backslide once in awhile, so long as you come back remember JESUS DOESNT CARE what you've done before, how you've rebelled or slammed the door, no matter how far you've run or how long you've been untrue, Jesus doesnt care He still offers forgiveness to you (: remember theres no condemnation! [romans 8:1] (:(:(: really praying v hard that you've got eth sorted out and all but i remember v clearly what you told me during camp 'i KNOW i am saved, but i just want to live my life better, and learn to love Him better' remember? i know you've been an inspiration to me through some of the things that you do, in their own ways, each of the family has been a blessing to my life and i give thanks v much for you and for number one/ four and a half/ ma (: always ALWAYS remember He loves you, and SO DO WE (:

circle of friends

We were made to love and be loved
But the price this world demands will cost you far too much
I spent too many lonely years just trying to fit in
Now I've found a place in this circle of friends
In a circle of friends we have one Father
In a circle of friends we share this prayer
That every orphaned soul will know
And all will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends

If you weep, I will weep with you
If you sing for joy the rest of us will lift our voices too
But no matter what you feel inside there's no need to pretend
That's the way it is in this circle of friends

In this circle of friends we have one Father
In a circle of friends we share this prayer
That we'll gather together no matter how the highway bends
I will not lose this circle of friends

Among the nations, tribes and tongues we have sisters and brothers
And when we meet in heaven we will recognize each other
With joy so deep and love so sweet
Oh, we'll celebrate these friends
And a life that never ends

In a circle of friends we have one Father
In a circle of friends we share this prayer
That it will not be long before
All will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends
That it will not be long before
All will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends

to all bethanian trees: THANK YOU lets keep this faith and strive towards the goal of the upward call of Christ Jesus (:

never lose that faith, cos Jesus will still be there (:

Christmas is over.. i mean im glad the mad rushing of presents is over but im not so sure i wanna forget what that special day means. i wanna carry that through the year with me (:

heh after paying a hundred and fifty dollars for the Christmas lunch, i think they threw away more than half of our food cos more than half the time there wasnt a single soul at our table heh cos we were running around giving out our trees heh :D hurrr and kenneth was the most retarded cos he was so pleased with his tiny little sword which looked more like a dagger la compared to pastor's super huuuuuuuuge sword heh ade and min were parading around in their pieces of armour heh ade's belt of truth and min's shield of faith and auntie was trying so hard to hide her helmet of salvation ahah ;p

haha NG JINYEE and YEO SU AN RUTH spoilt the whole thing by making jia and i walk around in a pair of wings and a fluffy halo?! -faint- from the washroom till the table everyone was staring like we were mental patients hurmmm and there was this daddy with a little boy and when he saw us he told his son 'see? angel!" jia and i almost DIED hurrrrr

heh and im v thankful i managed to give out all my glass cups successfully without breaking anything ahah and ben's handwriting has improved since last year it is now certified p2 handwriting! :D haiya and i feel so cheated la the card i got from edlyn and ben had a painting in front and he wrote inside 'by the way the painting is done by me!' and i BELIEVED leh waliao i cannot believe how baichi i was then i decided it was a fraud la so nice cannot be done by him ;p

but really amidst all the present giving and receiving and all i never want to forget that one small child (: heh theres this SUPER HOSTILE baby in church that gives you a murderous look everytime you try to talk to him like ok la he's really abnormal the other kids just run for their lives everytime i try to hug them heh thats not normal but its normal-er than the hostile baby who is really REALLY scary heh rie and i are terrified and everytime i think of that little child in a manger, i just KNOW Jesus could never have been a hostile baby -shudders- but a nice cute bouncy SOCIAL baby and i appreciate that so much (: i wish i had been there.

calypso carol

See him alying on a bed of straw;
draughty stable with an open door,
Mary cradling the babe she bore;
The Prince of Glory is his name.

Oh, now carry me to Bethlehem
to see the Lord appear to men;
Just as poor as was the stable then,
The Prince of Glory when He came.

Star of silver sweep across the skies,
show where Jesus in the manger lies.
Shepherds swiftly from your stupor rise
to see the Saviour of the world.

Oh, now carry me to Bethlehem
to see the Lord appear to men;
Just as poor as was the stable then,
The Prince of Glory when He came.

Mine are riches from thy poverty,
From thine innocence, eternity;
Mine, forgiveness by thy death for me,
Child of sorrow for my joy.

Oh, now carry me to Bethlehem
to see the Lord appear to men;
Just as poor as was the stable then,
The Prince of Glory when He came.

Angels, sing agan the song you sang,
bring God's glory to the heart of man;
Sing the Bethl'hem's little baby can
be salvation to the soul.

im sorry its such a cute song and the lyrics are v meaningful too (:

bethlehem's little baby, thank You (:

yayeeeeee i finished all my Christmas cards and presents HAH ahah i feel so accomplished :D:D:D

concert yesterday was qte good.. (: i guess its really through times like these that you see the Lord's wonderfulwonderful hand of blessing upon us :D haha rie's parents came for both nights and i think she's about over the moon heh and i didnt do anything wrong! haha yea (:

just finished my sharing for iss last night and it suddenly hit me that His love actually is all around :D:D:D heh borrowing lines from that dumb show but everywhere is evidence of His love and no one can see.

thats the love of God

what made God take so much care,
to make creation glow,
He could've made it black and white,
and we'd have never known.
and what made God send Jesus,
to die on calvary,
of course it was this joyous thing,
i feel inside of me (:

thats the love of God,
its neverending.
thats the love of God,
always forgiving (:
He's always there, He never fails,
all He will do, is love forever,
and He loves to share it,
thats the love of God (:

when you love someone you love everything about the person, faults and good points. but when you dont like someone.. you dont like everything. -bangs head

yes i must learn to love, even the unlovely RENNNNNN (:

IM VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV HAPPY! yes concert last night was really good heh especially the glory of God (: hurm except that i did something wrongly during song of the angels and the camera was pointing RIGHT AT US so paiseh if they show it heh but neverminddddd thanking Him vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv much for His blessings (:

pastor told us this story and yes i havent got the time to write it now but anyway the point was that when we sing, heaven hears not the voice but the heart (: and i resolved to sing with my heart and let it reflect on my face (: i mean how great is that? LOVE HAS COME :D

haha on the ride home i started teaching my cousins the jss song that i just remembered! and the actions edlyn taught me heh

He's the Lord of the sunshine,
the Lord of the rain,
He's the Lord of the good times,
and Lord of the pain,
He's the Lord of the mountain,
the Lord of the seas,
He's the Lord of the music,
Lord of the children,
Lord of both YOU and ME (:

and the both of them ah started blasting their lungs out and the entire car was filled with noise pollution ;p heh no la they're v cute and i love them except matt who attacks me when i call him bogay ;p

heh rie's v upset that we're only gonna do it one more time and then its over but yes tonight it better be doubly good! always, only, for my King (:

i know Someone

You have built yourself a fine fortress
And you're the only one who holds the key
You've resolved to pilot your own ship
And you decide what all the rules'll be
No more asking for answers
No more cries for help
You've been hurt for the last time
That's what you tell yourself

I don't know much more than this
But I know someone who does
I was not there in your past
But I know someone who was
I can't heal what lies within
But I know someone who can
I know someone who can

It's a drag living life like this
Believe me, I've been there a thousand times
Spending everyday on the defense
And building walls no one could ever climb,
Till somebody showed me my fortress was a cage,
He granted me my freedom
Since then I haven't been the same

I don't know much more than this
But I know someone who does
I was not there in your past
But I know someone who was
I can't heal what lies within
But I know someone who can
I know someone who can

So you can lock me out
Of your life as you've designed it
But I know there's peace and
I'll be on my knees till the day you find it

I can't fully understand,
but i'll be on my knees till the day you find it.

i love the calypso carol :D:D:D

calypso carol

See him alying on a bed of straw;
draughty stable with an open door,
Mary cradling the babe she bore;
The Prince of Glory is his name.

Oh, now carry me to Bethlehem
to see the Lord appear to men;
Just as poor as was the stable then,
The Prince of Glory when he came.

Star of silver sweep across the skies,
show where Jesus in the manger lies.
Shepherds swiftly from your stupor rise
to see the Saviour of the world.

Oh, now carry me to Bethlehem
to see the Lord appear to men;
Just as poor as was the stable then,
The Prince of Glory when he came.

Mine are riches from thy poverty,
From thine innocence, eternity;
Mine, forgiveness by thy death for me,
Child of sorrow for my joy.

Oh, now carry me to Bethlehem
to see the Lord appear to men;
Just as poor as was the stable then,
The Prince of Glory when he came.

Angels, sing agan the song you sang,
bring God's glory to the heart of man;
Sing the Bethl'hem's little baby can
be salvation to the soul.

but on the upside of the coin.. i dont really care ahah (: but ultimately what really matters is not which jc i go to, which course i take and etcetcetc must remember always to keep focused focused focused (:

o now carry me to bethlehem, to see the Lord, appear to men. just as poor as was the stable then, the Prince of Glory when He came (:

see romans7:24-25, WRETCHED we are, wretched we always will be, but still He died for me.

(:(:(:(:(: how great is that?! -dances around

SHOOTS! i put rj as my third choice not vj they're gonna think i cheated them im so dead :'(

sometimes i really find it so hard to be conscious of His presence and alot of times i just breeze through the day without really taking time to talk with Him, sit down and say a prayer. and for myself at least, half the time i go into denial mode and cheat myself into thinking im right with God when im not.

d1 said we were never meant to be some horrible piece of driftwood in the sea, we were NEVER MEANT TO BE FAITHLESS, we were never meant to walk away.

teapot called me yesteryesterday n she was telling me about how she was kinda scared about going into ajc on her own and somewhere in the middle of the conversation she stopped short and told me i changed alot. heh she said i used to really like shopping [ i mean i still DO la] heh but now i have realised that shopping is not my life O______o i felt so insulted la but thats besides the point and i reallyreally am vvvvvvvvvvv thankful that He hears and answers prayer, and it reallyreallyreallyreallyreally makes me happy when i can tell someone about Him it just reallyyyyyyyyyy makes me feel good (: but i look at the people around me and i really am thankful to have Him. its just that.. everyones so caught up with 'worldly' desires ruth said another thing that made sense, worldly does not only encompass people that go clubbing/go on movie marathons and all that you can be worldly in a totally different sense- like making getting good grades the goal for your life.

not that wanting to get good grades or clubbing is wrong in itself cos its not. its what those issues lead you to- they lead you off in a tangent, away from the Lord. and thats really the biggest STOP sign anyone could ever stuff in front of you, but i know im also v guilty of not heeding His STOP signs so i have to learn how to do it NOW before i go and get myself bruised all over in jc next year.

huuuge big problem i know i have to overcome, my real short temper with my mum. gah jia howwww heh we must be patient with our mums k whoooooo remember they love us alot (:

all in all forever, Jesus will i sing, everything in Jesus, and Jesus everything (:

aiyo my neck is so painful :'(

haha but today + yesterday + the day before and the rest of the before week was v fun we all went from evening service to dinner with t sweekeng to sitting on the ripoff rides in orchard to shopping for Christmas presents to making Christmas presents in the course of the past three days (: but really amidst all this noise and all its v easy to lose focus of what Christmas really means and its really, v important to be conscious of the fact that when we give gifts, we should give it from the heart like how the Lord gave from His heart so freely that first Christmas (:

went to number one's house to do stuff and on the way home hur i did qte a stupid thing and got off like three bus stops earlier and started walking. i think my mind really needed to be cleared of alot of things when all the thoughts were cramming in my head in theres like severe overload, i just KNOW its satan la like when all sorts of koyak thoughts come i tell you no one wins but him which i will not allow! resistresistresist grr.

haiyaaaa i havent finished my Christmas cards! which is so annoying cos now hurm im making for all the secthrees in church half of them i dont even know la so i also dunno how. like write what?! my hand is officially dead after making thirty over cards heh then again i dont think im gonna give everybody cos then i will just die :D ahhhhhh

but really la i know i must guard myself against the evil insidious attacks of satan cos i know how easily im drawn away and i cannot allow that! argh

heh anyway jc posting results came out i didnt get my first choice which was hwachong la cos i failed hcl! like sheesh man they accepted people with a nett score of 5 and my nett score was like 6 la which is so irritating grr so anyway i got my second choice which was ac la THEN my mummy decided she'd rather fetch me alllllllllllllll the way to vj than have me go ac then i had to go appeal which technically makes no sense cos vj was my third choice and ac was my second and since i got my second choice i shdnt be appealing -faint people with nett 7 got in la so if i had placed it second choice i would be in ready! -bangs head- grrrrrr. so qi si ren

haha but see! the Lord gives comfort in times of err. i dunno but i got a v -ahem- destroyed Christmas card from glori ;p and a cheaterbugger off-the-shelf card from cherie/owl which had 1. my name spelt WRONGLY 2. my address half wrong O___o so basically i have absolutely no idea how that card reached here in the first place heh -dies

heh when we went for dinner with t chen kee after we got our posting results we started talking about God's GENERAL and SPECIFIC will for each one of us and i got smacked when i said 'maybe its God's will that i go to ac' ;p well maybe what! sheesh.

i honestly have zitzero idea of how im gonna finish the Christmas cards, go shopping with my granmother and run down to meet auntieaileen n d1,3,4 and a half and ma for dinner a.k.a post-conference sharing all in one day -faints

i need to keep reminding myself- all that i am, all that i could ever hope to be, i owe it all to You.

i am blessed, i am blessed, from when i wake up in the morning, till i lay my head to rest. the least that i can do is give my life, in every part, only to please my Father's heart (:

haiyaaaaa camp is over :'( eh but i love camp! alot :D i tell you its so God's grace la for the first time in four youth conferences i was ENTIRELY AWAKE during every single session which is like wow cos i get hurm five hours of sleep a night which is half of what i usually sleep ;p heh NO LA but yup (:

i guess through it He really taught me many many lessons, and i guess with me its the great issue of distractions- "for sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law, but under grace." -romans 6:14 remember something pastor said that really stuck, He loves us just BECAUSE. no reason, just because (:

i know how much next year is going to be a struggle and its reallyreally gonna be a test of faithfulness remembering 2tim2:11-13 even when we are faithless, He remains faithful (: it'll take too long to go through every single day of camp and im not gonna do that cos everything i need to remember is in my little 'yes, i believe!' notebook and my camp folder :D:D

on consecration night, pastor brought up the analogy of bethany being a forest heh very strange but yes that each individual tree doesnt survive on its own but supports other trees in its strengths and is supported by other trees in its weaknesses, basically everyone complementing everyone (: and it really struck me that hey, im not alone. i will NEVER WALK ALONE. with a renewed and strengthened faith and heart of love for the Lord, i gave my life back to Him, all that i am, all that i ever will be, i give it back to You.

we were supposed to sing some songs with the sec threes and fours during the christmas thing at night but i decided not to cos with the time that they spent practising me and rie were in pastor mitch's office talking to Him and i guess ok i KNOW that got me righter with the Lord and being faced upfront with all my fears and yes i know im a very scared little girl, im scared of my heart being hardened, im scared of crossing the line of no return, im scared of walking away, im scared of failing in my commitment, im scared of being overwhelmed with things of the world, im scared my faith wont be able to stand through storms.. basically everything. and im just.. scared.

and yes once again pastor to the rescue heh he said that we shouldnt be focusing on our disabilities but HIS abilities :D which is really qte true e.g. yes when you have doubts, ask but dont keep doubting your faith that you dont spend time growing and cultivating an established and strong faith.

haha and glori came on wednesday! (:(: and got very confused by the number of bens in our church ;p glori YOU MUST COME AGAIN!!!!! :D:D:D

anyway thats besides the point but YEAH i must tell my amazing story about the comfort and love He gives! ahah i cant remember which night it was i was feeling so darned horrid about myself and i needed to cry but i couldnt go back to the dorm to cry so i just sat downstairs buried my head in my sweater and started crying i didnt think it was that obvious but apparently it was cos after i was done crying got up and there was tissue on my Bible and THEN i didnt know whether to continue crying or to start laughing it was so amazing la i still dont know who put that sheet of tissue there BUT i will be content knowing it was a gift from God through someone else which reminded me that He cares even when im a sobbing jittery idiot (:

aldine was also telling us about how the Lord's word should be like a treasure box to us, and should only be opened in full concentration and a heart of love and not any old how, especially when youre tired. which is what i always do! half the time i read i dont really get anything out of it and that so should not be the case. and yea she was telling us how t pat never reads the Bible when shes sleepy cos it isnt giving full respect and honour to His word. which IS true but stupid sin always sneaks in and turns everything around e.g. in our minds we think k im tired so i dont want to read and EVERYDAY you think that and use it as an excuse. what then?

stupid sin stupidddddddd grrrrrrrr.

k i must resist even as i start on Christmas presents now i must not tear my focus away on the reason as to why we all celebrate Christmas. the day Christ Jesus our Lord was born, one small child in a land of a thousand (:

above all.

above all powers,
above all kings,
above all nature and all created things,
above all wisdom and all the ways of man,
You were here before the world began.

above all kingdoms,
above all thrones,
above all wonders the world has ever known,
above all wealth and treasures of the earth,
theres no way to measure what You're worth.

crucified, laid behind the stone,
You lived to die,
rejected and alone,
like a rose, trampled on the ground,
You took the fall, and thought of me-
above all.

Lord whatever You ask, i want to obey You, a servants task (:

CAMP IS COMING! :D:D:D happy shalalala its so nice to be happy shalalala! :D

OH YAYE CAMP IS COMING!!! :D:D:D

im going kinda nuts now heh too excited laaaa heh i did cherie's hair for prom! -feels accomplished- and its nice so there ;p

hongkong was ok i guess but i feel so cheated cos all the shopping was yucky heh i also learnt that my mum is a ruthless bargainer i mean really she can slash the price from like 60 to 20 heh she has all the super tactics which i must attempt to absorb heh but anyway she forced me to bargain on my own cos her logic was what if i come with my friends one day and she doesnt come? then i'll get C-H-E-A-T-E-D i was like hm but anyway i attempted and saved two dollars O_________________o which is so pathetic but anyway (:(:

heh I MUST TELL EVERYONE WHAT MY BROTHER DID aiyo i tell you at the airport there was this sign with a glass beneath it NOT an empty space and that silly boy was all excited about getting ice cream from burger king that he thought it was an empty space and RAN RIGHT INTO IT aiyo i didnt know whether to laugh or to cry and when i got to him he couldnt force his words out and i was so horrified/terrified/mortified whatever and i almost fainted and died but thankfully he was ok (: i got extremely paranoid at night and kept going to his room to check on him but my mum says if nothing happens after 24 hours its fine so yes Lord, thank you (:

after his headonwiththeglass accident i was really scared that something would happen i dont know i was just.. scared. and then i wondered what life would be like without that twit. i mean really seriously i cant imagine it. if anything happened to my brother or my parents i think i would just die. on the plane with a very amusing episode of friends i started to wonder.. if something ever did happen to them, would i still be able to love God and trust Him? i mean i always thought my friends meant alot more to me than my family but i realised.. they dont. if anything happened to any of my friends im sure i'd be sad and hysterical or something but i wouldnt.. die. and i know the reality of life is such that no one can tell what lies round the corner and to be honest what with jc coming and all, im scared. i mean fullstop i know when trials come how much the importance of my faith is going to be so much more real and the much larger need for my faith to be applied, not that it isnt now but bah you know what i mean. i know the importance of giving the Lord first place in my life, its hard not to love Him after what He's done but its tough to love Him the MOST. thats what i gotta deal with now, its first place or no place. i'd choose first.

when you cant see His plan, when you cant trace His hand, trust His heart (:

if anything happens to anyone in the family i want to be able not to question. i want to say Lord, this is in your hands, and this is Yours. You gave us life, You have the right to take it away, to take comfort in knowing that when the time comes that i lose someone i love, i'd be comforted with the full assurance knowing that they're up there with Him, and happy. thats why im so worried about my grandmother now and i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO -hides

ok this is getting a little morbid but just some thoughts. i hope none of it happens in the near future but yes Lord, first place, always.

the road im on is twisted, Lord,
its end defies my view;
teach me to take each step in faith
and leave the rest to You.

and leave the rest to You (:

faith like a child

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
the bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
you've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of you

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

"I've got joy like a fountain!"
"Be kind one to others"
"In Jesus Christ Your son"

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
with faith like a child (: