scares me just to think about how close the prelims are and it can get pretty draining at times but it always just comes back to the same lesson, trust, trust and more trust. and im learning, slowly but surely and i never want to let go. thinking back on the o's and all and i just have to find the strength to just go and do my very best and not let go.

today's message was on psalm18 and it comes right back to strength from the Lord in psalm18:1-2 and what pastor mentioned today that His timing really is perfect (: how He brought us so far is just, perfect. (: psalm18:28-34 He makes my way perfect. (:

studied with swee, joey and cass today and yes thankful it was pretty productive! and fun too (: and its such a comfort to know that while i may feel like im drowning [at times] theres always the reassurance of His presence and His promise to hear my prayers (:

yessssssss i will hit the books! and triumph wayyyyyyyyyy over them. AMEN (:

angel in disguise

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and i stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody loves you'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before i get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Dont need to look for paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But i forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out of the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatted for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise
Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new.

yaye claps for corrinne may! (: feels so nice to wake up each morning and blast her on my cd player and remind myself that its a beautiful day, because its a day the Lord has made -wink ;)

went to talk to pastor mitch with rie yesterday and i guess it really helped put things into perspective and realise that everything takes time, but the Lord can be our strength, our fortress, shield, tower and stronghold [psalm18] (: and thats one of the biggest things i appreciate about bethany cos youre never on your own. there are always friends to cry on, older ones to guide and give advice and always warmth and familiarity. everyday can be legendary, every minute an endless surprise. haha think what i've been reading recently has been extremely apt for the circumstances i've been finding myself in lately. first the devotion from 'come before winter' about learning to trust God in both prosperity and adversity, and pastor mitch's youth section in sunday's bulletin about being prepared for trials. guess it is true that you dont realise that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you've got. am learning to trust, to seek and to be still-

from sunday's message:

God

There is an Eye that never sleeps
Beneath the wing of night;
There is an Ear that never shuts
When sinks the beams of light.

There is an Arm that never tires
When human strength gives way;
There is a Love that never fails
When earthly loves decays.

That Eye unseen watcheth o'er all;
That Arm upholds the sky;
That Ear doth hear the sparrows call;
That Love is ever nigh.

- James Cowden Wallace -

i dont want to concern myself with great things, i just want to learn simple trust as i walk beside Him with my hand in His. to set my heart on things above and recognise the reason why i study so hard. always, only, for my King. (:

little superhero girl

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And i just dont know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All i want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how i'll make the world a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All i need is a small weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a superhero

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
into pink poodles that bark,
But don't bite

All i need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All i need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a superhero

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save Me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

haha oh man i think this song is so cute. but i guess we all feel this way sometimes when we try to take things into our own hands. i've really been learning alot this week meditating on psalm139, AND i've realised how important it is to me to carry the Lord's Word around with me cos i left my Bible in church last week [yipes] and my study Bible is too huge to carry to school so rarh its so unnerving when im trying to check something or remind myself of something and i realise i dont have my Bible with me AH but anw im so happy i have it back now :) and i've come to re-realise again that He really is the Master of all timing and the amount of strength and the peace that He can give, really surpasses all understanding.

farewell was yesterday and to all my j1s and j2s- thank you for the special moments (: rarh it feels terrible to leave all the j1s cos i miss them so much already! ahhh and j2s- I LOVE YOU! haha to 'the men' i love the present, really, and i love the song. but that also means we're alumni! which i think is so cool. heh -goes mad- i love Christmas carols. but i guess it also means prelims is 23 days away and i know i have to keep focused and not let anything distract me or affect me cos whatever it is, its not worth it.

t aileen made us write out our answers to a few questions today,

1. what do you seek after in life?
2. how many of these things must you obtain to be truly happy?
3. some of these things we seek after we may attain, but what if these things we attain were taken away? would you still be content?

i started out with the eight most important things that i wanted in life, then after the second question, the list grew shorter by two, and after the last question there were four left.

i started out with:

1. joy
2. fulfilment knowing that i've done something for the Lord
3. good grades
4. friends
5. acceptance
6. being at peace with the Lord and myself
7. to trust and have a good conscience before Him
8. human love [relationship type sometimes]

after question 2 i cut 3 and 8 out and after question 3 i cut 4 and 5 out. thought about it pretty hard actually and i guess over the past week i've come to find in a fresh new way that the Lord is all i need and nothing or no one will ever manage to fill that God-shaped void inside of us (: how job lost everything and still praised the Lord is something that is really hard to fathom but yet i know He never gives more than we can take, and that fact changes everything. -wink ;)

in psalm 139, where it says 'all the days ordained for me, they were written in Your book before one of them came to be.' was great, great comfort to me when i wanted to just die doing the physics prelim paper which, i must say was pretty catastrophic. i hope this year's one isnt so bad :'( -runs but its ok! grades dont matter [see above] cos He has a greater plan for me (: so ifffffff i end up with terrible grades, it doesnt matter i just want to work in a kindergarten and hug all the sweet little babiessss. ok maybe not babies but oh well (: 'You are familiar with all my ways, before a Word was on my tongue You know it completely.'

oh! and i watched the kids practising their song item for anniversary called "lighthouse". it used to be my favorite song when i was a kid! 'if i am salt of the earth, i'll make sure my saltshaker works. and if i am a light on a hill, i WILL NOT RUN when i need to be still. cos salt can lose its flavor, and a light can grow dim. oh i wanna be, salt of the earth and a light to the world and my friends (:'

so look up to the heavens and understand, that the Lord of heavens He is holding your hand. and when the road goes slow i know that you know that Jesus is your way, and your life. (:

how precious to me are Your thoughts o God,
how vast is the sum of them.
were i to count them they'd outnumber the grains of sand,
when i awake, i am still with You.

this is from the caedmon's call cd that daniel lent me:

in many towns in india, dalits are not allowed to draw water from a well. they must go to the well to beg for a higher caste person to share, and often no one does. hinduism tells them they are worthless, with no hope for change and the caste system reinforces these lies. so, when they hear the truth about God- that He loves them, He made them in His image, and that Jesus came to die so they could be with Him, they are overcome. in john4, Jesus breaks social taboos and drinks after the samaritan woman at the well, and then He offers her the living water. "a well of water springing up into everlasting life." at first this may seem like a call for social justice and as followers of Christ we are commanded to look after the poor and weak. but in the end, its a call to evangelism.

and it ended with a really, really impactful thought:

we are bearers of the well that will never run dry, will we share the well?

theres this section of charles R swindoll's 'come before winter' that really stuck after i read it for devotions the other day, its about how some christians come up with a game plan that looks something like this:

dressed up and drove to church check
walked three blocks in the rain check
got a seat and sat down quietly check
sang each verse, smiled appropriately check
gave $5.. listened to sermon check
closed my Bible, prayed, looked pious check
shook hands.. walked out.. check
quickly forgot. check

sunday religion may seem sufficient, but it isnt. deception can easily result in a surprise ending.

and then comes this really funny part that i laughed like crazy at:

shed a tear for jimmy brown, poor jimmy is no more, for what he thought was h20 was h2so4 haaaaaaaaaaaa

ok sorry but that kinda illustrates the point of the passage, something we all need to think about. do we live a sunday, pseudo Christian life? maybe. thats what we need to change- FAST.

me and jol and our flowers! in piggots (:



me and cass on london bridge ;p



alex esther me jol on the bus to piggots (:



line me jol limhui in piggots!



line and me in prague (:



me and sheryl near our prague competition venue



me and cass on the plane



us (:



near the prague castle

all my most beautiful memories on the ac choir tour of 2005. hug i love you all (:

thoughts control feelings which control actions. there are good sources of thoughts and bad ones. faith ought to be your main source as a Christian who loves God so focus on Him and let Him always be the centre of your life. eccles12:13 thats the purpose of our lives!

Amen.

thank you Lord for my special friends. -wink ;)

matthew 18

10 take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.

11 for the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost.

12 what do you think? if a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying?

13 and if he should find it, assuredly I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray.

14 even so it is not in the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.

reading this passage just gave me such a nice warm, fuzzy feeling when i was in the midst of feeling sorry for myself cos i had to do gp -_- that we are precious, special and priceless in His sight and there are angels watching over us! His angels and more importantly He watches over us and loves us regardless of the circumstance. (: our song for sunday's chairing, thats the love of God, its never ending. -wink ;)

Lord, i want You to know that this double life is through.
and everything, all of me, im giving to You.
and with my whole heart, im gonna love You
and with my whole life, im gonna live it for You
take my heart, every secret part,
im wholehearted in love with You.

had some free/breathing time on sunday morning and i kinda sat down and reflected on the past month and all the things that've been happening what with school starting again after a month long break and the wonderful [priceless] experience in london and prague. was feeling pretty sick of studying actually and i was looking at the countdown sheet i made for prelims [sigh.] and i was thinking of throwing all my books away and not studying anymore hm. and i usually think of doing that all the time but normally i dont i just force myself to study. then i started thinking about the end of last year and youth conference and all and how i promised the Lord that i would follow Him with my whole heart and love Him with my entire being, and praise Him in every circumstance. and i thought 'oh boy, failed- AGAIN.'

and it kinda reminded me about how sometimes we keep struggling and struggling and struggling and then after you fall flat on your face you wonder what on earth you keep struggling for and you feel like giving up. but ruth quoted jia during sunday school today 'the worst thing next to struggling to maintain a relationship and walking with the Lord is not having such a relationship.' and that is DOWNRIGHT true. and often times i forget how blessed i am to just know Him. and as i sat on my bed journalling i decided that i really had to take practical steps to overcome my severe inertia in studying and the other issues in my life that im trying to overcome, so i did. and at the end of it when i looked at everything i had written down, i still felt that there was something missing and i KNEW what it was, i just didnt want to admit it.

see we all struggle with the problem of learning to let go and let Him, and thats just what's been preventing me from dealing with all the things that life [or satan] has thrown as me. this little 20% part of me that tells me im fine, i can take things into my own hands and i can make little wrong choices along the way and it doesnt matter cos God's gonna forgive me anyway. oh boy, wrongwrong and i STILL havent learnt.

so im learning to let go, let go and let Him. im wholehearted in love, with You. (:

sunny days! (:

Sunny days keeping the clouds away
I think we're coming to a clearing and a brighter day
So far away and still I think they say
The wait will make the heart grow stronger
Or fonder, I can't quite remember, anyway

So if you're waiting for love
Well, it's a promise I'll keep
If you don't mind believing that it changes everything
Time will never matter

Winter, spring..is what love can truly bring
Ice turns to water
Water flows to everything
You can lose your mind
Maybe then your heart, you'll find
I hope you won't give up what's moving you inside, no

So if you're waiting for love
Well, it's a promise I'll keep
If you don't mind believing that it changes everything
Time will never matter

If the car won't start when you turn the key
When the music comes on, all your cold, cold heart can do
Is skip a beat

It's a promise I'll keep when you're waiting for love
If you don't mind believing that it changes everything
Time will never matter (time will never matter)

So if you're waiting for love
Well, it's a promise I'll keep
If you don't mind believing that it changes everything
Time will never matter

Time will never matter
No, time will never matter
Time will never matter
No, time will never matter

i believe that love changes everything, time will never matter (: for to the Lord, a thousand years is as a day. (:

just a thought and a photo i found, thankful upon every remembrance. (:

when things get tough, the Lord always prods me back in the direction of job.

"have you commanded the morning since your days begun,
and caused the dawn to know it's place?

have you entered the springs of the sea,
or have you walked in search of the depths?

have the gates of death been revealed to you?
or have you seen the doors of the shadow of death?

have you comprehended the breadth of the earth?
tell Me, if you know all this."

-job38:12, 16-18

was looking thru tour photos just now and i just started feeling really, really sad again. realised again how much i miss it. the photos are priceless and the memories are timeless and it sticks like it was just yesterday. and while im missing it so much, my mom comes in and tells me london's been hit by terrorists and i was pretty shocked for awhile before it finally sank in that the Lord had His hand upon us every step of the way. He protected and, He kept. and i realise [again!] that my studies are a pathetically small part of the big picture and i really shdnt be worrying myself over it and QUIT STRESSING.

"i have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You, therefore i abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes." -job42:5-6

its scary seeing people on stretchers being carried down the streets of london cos it really shocks me into the reality of the situation. and it reminds me how weak we are and how insignificant our problems are in comparison with what others are facing right now.

if we would follow and believe, with faith like a child.

i think i need a Savior like You,
One Who talks to me,
Someone Who sees everything i do.
and i think i need a Savior like You,
One Who hears my prayers,
Someone Who always will be there.

i think im sure i need a Savior, like You. (:

Lord, You've given me so much
brought me this far in a short time.
still theres so much room to grow
help me to never stop, never stop searching for ways i can serve You more.

when i look back thru the years,
time after time i would fall from you
still You gently pick me up,
gave me a second chance,
brought me back home at last,
grace so amazing to me.
help me to never stop, never stop searching for ways i can serve You more.

the way You work thru me is a mystery,
so help me see how i can be more of Your helper,
more of Your child, more of Your image inside.

Lord, You've given me so much
friends and loved ones surround my day.
yet in One Who gave His life, i found the perfect peace,
i found the perfect expression of love in this world.

help me to never stop, never stop searching for ways i can serve You more.