Usted sabe mejor que yo (:

better than i

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I.

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through.
I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I.

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me, Will You teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
You know better than I.

erkamka na adonai (:

haha oh YEA i forgot to say im vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvVVVVVVVV thankful for my dseven in higher chinese wahahahah i improved by one grade from prelims k! heh although it really totally spoilt my cert but it doesnt matter cos my chinese sucks so im still v thankful (:

confused about everything thats revolving around me right now and i just now my parents are gonna try and make me switch school but come what may, im still gonna trust- and i DONT wanna leave ac! so all the evil people that are telling me im nuts for wanting to stay time to shut uppp.. heh KIDDING :D

but yessss come what may, there are two ways but only one way for me. WHOLEHEARTED [wise words of ms ruth yeo (:]

results was like WOW i really, truly am amazed at the extent to which He has blessed and the strength He's given to pull us through this time. i never expected six pts neither did i expect seven ones but He really, REALLY gave it to me and i have nothing but a heart full of gratefulness and thanksgiving (:

whilst i was walking just now my mind rewinded back to the time when i read that letter that ms ma made us write to ourselves and i remember being amazed at how He answered my prayer in giving me 8 pts for the prelims.. and THEN i realised an even BIGGER amazement.. the second part of the letter, 6 pts for the o's was answered. and im really like WOW cos seriously when i wrote that letter, six was like SO far off but He answered me anyway and its just so amazing, SO amazing :D

but i realise also that even in the course of preparing my heart for receiving my results, i've failed in many ways. and really the one thing i regret the most about today was my response when i first looked at my result slip. i told myself no matter what it would first be giving thanks to Him for all that comes but instead my first natural human instinct was to SCREAM and then i dont know what but i said 'thank you ms ma' which was completely uncalled for LA run around scream somemore and scream to my mom and yeaaaa sucks la knowing that even after purposing in my heart i still.. koyak. but i know also that even from this really horrid failure, theres a lesson to be learnt and i am DETERMINED to learn from it no matter what

i know right now thanksgiving really is a must for me but it wasnt my first thought even though im think of it now. i can just picture Him standing there next to the table, waiting for me to give Him a hug and thank Him in a prayer for all He's done. but instead.. i turn and run in the other direction. to someone else.

walking constitutes struggles, pain and sacrifice and though the amount of elation from the results that He gave is so immense its still a reminder of how i've failed in this aspect. but i've picked myself up, dusted myself off and im ready to roll again :D

i am so thankful at being able to remain in sbone, i love sbone, i love acjc but most of all, i should love the One that loves me that most which i havent learnt to love above all else yet. but through time i'll learn, in His time He makes all things beautiful (:

haha this is from jia's blog its a LOVELY song and absolutely beautiful, You know better than i (:

You know better than i

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I.

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through.
I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I.

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me, Will You teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
You know better than I.

gahhhh im sup jittery now all a bunch of nerves but learning so much more what it means to trust Him (:

be still, my soul.

Be still, my soul,
The Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain,
Leave too your God, to order and provide.
In every change He faithful will remain,

Be still, my soul,
Your best your heavenly Friend,
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul,
Your God will under take.
To guide the future as He has the past
Your hope your confidence let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last

Be still, my soul,
The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them , while He lived below

Be still, my soul,
Be still, my soul,
Be still.

heh i've got this like WHOLE list of verses to calm my nerves and keep me less jittery matt6:27 john14:27 1john2:24-25 phil4:6-7 james1:2-8 1cor10:13 2tim1:7 i mustttttttttt keep trusting (: now i know my faith is still v much at the anthropocentric level and its vvvvvvvvvv hard to remind myself to turn my focus back and Him, learning to cultivate a Christocentric faith so much more.

heh i dont think my heart will EVER stop pounding so hard but i know that the o's is like this reaaaaaaaaaalllly tiny portion of my entire life, when i look at all the eighteen, nineteen year olds in church they're like, heh all talking about their a's and the o's is like. THING OF THE PAST and it was what, two years ago?

sometimes i seriously feel like dropping everything and running away to like some ulu planet or something but i know what He has in store for me, even on this horrible earth destroyed by sin is far greater than i can imagine.

remembering the story of jim elliot and the five other men that went with him to reach the aucas with the gospel because of a simple misunderstanding, they were killed by the aucas. they had guns, but they didnt use them, they LET THEMSELVES BE KILLED why? because they wanted to show His love. and honestly if you ask me if i would just stand there with a gun in my hand and not use it when a bunch of tribal people start charging towards me, i really dont know if i would be able to exercise the same kind of willpower they did, knowing that they wouldnt survive.

and its amazing when i think about and imagine a bunch of fishermen following Jesus, having the privilege to learn from Him. and i realise academic qualifications are not what He wants to see, He wants to see dedication and love on our part, to Him. its easier said than done i know i will go into anxious nutty jittery mode but when that happens, i wanna learn to trust (:

remember im human, and humans forget, so remind me, remind me dear Lord (:

haha rie says hello! shes wasting her phone bill and talking to me on her phone on the way home heh talking about all our rubbish! serious man eths like sup complicated but i knowwwwwww we'll survive (:

always and always we must remember to keep trusting (: gahhhhhh results are coming out on friday and yesss big test on trust and learning how to lean on Him, come what may. the why questions alwaysalways like to take control of my mind and sometimes it seriously kills when you see someone better then you and you ask why am i not that person or why am i not as good or whatever. haha but my new kids song i re-found in numberone's cd 'i just thank You Father for makin' me, me (: cos You gave me a heart, and You gave me a SMILE You gave me Jesus and You made me Your child, and i just thank You Father for makin' me, ME' :D

i still have a long way more, learning to give thanks in tough times, to trust when i cant see His hand or His plan. but i know that He loves me, that He loves us and thats ALL THAT MATTERS- in the end (:

life's like this really huuuuuuge sinusoidal wave that neverends :'( jc life just gets tougher and tougher and tougher each day.. dont get me wrong i love sbone :D but theres increasingly more issues to deal with and sometimes it really, REALLY gets to me. but i knowwwwwww i know no temptation has overtaken me except that which is common to man [2cor10:13] but yes i still wanna say rie i love you ALOT and thank you for always being there to listen to my rubbish heh and we just give each other our rubbish so yes thanks always to Him who knows what i need, and who i need (:

up till now i've had alot of fun with sbone and heh its all cos of them that i've spent i dunno how much on movies already heh including yesterdays movie marathon which seriously made my eyes die after that heh we're planning to write this letter to the principal which is like heh nobody can leave sbone neither can anyone leave the class after the results are out heh which is the most SPASTICATED thing i've ever done but i love sbone and for the sake of us, i'll do it (:

im reading a VERY strange but nice book now heh 'i kissed dating goodbye' heh jia read it rie read it and rie is ok WAS forcing me to read it but now im reading it, it really makes sense (: i mean it isnt an anti-boyfriend/girlfriend book but it reminds alot that no matter the relationship it shd always, always be centred on Him and Him alone (:

i just finished reading my brother's book on jim elliot heh which is a really simplified version but yea it managed to give me a very quick overview of the realllllll tough life of a missionary and all. and seriously now i dont know if i can ever take the rough life of a missionary heh seeing the guniang i am and all, but i know that hopes and dreams can come true- if its part of His plan (: and reading the story of jim elliot and elisabeth elliot, it really struck me that hey now THAT is like true love and that is the love which will never ever take their individual focus away from Christ. i mean seriously they waitedm FIVE years, saw each other like once a year and still loved each other despite. now THAT is love and amazing love at that (:

and i know somehow, someway He's got a great big plan for me and i love Him so much for that (:

sometimes i really cannot see the plan which He has for me and i go into the whywhywhy mode, sit on my butt and be sad :'( but yesssss ben says must trust yes must trust, must be a light yes must be a light (: no matter the outcome :D

all that i am, all that i could ever hope to be, i owe it all to You (:

mustkeeptrustingkeeponswimmin' (:

funorama is FINALLY over :D its not exactly a good thing but yea im glad all the scoldings and naggings from kt will stop heh to some extent anyway but its one experience i wouldnt trade for anything haha sbone rawwwwks man (:

the morning began qte strangely i was half awake when ben's mom came over to pick me and we reached school like 6.50am heh carrying a whole bunch of jellies, ben's suit, violin case goodness knows what else and the moment we started setting up our store everyone started calling me to get people to help them carry stuff in so basically i almost died carrying all the stuff in

heh and i got to eat fried ice cream! which was sup cool cos i have never ever ever eaten anything like it before so :D haha i went round advertising with justin and ben who were getting fried in their tuxedos in an ATTEMPT to advertise for our store heh which wasnt very successful in the morning but eventually helped in the afternoon so (: our games and food stalls were amazing successes and i guess it really is in moments like these that you truly see His grace and all (: i mean honestly two days before, we were all in a BIG MESS and the day before funorama we all went to watch a movie instead of preparing like crazy so (: haha all our jellies got sold out and we made lots of money! well coupons anyway so (:

a million memories of the funfair i will never ever forget-

1. pleading with all my relatives to buy tickets from me during chinese new year
2. running around in mt e getting rejected by nurses and yelled at by receptionists trying to sell tickets in an attempt to escape lessons
3. playing with kat at u-jin's house when we were SUPPOSED to be making jellies but did not
4. coming up with stupid slogans for our store at wei-jun's house
5. the experience when the seven of us got a ride on a LORRY to a bus stop
6. the carrying of a million things into school on the 21st of feb
7. trying to advertise for sb1ackjack with benandjustin to no avail
8. meeting up with all the dg people who came for funorama and realising how much i miss sc and dg [AGAIN :'(]
9. the LOUD shriek i gave when i saw cheriechan
10. heh attacking all the bethanian trees to buy from our games and food stall which worked so :D
11. watching daniel khor getting dunked at the dunking pool for a mere hundred bucks
12. clutching everyones hands so tightly six of us when for the scone haunted house which everyone said WASNT scary and i was the only one screaming
13. haha the 80 bucks worth of tickets joel gave me! and rie and him trying to drag me into the ah haunted house
15. going on a buying spree with alot of people trying to spend al our tickets
16. all the bowls of ice jelly i stole from our stall and all the sweetsweet sbone people that let me do that (:
17. watching justin break the whole glass jar filled with some funny red sauce by accident and his facial expression after
18. watching leow's expression when ben t sent him a message that said 'the guy on your right is so cute' referring to HIMSELF O____o
19. having to run all the way across the track to get to the silly room to do the silly srp aptitude test which i know im gonna fail heh :D

there are countless others memories that would take up too much time if i were to list them all down but the experience was fun, something i will treasure even in the years to come :D

next challenge coming up ahead.. RESULTS. -scream

results are gonna be out def. by the end of this week and it really is qte scary and all to think that what i have right now could be ripped right out of my arms, out of my grasp. had a sunday school class gathering thing yesterday and it really is an encouragement to the soul knowing that in all things i have sisters and brothers in Christ to push me along the way and to remind each other that even if things dont qte go the way i want them to, it doesnt matter, cos He's got a bigger plan which i cannot see (:

im thankful for what i have now, sbone, friends, the fun i have in school. His grace in the sustenance of my walk with Him, reminding me it is a privilege to suffer for His name's sake.

Though the rain may fall and the wind is blowing,
And cold and chill is the wintry blast,
Though the cloudy sky is still cloudier growing,
And the dead leaves tell the summer has passed.
My face I hold to the stormy heaven,
My heart is as calm as the summer sea,
Glad to receive what God has given,
Whatever it may be.

When I feel the cold, I can say, 'He sends it.'
And His wind blows blessing I surely know,
For I've never a want but He attends it,
And my heart beats warm though the winds may blow.
The soft sweet summer was warm and glowing;
Bright were the blossoms on every bough;
I trusted Him when the roses were blowing;
I trust Him now.

Small were my faith should it weakly falter,
Now that the roses have ceased to grow;
Frail were the trust that now should alter,
Doubting His love when storm clouds blow.
If I trust Him once, I must trust Him ever,
And His way is best, though I stand tall or fall,
Through wind and storm, He will leave me never,
He sends it all.

Why should my heart be faint and fearing?
Mighty He rules above the storm;
Even the wintry blast is cheering,
Showing His power to keep me warm.
Never a care on my heart is pressing,
Never a fear can disturb my breast,
Everything that He sends is a blessing,
For He knows best.

"every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." -james1:17

like i always said, james is a wise man :D

it may not be the way i would've chosen, when You lead me through a world thats not my home, but You never said it would be easy, You only said we'd never walk alone (:

whatever the results will be, theres a plan though i may not see it now, i know its a gift and the best for me (:

haha sing acs forevermore our acs forever- the best is YET to be :D

Shepherd of my soul, i give You full control,
wherever You may lead i will follow.
i have made the choice, to listen to Your voice-
wherever You may lead i will go.

be it in a quiet pasture, or by a gentle stream,
the Shepherd of my soul is by my side.
should i face a mighty mountain, or a valley dark and deep,
the Shepherd of my soul will be my guide (:

blue skies

On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
Its so hard to see past my fears
My strength seems to fade
And its all I can do
To hold on, till the light reappears.
Still, I believe though some rain's bound to fall
That you're here next to me
And you're over it all.

Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in you
You're my joy, You're the dream thats still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life,You're grace.
You are blue skies, You're my blue skies

When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in the light of the truth
For waiting beyond, where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and your mercy anew.
Oh, to believe we're alive in your love
There is so much to see, if we keep looking up.

Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in you
You're my joy, You're the dream thats still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life,You're grace.
You are blue skies, You're my blue skies

You filled the heavens with hope and a higher love
A picture of promise for life.

Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in you
You're my joy, You're the dream thats still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life,You're grace.
You are blue skies, You're my blue skies.

heh today was sup tiring we ran around in mount e trying to get people to buy our funfair tickets which was REALLY amusing cos ujin was like whoa 1000bucks worth of tickets sold on his own heh weijun and i came up with our own strategy which was like he walks into the clinic does the intro and everything and i do 'the SWEET thing' which is basically the pleasepleasepleasepleasebuyifyoudontbuyimgonnacry thing heh and it kinda worked la i think we sold two hundred over dollars worth of tickets heh with some two and one dollar donations haha gina and the other five of them were fainting around on the ground floors cos people were being evil heh one guy refused to buy cos of justin's laugh! i almost died when i heard about it la the guy was like mortified or something heh

we had alot of fun la though it was sup tiring and i came back at five thirty and tried to sleep at seven which was a totally failDED attempt so yea (: i thank Him so v much for placing me here in ac cos i know somehow someway theres this big plan that i cannot see but what i can see with this small part, all i wanna do is give this life to You (:

it becomes more and more of a challenge each morning when i try to keep focused on His word instead of what goes on around me. but it really is a joy each morning when i take some time to breathe in the sweet morning air and watch the mist above the hebrews12:1 verse on the sports complex slowly fade away and its just great to be able to give thanks for the care He put into creating all these things for us, these things that were borrowed from Him to make our life more beautiful (: He could have made it black and white and we'd have never known. but He didnt and that in itself is reason enough to give thanks (:

distractions and long days of jc life can just about kill the soul but im not gonna let it kill mine heh 1john3:2 i dont know what His specific will for me is, but i know it is to be like Him (:

let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith :D

heh ok i've just celebrated my official sixteenth dateless valentines day two days ago :D how sad is that man! heh ok im just kidding (: i was evil this year and didnt do anything for anyone so AW thank you for all the sweet people that gave me stuff (: all the days leading up to valentines day like daily devotionals were ALL on that subject and everything and though it sounds terribly cliche counting the number of times i've heard it from people who really mean it and from people who say it just to make themselves feel better that they dont have the 'significantotherhalf' as referred to by mr sum in the course of the past week He really is the basic foundation, of love. if He didnt love the way He did there really would be no reason to love the unlovely, unadorable, uncute, unfun, just UN people and its something really that all of us are guilty of, judging people and giving downright condemnation when we have absolutely no right to. this hugeeee problem is becoming significantly enlarged when i go to school each day cos i know i know how much He wants me to love the UNpeople just like He loves all the UNpeople which is everyone according to His standards and it just amazes me that Him being all Holy and perfect and just.. whole would take the time off to be with me each day, to comfort my fears, to wipe away my tears and to just hold my hand and carry me when i feel like i cant carry on.

some people are easy to love and all but everyeveryevery time i find myself back to square one in dealing with this constantly recurring problem of judging and loving selectively i always remember the first verse of by this they will know 'if we only love the lovely, and those we call our own, or if we give expecting something in return. ' if we do all these, what makes us different in the world's eyes? where is the proof that we belong to Christ?

by this they will know,
Who Jesus is.
by this they will know,
that we are HIS
IF we give of ourselves, as He gave Himself for us,
by this they will know Him-
they'll know Jesus by our love.

He has no voice to speak but ours. He has no hands to touch but ours. He has no feet to walk but ours. and it really is a challenge to remind myself of that day by day cos the moment i step into the school day i get so caught up in everything and just start running on automode and my momentary life's goals just seem to be how to get to the next lecture by the fastest, shortest way and avoid getting murdered by daniel khor and when i chiong for chinese test, haiyo it knocks all the breath out of me its total madness in school nowadays cos i now go to school 24/6 which is really qte bad heh and i see rie and joel 24/7 hm seeing rie is good but joel? nah heh ok kidding but im just vvvvvv thankful to have people to walk with me and all heh now its like power of three joel is the dajie and both of us are the tiny ones which is really qte amusing and im beginning to see this really great BIG picture in my mind where i can see His hand in many of the little things that happen (:

heh i was showering the other day and i suddenly thought of this. like how God's plan is this great biiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggg million gazillion piece jigsaw and like how my life is like one piece of it? and like just say its a picture of a tree and the tree has fruits of if my piece happens to be part of the fruit its gonna be a different color [meaning not green la] and if i sit on my butt and complain about why my piece is red and not green like everyone elses and never hand Him that piece to fit in, its not gonna be a perfect picture. ok heh MAYBE im the only one that understands what i've been babbling about in the past few lines? but WHO CARES but what i've been trying to say is that whatever comes, we should, and must learn to accept the lot that He gives cos some way, somehow theres this great biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig picture that i cant see (:

in my heart i know Your plan is so much bigger, but this small part is all that i can see. but i believe You havent left me here to wander, still i cant help but ponder where You're leading me- but You know why this road, why this way and this load, You know how far i must go till i see till i know why this road (:

i am SO gonna survive jc life heh now im all ready in my battle gear with the belt of truth shield of faith sword of the Spirit, helmet of salvation, sandals [gospel of peace] yaye i will attack stupid insidious satan cos He has promised, truth will trail, He will PREVAIL (:

i still cannot forget the super cool banner that we did at ujin's house yesterday HAHA the power of three! both our banners have verses on them wahaha super cool heh the games store one has like ephesians6:16 about taking the shield of faith to quench the fiery DARTS of the wicked one which is super cool cos its a dart game :D heh yayeee and i just cannot get over the richness of just about anyone in ac ujin's house is like WAYYYYYYYYYYY bigger than anyones house i've seen and i thought manda's house was big heh but anyway i love our banners i love sbone and i love ac :D

be still my soul, the Lord is on Your side. bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. leave to Your God to water and provide.

in every change, He faithful will remain (:

saturday's ypg msg was super cool :D haha it was on caleb and how he and joshua stood out from the twelve spies that went to spy on the land of canaan cos they had FAITH and its supersuper cool cos pastormark was heh telling us how he kept his aspiration of doing something for the Lord for FORTYFIVE years and hurm how he charged up a mountain at the age of eightyfive which is UNBELIEVABLE la im like dead already after running 1.6km doing 40 pushups 100 squats 70 crunches and 20 triceptrainingrubbishtogiveusnicearms in the course of forty minutes during mass pe and thats like nothing la compared to an eightyfive year old guy CHARGING [not hobbling ah] up a mountain and its really like WOW so my weariness is zitzero compared to that yes i must try and learn from pastor and be able to survive on five hours of sleep a day heh now i need like triple that to stay awake during econs lecture so yessss revival and renewal :D

spent like six hours singing yesterday so my voice is heh totally gone we really sing like mad in the ac choir but it really brings such joy [and goosebumps too ;p] when i hear the melodious mixing of the satb after hurm HOURS and literally hours of training. heh but the teachers will stop at nothing but perfection so we're just gonna keep singing, keep singing.. and singing. but yes i will find joy in singing too all the songs are Christian songs heh so far anyway aside from pamugan but ubi caritas and jubilate deo arent in english so though its nice and all theres like no joy or meaning in singing it cos i concentrate so much on the words i forget the meaning but when we sing glory of the Father which we did for the whole of yesterday it really makes me so v much more conscious of what im singing about, and its just.. nice :D

theres this part that goes 'He came to His own, and His own and His own received Him not' and we kept singing that part over and over again cos we didnt sound as in musically ok but i know God hears the heart so yea (: and it really reminds me about our horrible wretchedness and evilness and everything horrible that we are and i dont think i'll ever understand why He came and 'dwelt among us' thats like oil mixing with water which is just not possible but He came to give us that hope of life and to teach us to walk in that light and thats something i really have to learn to be thankful for (:

went for the ac choir gathering at dael's house after church and everything and it feels nice i mean when we all say grace together and everything but i always hear the same word that comes about 'fellowship'. everyone talks about fellowship. fellowship over lunch over dinner, whatever. but how often do we really talk about what really matters? and i realised that over dinner i heard alot of jokes and teasing round all the different tables but i heard nothing and i do mean nothing about God. im guilty of that too cos alot of times i forget and when i get high i just laugh at just about everything and just totally lose it but yupppp i must be more conscious of why i live, and WHO, i live for (:

woke up feeling terrible this morning i dont know why i just somehow felt i wasnt very right with God. there will be times when my spirit feels uplifted and i feel a little joy but that spark very quickly dies off and i slip right back into my old, comfortable, sinful ways. and i know that alot of times i just turn my back on the problem and just run away from it in the complete opposite direction and that results in terrible adverse effects on the growth of my faith. rah just told us this morning how she was finding it sup hard to witness to others and everything and i realised that all of us are facing our own individual difficulties in our faith, what she's going through now is not what im going through now. im here with my own set of problems, rie's struggling with hers, ruth and jia have their own stuff to deal with and theres no possible way we can be THERE for each other all the time. for rie and i its alot easier cos we wait ok more like she waits for me every morning before we go for assembly and it helps alot the days heh when im not late and we have time to pray together and all but yea with different schools and the evil suffocating jc curriculum theres just about no room for us to talk aside from an occasional heh weekly exhortation sms but STILL realise heh ok i've done alot of realisation over the week that when all else fails, He's still there. you dont have to dial a number and wait for someone to pick up, you dont have to hear the 'please try again later' thing on a phone switched off, its direct, complete and unhindered access all you hav to do to clasp your hands, close your eyes and pray.

and it really is something im beginning to appreciate so very much more and yahhhhh smetimes i wish tchenkee would migrate to teaching bio in ac instead of tj so we can attack her during breaks and all but well He's placed us here and we are so gonna survive against all the evil wiles of the devil :D

im definitely not looking forward to hearing another illogical msg tmr so im just gonna cover my ears and let all the rubbish i hear enter not. grrr

oh yes heh last thing caleb said "give me this mountain of which the Lord spoke in that day" -joshua14:12 such was his faith and i wanna learn from that. seeing how the Lord fulfilled His promises to caleb, protected him through his time in the wilderness, went with caleb and his people, and blessed joshua and caleb and learning from caleb's consistency! which i know i do not have. consistency of faith, of obedience to God, of strength of Spirit.

hebrews 12:1- let us run the race with endurance, looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith (:

this road

A million miles away from anything familiar
a thousand places that I'd rather be
so I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side
though I find it hard to see though all my suffering
in my heart I know your plan is so much bigger
but this small part is all that I can see
and I believe you havn't left me here to wander
still I can't help but ponder where you're leading me

and I ask why this road
why this way
and this load
tell me how far must I go
till I see,
till I know
why this road.

A million miles away from anything familiar
what was it like to be so far from home?
though you came in love
the world misunderstood you
there must have been some days when you felt so alone
but you endured, because there was joy before you
joy that came because you sacrificed
Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me
surely I can trust you'll lead me through my darkest times

when I ask why this road
why this way
and this load
tell me how far must I go
till I see,
till I know
why this road.

From here I can't see
why you'd choose this path for me
but I don't have to understand to believe
that You know why, this road
why this way
and this load
You know how far I must go
till I see
till I know
why this road (:

jc is getting v GAH but yes i will survive and biiiiiiig announcement i love jelene and the huuuuuuuuge truckload of chocolates she brought back for me :D little things i gotta learn to thank Him for, and trust Him when things get rough :D

"You are of God little children, and have overcome them. for He who is in you, is GREATER than he who is in the world." -1john4:4

:D:D:D

V TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

but its ok, cos i know Who holds the future, and i know Who holds my hand (:

the hand

I hear a blind man, asking where this road goes
But we won't tell him, we just stop to block his way with stones
I watch a woman, overtaken by disease
We fell upon her suffering, instead of offering the cure she needs
My heart is heavy as I see what we've become
How quickly we forget what we've been rescued from

If not for the hand that leads us
We too would roam in the darkness
If not for the hand that heals us
We would live in pain

Our hands have power, they can harm and they can heal
We raise them in praise and honor
We use them to stone and steal
With his two hands, one that rescued history
Said he came for the sick and sightless
He said that was you and me

If not for the hand that leads us
We too would roam in the darkness
If not for the hand that heals us
We would live in pain

But still we keep our distance
Caught up in our false pretenses
Only by the hand have we been changed
Compelled by the gracious hand that chose to change this life for us
Won't we choose to use our hands to give the world his love?

If not for the hand that leads us
We too would roam in the darkness
If not for the hand that heals us
We would live in pain

But still we keep our distance
Caught up in our false pretenses
Only by the hand have we been changed
Have we been changed

theres like this huuuuuge expanse of deep, dark forest right in front of me my temper is getting shorter and shorter and shorter and i've yelled at just about everyone including myself. my rents are upset with me, all my dad ever wants to see me do is study, my mum just follows. i know they want the best for me but its just so eurgh FRUSTRATING i just completed an entire YEAR of chionging for the o's and sacrificing just about everything i had, there is absolutely NO memories whatsoever of having fun with my friends or just having good, undisturbed, proper time of fellowship in church after services and all during the whole course of last year and now with nine hour long days in jc my life is going to consist of just three things- my studies, home and church. im not complaining about that, thats fine with me if they would only leave my time in church ALONE. i dont even know which services im banned from they'd be happy if i just didnt go for all. i have no idea what they're trying to do whatever inputs i give is just completely and totally ignored their entire mindset just revolves around sheHAStogetintotheuniversityorherentirelifeisruined and when i choose not to say anything, i get yelled at.

thoughts keep filling my head and i know im blessed when i compare myself to alot of people, i know im loved, by Him at least. i know what commitments i want to keep and then its the struggle between what the Bible says about obeying your parents and standing up for your faith. the line between the two extremes is so blurred, you hardly see anything and i dont know if i've crossed the line, or if im going to. so its just EURGH

yesterdays message was about trusting in good times, trusting in good times was tough, trusting in bad times is in some ways easier, and in other ways harder. what i need now is lots of prayers and lots of sleep.

one day i decided i'd aspire to higher ambition, so i set out on a mission to change the world. armed and dangerous with my well meant words and best intentions, i went sharing my convictions with every living soul. but it wasn't long till the lightning flashed, the storms of disenchantment crashed. and my ambitions were scattered by winds of doubt and it wasn't long till i learned to see,

life wouldn't always be easy for me.