prom's over (: hahahahahahaha i am so proud of myself i really went in pants ;p wheeeeeee

i know i really didnt wanna go at first and i was really truly with ALL my heart dreading going there but i kept telling myself 'have faith, have faith' its tough to just trust in His providence sometimes but He knows what i need, and He never fails (:

i got an amazingly sweet letter from carol and i just wanted to say hahabao i love you -hug its really how in little things like that through very special people, He reminds me, time and again how much He loves me even when im being a jittery idiot (:

really, i had a great time (: i forgot my camera so i wasnt running around snapping photos heh people were just dragging me into theirs heh and alot of people were like -jawdrop- rach why arent you in a dress? okayyyy heh germaine looked the cutest! reallyreally (: and the fullerton washrooms are the NICEST :D

talked to thengs a bit after prom up in the dgroom which is pathetically small for $250 and yea it made me alot happier cos i found out it wasnt just me against well certain things people do these days and YESSS see He provides the people (:

its v tough to guard myself sometimes like when t chen kee was telling us about the judgemental spirit and i know i know im vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv guilty of that. i'll look at people and go 'hey, thats wrong' and its like grrr He doesnt do that what right do i have to do that? sometimes i really feel the evil one attacking me and alot of times the first reaction is not 'GO AWAY!' its 'oh. k im pretending i dont see you'

eurghhhhhhh i dont want to choose what junior college to go to i just wanna stay in sc forever and ever and EVER :'( its really hard sometimes to listen to His voice cos sometimes i think its either too soft or i just choose to shut it out. i NEED to fight that. grr stupid satan go away go away

i must listen to His voice. i have to hear if His voice says hwachong or ac. i need to hear.

the cover of an issue of seventeen says 'my best friend flew 2000 miles to get me a cd!' my issue of sixteen says 'MY best friend spent three hours nailed to the cross, blameless, just to get me my salvation.'

now i have to listen to my best friend.

i to Christ my life have given,
ever His alone to be,
oh, what peace and blessed assurance,
that He has a plan for me!

before time began, He had a plan for me (:

i SWEAR after tonight nobody should call me a bimbo anymore

God will make a way, when there seems to be no way, He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me! He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side, with love and strength for each new day, He will make a way,

heh jia said if i cant stand it she'll run over and crash ;p heh talk about the Lord's providence (: for always!

He will make a way (:

heh min is v funny she suddenly called me last night and asked if i wanted a blue dress cos she said it looked more 'promish' heh remains to be seen if i'll actually wear it i mean hello its min's size it couldnt get any smaller ;p

to top it all off my mum insists that they wont let me in if i wear flipflops so now i have to go in heels grr if i fall down im just gonna laugh until my sides split :'(

my head is painful. maybe i wont go for prom after all -rubs hands in glee- ying expects to see me there in a GOWN hm. heh and she dreamt i er got kidnapped or something like that so she got so scared and had to check how i was heh like how i grabbed glycerol and hugged him like forever after i dreamt that he died :'(

i guess its little things like that that really teach me to lean on the Lord. when Jesus is all you have, you realise that Jesus is all you need. im still learning to trust in His providence through tough times and i know that He will keep me, through it all but sometimes, human as i am i sometimes fail to look towards the highercalling and the prize and goal of that call. last night i had this really bad dream that i got back my o's cert and i got like 17 points and i couldnt go anywhere i wanted to :'( and i really wonder, if that really happened to me, would i still be able to trust? its about four months till the results come out and i know full well that anything can happen and i know how important it is for me to keep trusting and place my all into His hands, cos once i cross that line, once i turn away, theres no turning back.

i would rather this- i have chosen to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.

d1's quote- someone is speaking but she doesnt know He's there. keep praying for the shes and hes in your life, for always (:

heh ms ma gave us highlighters yesterday and thanked us 'for being the HIGHLIGHT of the year' heh which is like the lamest thing la

just watched the matrix and i guess oh no i do not guess i KNOW that the Lord works in amazingly mysterious ways. the show was ok i guess but when it got to the part where neo was talking to the oracle and she was telling him there was his negative side which balanced the matrix equation, then he asked her who would win and she said she didnt know.

and it just struck me that HEY ours is not a we MIGHT win situation cos we will. it is prophesied, it is promised to us that the Lord WILL triumph over the evil one and that there is no cause for worry. i remember during one of pastors messages he was talking about how even movies nowadays play on the idea of a saviour, namely neo in the matrix. but that silly saviour [a shuai one but silly nonetheless] died in the end- but didnt rise again. our saviour DID. what more evidence do we need than the fact that He suffered, blameless on the cross three hours, rose on the third day and conquered death itself? was just reading revelations before i left for the movie and that part of the book was about judgement day, the book of life and how the Lord has control over every single one- death and hades included. and how all unbelievers would be thrown into the eternal lake of fire together, with death and hades. but the most wonderful part of it is that He gave us mercy, us who were, still are, and always will be undeserving. His children with their names written in the book of life only, will be saved from that fate. He rules over all, yet He feeds the poor sparrows and He knows when they fall (:

i really dont wanna go for prom cos basically i dont see the whole point. but i know im still gonna go cos i know that somehow, some way theres a plan for me there (: after t chen kee's jc talk i dont really wanna go to jc anymore. i mean just LOOK at the distractions there! when i look to the future and i cant see what it holds, im scared. i know i am though sometimes i simply refuse to admit it. im scared of walking away, and im scared of straying. but i know the fact remains that He will always love me. whether im an idiot or silly even if i run to the ends of the earth, He will still love me. t chen kee said something today that really stuck- before time began, He had a plan for you and for me (:

ruf's gone and eating her heart out in australia heh but i remember telling her about His great and amazing hand of providence on the last day of the o's. its in small little things like that that i get to see His hand. really, truly, He knows who i need, when i need, and He knows when i can deal with things on my own with Him (:

know what? He who is in me, is greater than he who is in the world (:

FOREVER AND EVER

-feels a million times better (:(:(:

You never said there'd always be sunshine,
You never said there'd be no pain.
so when i feel the cold winds coming,
i'll learn to see the beauty of rain (:

today was tiring + UNFRUITFUL -stamps foot heh actually i have nothing to wear for prom cos everyone has like BOUGHT EVERYTHING FROM THE SHOPS but then again i dont really care so hah i will go for prom in shorts so THERE

but i guess it doesnt really matter to me what i wear for prom cos just about everyone is going to go there and attempt to outdress each other dunno for WHO to see la but thats besides the point heh but that ultimately i want whatever i wear to reflect my values and reflect the God that i believe in and the salvation that i have been given so freely.

but know the Lord still works in vvvvvvvvvVVVVVV funny ways which i myself basically cannot comprehend heh jia was running around the whole day with me cos number three was SLEEPINGG at home and number one was quarantined to do her packing and we spent more than two thirds of the day travelling cos we refused to take cabs and we just spent the entire time we walked/bused/mrted talking and we made a gougoushouzhi pact for next year HAH shall not tell anyone what it was about -whispers and so the plan is to shoot each other if we do the thing which we promised we wont do (:

heh anyway both of us concluded that shopping really is useless la you go out and shop for clothes/accessories/idunnowhat to wear on your next shopping trip O_______o but yea i like it la but grrrrr must put on full armour [ephesians 6:10-20] and fight inSidous satan -punches

sometimes i see things that really frighten me. the extent to which satan can attack people is just like WHOA its just frightening to see people go off into the party/clubbing state of mind and voluntarily step into a world of smoke, loud music, alcohol and goodness knows what. talked to balo on sunday and she was saying that she was going to some party on the night of her prom and yea so i grabbed her and told her not to drink and she just refused to promise me that she wouldnt drink la she just said she would drink 'moderately' and not get drunk cos she has to take care of her friends that are gonna get drunk. and i really wonder. i dont dare to say that i'll 'NEVER' step into a club cos honestly i have no idea what lies ahead. but right now what i know is that going to a club is not one of the things which will reflect the salvation which has been given to me so freely and right now is not something that i would want to do. never say never but all i can do is ground and establish my faith in such a way that i stand myself in good stead, with the Lord to fend off whatever evil inSidious things which satan so conveniently decides to THROW MY WAY grr.

during service yesterday the chairman was telling us about one of the boys in one of the bethany orphanages overseas and his story of how he was brought to the orphanage. basically he was being beaten by his father and a stranger came along that wanted to take him away from his dad so he asked him how much he wanted for the child which he was on the verge of killing and he said $1.50. i just bought famous amos cookies for $3.95 just now and if it could have saved a young child from murder i really think that would've been a thousand times more worth it than the stupid ripoff cookies. and i guess the Lord really is teaching me, teaching each one of us to have a heart of compassion, learning to love, to serve and to give, as freely as this salvation was given to us.

money is not the root of all evil- satan is. he's just PUSHING THE BLAME. money can do good, and thats exactly what i intend to do with mine. i will attempt very hard to prevent t aileen and number one from cabbing everytime they go out and i will not spend money on unecessary things ahHAH like a silly prom dress

heh number one was telling me and three about jia's horrifying behavious last time with all the -ahem- explitives and goodnessknowswhatelse and yes i admit i admit i've done it too and to me it really is the Lord's hand that has led, has guided, changed and molded each one of us into each individual we are now. not perfect for sure, but nonetheless living for Him and better (: i still struggle with the problem of selfcontrol yes i often feel like throttling people and screaming all sorts of #@! at them yes you get the idea but i will not because this is my promise to Him and though i know i will fall, i will get through (:

You're just too good to be true, cant take my eyes off of You, You'd be like Heaven to touch, i wanna hold You so much. at long last love has arrived, and i thank God im alive, You're just too good to be true, cant take my eyes off of You.

turn Your eyes upon Jesus, and KEEP 'EM THERE (:

yesterday was extremely amusing while t aileen was going mad and all of us were laughing like a bunch of looneys in olio dome i think everyone thought we were nuts la anyway service there SUCKS sucks like crazy i asked for water FOUR times and everyone just ignored me so in the end i attempted to get it myself and i did it so loudly so that everyone would see so the stupid waiters/waitresses that ignored us would have a biiiig problem on their hands so there -stamps foot

heh no la but it really was an -ahem- amusing time and v good fellowship (: i guess the o's taught manymany lessons which we wouldnt have learnt without it and though honestly judging from the number of times i've been unfaithful to the Lord i could hardly say "i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith." -2tim 4:7 especially not the 'i have kept the faith part.'

but know what? all these are lessons which He's teaching me to make me stronger (: haha we're having jc talk with t chen kee later to warn us of -ahem- all the possible dangers there and yea since everythings over, heres ruth's famous line-

thank You Lord, for times now but a memory, thank You for Jesus, by my side (:

the beautiful color of love.

what color is God,
asked the child with skin so fair
is He white like me,
does He have light hair?

is God dark like me,
asked the child with skin of golden hue
has He hair thats dark and curly,
are His eyes black or blue?

i think God is red like me,
the indian boy is heard to say
He wears a crown of feathers,
and turns our nights to day.

each one of us knows that God is there,
in all the colors above
but be sure of this, the one color He is,
is the beautiful color of love.

so when your soul goes to Heaven,
when your life comes to an end
He will be waiting, and His hand to you
He will extend.

there will be no colors in Heaven,
everyone will be the same.
you will only be judged by your earthly deeds,
not your color or your name.

so when your time comes,
and you see God in His Heaven above,
then you will see the only color that counts,
the beautiful color of love (:

(: this is a new beginning, all that i am, all that i could ever hope to be, i owe it all to You.

the God who made the firmament,
who made the deepest sea,
the God who put the stars in place,
is the God who cares for me (: