so today i missed my first plane flight ever.. and the story is so retarded im not gonna post it else everyone is just gonna jack me for the rest of my life. and i miss my mom. cos then she would tell me to go to the gate half an hour early. and i wouldnt have missed my flight. she would have told me to check my plane ticket again to make sure i got the boarding time right, and i wouldnt have thought that the time the flight leaves was the boarding time. oh boy oh boy oh boy. missing your flight is super ultra traumatizing i cant emphasize it enough.

these are the moments that make me miss everybody i love :'( i wish my friends were here with me to give me 10000x100000 hugs to make me feel better. missing your flight has got to be the horriblest feeling in the whole entire world..i cant breathe properly from running. my throat hurts. im coughing dry coughs.. my nose is running.. my head is spinning.. AND IM MISSING THE BLACK FRIDAY SALE! haha. but serious all the above symptoms are getting to me. i think that comes from running at 100000miles/hr toward the gate when you see the GATE CLOSED sign flashing.

but im really thankful. God has been very good to me. i didnt have to pay extra to take the next flight, which a mean receptionist would have charged me for, in fact i met such a nice one which calmed me (slightly) when i started freaking out like an idiot.

amidst all my stupidity He has given me so, so much. last night i lay awake (in my nice comfy bed unlike the black sofa at the seattle international airport haha) and i ran through the past year in my head. and it struck me that my life is so, so, so complete. i have everything that i ever wanted.. (not money though hahahaha but thats unimportant). despite the little hiccups along the way, my life is more complete than i could ever dream of.

a year or two ago when i asked for something, God knew i wasnt ready. but because i kept asking and asking, He gave me a taste of what i knew i didnt want.. when all this while He could have given me exactly what He intended for me - if i had only waited for it. just like it says in psalm 62 - truly my soul silently waits for God, from Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; i shall not be greatly moved.

its 1247am. im sitting on a couch at seattle international airport, tired out of my wits. but my heart is full.. my hands are full (with 1000msn windows open) hahaha. because my God is so good.. so good! (:

today the choir performed 'Holy is the Lord' for the morning congregation. it was good, thank God! because of that i got to attend the sunday morning worship before heading over the crosswalk to be with the kids. and it was really nice to be able to sing some songs that i knew haha. and just being reminded that my God truly is a great God.

as i was lying on my bed before i fell asleep last night, my heart was overwhelmed with thankfulness for all the things that i have been given. He has led me up out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock, He has put a new song in my heart. (Psalm 40) i havent been tracing the prayers that ive made recently (tsk gotten lazy!), but as i thought about the circumstances that are surrounding my life right at this moment, i am awed at how He has so lovingly, carefully answered my prayers. He has painstakingly built me up from a hopeless case (still hopeless sometimes i know haha) to a Child that's free. and He reserves only the best for us, He gives only the best. it's up to us to trust in that.

so today after the worship, today's Bible story at crosswalk was on the story of Gideon. the exact same story i was thinking about last night. how Gideon tested the Lord twice. he put out his fleece and on the first night asked God to make the ground wet and the fleece dry and the second night the ground dry and the fleece wet (forgive me i cant remember the sequence haha). and yet with all the signs that the Lord had already given Gideon, he still doubted. he still faced fears and doubts and worries and anxieties. im challenged to lay out my fleece like Gideon. and once confirmation from the Lord is given, i want to go forth with His Spirit and His exhortation. not to be afraid when He says He has prepared great things for me and go forward in faith!

Gideon, the Might Man of Valor and his 300 men, defeated the entire camp of Midianites with each man carrying one torch, one jar and one trumpet.

now how about that! i need to lay out my fleece and take the answer by faith.

loved this

i think that sums up about all ive been mulling over tonight.
im gonna hit my bed and sleep till some insane time tomorrow.
and think more about this!

im just so horrified i have to post this. though i dont have many coherent thoughts on this issue. a few days ago, we watched this in our law and religion class. and i found another one. when i watched both i was overwhelmed with sadness for a reason i cant explain. how do you feel if another woman walks out holding your husbands hand? or if he goes into a room with another woman and you know he says the same sweet things to her that he did to you the night before? and the worst part is.. you live together, eat together, go out together, raise your children together. what if that other woman was your best friend.. or your SISTER. (wives 2 and 3 in the video are sisters).

"sister wife". what kind of term is that??

when God created Adam, He created Eve as a companion. He didnt create Eve and Eva and Evelyn for Adam. He created EVE. ONE. SINGULAR. NOT PLURAL. WHICH PART OF THAT DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND.

but along the way in our humanness and sin, we distorted God's will for our lives. Sarah gave Abraham her servant Hagar to bear a son when she could not - polygamy = result? pain and hurt and regret. as i read the Bible, it disappoints me that so many great men in the Bible practised this exact sin of polygamy. Solomon, for one, was the champion of it. i dont know, im not one to comment on this issue cos i havent read up on it and am ignorant on the topic. but one thing i know for sure - God NEVER meant it to be that way. sure, these great men walked with God. but they made mistakes - and polygamy was definitely one of them. i dont quite know why God didnt punish this sin severely (as societal views nowadays would if you were in a polygamous relationship), but im gonna try to find out. so stay tuned!!!

The following devotions is from Pastor's ICare series of devotions.

MEDITATION

“Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.” Psalm 131:2



INTERPRETATION AND APPLICATION


1. Context of “hope”

“O Israel, hope in the LORD,
from this time forth and forever.’” Psalm 132:3


a) Hope… in a quiet sense (not fretful)

b) A challenge to hope in the Lord in this manner… forever!



2. Choosing this “weaned and calm” approach over the following:-

a) Rejection of haughtiness

“My heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty” Psalm 131:1a


b) Rejection of trying to appear smarter than one actually is…

“Neither do I concern myself with great matters,
nor with things too profound for me” Psalm 131:b



3. A weaned child

a) The imagery chosen is that of a child being weaned from being breast-fed
b) The baby is initially fretful
c) But when the weaning process is over… the child is “calm and quiet”
d) There is still a lot of room for growth!

reading this reminded me of when i first came across Psalm 131. the period in my life where my heart and head were caught in this whirlwind of emotions i could hardly breathe. but this passage gave me a peace i cldnt explain. and there are moments in my life where my breath is knocked out of me by the sheer force of life's trials and the unpredictability of circumstances. but in those moments i just want to let my Father take over. every part. i will not concern myself with matters that are not within my control..things that i cannot understand. but ive come to realise that as you walk with the Lord there will come peace as you trust..

and where answers aren't enough there is Jesus, for He is more than just an answer to your prayer. and your heart will find a safe and peaceful refuge. when answers aren't enough, He's there.

listening to the song ben wrote.. but God who is rich in mercy gave me life through the blood of Christ. now we are His workmanship that we may walk in the good works He has prepared for us. (its lovely. nice work chong!) this is redemption's story.. (:

we sang this during church on sunday. i love it much much much much! (: praise the Lord for all the things He has done. the past few weeks i've been praying.. praying for wisdom and direction and strength and an assurance in my heart. during the service there were a few people that came to share - a man that was a refugee in kenya, a soldier who volunteered with the UN during the Iraq war. all of us are different but we come together with one thing in common- Christ.

so as the service progressed i wondered if there was gonna be any message at all (since i was told that there was sometimes just sharing and no message haha) so i closed my eyes and asked the Lord to please let something speak to my heart and to please not let me leave empty-handed. then the pastor started speaking.. and drew my attention to this short passage in thessalonians that i had clean forgotten about, though someone shared that with me just before i left singapore.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

somehow that's all my heart needed. that's what He wants me to do with my life - give thanks. that is His will for me. it shdnt be a daily oh-no-Lord-what-shd-i-do-with-my-life?!?!! dilemma. instead, simple, steady trust. i dont have all the answers that i would like to have at this point in time.. but i have enough. and those 3 verses gave me the assurance and peace that ive been praying for for a long time.. not only that, but the person who shared this verse with me? well he/she is going through one of the most trying of life's circumstances, and i cant even begin to imagine the kind of heartache you must feel when you wake up in the morning and reality sets in on you. what have i to be doubtful of? my God will provide.

how often i wish that God would speak to me with a thundering sound from above and instruct me as to the decisions i shd make in my life. but where's the fun in that? and how will i learn through that? its in learning to listen for His still small voice that your spirit and heart is uplifted. honestly.. sometimes i think i really am stupid. i loved what i read in 1 Kings 19 -

11 Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake;

12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

13 So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave.

i loved how the Lord spoke in the silence, when Elijah sat still and waited for His voice. i loved how Elijah immediately responded when He heard the voice of God.

our Lord still speaks the same way. in His still, small voice. not so much in the audible realm, but in the tugging of your heart strings, our inherent sense of right and wrong (the moral law, which He placed in our hearts), through messages and people, but most importantly, through the Bible.

and for me, i just need to sit still and wait, till i hear it. (:

our God is a merciful God.

because of the sins of Israel, God pronounced judgment on the nation - 2 Kings 22:17 "Because they have forsaken me and burned incense to other gods and provoked me to anger by all the idols their hands have made, [a] my anger will burn against this place and will not be quenched."

but with a single, sincere prayer from King Josiah, God withheld this dreadful judgment - 2 Kings 22:19 "Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the LORD when you heard what I have spoken against this place and its people, that they would become accursed and laid waste, and because you tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the LORD."

King Josiah's respoonse - 2 Kings 23:3 "The king stood by the pillar and renewed the covenant in the presence of the LORD -to follow the LORD and keep his commands, regulations and decrees with all his heart and all his soul, thus confirming the words of the covenant written in this book. Then all the people pledged themselves to the covenant."

i think its a simple thing that the Lord requires of us. when we make our mistakes and sin, He wants a broken and contrite spirit, a repentant heart and sincere prayers (but of course this privilege must not be abused! its not a license to sin). but what struck me most about this sequence of events is how King Josiah took the time to renew Judah's covenant with God. He took the time to re-pledge his people to the Lord -- just what many of us need to do. re-pledge our hearts, our minds, our spirits, our lives into the hands of Him Who created us.

i visited lake louise today, and it was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. im just too lazy to upload any photos now. on the way there in the car, the song 'indescribable' by chris tomlin came on (the very cool 88.9 fm Christian channel!) and it just reminded me of what an awe-inspiring God we have. a God that is indescribable, uncontainable, unchangeable, incomparable.

today is one of those days when i sit here and type, and know this, with all of my heart. and though in my humanness i might forget, i know that there will be a star somewhere, a glimmer of sunshine, or the coolness of night that will remind me. (:

God is good!

"Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him." Romans 14:3 (NKJV)

i read Pastor's Revealed by the Spirit devotions on Romans, and it kind of got me thinking.

it made me think of all the Christians that have marred the name of Christ over the centuries, that have judged others with legalistic, I-am-better-than-thou attitudes, brandished the Bible like a sword meant to hurt. there are those Christians whom i honestly feel should take a good look in the mirror and ask themselves again what it meant for Christ to have died for them and remember that it is not their place to judge.

on the other hand, i do agree that yes, the Bible does say that you should rebuke when the time calls for it, just as Paul instructed Timothy to do-

"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction." 2 Timothy 4:2 (NIV)

but sometimes in our zeal to 'do the right thing' we end up offending people unintentionally. we all have different standards. more often than not we struggle with issues that fall into grey areas rather than black and white. yes, we shd rebuke fellow Christians when they are doing something that perhaps doesnt quite accord with God's view of things. but how we go about doing that is so important! Paul didnt just tell Timothy to 'rebuke'. He said 'ENCOURAGE' as well. He also said to do all that with 'GREAT PATIENCE' and 'CAREFUL INSTRUCTION'.

i admit that i may have unknowingly done this in the first few years of my walk as a baby Christian. there was faith and passion, but there was also a serious lack of wisdom. and because of that, someone may have decided that Christ is not worth seeking because of the manner in which we reflect His glory. the best of intentions? perhaps. but what others see is a completely different matter. humans are fragile and so are their emotions -- so please, think before you speak.

i guess over the years as ive grown in wisdom, as ive learnt more from the Word of the Lord, as i draw from the wealth of experience of the older ones in my spiritual family, ive perhaps come to the conclusion that oftentimes its not my place to say anything. the best way to deal with it when you see someone straying? PRAY. pray without ceasing. and if the situation truly calls for something to be said, pray first, and then do it with love and in gentleness.

i must admit that that is not an easy thing for me to do. i am, by nature, not a very gentle person (hurhur. wipe that smirk off your face.) and nowadays i sometimes still unknowingly commit all of the above that i have warned you against. but in those moments i pray that i realise, i pray that i am more aware and i pray that He reveal to me and grant me the wisdom i need to undo whatever damage i have caused.

cos the fact remains that i am a sinner, just the same as everyone else. no sin is worse than another. for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God - i am in no position to pass judgment on an issue. if anything, i am only charged with the responsibility of knowing the Word and living by it that others may see. and if i do feel the need to say something, to ensure that my heart is not judging but that i exercise much love and discernment in all that i do.

and to remember the crux of the message - it is not our position to judge, because "...God has received him." Romans 14:3 and if the Almighty doesnt judge, how can we?

its not the letter of the law ('rules', ten commandments, what not..) - its the spirit of the law. what underlies all of that? i was particularly struck by another message that i read-

“Therefore you shall keep every commandment which I command you today, that you may be strong, and go in to possess the land which you cross over to possess”
- Deuteronomy 11:8

1. Keeping the Word

* If we want to be strong, we must seek to keep the word of God. There are no two ways about it.

“Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul… You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up.”
- Deuteronomy 11:18-19

2. Letting the Word affect the soul

* Often we would listen with just our hearts. The challenge is for us to go beyond and let the Word of God affect our very souls. We must bind it to our hands and let them be frontlets between our eyes. Then we can teach them to others.
* Once the Word of God has deeply affected our souls, we will be able to teach. Whether we walk in the way, lie down or rise up, we can teach these things.
* Therefore let us seek to go beyond just allowing the word of God to move our hearts. Let’s place the Word in both our heart and our soul. Once it is in the soul, it becomes a part of us.

i guess as we grow in faith, knowledge and prayer, the Spirit begins to reveal things to us. and it is precisely this work of the Spirit in our lives that will bring about change. that will reach to the innermost depths of your being, that will pull at your heartstrings and remind you to choose the path that is right. without that, no amount of rebuke or encouragement or scolding is going to have any effect.. and so i guess this year that im away from home, while i miss everyone, i want to let His Word affect my soul, from the inside out. so no matter how "unhappening" my life is here, it will be one of my best years, cos i learnt a lesson that i could not have learnt any other way.

2 Kings 3

17 For thus says the LORD: ‘You shall not see wind, nor shall you see rain; yet that valley shall be filled with water, so that you, your cattle, and your animals may drink.’

18 And this is a simple matter in the sight of the LORD; He will also deliver the Moabites into your hand.

such a great miracle was a simple matter for God. all my worries and i, playing out 1000000 possible 'what if' scenarios in my head. its a simple thing, really. believe that He will protect me, exercise sound Biblical wisdom and judgment in the choices i make in my life, coupled with lots and lots of prayer. and trust that.. i am never, EVER, given anything more than i can take.

just like God heard the voice of Elisha in 2 Kings 6, just like He answered the persistent prayers of Abraham for sodom and gomorrah in Genesis 18.

the effective, fervent prayers of a righteous man (or woman haha) avail much.

my zomg-i-need-to-plan-my-life instincts take over all too strongly half the time. and sometimes they overwhelm me to the point that its all about me, and so much less about Him. so with regards to me, im just praying.. and praying.. and reading.. and reading.. and praying somemore. (:

this morning on the way to school, several people popped into my mind. and i felt this overwhelming sense of sadness because.. i've been praying for them for such a long time and half the time i feel like the evil one is just winning battles one by one, and i cant do anything about it. but at the end of it, i just need to believe. believe again that my God is Mighty to Save, and that one day.. perhaps one day. i pray, one day.

but for now its enough to know He hears, and that the walls that are built around their hearts are being chipped away, little by little.

but for now im so super duper ultra tired. night (:

i am reading about the life of King Hezekiah from wikipedia.. hahahaha. its pretty amazing! it has Biblical references! and for even more information, see the cross-referencing column in your Bible - the middle of each page.

so last week while we were discussing the concept of the will of God, we started on the concept of predestination v. free will. and that went on to how God answers our prayers. and we noted a very very very interesting chronology of events in the Bible.

2 Kings 20 - God tells Hezekiah that he is very sick and he will not recover. Hezekiah is in great distress and prays to God saying,

3 “Remember now, O LORD, I pray, how I have walked before You in truth and with a loyal heart, and have done what was good in Your sight.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.

4 And it happened, before Isaiah had gone out into the middle court [zomg see how fast God answers prayer!!!], that the word of the LORD came to him, saying,

5 “Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD.

6 And I will add to your days fifteen years. I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city for My own sake, and for the sake of My servant David.”’”

and so Hezekiah gets 15 more years of life. within that 15 extra years of his life, he has a son named Manasseh, quite possibly one of the worst kings of Judah. followed by Amon, who was also a terrible king. then came the saving grace - King Josiah. the description of Josiah as written in 2 Kings 22:1 is just amazing to me "And he did what was right in the sight of the Lord, and walked in all the ways of his father David; he did not turn aside to the right hand or to the left." (i would love that to be a Biblical summary of my life. haha)

this entire lineage stemmed from the 15 extra years God had given to King Hezekiah. (and here is the most dramatic part) in 1 Kings 13:2

"Then he cried out against the altar by the word of the LORD, and said, “O altar, altar! Thus says the LORD: ‘Behold, a child, Josiah by name, shall be born to the house of David; and on you he shall sacrifice the priests of the high places who burn incense on you, and men’s bones shall be burned on you.’”

the birth of King Josiah was prophesied well before God told Hezekiah that he would die of an illness, well before God added 15 years to Hezekiah's life. do you see it????? hahahahaaa. i dont know about you, but this just blew my mind. He knows what we're gonna ask for before we ask it. He hears our prayers before we pray it. perhaps, He doesnt see time the way that we do, just cos He's beyond it. beyond us and our limited understanding. beyond us and our finite thoughts.

what does this mean? you could say that negates our free will cos we dont actually get to choose since God knows everything. you could say there's no need to waste time praying cos God is gonna give what He wants and take what He wants. you could say all of this.. but this entire dichotomy of predestination v. free will is so beautifully summed up in this commentary in the Believer's Bible on Romans 8-9 that is possibly one of the most controversial passages that non-believers find most difficult to come to terms with.

it's extremely long, so i'll try to summarize it the best i can-

the earthly sphere sees man as totally responsible for his actions and faced with the necessity of choosing either to reject or to accept the atonement of Christ. the heavenly perspective in no sense contradicts the earthly, but it does add a new and infinitely more profound dimension. this new dimension declares that God has an elective purpose and that all which ultimately transpires conforms to His purpose, including the salvation of the elect. difficulty arises in man's seemingly unending efforts to reconcile the heavenly insight with the earthly perspective. wrong answers are not infrequently the result of erroneous questions.

ask the question, instead: why is the doctrine of election present in the Scripture?

1. salvation is the gift of God alone
2. the doctrine of God's elective purpose guarantees the perpetuity of salvation
3. if God's heart is set on us in His elective purpose, we may be sure of His concern and providential intervention on our behalf

i can honestly say that i dont have all the answers. i have read up on the two doctrines of predestination - Arminianism and Calvinism, but have found that neither come to a remotely satisfactory conclusion on the issue (but i am definitely more inclined to Calvinism). im not ready to fight evidential or philosophical battles with anyone who has intellectual doubts and questions (haha deflecting responsibility!!!), for i know little (but i'll continue to build up my store of knowledge).

the doctrine of election, i think, is a beautiful one. to know that He knows every moment in my life. every breath i take. every song i sing. every heartache i feel. everything. while i cannot fully understand everything, this simple truth i know - God did not condemn us to hell. we did. of our own accord. allowing perversity and lewdness and greed into our hearts. selfishness, anger, lust invades our spirits. sin permeates every molecule of our being - because we chose it. we condemned ourselves to hell when we made a conscious choice to sin. and by His grace, He has reached in with His Son to pull us out of that train that is on the fast track to the fiery abyss of hell. what we choose is our will. He's calling out, reaching down through all means possible, but we shut Him out.. we shut Him out. and at the end of life's day, who have we to blame? we shut Him out.

1 Timothy 2:4 stands when Paul writes that God "...desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth."

the foundation of what i believe in is Jesus Christ. His life, His death and His resurrection. the life-changing impact of His presence in my heart and the working of miracles in the lives of others.

today at crosswalk, the kids were each given a piece of paper along with some color pencils and crayons to draw something that reminded them of God. michael yager drew a rainbow of 5 colors (along with his pone (phone) number and handed it to me so i could "call him" if i wanted to hahahah). haha it was so sweet it made me laugh. but when i looked at it, i was reminded how much of a child i am in God's eyes. i dont know much about the real glory of Heaven, but with what i do know, i try to paint a picture of and show to everyone i know. and He delights in that drawing, though it might only be a little scribbling of the big picture.



then one day He shows me the real deal.. (i saw this FULL RAINBOW yesterday)



but no matter what paints i use, what colors i attempt to blend to reproduce that same beauty of what He intended a rainbow to be, i never can. even a photograph of it could never do it justice. and its okay if i cant express what i know in my heart well enough to "convince" others of this truth that i know. that's not a job for me, for the Holy Spirit brings you to that place where you will see with your own eyes the rainbow of His salvation. i can only paint a picture of what i know.. take some photos. but you have to see it for yourself, for it is only when you see it with your own eyes. when you see everything that He is, that you'll know.

and if you havent seen this rainbow, i hope you do, soon. (: