i love the way the simple things, just are. (:

Lord, Make a Regular Man [or woman (:] Out of Me

This I would like to be - braver and bolder,
Just a bit wiser because I am older,
Just a bit kinder to those I may meet,
Just a bit manlier taking defeat;
Lord, make a regular man out of me.

This I would like to be - just a bit finer,
More of a smiler and less of a whiner, [im so sorry im guilty of this. im trying to change! heh.]
Just a bit quicker to stretch out my hand
Helping another who's struggling to stand,
Lord, make a regular man out of me.

This I would like to be - just a bit fairer,
Just a bit better, and just a bit squarer,
Not quite so ready to censure and blame,
Quicker to help every man in the game,
Not quite so eager men's failings to see,
Lord, make a regular man out of me.

This I would like to be - just a bit truer,
Less of the wisher and more of the doer,
Broader and bigger, more willing to give,
Living and helping my neighbour to live!
Lord, make a regular man out of me.

i travelled down a lonely road
and no one seemed to care
the burden on my weary back
had bowed me to despair.

i oft complained to Jesus,
how folks were treating me,
and then i heard Him say, so tenderly-

"My feet were also weary,
upon the Calvary road,
the cross became so heavy,
I bowed beneath the load.
be faithful weary pilgrim, the morning I can see.
so lift your cross and follow close to Me."

"i work so hard for Jesus,"
i often boast and say-
"i've sacrificed alot of things
to walk the narrow way.
i gave up fame and fortune,
im worth alot to Thee!"
and then i hear Him gently say to me

"i left the throne of glory
and counted it but loss,
My hands were nailed in anger,
upon a cruel cross;
but now we'll make the journey,
with Your hand safe in Mine.
so lift your cross and follow,
close to Me."

o Jesus, if i died upon
a foreign field some day.
t'would be no more than love demands,
no less could i repay.

"no greater love hath mortal man,
than for a friend to die."
these are the words He gently spoke to me:

"if just a cup of water,
I place within your hand,
then just a cup of water,
is all that i demand."

but if by death to living,
they can Thy glory see,
i'll take my cross and follow
close to Thee.

you know you cant fool me,
I've been loving you too long.

An image flashed across my TV screen
Another broken heart comes into view
I saw the pain, and I turned my back
Why can't I do the things I want to?
I am willing yet I'm so afraid
You give me strength
When I say

I wanna be Your hands
I wanna be Your feet
I'll go where You send me
I'll go where You send me
I'll be Your hands
I'll be Your feet
I'll go where You send me
I'll go where You send me
And I try, yeah I try
To touch the world like You touched my life
An I'll find my way
To be Your hands

I've abandoned every selfish thought
I've surrendered everything I've got
You can have everything I am
And perfect everything I'm not
I am willing, I'm not afraid
You give me strength
When I say..

This is the last time
I turn my back on You
From now on I'll go out
Send me where You want me to
I finally have a mission
I promise I'll complete
I don't need excuses
When I am Your hands and feet
I am Your hands and feet

was listening to the bbc just now and it made me feel really sad cos it was about this 16year old boy and his 7year old sister who just lost her arm cos it was crushed under rubble in the earthquake. and they have four other younger brothers and sisters which they've lost and cant find cos they simply dont have the money. and i really wish we could do more. mommy said we have to call the redcross or some charitable organisation to donate, i just hope everything gets there fast. and it kinda scares me that recently there've been so many natural disasters and with the bird flu and all its kinda in the face that its the last days and we really havent much time left. not that we all go pack our bags and sell the house and sit in the streets and wait for the rapture to happen but. it scares me to think how many of those i love that have yet to know the Lord.

i just called my grandma and tried to bug her into going for church and Bible study this week and rarh she hasnt been going for quite awhile and it kinda worries me. i still remember the day when she told me she believed i was insanely happy now im not so sure cos im really worried that shes doubting and shes not asking. cos when you dont ask the questions just eat away at you and destroy you. before she hung up i said 'i love you' and she said 'i love you too i love you you love me!' then she laughed. haha shes so cute and i really do thats why i worry.

studying for the a's just doesnt seem so pressing anymore but i still do have my responsibility and im gonna do it with joy! the joy of the Lord IS my strength, and may it always be so. (:

and i think believing in the power of prayer is something so essential during this period, and i really want to learn to be still, pray and meditate. which is really hard sometimes but i've seen it's power and i want so much to believe fully, wholly, completely in it. Lord i believe, help me unbelief.

i've got good reason to be happy today,
the Lord took all my sins away!
i cant help singin' what a wonderful day,
since i found the Lord. (:

How many days, Lord, have I walked in this wilderness? A thirsty pilgrim with no water to drink. And this barren place is making me crazy, but as I wander on, I am forced to think. Seems like I have spent so much time searching, in a dry and weary land where theres no truth. But I think I'm finally realizing, That my only hope of water is the well that comes from You, so please, Lord

Rain down Your love upon me
Pour out Your mercy on me
Please wont You take me to Your springs of life
cause im dying for deliverance,
only You can save me,
im waiting, wont You take me,
To Your springs of life.

Oh God, You are my God, and my spirit seeks You. But my flesh has failed You time and time again. and now I've chosen this desert when Your love was waiting, but Your stubborn child longs to understand- so I'll not waste another minute searching in a dry and weary land where theres not truth. oh, i think i'm finally realizing

That my only hope of water is the well that comes from You.

rain down Your love upon me, pour out Your mercy on me. please wont You take me to your springs of life? cause im dying for deliverance, only You can save me, im waiting, wont You take me,

to your springs of life.

God hath not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives thru.
God hath not promised sun without rain,
joy without trials, peace without pain.

God hath not promised roads always wide,
swift easy travel needing no guide.
never a mountain rocky and steep,
never a river turbid and deep.

but God hath promised strength for the day,
rest for the labour, light for the way.
grace for the trials help from above,
unfailing sympathy, undying love. (:

my brother is so sweet he bought me chocolates the other day. five pieces for seven dollars with his own money -_- haha. guess im learning to be thankful, veryvery thankful for what i've been blessed with. (: but today is one of those days again! im completely losing my motivation to study and thats just terrible eurgh. i really really need to learn to just go! and trust and believe in Him and remember always Who i do it for. and im gonna go! NOW. pray hard for me :( but always, joy in Him :D

im scared to death about the a's. just looked at my countdown board thingy and 22 days looks like an awfully, awfully short time. but i guess thats when i really learn what it means to wait on the Lord and learn to trust Him. alot of things have happened recently its like this whole whirlwind of events and some days i really feel like i havent an ounce of strength to carry on and like im just gonna die in this long, draggy, arduous process. then i remember His promises. i remember how He brought me thru the o's, how He taught me to be strong when relationships broke apart and friendships failed, how He forgave me and kept me and never let go of me even when the doubts overflowed and stupid shows scared the living daylights out of me [classic examples: hide and seek i was terrified that i'd get up at 2.07am. house of wax i was scared to death that someone would cut of my finger].

the a's look terribly unfriendly now but. im learning to rest in all that He is to me and learning to be strong amidst all the trials im gonna have to deal with over the next 30+ days.

that my trust may be in the Lord, and no one else. (:

2sb1 class of 2005



peixian siran clara me!



pw group!



the scene of our typical pw meetings..[haha NOT.] maybe? hm. haha



line the smart that got 4a's without moderation -_-



dawnniieeee!



zhithehumble [or so he says]



clarieee and me! (:



me and weibo (:



gina my sop sl haha (:



berrrttt! :D [psst fruits and ytf ;p]



jol and me!



smile! (:

[and one blank left for a photo with my dear cherry tree who abandoned me for arts fact meeting -_-, SO anw dar we stepped into ac together and im so thankful for that, so now when we step out [hmm we can do it on erm i dunno haha] lets do it together too. -hugs]

i've been doing alot of thinking lately. i guess thats what happens when you study too much haha. but as in i've been doing alot of SERIOUS thinking as in about life and stuff. the last time i was in such a mode i think was about a month after i received my o level results last year. and its sort of like a hmmmmmmmmmm contemplative mood when i just sit down and wonder what my life is about. and i know the answer. i know what He put me here for, maybe not the specific plan but the generic one that we were all meant to fulfil- to be beacons of light that shine in a dark place. some days i wonder when everything is going to end and it's hard but im trying. Lord i believe, help my unbelief. and i've been observing alot of people lately [haha i love to do that] and i always wonder what goes beyond the way they look and behave on the outside and whats really inside. and i guess i'll never know haha so i've concluded its too dangerous to trust a guy with your heart so im adopting a kid but im not getting married haha and right now most of my friends seem to concur.

we had the bacclaureate service today and i wasnt veryvery sad but well maybe just a little. i guess i'll miss the familiarity and all the memories i've had but somehow im really glad to be moving on, cos i cant wait to see what He has in store for me ;)and i suppose what lance said is true, after today we'll no longer exist as 2sb1 class of 2005 but what is meant to stay, will- if you hold on to it. and in a way im glad cos i feel like im moving into a new chapter of my life with new people [and the old but very good ones i know will stay ;}] and the next 38 days are gonna be really hard but if i would open my eyes and learn and be thankful for every person He brings my way to teach me new lessons and to open my eyes to the more important things of this world.

Collapsing was much softer
Still falling always hurt
Only after sensing your love
For always ever burned
You justified my folly
My affluent disguise
Removed revealing nothing
Yet nothing unforgiven lies
Unforgiven lies

No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do

To touch the rose unfearful
Is to meet the thorn
And pierce the heart's emotion
And feel the emptiness no more
Emptiness no more

Took some time to realize I've fallen

every point of view has another angle, and every angle has it's merit but it all comes down to faith- thats the way i see it. (:

today's devotions was on galatians5:22, a very timely reminder, really, to consciously walk with Him every moment of the day. and i must say, it was extra applicable today haha. today was a half-bad day and it was a challenge to consciously choose love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. and it was hard, really hard when im wondering on what on earth did i ever do to deserve this. but i learnt, and its ok, He went thru so much more ;)

meep. and just now i completely felt like giving up on studying altogether. then i sat down for awhile and i came across what i wrote in my journal the day pastor had the special class for the a levellers and at the top of the page is said: is failure an option? DONT GIVE UP! haha. so even though i cant bring myself to start studying again tonight, i will tomorrow. never let go ;)

"and He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.' therefore i will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me." -2cor12:9

close my eyes and hold my heart, cover me and make me something change this something normal, into something beautiful.

i need Thee, every hour.

the eleventh hour

Trace the shape of my heart
'Til it becomes more familiar to your eyes
I've been lost without you
Cold without your love
It's taken days and nights to make me realize

Rescue me from hangin' on this line
I won't give up on giving you
The chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
I'll find you when I think I'm out of time

Take the place of my heart
'Til I become a stranger to my life
I've been down without you
Wrong without your love
In time will I be what you're thinking of?

Rescue me from hangin' on this line
I won't give up on giving you
The chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
I'll find you when I think I'm out of time

I've been down without you
Cold without your love
In time will I be what you're thinking of?

when i said that i would follow, it was with an honest heart but i didnt fully understand the cost. but there are saints throughout the ages and there are those today, that show us what it really means to carry the cross.

i've learnt alot this weekend which kinda started on friday. not in terms of the academics but i've learnt to be thankful, to learn to love, forgive and to practise self-control [2tim3:2-5] i havent FULLY learnt this lessons [theres a loooonggggg way more haha] but im starting on it. and i know He has good reason to put me through what im going through now, and im very thankful for the people He's given me to walk through it with me.

You never said it would be easy, You only said i'd never go alone. (:

yesterday was a supremely bad day my eye hurt and everything went wrong. but when i sat on my bed i saw what i wrote on the wall in front of me 'i will get down on my knees, and i will pray.'

so i did. and when i woke up this morning, everything seemed so yesterday. (: