"Strength and honor are her clothing,
She shall rejoice in time to come,

She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised"

- Proverbs 31:25-26, 30

Proverbs 31 has been on my mind over the past couple of weeks... Partly because I have recently come across negative examples that we are warned about time and time again in the book of Proverbs, most aptly described as the "contentious woman".

A few weeks ago during discipleship class, Pastor asked us to think about what defines us. Looking back on the past few years, the experiences I've been through and the mistakes that I have made, I am sure of what I dont want to be. Looking at what the Scriptures say about a woman the Lord is pleased with, I also know what I want to define me. Strength and honor, wisdom, kindness and the fear of the Lord.

Working through the complications... Eyes set on completion. :)

on the way to work today i spent some time reviewing Sunday's Message, taken from the book of Colossians. Pastor highlighted the different stages of faith that we go through:

1. Commencement of faith
- Heard of faith (Colossians 1:4)
- Love for all the saints (Colossians 1:4, 8)
- Bearing fruit (Colossians 1:6)

2. Complications along the way
- Danger of being deceived (Colossians 2:4)
- Danger of being cheated (Colossians 2:8, 18)

3. Completeness of faith
- To be able to stand perfect and complete in all the will of God (Colossians 4:12)

how i yearn for the day when i can stand before Him perfect and complete in faith. but today i am undoubtedly still in the midst of complicating situations of life. where can i find the Lord in this? i was and am so greatly encouraged that He promises perfection and completion despite all the obstacles i see ahead of me, and all the weaknesses i see in my heart and life. and as i pondered these things, ben shared this link with me, that really spoke to my heart today, on so many levels.

i was reminded:

1. that sometimes pain is necessary for the Lord to chip away the hindrances and the sins that are a part of me to mould me into the beautiful masterpiece He intended me to be.

2. that i should never let anyone or anything make me feel like im not good enough, cos He doesnt create junk

3. of a prayer that i made a few years back - that the Lord would never let go of me no matter the circumstances

Holy Week... all these truths shine even brighter when viewed against the backdrop of Christ and His sacrifice.. and more so when i remember that though today i feel like its only Friday, Sunday's Coming :)

A third of 2011 has come and gone... and I cant help but notice how things have changed so drastically in 3 months. If you had asked me on 1 Jan 2011 how I envisioned my life would be today, I would have told you something very different. And as I reflect on how my life has been over the past 3 months, my thoughts are turned right back to Isaiah 55:8-9 - His ways are higher than mine.


I've never thought of myself as one plagued with insecurities, but recent events have made me realize that I sometimes place a little too much emphasis on the words of others, my perceptions of how much I am worth to them, and how I never seem to be good enough. Thankfully, being quite the "happy bubble" (hurhur quote, unquote, angie) that I am, its not in my nature to allow such thoughts to plague me - but it still struck me that these notions of drawing my self-worth from how others view me had insidiously crept in and nestled itself somewhere at the back of my head and heart.


As I thought about how I should combat these thoughts and feelings, I was reminded of something a friend had shared with me just a week ago, about finding our identity in the Lord and in Him alone. Psalm 139 was a timely reminder to me - how He is acquainted with my ways, how He created me tenderly in His own image (Genesis 1:26-27), how He knows every single little ugly part of me and yet loves me just the same.


Psalm 139:14 reads

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well."


"That my soul knows very well"... Honestly? I don't think my soul has soaked in this truth enough to know it "very well". Maybe I've just begun to scratch the surface in my appreciation of how the Lord views me, and how He loves me with an extravagant, all encompassing and powerful love. But I am looking forward to the day when I can say that my soul knows this truth "very well".


So for now my prayer is found in Psalm 139:23-24 which reads

"Search me, o God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting."


Looking forward into the fogginess, not with clarity but with trust. :)

The month of March has been one of the most unique months of my life. For one, Angie says that I've lost about half of my weight hurhur. But beyond that, this same lesson of waiting upon the Lord has been ringing over and over again in my head. Just focusing on Isaiah 55:8-9 is preserving my heart and mind and spirit.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Ten years ago, I would never have imagined my life the way I see it today. I remember prayers that I have made and I have seen how the Lord, in His own loving and gracious timing, reveal to me the little glimpses of His plan for my life. As I watch His plan unfold over this next year (the first quarter is already gone!), I am praying hard that I will not try to take my life into my own hands, bearing in mind that only He sees my future, and any plans I make now will only come to naught if I am unable to surrender all to Him. To be able to take what life throws at me with strength of spirit and all the grace that I can muster.

As in Hebrews 12:1-2, to

"lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down in the right hand of the throne of God."

Looking unto Jesus... Today, Pastor also reminded us to focus on our life verse. That I found from reading my favorite blog :)

Micah 6:8
"He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?"

In the process of waiting on Him... to do justly, love mercy, walk humbly with my eyes fixed on my Lord Jesus :)

Psalm 37:3-8 reads

3 Trust in the LORD, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

4 Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.

6 He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.

7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.

8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm.

Psalm 37 has been on my mind the past couple of days, especially verse 5 that has been ringing in my head over and over again. This coupled with Isaiah 55:7-8 have been great contributors to my sanity :)

Over the past two weeks I have discovered yet again what little faith I have. With each sticky situation I face, I find that the same few lessons are being impressed upon my heart over and over and over again. I feel like the Lord is telling me over and over again...

"Trust in Me, I know best."
"My thoughts are higher than your thoughts and My ways than your ways... Remember?"
"Wait on Me... You will find that I have perfect timing."
"Exercise wisdom and prudence with each situation you find yourself in... I will never want you to make any choices or decisions that are contrary to My character."
"I know the thoughts that I have toward you... They are thoughts of peace and not of evil. I have plans to give you a future and a HOPE."

The human part of me is hoping that the Lord will reveal the plan He has for my life reeeeaaaaaallllyyy soon. cos i cant wait. cos i dont want to wait. cos i want to know. cos i want to be in control. but if i could fast forward to the day that I would know, I would have missed out on all the moments of life that would have made me stronger, better equipped for what He would have me do.

So... hard as it may sometimes be, I wont wish (or pray) today away. I will take the moments of sweetness and the moments of bitterness. I will laugh, love, (maybe cry) and pray that I make the right decisions with each of the crossroads I find myself at. I will pray that my every word and every action will honor Him and that He will bless each choice that I make.

cos I have a good God that I can trust in no matter the circumstances, no matter what the situation. and I wouldnt have it any other way! :)

On the way home today, I was reminded of Cabell, for some strange reason. I have never met her in my life but Ive read about her on my favorite blog countless times.


After navigating to her's and Mike's website (you can read their story here - Mike has since passed on) and reading the very first post dated 1 March 2011, I knew that this was the Lord's way of encouraging me, of reminding me to once again look past myself. Read the post - it speaks volumes about the lessons of faith that the Lord can bless with through the most trying circumstances of life.


I woke up pretty sad today. Somehow today being the first of March, marking the month that will be a year since Sweeney died brought a weight and a heaviness that was unexpected, not surprising just unexpected. It does hurt less, the pain isn’t as constant, as fresh, as searing. But it still ebbs and flows with great depth. I guess it does hurt less, but I don’t miss Sweeney less. Sometimes I think the more time that passes, the more I miss him.


I’ve thought about all the days I wished this year would be over- all the nights I wished I could fast forward to the end of “the year” mark. I kept hearing it would hurt less after all the firsts were over. I was so tempted to wish this year away. I’m glad we can’t do that- fast forward time. Because we would miss… well, everything.


Years ago a bunch of us went on a 10 day hiking trip in British Columbia called Beyond Malibu. We hiked straight up to close to a 3,500 ft. peak. Which doesn't seem extreme except you start at sea level. I want to say it was no big deal, but I’ll be honest, it was brutal. It was more physically and emotionally demanding than any of us were ready for. The day we reached the summit it was hazy and cloudy. We only stayed at the peak for about 3 hours. Then it was time to start the descent. I have been thinking about life in relation to that trip. All of the memories and the rich time with friends, all the things God taught us about His strength and our limitations- All that happened on the way up and the way down. It all happened in the part of the journey I would have wished away because it was too hard, too painful, or just not exciting enough. Yet, in retrospect, the summit wasn’t really the goal, ‘cause we shared a whole lot more on the journey there and back.


My friend Abby (who is radiant, you just can’t believe that God could fit so much grace and wisdom into such a tiny body) says that we tend to miss all the sacred moments of life because we think they come only in “big things” like births, deaths, marriages, graduations… But God is sovereign in every minute of every day. Every moment is sacred because God is in it. The “summits” of life are amazing, and should cause us to pause and reflect with gratitude. But God is in all the moments that I, with my limited vision, would wish away to get to the “big moments”; the finish lines I (not God) have drawn for my life.


If I had wished this year away I wouldn’t know the extravagant love I do today. I wouldn’t know the tenderness of a friend’s voice on the other end of the phone at 2 in the morning. The sweetness of having God come and be with me when the night is so dark and lonely. I wouldn’t know that scripture is the only thing that is solid enough to anchor to. I wouldn’t know that heaven is closer than I thought. I wouldn’t know this depth of love in friendships. I wouldn’t know how beautiful it is when you stop trying to be strong enough and admit you are really needy. I wouldn’t love music and words like I do today. I wouldn’t be as grateful for the man I got to love and I wouldn’t know this kindness of our Savior. I would have wished all that away, because the knowledge of those things came in days that were really painful or seemingly ordinary.


So don’t wish today away, even if it hurts or if it feels mundane. Big things are happening in you today because God is writing your story and He included today.


He is slowly, graciously and lovingly healing in this woman a pain so unimaginable, a pain so deep. How can I doubt that He will leave me in my little hiccups of life?


May this encourage your heart as greatly as it did mine :)

LOVE - from the perspective of John

John 15:12 reads
"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."

Countless churches have split because Christians have not learnt what it means to truly love one another. I will be the first to admit that I find this one of the most difficult commandments to fulfill - simply because my heart is too small... and its HARD to love way the Lord has loved us; with an unconditional, limitless, forgiving and merciful love.

As I seek to fulfill this commandment, I am reminded time and again of my wretchedness and sinfulness. I relate completely with Paul when he wrote in 1 Timothy 1:15 "... Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief."

1 John 4:20 reads
“If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen.”

Not only is loving others a commandment, but the consequences of not consciously seeking to do so are dire. For if you profess to love the Lord and hate your brother (ie other fellow believers), you are nothing short of a LIAR.

What does it really mean to love one another?

This question has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks.

1 John 3:18 tells us
"My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth."

Loving in deed and in truth - love is not about words, but about the state of our heart and our actions. Each time I put love into action, one parable that I have been constantly reminded of is found in Matthew 18:21-35 on love that manifests itself in the form of forgiveness.

Here, Peter asks Jesus - how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to 7 times? To which Jesus replies, "I do not say to you up to 7 times, but up to 70 times 7." (Purposive interpretation - that there is NO LIMIT to forgiveness)

Jesus then goes on to tell the what is now known as "The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant".

23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.
25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.
26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’
27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’
29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet[d]and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’[e]
30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.
31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.

32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.
33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’
34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

10,000 talents versus 100 denarii -
- 1 gold talent = $5,760,000
- 1 denarii = $32

When you compare the magnitude of these two debts, it seems incredulous that someone who had been forgiven of $5,760,000 x 10,000 would pursue a debt worth only $3200. But yet that's what we do everyday of our lives. We forget that God has forgiven us 10,000 talents, and we pursue the 100 denarii "owed" to us with a vengeance.

We like because, we love although. The Lord loves me despite all of my weaknesses, inadequacies and sins - just as He forgives me each day of the 10,000 talents (and counting) that I owe to Him, my challenge and my prayer is that I will learn to love as He has loved me.