"is anyone among you suffering? let him pray. is anyone cheerful? let him sing psalms." -james5:13

too many things have happened the past week and i think im just being too scared. im scared of EVERYTHING i just eurgh. and i know the only thing that will make me alot less chicken will be my faith in God. no one and i do mean NO ONE can calm my nerves before an interview, nor before getting my results or before doing anything dangerous or whatever that entails. when i say a prayer during those periods of intense nervousness and fear  it helps to calm me down and gives me just simple peace like that described in john14:27 well, SOMETIMES. other times i just get to scared and basically sit there, go through the 'what ifs' and freak myself out. and fear is one of the biggest things that i know i have to conquer cos if i dont its just gonna stop me from being an effective witness for Him and i just hate being afraid. really i do and sometimes i really wonder what on earth i should be so scared about. im protected and guided by One who loves me infinitely much and is with me everything step of the way. promising not only to carry my burdens but carry me when im too weary.

and im tired, scared but in no way ready to give up- cos i know i have an Almighty God who loves me yesterday, today, and forever (:

i dont need to understand
 
sunshine comes and sunshine goes, then shadows linger;
darkness fills the night with mystery and care.
but within my heart a gentle voice reminds me-
"fear no evil," Jesus said, "for I'll be there."
 
i dont need to understand,
i just need to hold His hand.
i dont need to understand the reason why;
for i know He'll make a way,
through the night and through the day.
i dont need to understand,
i just need to hold His hand.
 
when my life down here is through and Jesus calls me,
to my home up there upon the golden shore,
i'll look back, review the path that lay before me;
but i wont need to understand anymore.
 

the hope we have in God is not the hope which looks forward with wishful longing; it is the hope that looks forward with UTTER CERTAINTY.
 
and thats the kind of hope i want to bring with me, everyday of my life even though insidious satan plans all sorts of stupid attacks against me EPHESIANS6:10-20 I REFUSE TO LET MYSELF BE BEATEN
 
its not wishful longing, its ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY (:

oh man im just reallyreally super tired now aching like nuts and well about to faint and die. it really hasnt been an easy week heh having laoshi hound us for chinese holiday homework, learning choir actions from rie at the bleachers and trying to gulp down food in five minutes flat, chionging homework and not understanding mi and trigo and electrochem and chem kinetics and kinematics and alot of other stuff, having a GP TEST NEXT TUESDAY and having not even touched a molecule of the package, straining to reach the SUPER HIGH a in ave verum and trying very hard to support everyone who went for choir comm interviews and had a super traumatic time [where basically all the girls cried EXCEPT those that were running for pres], chionging songs and souvenirs and party plans for the j2 farewell and not to mention a whole load of other rubbish stuff..OH and the physics retest on friday
 
annnnnnnnnnnnndddddddd its been such a hectic week and its so easy to just get drawn into this whirlwind of activities and just losing sight of what really matters. and i  must admit that until now i still do lose my focus, i still do get distracted and i still do get beaten sometimes. but then when i do i remember "He who is in you is greater that he who is in the world!" part of 1john4:4 (:
 
then on wednesday during physics prac! we were doing some circuit experiment like setting up the circuit and everything i was just looking at the switch [which is really cute by the way] and well science and faith really dont have that great a connection but when i looked at the tiny little knob-like thing that would complete the whole circuit i suddenly realised how much that little thing symbolised what God was like. in the circuit of our life He's the most important key cos we just cant function without Him cos the circuit just wouldnt be closed and nothing would work. and when we look at this part of the switch it just looks so insignificant and so small sometimes we just wonder why it matters so much when in fact its the key to EVERYTHING. in our lives the Bible is like the batteries cos they give us so much wisdom and knowledge to drive us and push us on simply cos it encompasses everything He has to say to us. the connecting wire is like Jesus, bridging the gap between us and God. the light bulb is like our works- james2:18, show me your faith by your works. without the lightbulb no one knows whether the circuit is functioning or not cos with it we reflect the goodness of God's work in our lives. and when i thought of this i just got really happy :D heeheeeeeeeee
 
wanted to donate blood today PLEADED for my mum to sign the consent form, happily went there [scared like anything though] went for the checkup, albert got banned cos he had phlegm i didnt get banned even though i had phlegm and THEN i did the most spastic thing ever- I LOST MY CONSENT FORM. oh man i really felt like shooting myself there and then la moaned about my stupidity for half the day until daph and peixian promised me they'd go with me to donate another day heh. i really dont know why i wanted to donate blood so bad i think its cos they said one pack of blood could save four lives.. which i seriously doubt is true but anw its ok cos im learning to care for people and believing that He's gonna give me the strength to make it through and that i wouldnt faint at the sight of the needle heh
 
though its tough, really wanna be able to in every way reflect the good work He's done in my life [He who begun a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it!] and i really wanna sing for anniversary! get to go for choir and hopefully ypg tmrw FINALLY after so long and anw really hope something can be worked out so i'll still be able to sing.. so yup being in much prayer about this and just trusting (:
 
1chronicles29:11-18 aliens and pilgrims on this earth (:

cos You can give me wings to fly, catch me if i fall. You pull the stars down from the sky, so i could wish on them all. Your love is the greatest gift of all (:

reading 'rachel smiles' now and its reallyreally great! and it just makes me desire so much more to walk closely with Him knowing that He could use her in such powerful ways, He can use me too (: and what makes it better is that she wasnt perfect she faced struggles and tribulations and yet she nevernever failed to look to Jesus and imitate the way He followed Christ. and when i look at her life with all my heart i believe 1tim4:7 applies fully to her. "i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith."

i reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyREALLY want to sing for anniversary but i really dont know if i can..choir always ends up in the afternoon cos of silly things like chinese listening in the morning and i end up not being able to go for choir and theres actions and stuff so basically im dead with seven weeks to anniversary. but anw i refuse to let this stop me! i WILL find a way around this cos i reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyREALLY want to sing for anniversary cos i wanna do it for Him (:

still the biggestbiggestbiggest problem i face in my walk isnt really spiritual its physical. its horrible la cos the entire going ons of the day just drain me like crazy and i end up trudging up the stairs like some homeless refugee and when i do my qt its just difficult to focus and like be clear about what i wanna do and make the time i spend fruitful. and I AM NOT GONNA BE AFRAID no matter what rubbish may come my way (:

i remember how i used to be really afraid of what people think of me when i try to share my faith with them, and alot of times my fear would just surpress whatever He wanted me to say for Him. and that stopped me alot of times when He gave me the opportunity to tell someone about Him. but i never, ever forgot the downinthedumps feeling after i brushed away an opportunity to open someone up to Him and now though im still afraid its just become alot easier cos now when i feel like walking away, i remember the feelings of after-effects and i remember how muchmuchmuch He would've wanted me to do it and then the desire to share overcomes the fear, and courage and strength from Him reigns! woooohoooo (:

haha my new verse "every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes from the Father of lights. with Whom there is no variation nor shadow of turning." -james1:17

and then further on in the chapter theres a part about how we should be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger cos the wrath of man DOES NOT PRODUCE the righteousness of God. so anw shine forth! though it may be tough im not giving up.. neverneverNEVER.

SO THERE

lighthouse

if i am salt of the earth,
i'll make sure my saltshaker works.
and if i am a light on a hill,
i will not run when i need to be still.
cos salt can lose its flavour,
and a light can grow dim.

oh i wanna be, salt of the earth and a light to the world and my friends!

i'll be a lighthouse,
shining above, i'll be a lighthouse,
sharing His love.
and if my flame flickers and my well runs dry,
i'll know Jesus lives inside, my lighthouse.

i cant hide it oh no,
like a seed my roots need to grow.
i've gotta share it oh yes,
im telling others just how i've been blessed.
they can come to the harbour of light,
if they're shipwrecked again.

oh i wanna be, salt of the earth and a light to the world and my friends!

i'll be a lighthouse,
shining above, i'll be a lighthouse,
sharing His love.
and if my flame flickers and my well runs dry,
i'll know Jesus lives inside, my lighthouse.

He's got the whole world in His hands (:

i dont care what people will say, im running after You. i wont turn back and go their way, im running after You.

its You im following today (: