A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN

-17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. 'I wowed 'em,' he later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him.'

Brian's Essay: The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.-

i received this story in an email. i dont know if its true but its such an apt description of our lives. our sins, our distractions, our shame, our sorrows. each one written over by the blood of Jesus.

i finally finished reading mere Christianity, after hours of mulling over sections of the book, re-reading portions over and over.

what struck me today- as Christians, we are meant to reflect His glory and bring Him honor, not tear Him down with the devastating state of our lives:

-[Christians] some, as i have admitted, are still hardly recognisable; but others can be recognized. Every now and then one meets them. Their very voices and faces are different from ours; stronger, quieter, happier, more radiant. They begin where most of us leave off. They are, I say, recognizable, but you must know what to look for.

They will not be very like the idea of 'religious people' which you have formed from your general reading. They do not draw attention to themselves. You tend to think that you are being kind to them when they are really being kind to you. They love you more than other men do, but they need you less. (We must get over wanting to be needed: in some goodish people, specially women, that is the hardest of all temptations to resist. Ladies, dont deny it. being one myself i have come to accept that that is a reality and no matter how much you deny it i bet you know its true in your heart of hearts. so do something about it!)They will usually seem to have a lot of time: you will wonder where it comes from.

When you have recognized one of them, you will recognize the next one much more easily. And i strongly suspect (but how should I know?) that they recognize one another immediately and infallibly, across every barrier of color, sex, class, age and even of creeds. In that way, to become holy is rather like joining a secret society.

...

The more we get what we call 'ourselves' out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become.-

these are the kind of people we were meant to be. we were meant to become, but the aspiration must not be towards the result of wanting to be good, patient, Christ-like individuals (that could also be a selfish ploy to gain praise from men). we were meant to desire to know Him, to love Him, to walk with Him, and the rest will fall into place.

they love you more than other men, but they need you less. how true. the love He gives us is enough for us to share it all around. but the sufficiency of His presence is enough for us to need only Him. a lesson ive learnt the hard way (:

but its always good. He never changes!
i am now very tired from screaming and jumping around in a bid to release my frustration that i cannot hit the notes on guitar heroes, and also to hit STAR POWER so i can get 100000points more hahahaha. (i have improved to medium ok! i am quite good! hahah). i will sleep well tonight, He has given me the blessings of friends and family beyond anything i could have ever asked for. my hands are full, but so is my heart.

good night. (:

had udders ice cream with huangs last night and she was such a bimbs. i walked into the shop and pointed out the alcoholic and non-alcoholic ice cream to her. we agreed on ordering the baileys and lychee martini ice cream. halfway through our ice cream she asked me: rach, is this ice cream alcoholic?

i was so shocked i just stared at her for a good half minute. hahaha HUANGS YOU ARE A RETARD. we were actually enjoying our people watching view thru the glass panel of the shop, but jol was sadly distracted by the 'chui-chuiness' of the couple that was sitting at the table directly in front of the glass panel. i will not go into details, but needless to say it was a horrendous experience.

so i went home and spent the rest of the night reading proverbs1-3, (to clear away the inanity of the past few hours hahahaa no huangs i still love you) and the contents of proverbs 3 really struck me.

i am, by nature, a planner. (my best friend is a procrastinator, dont ask me how we get along). i plan my days and my life, i dont take risks, and i hate it when something/someone upsets my plans. so these two verses stood out to me-

Proverbs 3:25-26
"Do not be afraid of sudden terror,
Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes;
For the LORD will be your confidence,
And will keep your foot from being caught."

i think a large part of the reason why im such a planner is cos i like to be in control of my life. i dont like things to catch me offguard when im not ready, when im weak. but this verse says it all- the Lord will be my confidence. the Lord will keep my foot from being caught. in the moments when i feel my life spiraling out of control, i must learn to let go, and let God be God.

the last few days ive had in sunny singapore have been wonderful. i have learnt over again the joy of giving (a lesson that i continually have to be reminded of time and again). i have learnt to appreciate the love i am surrounded by everyday. i have experienced anew the preciousness of the Lord Jesus being by my side.

this morning, the pastoral team came down to visit my grandad. it brought me great joy as i watched him respond to the gospel message as Pastor spoke to him and prayed with him. it truly is by God's grace and mercies that length of days and life has been added to him to allow him to come to the saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ!

last friday at 3am my mom knocked furiously on my room door and told me that grandad was running a high fever and was being sent to the hospital. it took a long while for that to settle in cos i was half asleep. but when it hit me (and it hit me hard) that he's more than 80years old, and a fever could kill him, i prayed like i never prayed before. i have been talking to him about Christ and was in the process of arranging to visit him with the pastoral team, and so i prayed just for a few more days/weeks/months, just enough so i could do my best and leave the rest to Him. somehow i found sufficient peace to fall asleep again that night. when i made my way to the hospital in the early morning, i found that the fever had subsided (the doctors say it was just a chest infection).

if you were in such a desperate situation, prayed like you've never prayed before (to a God that you arent even sure exists), and things worked out exactly as you prayed, would you attribute to Him the glory He deserves?

sometimes i listen to my friends talk.
i have had someone tell me "thank you for praying for me. i know things in my life have been going so well because you have been praying for me."
if you know prayers work, why do you not believe?
i have had others tell me "im so thankful things worked out so well."
thankful to what, to Whom? why do you not believe?

i dont think it was a coincidence that my grandad became better so fast. i dont think its a coincidence that he was fully alert and awake when the pastors came down to visit him today. i think this is God hearing me and answering me because He is good. because He loves. because He never fails.

You are my God and my King
You are the words that i sing
You are the reason i make this offering.

You are the bright Morning star- You are.

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."
-Philippians 4:8

my retarded ex-ogl just asked me a super funny question-

i need to test you on my newfound knowledge
what?
a rainbow is a covenant between God and whom?
Noah!
OMG you know!

Genesis 9
12 And God said: “This is the sign of the covenant which I make between Me and you, and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations: 13 I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. 14 It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; 15 and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. 16 The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” 17 And God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is on the earth.”

i remember the very first time i read this passage, i was beaming all over, for i do think the rainbow is a very beautiful thing.

i dont think it is a coincidence that i was reminded of this very wonderful passage on this very day. this is God's way of reminding me that He is with me through every pain, every heartache and every trial. and though it doesnt always feel like it, it is enough to know that the God Who made Heaven and Earth (psalm 121) is by my side.

during lunch yesterday, little meagan (dressed in her white and red polka dotted dress) was jumping around in typical 6yearold fashion, telling me with excitement that her "mommy and korkor are going to shanghai to see the eye doctor for ten days". to which she added "im staying in singapore. so borwing."

today during prayer meeting, Pastor encouraged us to pray. pray for little joshua who might be facing the possibility of blindness because his glaucoma is so bad.

i was slightly surprised that when pastor asked us to pray, he didnt ask us to pray for healing or success of the acupuncture procedure. instead he said- sometimes specific prayers are not enough. sometimes you just have to weep with those that hurt, lay the options before God, and trust no matter which way He answers.

b-l-i-n-d-n-e-s-s. what does that mean? if i were blind, i wouldnt be able to see the beautiful flowers in victoria, or appreciate the landscape. i wouldnt be able to look up at the clear blue sky or appreciate the hues of red and orange splashed across the sky when the sun sets. i wouldnt be able to chase my favorite kids on sundays and coerce hugs from them, or see their sweet smiles.

i dont know what i would do if i were blind. but if the day ever comes when i lose my sight, i would like to tell the blind me: "Jesus is the same. when you could see, He lived in your heart, and He also walked beside you. now you cannot, He lives in your heart, He walks beside you, and holds your hand and guides you."

though it breaks my heart to think that joshua might go through life not seeing the beautiful colors of the rainbow, or the morning dew, more than physical sight, i pray for spiritual sight. the kind of sight, the amazing vision fanny crosby had, as she wrote and composed thousands of hymns despite her disability. and that is what i pray for tonight (while of course praying for God's mercy), for he would be an infinity times richer if he could see the things of God.

in light of all this, i sometimes think my blessings are also my downfalls. when i fail to thank Him in humility, when i desire accreditation, when i tear down His throne and build my own in its place.

today p mitch challenged me to take the next 10 years of my life to learn what it means to be a vessel of honor 2Tim2:21. i think its going to take me an entire lifetime. prepared for every good work - it means call me at 3am and i'll be there. (i changed my mind its gonna take me an eternity.)

so the conclusion is that i will never be as perfect as He was (and IS). but i will do the best i can, as He calls me towards higher ground.

i began the day with this:

"i wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in His Word i do hope.
My soul waits for the Lord,
More than those who watch for the morning-
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning."

-Psalm130:5-6

i thought this was breathtakingly beautiful. i stopped for a long while as the image of a sunrise formed in my head. as sure as the sun will rise, is my hope in the Lord. (: and the day got greater with a very yummy japanese buffet lunch treat at miramar hotel (thanks mun!), i ate like 17slices of salmon sashimi. hur.

today, i was taught to enjoy the simple things of life. to pray for and rejoice with my friends when prayers are answered (huangs i am still praying for you!). to encourage each other though we're miles apart (mwacks vette. haha). to play the gamecube and have fun though i keep losing to my brother. to have everyone around you giving you strange looks cos your earphones are on, you cant hear yourself, and youre singing too loud. :/

im counting down the days i have left.. in singapore. haha. but my day would not be complete with a few more amazing insights from my favorite writer of all time-

[When you come to knowing God, the initiative lies on His side. if He does not show Himself, nothing you can do will enable you to find Him. And, in fact, He shows much more of Himself to some people than to others- not because He has favorites, but because it is impossible for Him to show Himself to a man whose whole mind and character are in the wrong condition. Just as sunlight, though it has no favorites, cannot be reflected in a dusty mirror as clearly as in a clean one.

You can put this another way by saying that while in other sciences the instruments you use are external to yourself (things like microscopes and telescopes), the instrument through which you see God is your whole self. And if a man's self is not kept clean and bright, his glimpse of God will be blurred- just like the Moon seen through a dirty telescope.]

how true. the times i see Him the most clearly is when i have asked for forgiveness and cleansing. when i recognize my wretchedness but accept His grace. when i do my best to work through my sins. when i love with my actions and my words, when my heart's motives are pure. and that is not through my own doing, i think. for i think God is also the hand that cleans the mirror of my self as He is the sunlight that shines on it.

my thoughts in recent weeks have been turned to the 'song of ascents', a collection of 15 psalms (psalm 120-134)

there are so many amazing insights i have drawn by just dwelling on these passages. even if its just for a few minutes at a time.

"my help comes from the Lord, Who made Heaven and earth."
-Psalm 121:2

"Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their masters,
as the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the Lord our God,
Until He has mercy on us."
-Psalm 123:2

"If it had not been the Lord on our side..."
-Psalm 124:1

"Those who trust in the Lord,
Are like Mount Zion,
which CANNOT BE MOVED, but abides forever.
-Psalm 125:1-2

"The Lord has done great things for us,
and we are glad.
-Psalm 126:3

"Unless the Lord builds the house,
they labour in vain who build it.
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.
-Psalm 127:1

"Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord,
Who walks in His ways.
-Psalm 128:1

ive been reminded of such simple principles:

1. We have such an amazing, amazing, amazing God.
2. He hears us when we persevere in prayer, He never fails to give us mercy and grace in our time of need.
3. He is ON MY SIDE
4. He establishes my steps, He guards and protects me
5. BE THANKFUL
6. success only comes when your work is coupled with the Lord's blessing
7. fear the Lord and keep His commandments, for this is man's all.

each time i falter, each time i begin to wander, and my heart begins to doubt- my faith draws me back to these little reminders. back to the knowing, the trusting, the letting go. and for the first time in a long, long time, i think i know what i want to do with my life (in some aspects, not all). and for once in my life, i am finding myself willing to wait for the good things He has planned for me, and not trying to take things into my own hands. (Mostly because the method of taking things into my own hands has been tried, tested and FAILED).

but on a side-note this is my favorite chinese song !!! hahahhaa. even though the first part sounds a little off and the video is retarded. but its a reallyyyyyyyyyy nice song. the holidays have been so busy but so fun, and such a de-stresser. my hands are full, but so is my heart. (:

i have never read a more true, more vivid description of love than this (extracted, again, from Mere Christianity by CS Lewis), and one of the most striking formulations of what it means to have a good, solid, Christian marriage. (tons better than joshua harris' book, that is true, but i sometimes think is somewhat legalistic)

p107 The idea that 'being in love' is the ONLY reason for remaining married really leaves no room for marriage as a contract or promise at all. if love is the whole thing, then the promise can add nothing; and if it adds nothing, then it should not be made.

And, of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to bring true even if i cease to be in love. A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise never to have a headache or to always feel hungry. But what, it may be asked, is the use of keeping two people together if they are no longer in love? ...[There is a reason] of which I am very sure, though I find it a little hard to explain.

...

What we call 'being in love' is a glorious state, and, in several ways, good for us. It helps to make us generous and courageous, it opens our eyes not only to the beauty of the beloved but to all beauty, and it subordinates (especially at first) our merely animal sexuality; in that sense love is the great conqueror of lust.

...

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now NO FEELING can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all.

...

But ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct from 'being in love'- is not merely a feeling. it is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even as those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself.

...

It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

omg. isnt that just beautiful. in love versus love.

the most perfect, unblemished form of love comes, of course, from our Creator Himself.

paul writes in romans that "I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God's love is never shoved in your face, for any of that would overwhelm instantly and cause the creature to fall down at the Creator's feet with no exercise of his/her own free will. but its always there. soft and subtle but undeniable. He's always there. silent, waiting, for you to one day come to the realisation that that's the way its been all this time.

what then is the defining mark of human love? God Himself created love. and it's only natural that our idea of love follow after His idea of love. but so many times to us, love means possession, love is sadly confused with lust. love is no longer patient and kind, for sometimes we fail to show love in our actions or the words that we say. i do the exact same things that i will not to do, and for the life of me, i cannot figure out why.

love is commitment. love, it waits. love, it lasts. love is diligent, it works. love is not suffocating, love puts others before self. love is sacrifice.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails.

i learnt two things about love over these past few weeks.

i learnt that because He loves me,
"as the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the Lord surrounds His people
From this time forth and even forever."
- Psalm125:2
He surrounds me

i learnt that He created us well and able to give 1Corinthians13-type love (not perfectly, but the closest we can be). it's just a matter of whether or not we fight to give it, or lie down in defeat and say it's too hard.

God helps us to love. What do we mean by that when we talk of God helping us? We mean God putting into us a little bit of Himself, so to speak. He puts a little of His love into us and that is how we love one another. When you teach a child writing, you hold its hand while it forms the letters: that is, it forms the letters because you are forming them. We love because God loves and holds our hand while we do it. -CS Lewis

today's 'revealed by the Spirit' devotion was taken from Romans8:38 "I am persuaded...". i really, really am.

below are extracts from 'mere Christianity' by CS Lewis. amazing pieces of writing.

Free will is what has made evil possible. why, then, did God give them free will?: Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. a world of automata - of creatures that worked like machines - would hardly be worth creating. the happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in an ecstacy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and woman on this earth is merely milk and water. And for that they must be free.

Why is it so difficult to find happiness?: Satan has put into the heads of our remote ancestors the idea that they could 'be like gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters- invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come nearly all that we call human history- money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery- the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.

The reason why it can never succeed is this -- God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. A car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other. That is why it is no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion.

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

the band at walas was running through their same old repetoire again tonight.. and i was getting pretty bored. then they played a song that made the whole night worth it (:

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

ive always always loved switchfoot. and i remember when they came in march this year! (ps: im sorry ben and andrew, for not choosing the mosh pit cos they had so much more fun. hahahaha. but we had our own fun eh) before the concert began we were discussing what songs we thought they would sing, and when they actually sang 'dare you to move' it certainly was an amazing experience.

and the band at walas did a pretty decent job tonight so i am happy (:

im a considerable number of pages into 'mere Christianity', and its becoming a harder and harder read. i have to read 5 times slower than my normal pace in order to process all the thoughts Lewis is trying to bring across.

just a little background: this book is a collection of speeches. when the bombing of Britain began, Lewis was prompted to speak about the problems of suffering, pain, and evil, work that resulted in his being invited by the BBC to give a series of wartime broadcasts on Christian faith. delivered over the air from 1942-1944, these speeches eventually were gathered into the book we know today as Mere Christianity

that's just it. mere Christianity. take time to understand Who Christ is (or at least Who He claimed to be, Who Christians understand Him to be, Who atheists and agnostics make Him out to be, and make your own judgments). dont dismiss it without reason, you do Christ a great injustice. but you do a greater injustice to yourself for you lose so much, both now and in eternity.

someone once asked me if people are sometimes the product of circumstance. ie if you're 'born into a Christian family' its so much easier to accept the faith than if you were born into a non-Christian one. or a happy home v. a troubled home. i dont doubt that environment plays a part, but it all ultimately comes right back down to you.

in the foreword of this book by kathless norris, she writes: Even someone [Lewis] envisions as "poisoned by a wretched upbringing in some house full of vulgar jealousies and senseless quarrels" can be assured that God is well aware of "what a wretched machine you are trying to drive," and asks only that you "keep on, [doing] the best you can.".

and that's all He requires of us. to do the best we can. sometimes i think refusal of God is simply a refusal of sacrifice. 'the greatest religious struggle is not fought on a spectacular battleground, but within the ordinary human heart, when every morning we awake and feel the pressures of the day crowding in on us, and we must decide what sort of immortals we wish to be.'

i am inspired. to pray.

maybe redemption has stories to tell.
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
where you gonna go?
salvation is here.

shanghai was good, but thats a different story thats less important at this pt of time. haha. i just need to put all my thoughts down into words and lessons i need to apply to my life before i forget them all over again.

i spent monday night reading the beginning of the book of luke. and the person of mary struck a chord in my heart in a fresh new way. she was a young girl, engaged to be married and one day an angel appeared in front of her and told her all these wonderful yet fearful truths of what would be to come. she would have a child out of wedlock (imagine the huge hoo-haa it would cause today, what more 2000 years ago), she would have to put up with potential ridicule, questions that would have no answers. and yet after the initial doubt in her heart she simply answered in Luke 1:38

“Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.”

how amazing is that. what faith! i think if it was me, i would have had a million and one questions for the angel, he'd probably want to zap me dead there and then. 'are my parents gonna kill me if they find out im pregnant?!' 'is my husband-to-be gonna dump me?!' 'how am i to take care of the child i have no money!' hurhur.

but that's all she said - let it be to be according to Your Word. i look at her faith and i stand amazed. i wonder why its so hard for me to just let Him take my hand and lead me through this life of mine. why its so hard when i know for a fact that this God who made me, promises to get me through this life unscathed. why is it so hard.

i spent sometime reading the book of joshua in preparation for youth conference at the end of the year (which, i probably wont be back for :( ) and i got to joshua 10, the amazing chapter when you see a recording of how God made time stand still.

and the conclusion of that episode is this: And there has been no day like that, before it or after it, that the LORD heeded the voice of a man; for the LORD fought for Israel. - Joshua10:14

why do i not believe that He will listen to my voice? why do i not believe that He will fight for me like He did for His people. like He has done for me these past 21 (almost) years of my life. why do i not believe that He will fight for me.

on the flight back i managed to catch two movies. the first was 'what happens in vegas' which was a good laugh but just predictable, feel-good, fairytale like. the second movie i watched was a chinese movie called 'L is for love, L is for lies' (hurhur how shocking). and with a title like that, i didnt expect very much from the show, i thought i'd get the typical sappy, trashy, iloveyoudontleaveme kind of chinese shows. but this show was markedly different, one which i enjoyed quite a bit. the plot is really good, the twists come at amazing times, and you see how everything falls into place. i thought the plot was even more complex than wicker park (and i really loved wicker park) how you see the past present and future and snippets of it and how everything links up is just super cool man. haha. and it encapsulates all of life's wisdom in one movie.

1. 不可相信好朋友
2. 不可相信男朋友
3. 不可相信女朋友
4. 不可相信任何承nuo (meaning 'promise' but the stupid dictionary doesnt have this word)
5. 不可相信自己

so at the end of it all, DONT BELIEVE ANYBODY, not even yourself. for sin overtakes you anytime, anyplace. people dont change. and Who do you have left at the end of life's day? Only One, that has been there from the beginning, and will be there till the end.

and i make the same prayer: Lord i believe, help my unbelief.