so i got up at 7am yesterday to swim. the morning got off to a bad start for many reasons and it left me :/
most of the day left me :/ and i havent been :/ for awhile.
so i decided to visit cherie. hahahaha. and after two hours of walter woon, we had our first ceiling talk in a long time. (you know when you lie on your back and stare at the ceiling.) and we ate cornflakes with strawberries :D with the occasional facetothepilloweurghhhhhhhhh.

and then ben taught me new songs on the guitar :D
and i almost killed my car on the way out of the horrendously narrow path.

and, at the request of my lovely friend, HERE IS THE EMO SONG OF THE DAY.
see the stone set in your eyes
see the thorn twist in your side
and i wait, for you.

with four chords,
G5 Dsus4 Em7 Cadd9
i can play.. many songs. haha.

blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl. oh, the sweetest thing.



and you watch, as the days go by.

Participant of Singapore Bay Run dies at end of 21km run

SINGAPORE: A participant of the Singapore Bay Run, also known as the SAFRA Sheares Bridge Run & Army Half Marathon, collapsed and died on Sunday morning.
25-year-old Captain Ho Si Qiu, a platoon commander at the Singapore Armed Forces Officer Cadet School, collapsed at 7am at the end of his 21-kilometre run.

Medics attended to him within 30 seconds.

At the medical post, an intubation was performed and when no heart rhythm was shown, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) was immediately carried out.

Captain Ho failed to respond and was sent to the hospital some 20 minutes later.

the mood was sullen as i entered the sanctuary. as i approached the coffin, i was painfully aware of the aura of heart-breaking sadness that filled the entire hall. i looked at the sword on his coffin, the medals. i offered my condolences to Mr Ho, and i watched as his eyes filled with tears. then he said 'it is painful, but i know that God makes no mistakes'

God makes no mistakes. as i sat in my seat, i heard the sounds of a song. 'When answers aren't enough, there is Jesus. He is more than just an answer to your prayer. and your heart will find a safe and peaceful refuge. when answers aren't enough, He's there.' watching the slideshows friends had made, the eulogy read out by one of his officer cadets, i saw what great impact God had made with this one life. he served the Lord with passion, and was a real soldier of the Lord Jesus Christ. he was a man of humility, strength and possessed a steady, quiet but sure sense of joy and hope in the Lord.

by the time we left, the sanctuary was jam-packed with people. the fellowship hall was on the verge of overflowing, even with the 20 rows of chairs we had arranged. the Bible doesnt measure time in the length of life lived, but the quality of life. and it dont matter, cos he left an imprint in the hearts of so many.

today, i made two new friends. the first is heart-breaking, stomach-wrenching and inconceivable until you watch him work right before your eyes. he's called pain. he enters the inner depths of your heart and soul, and he causes your mind to swirl, your eyes to turn red, your tears to roll down. sometimes he creeps away, but when he appears again, it's as if he never left. because he always comes back stronger, more haunting. pain wracks your body with sobs. he makes young girls cry, and grown men weep. even the elderly are not spared. pain lingers, just when you think it's gone, he runs through your heart with a blade in hand, watching it bleed, bleed, bleed. and it could bleed until theres nothing left. love is the razer that pain uses. and it causes your soul to bleed, bleed, bleed.

the second friend i made today is named trust. he is the evidence of faith, a promise of hope. he is a ray of light, the friend that is always by us, pointing us to Him, if we would just open our eyes to see. he reminds us of Him. he brings us comfort from pain, offers his healing touch to our hearts and souls. closes the deep wounds which pain has made, makes invisible the scars that seared our souls. and in it's place, imprints God's Word in our hearts.

pain never leaves. now and then you feel him tug at the strings of your heart, and you feel it begin to fall. but if you always remember to have trust by your side, he will catch your heart, and put it back in it's place. the right place. the place that was meant, for God.

you know how a dilemma goes. you're pulled in two directions, and you cant seem to decide which way to go. so usually, how do you get yourself out of a dilemma? one way is usually safe, and the other fraught with uncertainty. the safeness of a choice lulls you into a position of comfort, and hidden pains of 'what ifs'. but i suppose, the reason why people choose the other is cos the possibility of success outweighs what is at stake. somehow i dont think i have the courage to choose the latter.

i have been faithfully doing finger exercises on my guitar.
hahahahah. it doesnt sound half bad anymore :D
even though i still cant play the F chord, its too hard.
caught the king and i yesterday with wjn. and the esplanade people are SO NIAO. we went to sit at the empty seats and they just had to chase us away cos they said those were better seats than we paid for -_- SERIOUSLY. what loss is it to you? one day during the holidays im going to write a letter of complaint so that they stop such ridiculous practices. if you want to pay 140dollars for a ticket, you pay not just for the enjoyment of the good seat, but also the GUARANTEE that there'll be a good seat for you. if you pay less, and its a full house, its a full risk you bear that you may not get as good seats for a lower price. so if there are empty seats, HELLO SINGAPOREAN PEOPLE DONT BE IDIOTS. evidence of calculativeness of singaporeans. even in the arts scene. what do you lose if i sit at one seat compared to another? if it could be sold it'd be sold alr. i breathe the same air, i say the same things. you lose nothing calculative twits.

but anw it was really nice. i liked it alot, though it was a little long. (:
and i am in love with music. even though my fingers hurt. alotalotalot.

so anw, i was just thinking on psalm69 today. it's a beautiful psalm. i like (:

i watched a movie last night. it's called the last kiss or something. and i like it cos it's about honesty. you cannot fail if you dont give up. it's your choice. tell the truth.
lie, and you lose her.

im watching this really, really really sad show.
i think you experience the wracking feeling of a heartache and the pain of a loss so much
when it's just one thing. one thing that destroys everything.

it's what you do to the people you say you love, that matters. the only thing that counts.

Watch this.

it's so much bigger than me.

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
That leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love
In the spring
Becomes the rose

everything is the same.
but this time, the tables have turned.
its no longer me, it's you.
and it's everywhere.

i look into your eyes and i see so many questions
and i see the hurt in your heart.
but maybe, if you would let Him in
perhaps, things would be better.
maybe, if you stopped pushing everyone away
perhaps, we could hold your hand
whisper it's okay
tell you how to let Him in.
maybe you know that you need it
perhaps you think you're not ready.
and you rest, clean your conscience, clear your thoughts with seaside with your grain.
one day, the door will close in your face
and it will be too late.

i had a good weekend! (:
i really like driving on my own. i talked to God while i was driving. and i think i need to fall in love with Him again. i was talking to someone a few days ago. and x asked me, 'why do you always know the right things to say?' and i know all the right answers, they're all in my head. but sometimes i dont think they're in my heart as much as i want them to be.
and you know how sometimes you just know?
this is one of those times.

and there are other things i've known for a long, long time.
even before it all started/
choosing to look the other way brings you alot more pain when you realise you cant do that forever.
so please, make the right choices. and then trust God, no matter how hard it is, no matter what it takes.

'do you want to run away together?'
i would say that was your best line ever
too bad i fell for it.

do you know i cried
do you know i died
and its not the good kind.
no, you're not the good kind.

The question of identity.

What does answer this question for us is an understanding of what is of crucial importance to us. to now who i am is a species of knowing where i stand, my identity is framed by the commitments and identifications which provide the frame of horizon within which i can try to determine from case to case what is good, valuable, or what ought to be done, or what i endorse or oppose.

if you lose your commitment or identification, you would be at sea, as it were; you wouldnt know anymore, for an important range of questions, what the significance of things was for you.

do you know who you are? i know who i am. and its cos of Him (:

and so i decided i didnt want to be lousy at playing the guitar anymore. what with the threehundred bucks my parents spent on my guitar. haha. and i wanted to re-string it. but mandeville music school is retarded. they wanted to charge me five bucks for each string!! what on earth man. so i left. hahaha. and i tried to learn how to read tabs, so ben had to teach me. and i realised its really, really easy. just that my fingers kinda hurt now.

i slept at 230am, and i had alot of reallyreally weird dreams. haha. and i was really sleepy this morning -_____-

anw, im really glad that i discovered a new method of learning to meditate and dwell on the Lord. haha. i havent discovered the true wonder of it, but i think i will, in time (:

i like listening to bethany joy lenz. she's got a really soothing voice. but her songs arent that nice. :/

and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOH BOON CHUAN! (: one of my most favorite friends. haha. im sorry your cake only had one candle. (:

and so season two of one tree hill concludes.
where do you go when you're lonely, i'll follow you
when the stars go blue.

i feel reallyreallyreallyreallyreally sorry for nathan. he looked so devastated that haley left, plus he gave up everything for her :( and haley was being evil. i dont like :(

and i realised, this is what life is gonna be like if i didnt know there was something bigger. i'd be moping around, getting depressed over every single little thing that went wrong in my life. and i tried imagining being in nathan's shoes. your wife has left you [HUSBAND, in my case] and you just gave up your dream for her, and your whole world is crumbling right before your eyes. what is it that will keep you holding on? i say hope. hope in a God that is bigger than all these little things. a God that promises to walk beside me all the days of my life. i like (:

it's october again.
if i cry a little,
die a little
at least i'll know i lived.
it's october again,
the leaves are coming down
one more year has come and gone
and nothing's changed.

i remember so vividly august last year. i remember making new friends. i remember wondering. and daydreaming. i remember torts lectures. tort and contract tutorials. i remember the jam at the lift every morning. and the jam packed lift. i remember the study room. classrooms 3-6. 3-7. 5-0. meeting rooms 4-1.4-2. benches. al fresco. cars. town. adam. coro. i remember the laughs. the ups and downs. i remember ribena. and tehpeng. supper. ice cream at my place. swensens (and island at the same time). and greenwood [haha.] dry runs. lunches. crystal jade, hmv. movies.

but sometimes, crazy's alright.

i am REALLLYYYYYYY exasperated.
i just jumped up and down many times.
i STRONGLY DISLIKE CREDIT CARD TRANSACTIONS.

dear God,
i look up and see Your mercies in the skies. i will look up.
and everything is going to be okay (:

yesterday, pastor mitch discussed psalm4 and psalm5 with me.

psalm4 is an evening psalm, for peace and a good night's sleep.
psalm5 is a morning psalm, and it speaks about a determination to seek Him through the day.

i ended the day with psalm4 yesterday.
i began the day with psalm5 today.

and im starting school with one thought in mind-
psalm5:3 "...i will look up."

(:

bryan greenberg has got to be the sweetest looking guy in the whole wide world.



Dancin' when the stars go blue
Dancin' when the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown

Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' with the marionette
Are you happy now?

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue
stars go blue
stars go blue
stars go blue

my first drive without my mom yesterday!! hahahah. and i had two near accidents. one in the vivo carpark and another somewhere on the road with some crazy car. and i couldnt park at ikea so weibo had to do it for me. hahaha. had dinner with uni and joan, and went down to school for fright night. josh and i went to visit joan in her creepy haunted house so we walked alllllllllll the way down the dark road and it was really freaky. haha. but i managed to survive.

and i heard 'love song for a Savior' yesterday in benliew's car. and mich said she liked that song. so i told her it was a Christian song. then she went "HUHHHH." hahahaha. but i really like that song. it reminds me never to take Him for granted. and i think im learning. and im becoming wiser :D proverbs31 man. hahahha

had supper with josh at crystal jade. which enoch and maurice crashed. and enoch had handfootmouth disease. and he sat next to me. EEEEEEEEEEEEP. save me.

today, kenneth made us think on isaiah50:4 "morning by morning" seeking Him. diligence is about the ordinary, not the extraordinary. if you cant seek Him daily, you will NEVER be anything great for Him. a sobering thought i think. and i will stop making decisions that are to my detriment. nuh-uh. i cant help you, i can only pray.

this week has been a good week! i have not been stressed, i have been learning to grow, worthless things are being pushed to the back of my mind. and ive found a greater appreciation for Bethany and the fact that i am so privileged to be able to serve the Lord while i still can. (:

i had haato with auntie and jus at gardens on monday, cos we all went to church and prayer meeting was cancelled :( auntie is very funny. she shared a verse with me, that saved my ENTIRE WEEK. put everything into perspective. revive me in Your way.
(:

tuesday was spent buying shoes at queensway and watching cashback. it is a very sweeet show. aside from the nudity. haha. and trying to figure if anyone will hire me to sing. hahahaha

beach bash on wed! six of us went crazy running up and down the island, PLUS up and down the jungle trek images of singapore thing! di and i almost fell over, and, WE WON. but. we had to give our 100dollar bakers inn voucher away, as an act of goodwill :( boooo. haha. but its okay. like what pastor mitch said yesterday, if you have 1000dollars and you give 300dollars away, how much do you have left? answer: 300. treasure in heaven (: okay maybe the context is wrong but WELL you get it. and wednesday reminded me that i am so blessed. cos the Lord has an amazing ability to provide for me just when im feeling all bleurghh about everything.

yesterday was good. i bought tiffanys! hahahha. but it wasnt just that that made the day good. it was the lessons i learned in the morning! zeal for the Lord. should always be there. and i was reminded that i havehavehave to deal with the sins in my life. its not possible to push them aside, cos it robs you of your joy and will leave you empty. yuppppp. and i watched rush hour3! i could not stop laughing. the plot is a little empty, but its really funny. haha. met cedric to eat dinner after that, and then i realised theres a gelato shop at united square that does mixins!! like cold rock. and its reasonable, and the flavors are really quite good. and the lady was so nice. she was closing, but she opened everything again for us. haha. i had strawberry, biscotin and maltesers :D and then.. cedric dropped half his ice cream on the floor. i laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

okay i have to stop now. i cannot talk on the phone and type. cannot multitask. but anw for me, psalm27:4! (: one thing i have desired, to dwell in His house forever, and be proverbs31 :D

dogs run free with diamond collars,
free men hang from ropes and dollars
train tracks stitch, the jagged scars,
stretched faces on ageing stars.
empty beds in furniture stores,
angels sleep on skid-row floors
broken wings for a dollar a pound can you,
spare some change?

im strolling down, rolling down, sunset boulevard,
i see the paparazzi try to catch a falling star.
it's just another day youre on your way,
in the city of angels
all the make-up in this town covers the frowns,
yea the world seems upside down.

thats my favorite song off corrinne may's new album! i shant post the whole song, or patrick will have something mean to say. so anyway, i was just thinking about how amazing her lyrics are. i mean, "all the make-up in this town covers the frowns"? how amazing is that. haha. what a way to describe the masks people put on each day as they try to face the world. but im glad this mask isnt something i need to wear. watcha see is watcha get! haha.

the past few weeks have seen me struggling to get my balance before i fall right off this dangerously wobbly plank of my life. but, as ive been listening to corrinne may on repeat, her songs have put many things in perspective. its reminded me, everything is about PERSPECTIVE. (which is what jus screeaamed into my ear at our -secret spot- in church hahahaaa.) and ive found that i often discover myself in song. music and lyrics are good wake-up calls. plus the talk i had with pastor mitch on sunday, to renew my faith and make sure He stays reigning as first position in my life. and talking to kenneth today- wisdom. which i can only have IF i do [proverbs2:1-4]. and then trust for the Lord to provide.

oh what a mystery, youre on the side of me,
on the side of me.

theres a comfort in the darkness,
a familiar road though i know that you
are no good for me.
youre a false alibi you hypnotise
and you keep tempting me to throw away eternity.

and im leaving, leaving this path behind, dont need your sympathy.
im leaving, dont try to change my mind.
im leaving this path behind.

thirty three
the age that You died for me
and here i am at thirty three
thirty three
you crowned it with Your death upon the tree
the mystery of your love for me.

beautiful seed.

and im on my way,
im on my way.

corrinne may's concert was reallyyyy good.
her songs just. hit the nail on the head. you know?
most of them anyway.
it just relates to every possible area of life and
right now they all relate to me.
and jus.
hahahahha.

i have so much to be thankful for.
and i want to want to give back.

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned

everything looks perfect from far away, come down now.

i watched knocked up yesterday. its SO FUNNY. i laughed like a crazy idiot in the cinema. hahahah. thankfully the seat beside me and the seat beside ian was empty, so no one could really identify who was howling away with laughter. heh. but some parts were quite gross. but anw, that show just totally confirmed the fact that i would never do something this stupid. i mean. your life is destroyed if youre stuck with the person youre having a baby with. thats crazy man. you may not even love him and you gotta try and stick together. thats so sad.

life is short, but this time it was bigger.