sometimes i feel like life is unfair.
cos i look at what i dont have, the crap i have to go through and i think its not fair.
but i need to remember all the wonderful blessings i have.
and NOT FORGET.
Amen.

i like live music, the band was really good (:

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling,
'Cause you'll always be my baby

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you

Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you

For the life of me
I can not remember
What made us think that we were wise
And we'd never compromise
For the life of me
I can not believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

My best friend took a weeks vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks worth of Valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

oh my goodness i didnt notice how tragic freshmen is! yikes.

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

i likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all the songs i heard tonight! except for the really loud and noisy ones. and i realised that half the 'love songs' these days are really super tragic. and emo. and pleh. emo songs are really not good for your soul.

you know when the evil one has his way? when youre tired. when your guard is down. when you forget the goodness of the Lord and forget to trust in His perfect plan for your life. and so when these moments come, i say a prayer in my head and heart, take a deep breath, let go.

cherry tree- arriving back at 6pm
vette- arriving back at 3pm

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY ALL MY LOVELY FRIENDS ARE COMING HOME!!!
big hug.

today, i found the COOLEST PIECE OF INFORMATION EVER. credits to geof for sharing during sunday school.

did you know that archaelogical findings prove that the walls of jericho really crumbled? many speculated that an earthquake caused the wall to fall and discredited what was written in the Bible in joshua 6:20 where it was recorded that the wall of jericho collapsed after joshua's men circled the walls of jericho a total of 13times. once a day for the first 6 days and 7 times on the seventh day.

BUT. and here is the coolest part i almost fell off the pew when i heard it cos it was just so cool. in their archaelogical findings they found a portion of the wall that was still standing. why is that?

joshua 6:17 The city and all that is in it are to be devoted [a] to the LORD. Only Rahab the prostitute [b] and all who are with her in her house shall be spared, because she hid the spies we sent.

and guess where the location of rahab's house was..

joshua 2:15 So she let them down by a rope through the window, for the house she lived in was part of the city wall.

this is by far the coolest piece of proof of the truth of God's Word that i have ever come across. its funny that just last week, 'joshua' was the name of one of the kids games group at camp. its strange that i just felt like i wanted to re-read the story of joshua on the last day of camp (which i did). the story of how the walls of jericho collapsed by the Mighty hand of God just by circling the walls and giving a great shout is just amazing to me. i always believed it to be true, but now i think the evidence is just indisputable.

today, while walking into seletar hills with aunty to attend bethany's birthday party, i talked through my reflections of the events of the past 6 months. (half of 2008, gone!). the overarching prayer of my life is always- never let me go. take everything i have, everything i love if You have to (even though that will probably leave me distraught), but never let me go.

no power of hell, no scheme of man
can ever pluck me from His hand

Pastor always says we should be thankful for our sufferings, for the pain we go through. for in going thru these things you store up for yourself a myriad of different experiences which gives you access to more people. to share, to love, to bring Christ to. yong and i were just commenting (to each other haha) about how we know that is absolutely true and we are thankful for He afflicts in faithfulness (psalm 119:75) but being human, and extremely self-centred, we sometimes wonder if its worth it.

and the song we sang this morning about covered it all

the world lies in darkness
lost in their sin
and they dont even know the danger their in
we who are called to that glorious light,
must shine like a beacon of love in the night

we will carry the torch
we will lift high the flame
we will march through the darkness
with the light of His Name
till the glory of God is seen by the world
we will carry the torch of the Lord

what sacrifice could be too great, for the One that gave His all for me. and then i remember that i see the present clearly, but He sees the first and the last. and so in my moments, i lie back, breathe, and t-r-u-s-t.

remember, im human, and humans forget.
so remind me, remind me, dear Lord.

i reach up high
i touch the ground
i stomp my feet and turn around
ive got to *woo woo!*
praise the Lord!

i jump and dance with all my might
i might look funny but that's alright
ive got to *woo woo!*
praise the Lord!

my favorite junior camp song! haha. its damn childish i know sorry. but i keeps playing and replaying in my head and i just want to do the actions with the kids and jump and dance with all my might! cos they just look so happy when they sing this song (:

i have lost count of the things i have to be thankful for. each day i find new reasons to praise Him. i see how His grace has been poured out on my life even when i am unfaithful. even when i fail to make time to read His Word or pray, He still makes things alright for me. just because He loves me with an everlasting love.

today, my heart is exceptionally full. filled with thankfulness for all my family, friends, pastors and teachers that have been praying for me. the heart is a very vulnerable thing (especially for girls!). it can be broken in a second for a myriad of different reasons, and it takes years to be put back together. but when the Lord is your strength and stay, when He becomes the balm for your heart, it gets better. when you set your sights on Him and trust that He sees beyond what you see, it gets better.

Psalm 147

3 He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.

Isaiah 35

4 Say to those who are fearful-hearted,

“ Be strong, do not fear!
Behold, your God will come with vengeance,
With the recompense of God;
He will come and save you.”

even with tears, you know He holds them in His bottle.

Psalm 56

8 You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?

unbelief is a very dangerous thing. it plagues even the best of us. and unbelief tears you apart. when i stop believing in Him, when i wallow in a state of self pity andi doubt, its the hardest to move forward, cos the One i look to for strength seems to no longer be there. but the fact is He always is. even when i dont see Him, even when i dont feel Him. and when i choose to move forward by faith, led by His hand and willing to follow His every command, then what fills my heart is something that man cannot explain. and its called peace.

and so i pray for that everyday. for without it, without Him, there is just, nothing.

its 1142pm and i really shd be going to sleep so i can get up early for the closing session tmr. but my head is full and so is my heart, i cant go to sleep without writing down my thoughts for junior camp 2008.

there was a new dimension to camp this year, being in the music, prayer, medical portfolios. plus taking photos all day with kenneth's huge digi cam. [he makes noise every night cos i take so many photos there isnt any memory left. haha. thats about 400 photos per day O_o. really shd have started doing this many camps ago. taking photos of the children make me sososososo happy. i will have a million and one photos to upload in a few days time.]

this camp, i started out wanting to learn to have a love for a children that is as close as is humanly possible to His kind of love for them. and i must admit i have not succeeded very well when it comes to spoilt kids that cry over every tiny little thing, selfish kids that dont know how to share and rowdy ones that play a fool till youre forced to say their names into the mike before they keep quiet. everyone has their pet peeves, and these are three of mine. so i prayed for a love for them that would help me see that He loves them, each one, and covers all of their imperfections.

haha. all these years, every single time ive prayed for Him to teach me a hard lesson about faith, about trust, about service, about prayer, it ALWAYS GETS ANSWERED. then i need to seek the courage to take on the task before me, and learn the lesson thats being taught. haha. so this camp He taught me to rise above. He is teaching me to love (i say 'is teaching' because i have not fully learnt this lesson yet) and to see each child as a promise, a possibility, a great big bundle of potentiality!

i was blessed to have been brought up with God's Word. though i only found faith when i was 13, those years of junior camp and JSS[junior sunday school] (see sam's photo of all of us onstage in bethany 2) planted a seed of faith in my heart which grew into what it is today. its still a faith that needs working on. a faith that is easily shaken and not as grounded as i thought it was. but He's still workin' on me- there really ought to be, a sign upon my heart, dont judge me yet theres an unfinished part. but i'll be perfect just according to His plan, fashioned by the Master's loving hand!

today we sang my two most favorite songs of my JSS years- that's the love of God and lighthouse.

every single time we sing 'that's the love of God', i ALWAYS CRY. always. well not bawl or anything but tears always fill my eyes. especially when we get to the part that goes and what made God send Jesus, to die on Calvary? of course it was this joyous thing, i feel inside of me.

this joyous thing. following the Lord Jesus was the best thing i did my entire life, and i make no apologies for it, and i will not look back.

if i am salt of the earth
i'll make sure my saltshaker works
and if i am a light on a hill
i will not run when i need to be still.

a lighthouse is a steady source of light that is constant, always there, and prevents ships from hitting the rocks. i will not run when i need to be still. many Christians have given up shining for the Lord. its too hard, the road is too narrow, it involves too much sacrifice. but what is the little we give when we view it in light of all that He gave?

right here, right now, i have no idea what He wants me to do with my life. i dont know how He is using me to be a bearer of His Word. i dont know how He will use me to bless the lives of others. but i hear how He speaks to my heart. in that still, small voice. i received a little card from a friend a few days back. and in that card i was encouraged - 'in choosing God, you've honored Him, and He will honor you too.' strange that this exact phrase came up when kenneth was relating the story of eric liddle to the p2s. (: [see what i mean about God always reinforcing the lessons He teaches you!']

there comes a season in your life where you have to stop running and just stand. stand up. stand strong. stand rooted in faith, grounded in His love. i will not run when i need to be still. because i am protected and surrounded in every way.

Jesus lives in my heart. the Holy Spirit dwells in me. the Lord is with me, beside me. His angels surround me, to keep me in all my ways.

my heart is full.
ps: i also found the love of my life. doesnt matter that hes only 7. haha.

Random

i need to say also that i love my brother. mark leong han yang mwacks.
today we had a conversation about the events of the past few weeks.
you know there are seasons in your life that you pray for certain things.
and when the season passes you move on to praying for other things.
and i was amazed when he told me that he was still praying. and that he would keep on praying. when i was unable, he prayed. when i am unable, he prays.

SO FATS I LOVE YOU TO BITS. (ps, after going to the gym everyday for the past 3 weeks, my brother is very fit now, no longer fat. its just a term of endearment.)

Serious

Pastor challenged us to do 3 things this junior camp

1. see God's hand
2. pray
3. hold the children in our hearts

i was struck especially by the third. hold them in your heart. oftentimes my heart is filled with self. my issues, my problems, my difficulties, my struggles, me me me me me, all the time.

2 passages from the Psalms struck me last night.

"Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
Like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

-psalm 131:2

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope.

My soul waits for the Lord
More than those who watch for the morning—
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning."

-psalm 130:5-6

i like the second because it gives assurance and hope to the one that waits on the Lord. the morning will surely come though its night all around. and yet the one that waits for the Lord has an even greater assurance than one who waits for the morning. now how amazing is that?

if my soul is truly calmed and quieted within me, the focus will no longer be self, and i will have lots of space in my heart for the little ones.

josh. (joshkoh@hotmail.com) 10:17
haha yes lor!
its at your church?

rach. we're the non-judging breakfast club. 10:19
haha yea..
its gonna be overflowing with sweethearts (:

josh. (joshkoh@hotmail.com) 10:22
.....
hahahahaha
u are beaming with excitement
which is all good
hahaha

i prayed that i would be able to hold them in my heart, as paul held the members of the philippian church. (phil1:7) i prayed that i would learn to love them as He does. not just the way i love them now (which is i love them when they're sweet, give me hugs, make me laugh, hold my hand, laugh their high-pitched laughs..) but to love them when they cry, when they throw fits and tantrums, when they refuse to eat their food, when they dont listen when God's Word is being preached, when they pretend to be sick, when they dont wanna play "stupid games" and the list goes on and on.

but then i remember He loves me when i ask Him why. when i pester Him with my incessant crying and pleading and whining for things He knows better than to give me. when i throw fits and scream into my pillow and hit it and ask why. (btw i dont do such things very often just in case you think im psycho. haha) and then He gets me up, helps me stand.

my heart was so blessed by this. aunty sent me her blog address and its just inspiring to read what she writes. just stand, He tells me. hold MY hand, dont let anyone else hold it, dont let anyone else lead you, just hold onto Me, and it will all be good. not even okay, good.

so as i learn to help them, guide them, love them, hold their hand, i will have His love in mind, and hold them in my heart as i pray for the salvation of each one. pray for the camp committee please, we will need lots of that (:

“we can never know what could have been; but what is to come, that we can know.”

i watched prince caspian again for the second time last night. it was a magical experience, but for the fact that i was sitting in between ian and weijun and they were taking turns commenting on how un-pretty susan is and how her lips are too thick and whatnot but OKAY. moving on. so many things stood out to me and struck me again, in light of the various issues i have brought before the Lord and the things i am struggling with.


lucy: “do you not remember, Peter, who really defeated the white witch?”
peter: "i think we've waited for Aslan long enough."


am i like peter? i asked myself. most of the time, yes. im not the most patient person in the world. wait upon Me, He has been impressing upon my heart. believe that I love You and that the plans I have for you are perfect. many times i get tired of waiting and i take things into my own hands, and i forget Who really defeated the white witch. in my moments of weakness, i seek solace from the things that are seemingly harmless, but i forget that the evil one is in the midst of each person, each activity, anything that draws my attention away from the Lord Jesus. and in those moments a panel of ice lies between me and the Lord, and i fail to look beyond.

“why did their unbelief stop you from coming to Me?”
sometimes i am scared to go alone, like lucy. im afraid of the pain that will come when i choose to make the choice to follow Him. He never promised it would be easy, He only promised that we would never walk alone.

but just because they cant feel it too
doesnt mean that you have to forget
let your memories grow stronger and stronger
till they're before your eyes

i wikipedied narnia, and read most of the stuff on it. the narnian timeline, the characters in the stories, all of them. i havent read beyond the lion, the witch and the wardrobe and prince caspian. but as i read the synopsis of the other books in the series (including the last battle) i was struck by the realisation that at the end, susan falls away. whether or not she returns in the end is a question mark to this series.

in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Throughout the book, Susan is the voice of caution and common sense. Even at the end, after a number of years in Narnia, she counsels against pursuing the White Stag, fearing the upset to the established order she and her siblings all sense the pursuit might bring.

in Prince Caspian
She denounces Lucy's belief in Aslan's presence although she later admits to having known deep down that it was true. Aslan tells Susan that she has "listened to fears", but his breath soon restores her faith and she immerses herself in their adventures as deeply as in the first book.

Lewis stated that "The books don't tell us what happened to Susan. She is left alive in this world at the end, having by then turned into a rather silly, conceited young woman. But there's plenty of time for her to mend and perhaps she will get to Aslan's country in the end... in her own way."

and in so many ways i am so much like her. i listen to my fears, though i know deep down that He is true. that it is all true. and thats why i pray. that's why i pray that i will always want to see Him. that no matter how much pain or sadness i experience in my life, that i will never leave Him. for He has the ability to move mountains, just as He has the ability to restore my faith and be the strength of my heart and my life.

cs lewis always amazes me. his writings truly cut to the heart. you see these children as a reflection of your own faith, your own struggles, your own difficulties and problems of unbelief. and then you see how he writes of the restoration of the Lord and the love He gives, and it all becomes so simple, and so true.

Jesus' love is very wonderful,
Jesus' love is very wonderful,
Jesus' love is very wonderful,
oh-oh wonderful love!

WOOHOO I CANT WAIT FOR JUNIOR CAMP! :D

you know? you never really know how bad things get till you talk to people. if you think your life is bad, talk to more people and you'll realise what a stroll in the park YOUR struggle is. i have talked to enough people to know that the Lord has outpoured an extensive amount of grace and mercy in my life.

today was a very good day.

Romans 8
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.

for a long time, ive wondered what 'good' means. and today i found the answer. what is 'good' -- includes becoming conformed to the image of Christ. so the little struggles you experience on this earth, if it makes you more like Him, it is good. (:

for I have loved you with an everlasting love, says the Lord.

since i was at city hall today, i decided to have a look at st andrew's cathedral (ive never been inside before). i walked around the outside of the cathedral, the little garden and pond before i entered the sanctuary. when i stepped in, there were about 6 or 7 people kneeling/bowing their heads in prayer. so i found myself a nice secluded corner and sat down. and there's something about cathedrals that always strike me. perhaps its the stained glass or maybe its the high ceiling, i cant quite figure what it is. but this cathedral was slightly different. right in the middle, at the front, was a cross. not the usual pretty huge one you see in most cathedrals (well, at least those ive been to haha), but a small one, its height perhaps the length of your arm.

i sat and looked at it for a long while before i closed my eyes to pray. i asked for forgiveness, i asked for healing, and i asked for hope. i asked for joy, i asked for perspective, and i asked for love. i no longer asked for the gift, but the Giver and completion in Him.

then i opened my Bible and read from Psalm 131

1 LORD, my heart is not haughty,
Nor my eyes lofty.
Neither do I concern myself with great matters,
Nor with things too profound for me.

2 Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
Like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, hope in the LORD
From this time forth and forever.

so that's another lesson i learnt today. peace. (:

ive had a pretty eventful week, being busy is good. success in baking! on my own first then at jus'. haha. im glad i have my appetite back so i can eat all i want. hur. (on a side note, i did a really stupid thing- i didnt look at my fuel tank level until i was driving home at 1am last night, and i realised it was dipping below E. so i freaked out and am so thankful that there were so many gas stations along bukit timah road, or i wldnt have known what to do.)

and last night, as i sat down to reflect on the events of the past few weeks, though the human part of me wishes i didnt have to admit it (we like to wallow in self-pity), God has been so, so good. the past few months have seen me coming to terms with the power of prayer and recognizing this as a wonderful, yet often unutilized gift from the Lord. during these past 2 weeks, i have been thoroughly convinced of the power of prayer.

sometimes you need someone to sit with you and listen to you cry, hug you and tell you they'll be there for you. but sometimes, you just need loving family, faithful friends and patient teachers to support you everyday in prayer.

Ephesians 5 says walk in the light, walk in love, walk circumspectly.
2 Timothy 4:7 says "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
Matthew 25:21 says "His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’"

You see what i could never see, and You love more than i ever could. the things that i have are just borrowed, they're not mine at all. the Lord has given and the Lord has taken away- blessed be the Name of the Lord.

funny that yongyong sent me an email with these lyrics this morning:
From here I can't see why You'd choose this path for me
But I don't have to understand to believe
That You know why this road
Why this way and this load
You know how far I must go
Till I see, Till I know
Why this road

these are the exact words i wrote on my wall (my room wall, not my facebook wall) years ago, when i first started out in faith, when i thought my faith was firm and unshakeable. now i know thats not true and its time to pick myself up, and try again.

we sang a song during service yesterday- trusting Jesus that is all. when the moments come, i know He holds me in the palm of His hands. and for now, that is more than enough for me.

you know how sometimes you sleep, and you dream. and everything is okay. then you wake up, and its back to reality. and reality tells you its not okay, and you want to cry but youre so tired, so you cant.

so i look for Him. ive realised that new passages must always surface, new promises get me through another day.

Psalm 38

v9 Lord, all my desire is before You;
and my sighing is not hidden from You

v10 my heart pants, my strength fails me;
as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me

v15 For in You, o Lord, i hope,
You will hear, o Lord my God.

v17 For i am ready to fall, and my sorrow is continually before me.

v21 Do not forsake me, o Lord
o my God, be not far from me!

v22 make haste to help me,
o Lord of my salvation.

Psalm 39

v4 Lord, make me to know my end,
And what is the measure of my days,
that i may know how frail I am.

v7 and now, Lord, what do i wait for?
my hope is in You.

in the past week or so ive read job, jeremiah, lamentations, esther.
and the psalms, of course. all these psalms of David were written in the depths of distress when he fled for his life. and of course, thats huge compared to what little nonsense we all go through in life. but right now, it seems like the world.

pastor mitch says it gets better.

Psalm 40:1-3

"I waited patiently for the Lord;
and He inclined to me,
and heard my cry

He also brought me up out of a horrible pit
out of the miry clay,
and set my feet upon a rock,
and established my steps.

He has put a new song in my mouth-
Praise to our God;
many will see it and fear,
and will trust in the Lord."

in the pit, all you see are the four walls around you. when you stand on His grace and the foundation of Christ (on Christ the solid rock i stand, all other ground is sinking sand. how could i forget?) He establishes your steps, and you see it all in greater clarity. and when your faith is tested you realise how small it actually is. if you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. then you get up, and you fix your eyes on Him.

these are the promises of God.

"the Lord has appeared of old to me, saying
yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love." -jeremiah31:3

"refrain your voice from weeping,
and your eyes from tears,
for your work shall be rewarded, says the Lord...
there is hope in your future." -jeremiah 31:16-17

"for I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul." -jeremiah31:25

"...I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts;
and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." -jeremiah31:33

"...therefore my heart yearns for him;
I will surely have mercy on him, says the Lord." -jeremiah31:20

"He gives power to the weak
and to those who have no might He increases strength
even the youths shall faint
and the young men shall utterly fall
but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength
they shall mount up with wings like eagles
they shall run and not be weary
they shall walk and not faint."
- isaiah40:29-31

"Fear not, for I am with you
be not dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you, yes I will help you
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
- isaiah41:10

"for I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand,
saying to you, 'fear not, I will help you.'"
- isaiah41:13

"and the Lord restored Job's losses when he prayed for his friends. indeed the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before." -Job42:10

praise to God

"behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. there is nothing too hard for You." -jeremiah32:17

"You are great in counsel and mighty in work, for your eyes are open to all the ways of the sons of men, to give everyone according to his ways and according to the fruit of his doings." -jeremiah32:19

"my soul still remembers
and sinks within me.
this i recall to my mind,
therefore i have hope.
through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed
because His compassions fail not.
they are new every morning
great is Your faithfulness
'The Lord is my portion', says my soul
'therefore i hope in Him!'" -lamentations3:20-24

"i know that You can do everything,
and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You...
therefore i have uttered what i did not understand,
things too wonderful for me, which i did not know...
i have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
but now my eye sees You,
therefore i abhor myself
and repent in dust and ashes."
- job42:2-7

"let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
'Fear God and keep His commandments,
for this is man's all.'"
- Ecclesiastes 12:13

once the gift i wanted, now the Giver own. once it was the blessing, now it is His Word. doubt is a real huge part of life. it comes when things dont go the way you want it to, and sometimes it hits you hard. and you ask God why, and you search the scriptures looking for something to justify why God should give you what you want. and you never find answers, till you stop and listen (p mitch taught me a real cool method of learning to be still. hahahaha if you dont know, come ask me). when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than i (psalm61). and when negative thoughts come, He reaches me where i am and tells me 'be still, and know that I am God.'

how do you think Abraham felt when God told him to sacrifice isaac?
how do you think Noah felt when he was asked to build an ark?
how do you think Job felt when he lost his family, his possessions, his health, EVERYTHING, all in a day?

and yet they survived, everyone. and its all recorded in Hebrews11 (aside from Job haha). and why? because they held onto His faithfulness.

"for I know the plans that i have for you
plans to prosper you and not to harm you
plans to give you a hope and a future."
-Jeremiah29:11

my God is faithful, and i dont look back.

love is going the extra mile when you dont feel like going a block
love is giving your last dime, when a dime is all you've got.
love is being kind to your neighbour, when he isnt kind to you
love is doing mom a favor, just cos she asked you to.

i have learnt so many lessons over the past few weeks, and the Lord has reinforced each one many times over either through a friend/teacher or prayer or the reading of the Lord's Word. i am so disappointed with myself, I HAVE LEARNT ALL THESE LESSONS BEFORE AND I HAVE TO LEARN THEM AGAIN. tsk. but well better again than forgetting them forever.

Lesson 1: the preeminence of Christ in your life
- yvette says: out on the edge with You as my centre, the point around which all my world revolves (song)
- Pastor Mitch says: will you let Him take first place in your life
- jus says: focus on Him, be strong in Him and learn to do without (her motto of life haha)
- auntie says: having is a blessing, but without it your sufficiency must be found only in Him
- (the book im reading) the doctrines of grace, james boice & philip ryken: 'evangelism desperately needs to denounce this ultimately self-centred view of faith and place Christ and his cross at the center of its vision again.'
- grandma says: we must love the Lord with ALL your heart, soul and mind. everything.
- Hebrews 11:8 when God called Abraham to leave the Ur of the Chaldeans and go to a land that he would afterward inherit, Abraham "obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going" (this has been my meditation for most of this week, and i read it again in the doctrines of grace just an hour ago (:

Lesson 2: practical ways to ensure He is the centre of your life
- teens worship, t li yen says: hide God's Word in your heart psalm119
- Pastor Mitch says: memorise the Lord's Word and hide it in your heart

Lesson 3: THE HEART IS DECEITFUL ABOVE ALL THINGS
- auntie says: jeremiah 17:9 9 “ The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?
- the doctrines of grace: quoted exactly jeremiah 17, and i read it like a few hours after auntie pointed me to that verse. haha

Lesson 4: YOUR EXPECTATION MUST BE FROM THE LORD ALONE
- psalm61:5 My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
- yvette says: the only person we can expect anything from is GOd and GOD ALONE
- auntie: work on yourself, expect from Him alone.

Lesson 5: to live is Christ and to die is gain
- (during sunday school) t chen kee says: what is the PURPOSE, VALUE and IMPACT of your life? why do you wish to waste your time being enslaved, enraptured and troubled by something else (she spoke in the context of relationships, since, according to her, we are her bunch of -very eligible young ladies- *cough* i beg to differ. hahaha)
- Philippians 1:21 "for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain"
- jus says: Christocentric.
hey tina; says:
Paul could have chosen that road of darkness by taking his life becos of His present sufferings
hey tina; says:
but He didnt because He developed the mind of Christ and yet to be able to say
hey tina; says:
"to live is Christ"
hey tina; says:
whooaa powerful.
hey tina; says:
i couldnt think of what to say at sss1 today
hey tina; says:
but that's all i thought about
hey tina; says:
that He had the mind of christ
hey tina; says:
and it was whoa i also want!

YEA I ALSO WANT.

- yvette says: is anything in the whole wide world comparable to what we have in Christ? it is only that BIG a deal when we PERCEIVE it to be.

today was a very special day, and so many things happened that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (:

met becky while queuing up for lunch and i listened to her as she went on about holidays and her sisters and well shes such a sweet girl. haha. that was number one. during lunch, for the first time in a long time, beth grabbed my arm and hugged it real tight. haha i think she sensed that i needed it (awww). and rayne decided to copy her, so he gave me a huge hug too. beth turned to me and said "we are going for chinese chalet today" (in my mind i was thinking. chinese chalet?!) and rayne went "me too me too im going for horrrryeeeedayyyy (holiday)!" and started jumping on his chair with his mouth full. ahahaha.

but, the best part of the day was dinner with grandma, really. she finally agreed to baptism! and baptism before i leave for canada, no less. ay YAYEEEEE i am so, so, so happy. and listening to her speak about the Lord and the work He's done in her life, i cannot but give thanks with my whole heart. for years she didnt believe, years after that it was a half-hearted belief. now she tells me Jesus is her Savior and she would have it NO OTHER WAY. this is one strongheaded old lady, and yet the Lord has broken through all her defences and here she is testifying of the grace of God.

and so yaye, i am glad that i have found my balance in life- to live IS Christ. (: